But What now?

It's been 9 days, the  crapiest part is that we had booked holdiay to NZ leaving last Friday, have not wanted to be here because
 I wanted to be with Lily, I blame myself for Melvins death, he always liked being outside, he was such a proud cat! But I love having a cat family and want another one, not to replace him , but to give another a home! Lily has always liked being inside, Melvin even though desexing wanted to rome, I was naieve to think that he would be safe he died 80 metres from home!   

It's natural that you're grieving for him. Be kind to yourself and perhaps give yourself and Lily time to adjust. I suppose how soon you "should" bring another cat into your home depends on your individual circumstances and personality.

Thinking of what you should have done etc.. won't bring him back so your just torturing yourself. Concentrate on Lily because she'll also need you

They are right...stop torturing yourself. You loved your kitty and life just sometimes hits us or ones we love for no apparent, sensical reason. You can't kick yourself over what if's because not knowing the outcome, you would not have changed the events of the day because you just didn't know. It wasn't anything deliberate. I am so sorry for your loss.

   When we get another pet, it's not to replace one. We just need a place to put all of the love that we still have and we know the time is ticking for so many sad or unwanted cats. With the other kitty in the house, that one may need a little time, is all. Again, I am so sorry you have to endure this.