Stressed & confused...

Honey, trust me---losing him will not kill you.

 

He knows your circumstances, he knows you're about to start therapy/counseling, he knows about your issues with depression.  You're not close to finishing high school.  Your bf wants you  to pull up stakes and live in an RV, he doesn't have a job in the new town, and winter is coming.  I noticed you live in Canada---I"m assuming the winters there get pretty darned cold.

 

This may be the best time to take a break from each other.  You can't stop him from leaving, but you don't have to blindly follow him.  If he gets a job, if he finds a suitable place to live, if your counseling helps, and AFTER you finish high school---then you can pack up and go IF you feel it's the best thing for you to do.  You're only 17, sweetie, and the world will not come to an end if this situation leads to a break-up. 

 

I really feel as if I'm sugar-coating my opinion; what I really want to tell you is that your bf is being really irresponsible and not considering your feelings at all.  I'm pretty sure that's what you're going to hear from just about anyone else who replies to this thread.  You're going to get some good advice from some very savvy people.  Listen to them and keep an open mind.

 

 It sounds like you both have things to do and take care of; things you each need to do alone, before you can be together. 

Not exactly the same, but at 17, I was in a committed relationship with a 23 year old as well when I decided I was going to college out of state. Not just out of state: NYC. And I was from a small town outside of Nashville, Tennessee. My boyfriend and I tried to figure out the feasibility of him moving with me, but he didn't really want to move to NYC and leave his family, friends, and job, all of which I understood. We tried long distance but slowly, the 12-15 hours of driving distance and the changes we both were experiencing made us pull apart and eventually separate.

 

This isn't something easy to hear, but at 17, you have an incredible amount of change to go through. I'm not going to say maturation, because that isn't necessarily it. You have not yet experienced life outside of school, outside of parents. And if you feel that you aren't ready to leave those things yet, it's because you aren't. You sound like a very bright girl, and your gut instinct is probably the right one. If he is willing to "lose" you -- NOT the other way around -- over moving to another city when you're not ready... then his priorities are not the same as you. And if that's the case, then as hard as it is to experience and see, maybe he's not the guy for you. If he's willing to give you time and space to come to your own decision, that means he respects you as a person, not as his attachment.

 

Hi there

 

Sorry you're going through this + depression + school. Life really sucks sometimes but good things do come of it. The apprehension you're feeling is a red flag and it's really important to listen to those. I agree with what Libby said...finish highschool and then you can do whatever you want, with or without him. A guy who really cares about you will wait...and if he won't there's a guy out there who will. Actions speak louder than words...don't forget that.

 

 

 

I also committed myself at the age of 17 to a 23 year old. I fell out with my parents over it and nearly ran away with him when he moved. But something inside me warned me to wait and not do anything irrevocable like leaving school, home, family etc, and in the end I realised that what he gave me was not a 'keeping' emotion but was all to do with my lack of self esteem and fear of being alone. I went on to go to college, have lots of fun with friends and there were plenty of other boyfriends in my life before I met the mand who became my first husband. Your relationship will keep a few months while you discover inside yourself whether it is really for ever, and meanwhile you have time to refect and continue with the other important things that cannot wait. You sound like a brave, intelligent girl who can analyse what is happening, and I am sure you will not do anything that will spoil the future for you at such a young age.

I don't know anything about your BF. Just please keep in mind that the first step of a control freak is to move you away from your family and friends. It starts off so innocent...

 

 

Hun Yes - this will be very, very hard on you but you seem to have a deep sense about yourself and this guy and know this is just wrong for him to try to get you to go with him, selfish ......Let me tell you from experience - You are way better off without this guy in your life. Actually, he will be doing you a favor by taking off like this I am sorry to say. Stay strong, stay true to yourself and your heart, protect your heart - This guy is not worthy of you. I know you don't see it right now but someday you will. I promise - and we are here for you to help you through the rough times And he doesn't even have your best interest's at heart. You really have to finish H.S. for sure and if her really loved and cared for you and your future, he would support this goal. I say - again - be strong and I think you already know deep down what a big mistake it would be for you to go with him......

{{hugs}}

 

All I'm going to say is this.  In today's economy you can go NO WHERE for a job without a high school diploma.  And that's a minimum.  An associates/bachelor's degree is better.

 

If he really cared about you (and I know this comment might hurt) he'd be willing to wait for you until you finished school.  Or at least got your GED (or whatever is comparable- I see you live in Canada)

 

The apprehension you're feeling is a huge red flag to me- it sounds like you're thinking going away with him would be a bad idea. 

 

We're all here to support you.

 

Cheryl

My advice, like that of the other posters, is to let him go.

It really does seem awful right now, but you will thank yourself later for breaking up with this guy. Codependency is never a good thing, and if he truly is a control freak, letting him go will be the best thing for you.

Good luck.

If you know he is a control freak your best bet is to get out of it while you can and while it is on his terms. I was in a similar relationship and it ended very badly. Having depression, you're in no position to have some guy tell you every move to make. It WILL make it worse. I am not trying to tell you what to do, of course, I am just hoping that you'll see you don't need to be with a guy like that. Live life on your terms...not someone elses. I wish you the best of luck, no matter what you chose.

I'm sorry that you are going through this difficulty. Love isn't an easy thing, especially when you are a teenager.

 

You are only 17. You will meet and date a whole lot of frogs before you find your Prince Charming.

 

My best advice to you is to let him move and go your separate ways.  Go back to school and get an education because that is the one thing between you having to depend on someone else for support and being independant and able to support yourself.

 

Please don't fall victim to being stuck in a controlling relationship, uneducated and dependant on your husband to support you and your kids because you can't get a job that pays enough to support yourself. 

 

However, I know what I was like at 17 years. No one could tell me anything and I thought I knew it all.  So you are likely to do what you want to do regardless of what anyone says. You already admit that your mother told you that your b/f is controlling, and you see the behaviour, yet there you are....still in the relationship.

 

So all I can really do is wish you well in whatever choice you make and that it works out well for you in the long term.

 

Yes, you should finish school first and foremost. I know it doesn't seem like the most important thing to you now, but you will regret it if you don't finish while you're still young.

I agree exactly.

 

Sweetheart, love and relationships are give and take. This sounds like he will give nothing, and take it all. You need to do what is best for you, not him. If he is so stubborn, and inconsiderate as to not understand that you need to finish school, I'm sorry to say he's not the person that is best for you. 

If he wants to go, let him. Do not alter your entire future in order to not lose him-that will not work out in the end. Love means you do what is best for the other person. Moving is NOT what's best for him, it's simply what he wants to do. Finishing school IS what is best for you, but he WANTS to move. It's not love. 

I'm glad things didn't go as badly as you thought they might.  To me, that's a big indication of where his head & heart really are.  You, my dear, are obviously much stronger than you think.  When the right guy comes along, the one who is going to put your hopes and dreams ahead of everything else, you'll be so glad you made this choice.

Good for you, sweetie!

I am so pleased for you that you made a decision and that you will be able to see it through woithout bitterness or bad feeling. And who knows what might happen in the future? Sometimes things do work out in ways you think impossible. But stay true to yourself and you will never regret it.

Sorry I'm just seeing this.  I'm glad you made a decision and that things went as well as they did with him. 

 

I have a young friend, who is just a year older than you, and she is about to get married to her boyfriend of about 3 years.  He is 2 years older than her.  I got married young too (just before I turned 21); and I don't regret that.  But my decision made some other choices hard.  My DH was in the military so we had a good income and stable housing.  I was able to finish my associates degree.  But not go on to my bachelors because that involved moving to a city.  By the time DH was out of the military we were not in a place where we wanted to do that.  I had a job making decent money that I was eventually laid off from.  So not truly finishing my education the way I first intended has made some things harder.  This friend of mine has put off college and some other good opportunities for minimum wage or just above jobs in favor of getting married and staying close to her BF (who dropped out of college and does a hard, manual labor job part-time).  I don't really have a problem with them getting married and if they want to do both; I'm sure they can.  My thing is that if they make some hard choices now, delay some gratifications, etc; things will probably be a lot easier for them down the road.  Like the job my friend has; living at home with her parents, not having the bills that come with being on your own, it seems like good money.  Especially since she hasn't had a job for long before this one.  I used to do quite well for myself with my little job during college (I also lived at home); but I can't imagine raising a family on that kind of income...it wouldn't even cover daycare expenses. 

 

I know that all was long; but I hope it helps you out somehow.  You will find yourself growing so much as a person over the next 5 years or more really.  Changes that cant happen without time; but we all go through them.  I'm sorry it's a bit sad of a choice for you now; but I promise someday you will be able to look back at it with a different perspective. 

 

This is so true. I'm 21, and in the past 4 years, soooo much has changed. I am a completely different person. When I was 17, I also suffered from terrible depression and the world just didn't make sense to me. At 17, I thought my boyfriend at the time was "the one" because all of my other relationships were terrible and he was the first one to somewhat commit. When I was 19, I met my current boyfriend and we both knew immediately that we were soul mates. I never believed in that type of thing, and I hated it when people would tell me "you just know"... BUT YOU DO!!! You will find someone out there when you least expect it (believe me, lol!) who will blow you away and treat you the way you've always deserved it.

Aw.  I'm glad things worked out well.  I'm sure there will be hard days between now and "then"; but they will get better!