Okay, so here's my story: My friend Sarah had two cats, Demmu and Lucy; the first is male and 4 yrs. old, and I'm fairly sure that Lucy was the same age. They had lived together and with Sarah since they were kittens; and Sarah wasn't shy about showering them with affection and spoiling them rotten. Then, Sarah decided to move out of the country, to be with her new boyfriend in the Islands, and the cats had to be re-homed. Not sure where Lucy went, but Demmu came to me. Sarah knew I had always wanted a kitty, so when she asked me if I wanted to take him, I was ecstatic, and immediately agreed.
That was three months ago. I shower Demmu with affection -- or rather, I try to -- and he seems to have warmed up to me . . . well, sort of. He will not get on the bed or sleep with me, will not take treats from my hand, will not get on my lap, will only rarely return my slow-blinky kitty kisses, does not rub against my outstretched hand when I let him sniff it 90% of the time, and about 50% of the time (well, maybe more like 60%), whenever I try to pet him and love on him, he tries to avoid me. When he does let me love on him, he will only allow me to scritch the sides of his neck and his head -- I get nipped at or swatted at if I touch him anywhere else, or if I even act like I'm going to. If he sees me (or my hand) coming at him and he's not in the mood -- which is a lot of the time -- I will get scratched at or bitten. If I reach down to stroke his back, he will push his back up to meet my hand as he goes past, but once I reach the area just before his tail, he suddenly turns into Attack Kitty, even if he was purring. Much of the time, when I try to jus incidentally pet him, he ducks and weaves around my hand, bending his back down and away from my hand in order to avoid me touching him.
Sometimes, he makes growly noises and then hisses at me and then bolts away from me whenever I reach for him. 70% of the time, he will give me a "warning mew" with flat ears and dilated eyes, watching my hand intently, just before he strikes, but then sometimes, I don't get the warning at all, just the attack. (Oddly, he loves to be wherever I am; he will sit or lie on top of my desk and watch me write, will come up and lay down on the book I'm reading, or will lie just under the desk, or right behind my chair, or in the window nearby. He also wakes me up to feed him every morning, and follows me around the apartment.) Usually, though, whenever he swats at me, he doesn't do it with his claws out, and he doesn't bite down hard (or at least not most of the time); other times I've gotten the full "grab the hand and bunny-kick it" treatment. I should say that whenever he swats at me, his claws are usually only partially unsheathed -- most of the time, mind you -- which tells me that for the most part, he doesn't really want to hurt me, just warn me or make me stop. Like I said, he likes to lie down on the desk and watch me work, always fascinated by what I'm doing, but if I try to touch him while he's up there -- or at least, whenever he sees me reaching toward him -- it makes him get scared and make a frustrated "meeew!" and will then move to a spot a few feet away from me, where he knows I can't reach -- and will then watch at me with wide, dilated eyes, crouched as if ready to leap away -- or worse, he'll swat at me and give a frightened little "maaeeew!" and maybe a little "growly meow" with wide eyes as he strikes at me.
Other times, he is not shy AT ALL about coming up to me and begging me for affection, which -- so long as he asks for it -- is okay. And, he always greets me excitedly whenever I come in the door (when he's not trying to figure out how to escape into the hallway outside, that is), and, he loves to sit on the top of my bookshelves and survey his domain. Other times, though, when I reach down, he acts like my hand is a mouse and he has to get it; he'll even get up on his hind legs to come after it. Last week, I was so very excited because while I was watching a movie with a friend, Demmu came up and very cautiously laid down in my lap for the very first time -- which he never does, ever -- and let me stroke his sides and back for the first time without getting angry or upset, and stayed there for about fifteen minutes solid. But since then, he seems to have reverted to the old behaviors. He meows a lot and goes to the door every once in a while and meows at it plaintively, but spends a lot of his time with his head between the window blinds gazing out at the apartment grounds, which is normal, I guess. (And if a stray cat wanders onto the porch, OH MY GOD he sounds like someone lit his tail on fire; he squalls and screams and hisses and punches the glass trying to get the evil usurper-kitty, all to no avail.)
Other contextual stuff that might help: He is good with his letterbox -- never goes outside of it -- has a healthy appetite, is well-fed, likes to play and has toys, and gets treats when they're offered (just not if I'm doing the offering). I've ordered a Feliway diffuser from Amazon, and it should be here today. (I hope it works, I really do.) Anything to get this cat to just chillax a little and allow me to love him, would be great. Any advice?