Vibes for my Tolly please - Page 3  

We're just home. Finally. I took time to give Tolly his "Tell me all about it session" on the floor before coming in to tell you. It's not good news.

Tolly has cancer. Very bad cancer, as in...the vet asked me if I have to work this weekend. His little body is chock full of it. Only a matter of days, she said, before the fluid affects his breathing. Maybe two weeks. Once that happens I will have to let him go.

So if you're praying for him, pray that when this happens, it happens when I am home to see it, and during day time hours, so I can get him to the vet quick. If it happens after 9:00pm there is nowhere closer than 2 hours away to take him.

Thank you for your continued support and prayers.

PS would you believe the first thing Tolly has done: after we had his "Tell me all about it" session on the floor, and I sat in front of the computer to write this.......he's playing with his Pink Fur Mouse. You'd never know he was sick. But he has been obsessed with that Pink Fur Mouse since his belly swelled up. I wonder what it means.

I can't talk any more now. The cats need me.

Remember...please pray that when his breathing goes bad, I am here to see it. I am very frightened of that. It may turn out to be a case of "too soon is better than too late".

Thank you everyone for everything. Violet, Tolly did have a small seizure yesterday, I wondered if the diuretic had anything to do with it. He's not taking that any more obviously. Thanks for the link on breathing. Too soon is better than too late and I will be watching him closely.

I'm still in shock and what with all the driving ,first to and from my own vet, then the long drive to Cornell, 2 hours there, 2 hours back, and the hours at the hospital, I don't think it has sunk in as yet. But we are not moping here, oh no. Tolly's last days will be filled with cheer and love and games. I do my crying outside, in the car. I'm not having Tolly living in a morgue.

Tolly has prednisone to help keep him more comfortable though I got the distinct feeling from the oncologist that he would not be needing it long.

My heart is very heavy, but I will not let him see.

Thank you all. I'll let you know how things are going.

Thank you so much everyone. I've got some good news. Tolly is responding to the prednisone !!!!!!

I have spoken to my vet twice (she was on call this morning until noon) and the now on-call vet tonight once, and have finally gotten enough reassurance, and repeated guidance on what to watch for, that I no longer feel like I am about to explode with worry.

Tolly has had 10 mg of prednisone today, in two separate doses. An hour after the second dose I noticed a marked difference in his demeanor.

Now we can all relax and enjoy one another without mommie making everyone upset with her nervous stress.

The prednisone is not a cure, it is palliative treatment. I understand that. But if it gives us more time together, more quality time, I'll take it.

There is a danger of increased seizure activity, from the prednisone. If it happens I'm to take him off the prednisone.

This morning, before I was feeling so much better I had a long talk with Tolly. I told him how much I want him to stay with me a long long time, but that I will understand if he gets tired and wants to go, all he has to do is tell me. I also promised him I would do everything in my power to prevent any suffering, but I hoped, that if his time was coming soon, he could at least wait until Monday when he can be with his very own vet. But if he couldn't wait I would take him right down to the on call vet as soon as he needed.

All this was before the prednisone kicked in though. If he continues as he is tonight, he surely will make it to Monday.

Appetite is back, too. He was eating just chicken all day, hasn't wanted any of his cat food in two days. Then tonight, as I was fixing him some more chicken he pushed Queen Eva away from her dish and ate her entire serving of cat food! Tolly has not wanted the cat food in 2 days, but he ate it all up, and Queen Eva, the little Angel, let him. She sat and watched him eat, with, I swear, a doting look on her face. Queen Eva never lets anyone barge in on her food! But she let her beloved Tolly do it.

Thanks for all your support everyone.

Ps. I want you all to know that I am reading every post, and taking note of every bit of advice, along with soaking up the love and support. I'm sorry I can't answer every one of you individually but I just can't spend that much time here on the computer, to do it. Not just because I want to give my time to Tolly and the other cats, but because the arthritis in my wrists is really bothering me these days, especially after the marathon driving of yesterday, and being on the computer makes it even worse..

Mrs Greenjeans I think it was you wondering about the problem with the emergency services. One of the reasons I feel so much better tonight is because I found out that on weekends, the on call vet is on call round the clock. On weeknights, after 9:00 pm emergencies are handled by Cornell (2 hour drive) or Latham (one hour forty minutes) But, when I spoke to the on call vet this evening he assured me that he, or one of his associates are available to me any time of day or night until 8 am Monday morning. This clinic is only 30 minutes away, and Tolly has been there twice before for emergencies, so they even already ahve a record on him.

But with the improvement I've seen with only 2 doses of prednisone I am feeling less worried that I will need to take advantage of that.

LDG, yes the drive home was, in retrospect horrendous. I do not know how I held myself together. Some strength deep within me I didn't know I had I guess. But at least it was clear and dry. Four years ago, almost to the day, I made that same drive home,after a similar long long day at Cornell, in a pouring rain with roads flooding out practically moments after I passed them. That was with
Ootay . I don't know how I did it then, or how I did it last night.

The bottom line I guess is: it's all for them.

a second PS I think the prednisone is helping Tolly's mouth feel better, too, a benefit that we hadn't thought of before!

Aw thanks you guys. I don't feel all that strong, to be honest. I want him to have a happy calm home and cheerful mommie for whatever time he has left. Queen Eva is so sensitive, when I start stressing out she goes Bonkers. I mean really Whacka-doo. I've got the feliway going of course, but I don't think that has any affect on me,

I do have anti-anxiety tablets from the doctor but they make me stoned so I don't want to take any. What if I have to drive Tolly to the vet while stoned on ativan? Warm milk helps relax me, so I am having that whenever I start to feel too scared of losing him.

When I got up this morning I found him at the window watching his birds. He's still very quiet, but doing okay. I decided to skip his denosyl this morning, just this once, to give him a break from taking so many pills. He's taking pills five times a day now, and it's hairball medicine day too, poor guy. So I thought he could miss one liver pill.

I'm glad Lazlo let you know. The funny thing about Tolly is..for the past week, up until the day before we went to Cornell, he'd been playing like a kitten. He played with his Pink Fur Mouse constantly. Constantly. Then Thursday he got a little quiet. Then the long day at Cornell on Friday which really took a lot out of him. I have to keep reminding myself of that. He's been so very quiet since then, but my goodness, that was a rough day for him. And it was only two days ago.

He's not hiding in his Safe/Sick Spot. He's eating, peeing and pooping. He can't wash his bottom after pooping now though, he's too big around from the fluid. I washed it for him. In fact I don't think he has bathed at all since coming home from Cornell, but I'm not sure. He's not dirty yet, so maybe he is, when I'm not watching.

Having a long loving bath, washing himself to sleep, is one of Tolly's favorite things though. Come to think of it I haven't seen him sleep since we've been back from Cornell. I know he's uncomfortable with that basket ball around his middle. But he's not in pain. If he was hurting, he'd be in his Safe/Sick Spot. I know this.

I got his Christmas tree out tonight. I didn't have it last year because I worried about Queen Eva chewing on it. I felt bad about depriving Tolly of his tree, even though of course I knew he didn't know he was being deprived. He didn't get all excited about it like he normally does, though when I showed it to him he did automatically look at the spot where he knows it goes. I put all his Angels on it.

Maybe he'll check it out after he eats. I know he must be hungry now, but he had to have laxatone today, so he had to miss a meal. I've been feeding him every 3-4 hours except for when he has to have the hair ball remedy, which is every two days.

The tree is so old it shedded all over. I need to vacuum, I don't want Queen Eva eating those needles off the floor, but how I hate to take the vacuum out. Tolly really hates the vacuum. Maybe I'll try sweeping them up.

I'm not so brave as you all think. The thought of losing Tolly is a constant knife in my heart. The thought of him suffering, even for a minute, terrifies me. Maybe, if he gets through these first few days, and I get kind of used to his 'new reality' I won't feel so sick and worried all the time.

I try very hard to stay cheerful when I'm home. I hope I'm not acting like a lunatic and freaking the cats out more than crying would do.