Could use some thoughts or vibes

I wasnt going to post about this but its been weighing on my mind and I know I can count on you all for some support that I cant get in real life.

 

Almost a year ago after some really heavy thoughts and considerations and major discussions DF and I decided that I need to remove the bug I had up my butt and decide if it was a legitimate not wanting to have kids or massive fear and anxiety that caused me to not want to have kids. After talking about it and thinking about it for almost a year we decided we atleast want to try. With the blessing from my mom and the girls we went ahead and started trying. Well in May we had found out we were pregnant and just a month later at 9 weeks we found out we miscarried. I had to have surgery to take care of myself and what had happened and it was horrible. I got zero support or anything from anyone in real life (df excluded from that but he didnt know what to do) and I really went into a tiny little bubble away from anyone and everything. After about 2 months we started trying again and a couple weeks ago right before Dfs birthday we found out we were pregnant again. Things have been going ok but not great. I have a dr appt this coming Tuesday and it will be the first ultrasound. I am nervous and have some anxiety about it because of what happened last time.

 

Logically I know that whatever happens its literally out of my control and I cant do anything about it. Last time was a fluke of gene A not matching right to gene B and things just didnt match up right. There was nothing I could do about it and nothing would have changed the outcome. It still doesnt make things better but it helped knowing that there was nothing I could do about it. I have taken that mindset for this go round and Im trying not to stress about anything...except this dang appointment. It gives me the monster heebie jeebies. So basically. Im just asking for some vibes or something. Anything that might just make me feel a little less crazy and a little more normal. LOL haha me normal...what a thought.

 

Anyways..Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. It feels good to atleast not be hiding it anymore.

Thank you everyone.

Im trying not to stress out but its hard. Like that little evil thought in the back of my head that wont go away.

Hopefully Tuesday brings good news and more good news following that.


Sorry so short.....my phone is being a booger.

Well one more day of waiting!!! I hate waiting. Im taking consolation in the fact that for the past few days I havent been sick all day but first thing in the morning if I breathe I get motion sick so I have to stay very very very still and hope that I dont have to 'go yucky'.

 

Thank you everyone for your vibes. Im somewhere between stressing out about tomorrow and just being nervous. I think its mostly nerves kicking my butt. The kitties have been shelling out tons of love and snuggles and kisses. Especially Croc, hes been the biggest love bug snuggle man ever. Even Gigi who could care less whos around is being a lap kitty but only for me.

 

Good or bad tomorrow Im prepared to accept whatever happens. Because ultimately I know its out of my control and there is nothing I can do to change anything. Hopefully everything turns out good and keeps going good because despite the nerves we are really excited. Even after tomorrow we are still going to wait to tell people till about January..or whenever I feel like telling people lol. We might tell the kitties and Franklin though if all goes well that they are gonna be big brothers and sisters. LOL Poor bean is gonna be bossed around by a bunch of four legged spoiled rotten hooligans. LOL

 

I am so ready for tomorrow to be over and if all is well the next few weeks. Patience has never been my strength LOL.