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May have done a bad thing.......

post #1 of 21
Thread Starter 
I was feeling in a rather jovial mood a little earlier tonight....(had a few beers actually...that counts as jovial doesn't it???) and called my x-best friend...got her answering machine. She and I were best friends and very close for a long time, but then had a horrible falling out (2 1/2 years ago) and have not spoke since.

So anyway...I went ahead and left a message since I got the machine. Told her I missed her, still loved her, hoped everything was going well in her life, blah blah....

Sounds good............. except.......when I wake up in the morning I will go "What the H*LL did I just do!!!!!!!!!!!!
post #2 of 21
Good for you Debby - life's too short to fall out...! Now the test to see if she is mature and generous enough to take the olive branch offered.

Good luck - let us know if she gets back to you.
post #3 of 21
I had to laugh at this message first, I hope you guys can be friends again!

Keep us in the 'know'!
post #4 of 21
Thread Starter 
I don't think she will....get back to me, that is....our falling out was so huge...even though I still think it was mostly her fault.

But joking aside...I did love and care for this person ,until my father died, I went off the deep end (emotionally) and she just couldn't understand it...my depression ...it's a long story, I can't begin to explain it here, but basically...all my friends stood by me through my rough time and were still my friends at the end of it...except her (my best friend no less)...she was so selfish she demanded all my time and if mourning over the death of my father took longer than 6 months...well then she was out of there.

Some friend. *sigh*
post #5 of 21
Thanks for giving us a bit of the situation taste Debby, I totally feel for you and understand you would need to mourn your fathers death.



( Good Luck & I'm rooting for ya')
post #6 of 21
Thread Starter 
Thanks Sam. I wish I had not of called her and left that message...why should I have to be the one to say how much I miss her, etc, when she is the one who hurt ME so badly???? Well...nevermind....it is a done deal now....guess that will teach me to act impulsively.....errr, drink. I doubt she answers me.........she has all new friends now who mean so much to her......I was just used and replaceable in her life. Anyway...thanks for listening to me tonight....I need to just go to bed and hopefully forget I left her that message.
post #7 of 21
If she does ring you back I hope she doesn't say anything nasty- It has been nice chatting to you , Have a good sleep!

post #8 of 21
Thread Starter 
Thanks Sam for listening...you are so sweet.
post #9 of 21
Debby- You are most welcome!

Hugs!
post #10 of 21
Debby, I think you did a wonderful thing here! (Even if it was alcohol induced! <grin>) To me, it doesn't really matter who's at fault. You stepped up to the plate .... even if she doesn't return your call, you haven't lost anything that hasn't been lost already. It tells me you are the adult in this situation; the better friend.

I ask you one pointed question: Now that you've called her, if she calls back, are you truly ready to forgive her? Quite honestly, and I mean this with friendship backing me up here, it doesn't sound like you are ready. It sounds like, judging only by your posts here, that you still harbor some resentment. She doesn't sound like the kind of person that's going to talk this through with you and admit to any responsibility. So that leaves it all up to you, are you really ready and able to let it be?

You can certainly apologize and still not take responsibility for the root cause. I found this most effective in my personal relationships. Saying something like, "I am sorry you feel this way." Or, "I am sorry this situation caused bad feelings between us." Most only hear the first three words, "I am sorry." They don't hear the rest. You get to save face, while they get to hear what they need to hear.

JMO....
post #11 of 21
oh my, you don't know how many crazy phone calls i have made while under the influence.. But yours sounds like a positive one while mine are more like "i loooove you i can't live without you whyyyyy don't you looooooove me" or some such nonsense that is the result of seeing people do it in the parking lot.. I screen my calls for about a week afterwards..

Good luck with your friend tho, maybe she has realized her error and is ready to begin a new relationship wth you
post #12 of 21
I don't think it sounds bad, either. It sounds very sweet, actually. If she calls, then apparently she does want to rekindle the friendship. If she doesn't, isn't that her loss?
post #13 of 21
There is nothing wrong with being the bigger person in a falling out, even a big one.
post #14 of 21
Debby, I know how you feel. My very best friend "left me" for no reason, I stopped trying to keep contact after I was last hurt by her treatment. By then I just recently told her I was pregnant and I thought at least she would contact me afater I gave birth, but she still hasn´t. I really miss her and am hurt, and I think it is her turn to keep contact, but maybe the situation has gone out of hand and she can´t. I know I can´t. I might tell more of this story if I have the nerve to...I have been wanting to, I feel that you are all such good frends here.
post #15 of 21
Debby and Sesselja, I know how you feel. I had a falling out with my best friend about 2 years ago over stupid things. She owed me some money, I asked her a few times about it, and then said it's not worth it let's be friends. Haven't heard from her since, even after I sent her pics I took at her wedding. I still miss her, we had such fun. Dan says it's because of her husband, he was kind of a jerk. I sometimes think about writing to her, but

Debby, I hope your friend decides to call you. If she doesn't, you at least made an effort, even if it was beer induced.

Sesselja, I hope you and your friend can end your differences, too. It is so hard to lose a good friend. If it helps you to share, we are all here to listen.
post #16 of 21
Debby, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Trust me when I tell you that I've done MUCH worse while under the influence of a beer or two....
post #17 of 21
I don't think it sounds like a bad thing. You are the better person for doing it. Even if she doesn't call you back soon, it may have opened the door for some kind of communication later. Good for you Debby!
post #18 of 21
It's never wrong to genuinely say "I love you", "I miss you" -- even if it did take a little "lubrication" for it to happen.

Perhaps it will give her an opening to reconnect -- maybe an opening she didn't even realize she was hoping for. Wouldn't that be a gift!

And if it doesn't have that effect, well, how much have you lost, anyway? Not a thing.
post #19 of 21
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally posted by Pollyanna
Debby, I know how you feel. My very best friend "left me" for no reason, I stopped trying to keep contact after I was last hurt by her treatment. By then I just recently told her I was pregnant and I thought at least she would contact me afater I gave birth, but she still hasn´t. I really miss her and am hurt, and I think it is her turn to keep contact, but maybe the situation has gone out of hand and she can´t. I know I can´t. I might tell more of this story if I have the nerve to...I have been wanting to, I feel that you are all such good frends here.
I know how you feel, I thought my x-best friend would contact me after I had the baby too, but she didn't. If you ever want to talk about it, we are here for you. (although I'm not around as much anymore)

Thanks everyone for what you said. I don't think I will hear from her, but that is okay. I won't try again.
post #20 of 21
Hey Debby, at least you tried...and now the ball is in her court. Personally, it sounds like you might be better off with out her...I've had friends in the past that have done that to me. To me, if they were true friends, they would stick with ya through thick & thin.
post #21 of 21
I don't think you can ever do a bad thing, by trying make up with someone. If she doesn't call you, then it's all on her.
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