My Sweet Cassidy: April 10, 2008 - Nov. 6, 2011

I haven't been logging on to TCS very much lately, but wanted to stop in to post a memorial for Cassidy. I lost her suddenly & unexpectedly Sunday morning. I really can't talk about what happened right now: the pain is still fresh and I'm still hurting over losing her. I will explain more when I get more details from the vet who's performing an autopsy, and when I'm feeling up to it.

Rest peacefully, my sweet baby. Your precious life was short, but you had a lifetime's worth of love. I hope you're happy at the bridge with Maverick at your side.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bellaandme 

It's the worse kind of pain and I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. I lost my Bella very very suddenly and the shock and pain are overwhelming.  You are in my thoughts and prayers. Remember we are all here for you always.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jcat 

I'm very sorry, Tiff. It's especially difficult to lose one of our babies when we've had no time to mentally prepare for it. RIP, Cassidy,

You both are so right. I've lost my precious babies both ways, and I'd rather know that it was coming than to suddenly lose them like this. At least if you know it's coming, you have time to prepare yourself. It's never easy either way, but I think preparing yourself gives you time to get yourself ready for the inevitable - if that makes any sense.

I'm still waiting for the vet to call with Cassidy's autopsy results. I really don't understand what happened, and it's tearing me apart. She was perfectly fine: eating, playing - her usual sweet, loving self. I noticed on Saturday that she kept hopping in & out of the litter box without being productive, then after hopping out she would squat on the floor like she was trying to go, after which she would let out a screech like she was in pain. So I knew something was wrong, and immediately started calling e-vets. I finally got ahold of one about 6 that night, and took her in. The vet said that she was plugged up really bad with feces and gave her an enema. She also said that she felt a mass or something when she was examining Cassidy. I don't know if that has anything to do with her passing or not. I had to keep her at the vet's overnight, and the vet called Sunday morning to tell me she passed during the night. It's killing me just having to write about it. I keep thinking of her being there all alone and scared and probably in pain, and not being there with her when she passed. I feel just horrible that she wasn't with me when she crossed the bridge. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself for leaving her there all alone to die on her own. She was only 3 & 1/2 years old, and I don't understand why her life had to end so soon & suddenly. The only consolation I'm getting right now is knowing that she won't have to live in fear anymore from Geronimo's constant bullying of her...

I'm so sorry that I wasn't there for you, my sweet Cassidy. I hope you can forgive me, and I hope you're happy now playing at the Bridge with Maverick.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mandy86 

 

I'm new and don't know you, but i'm in the exact same situation so i wanted to say i'm sorry and feel your pain :( my Dingle died just one day before yours, Nov 5th just after midnight. He was also only 3 years old, born March 28th. He had just had bladder stones that werent clearing up with the food, so I gave him the surgery like the vet said. The surgery went OK but after he wouldnt eat. We tried syringe feeding and everything, but he just wasn't getting better after the surgery, and a week later he was just relaxing and sleeping, then tried to jump up and couldnt. We rushed to the vet ER but it was too late. They couldnt tell me what happened either, and after going in debt for the surgery in the first place we decided not to do the autopsy, so we'll never know why he was taken so young. Its so much harder when they're young! :( and it's just learning to live without them now. I'm sorry for your loss and im sure your kitty knows you loved her very much!!

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss too, Mandy. Not knowing the cause is just so hard: there's no explanation and no closure.

The vet called this afternoon with the autopsy results, and they couldn't find anything - absolutely nothing at all wrong with Cassidy. I'm just heartsick all over again. I think if they could have found something I could accept it a little easier: there's no closure this way. I'll always wonder what went wrong, and what caused her to pass so quickly & suddenly. If she would have been older, it would be easier to live with, But she was only 3 & 1/2 years old. I'm just heartsick.

I know y'all are right and what I did was out of love for Cassidy. If I had thought for even one second that this was gonna happen - well, I guess I maybe would have done it differently - although I don't know what else I could have done. It just breaks my heart knowing that there was nothing wrong with her, but she died anyway. It just doesn't make any sense....

This morning when I woke up I got an image of her in my mind, looking at me with those gorgeous, loving, trusting eyes of hers when she was at the vet - wanting me to take her home, and me telling her that it would be all right and I would pick her up in the morning. I didn't even get to say good-bye to her, or hold her one last time. She died all alone, probably wondering why I left her there like that. It doesn't help any knowing that she was finally getting up the courage to come out more from hiding due to Geronimo's bullying of her, and starting to live a more "normal" life out amongst the rest of the family. I could tell that she was becoming happier, because she was getting fed up with Geronimo and starting to feel more free to roam the house to play and be with us all. Why would God take her now, just when she was starting to find her way again?

It's killing me having to write all this, but I guess I need to get it out. I appreciate y'all listening, and I appreciate y'all being there for me through this difficult time. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have y'all to share in my sorrow & grief. I know how much y'all understand. Thanks so much for being there.

Here's a link to a pic of my sweet Cassidy. Since I'm having problems uploading photos the normal way since TCS changed its format, I though I'd try posting her pic this way.

http://i216.photobucket.com/albums/cc57/Sapphire_914/Cassidy/cassidy6-2.jpg

Hey everybody,

I apologize for not responding sooner: I needed some time away, as I'm sure y'all understand. I've been having a really difficult time over losing Cassidy: in some ways, more than when I lost Maverick. That's not to say that I didn't grieve horribly over losing Maverick: he was my "soul-mate" kitty and the love of my life, and it just about killed me to lose him. But I also knew that his time was coming, and I had time to prepare myself, and at least his passing made sense. Not knowing  what killed Cassidy is just tearing me apart. It just doesn't make any sense. If she would have been old or sick, it would have at least made sense and I could find some closure. And she didn't deserve to die: she was the most precious, sweetest, loving cat I've ever had. She didn't have a mean bone in her body: all she wanted was to love and be loved. Why would God take her sweet life so suddenly and without cause?

I was thinking that maybe Cassidy's birth defects played a part in her passing, but the vet said no: all her body organs were intact, and she was in perfect health -- which makes this whole thing even more difficult to accept. Thinking about it brings me great sadness.

I really appreciate all your kinds words, and being there for me thru this difficult time. It really means a lot to me. Only fellow cat lovers can really understand....

I've been thinking about adopting another kitty - or possibly two - to honor Cassidy's memory, which is something I normally do when I lose one of my furbabies. God only knows there are enough strays that I tend to that would probably appreciate a good & loving home.  There are some that would probably make good "house" kitties, and would probably adjust nicely to life indoors. There are two in particular that I've grown really attached to that have stolen my heart, and there's one that Randall has fallen in love with. I don't know if this makes any sense, but it helps to heal my heart when I lose one of my furbabies by adopting another one and giving it a good home. Knowing that there is one less homeless, unloved kitty in the world helps to heal the heart & soul. But I don't know: I don't know if I can take anymore heartache, and I don't know if we can really afford it, either. A part of me thinks, why not? It's not as if we're not already feeding them and taking care of them, anyway. But another part of me thinks that we really shouldn't have anymore cats in the house, due to lack of proper size: we've already been having territorial issues with the furkids we have now. Would bringing any more in makes it worse? I don't know what to do...

I apologize for rambling. These are some of the thoughts that have been going thru my head, and I guess I just needed to get them out.