Hi,
I have never had a cat before. A friend of mine is in the middle of a sudden messy divorce and now I'm looking after his cats for a few months.
They seem incredibly needy to me. They want constant attention and one of the two of them is almost always sitting on me.
I'm kind of worried about them because one seems to puke alot and then eat it. The other one has chronic diahreah. They eat really expensive organic cat food (I don't know what kind, their owner brought it over in a huge tupperware thing).
My problem is this: I really do not want them on my coffee table or computer desk. This is for two reasons. I don't want pets on surfaces I eat on (I don't have a kitchen table, only my coffee table). If I even put down a bowl of cereal or something for a second one of the cats (its usually always the same one) will immediately have her face in it. She doesn't eat everything but anything that she likes I can't keep her away from. This really, really irritates me and I'm also fairly certain its the cause of her chronic diahhrea.
I have tried using double sided tape - this only works if there is nothing on the table. As soon as I put anything on the table she is interested in she braves the tape and just gets up anyway (although she obviously doesn't like the tape). I have tried a spray from the pet store which didn't do anything. Her owner told me to get angry and hiss at her and she won't want to piss me off - she isn't phased at all (the other cat which hardly does any of this does immediately stop if I seem pissed). I was going to try a spray bottle but her owner told me that she actually likes being sprayed. Also I immediately remove them whenever I see them on the table or desk.
Its unfortunate that the table is so low that they can see onto it to tell if there is anything interesting before they need to jump up.
This is the thing: If I don't figure out how to train her to do this, instead of having full access to my apartment the cats are going to have to live in my hallway and bathroom (and kitchen which I almost never use), and not come into my livingroom/bedroom unless I am awake and willing to keep an eye on them. Right now they go where they want and are usually sleeping on me or my couch. They stay there when I'm sleeping. If I cannot train her to stay off the table they will have maybe two hours of being allowed in my room a day and will have to spend the rest of it locked out. (I suspect they will not like that arrangement, although it is better then being euthanized, which is what my buddies wife was going to do to them). I don't really want it to come to that so I would really appreciate suggestions.
Also the solution can't be too expensive since I'm a student and on disability so I don't have that much money.
I was sort of using this as a test run to see if pets would be a good thing for me and I'm thinking I want to go back to having dogs. They take more work but if you consistently tell a dog not to do something it actually stops.
I have never had a cat before. A friend of mine is in the middle of a sudden messy divorce and now I'm looking after his cats for a few months.
They seem incredibly needy to me. They want constant attention and one of the two of them is almost always sitting on me.
I'm kind of worried about them because one seems to puke alot and then eat it. The other one has chronic diahreah. They eat really expensive organic cat food (I don't know what kind, their owner brought it over in a huge tupperware thing).
My problem is this: I really do not want them on my coffee table or computer desk. This is for two reasons. I don't want pets on surfaces I eat on (I don't have a kitchen table, only my coffee table). If I even put down a bowl of cereal or something for a second one of the cats (its usually always the same one) will immediately have her face in it. She doesn't eat everything but anything that she likes I can't keep her away from. This really, really irritates me and I'm also fairly certain its the cause of her chronic diahhrea.
I have tried using double sided tape - this only works if there is nothing on the table. As soon as I put anything on the table she is interested in she braves the tape and just gets up anyway (although she obviously doesn't like the tape). I have tried a spray from the pet store which didn't do anything. Her owner told me to get angry and hiss at her and she won't want to piss me off - she isn't phased at all (the other cat which hardly does any of this does immediately stop if I seem pissed). I was going to try a spray bottle but her owner told me that she actually likes being sprayed. Also I immediately remove them whenever I see them on the table or desk.
Its unfortunate that the table is so low that they can see onto it to tell if there is anything interesting before they need to jump up.
This is the thing: If I don't figure out how to train her to do this, instead of having full access to my apartment the cats are going to have to live in my hallway and bathroom (and kitchen which I almost never use), and not come into my livingroom/bedroom unless I am awake and willing to keep an eye on them. Right now they go where they want and are usually sleeping on me or my couch. They stay there when I'm sleeping. If I cannot train her to stay off the table they will have maybe two hours of being allowed in my room a day and will have to spend the rest of it locked out. (I suspect they will not like that arrangement, although it is better then being euthanized, which is what my buddies wife was going to do to them). I don't really want it to come to that so I would really appreciate suggestions.
Also the solution can't be too expensive since I'm a student and on disability so I don't have that much money.
I was sort of using this as a test run to see if pets would be a good thing for me and I'm thinking I want to go back to having dogs. They take more work but if you consistently tell a dog not to do something it actually stops.
I understand your friend and the messy divorce but I would never leave my cats with someone who never had a cat before.
A very, VERY good friend! 
What a sweet thing for you to do!
Maybe we just don't hiss as well as Yayi does LOL). The REAL issue is whether the chose to obey. Our cats all KNOW they are not allowed on the kitchen counter. One of them still hops up there when he thinks we're not looking, and the minute we start to move, he jumps down, heads somewhere and gets that "who me?" look on his face. 
OR as soon as we even START to say "Get down" - before the "G" is done, he's down. 
