New Cat in the house...not going well. HELP!

An adult female cat (suffering besides) is NOT going to take well to a feisty young male pouncing around her! Of course, it is too late to return her to the shelter (in my opinion), so unfortunately you may want to try keeping them separated for quite a while, and consider a second companion for your male. Next time don't get an adult (especiallly an adult female) and expect them to get along. I would say that a very young male would be your best bet. However (and please don't take this personally) - if you "need" to declaw any cat that comes to live with you, I would prefer that you refrain from getting any more cats!

You should try keeping them separated until Moxie can fully recover. If you have an all-seasons sun room that's connected to the house by a sliding glass door, that would probably be best. Its good for them to have some contact, even if it see just visual and while supervised, you can crack the door open enough for them to stick their paws through at each other. The restricted contact should help both of them adjust to each other. If you don't have a room like I suggested then just do the best you can with what you got. Whatever you decide, you should keep them separated until Moxie fully heals or until Max calms down around her. Once they get use to each other, hopefully things will get better

Oh my. Well, first of all, a cat that has just been spayed AND had her front toes cut off needs to be isolated for a week to 10 days. She should not have been allowed to have any contact with your male cat at all. My 4 month old kitten was spayed last Thursday and she picked at her stitches. She has to wear a cone and be isolated from play with the other cats until Monday!

Obviously you can't "take it back," so from this point forward, I would isolate her to a bathroom with food and litter until all stitches are removed or 10 days has passed. Then, introduce them slowly. For instance, let them communicate through the closed door for a bit. Then, occasionally have them switch places. Let him go to the bathroom with the closed door and let her come out and explore the house (for an hour or so). He will start to get used to her scent and she will start to get used to her surroundings.

Expect hissing and carrying on for the first few days/weeks. All cats are different in how they warm up. Some of my cats get used to "outsiders" more quickly and easily than my others. Blue, my older cat, will still hiss at Rex (who has been here for 10 mos now!) if he takes a notion. Rex won't hiss at anyone in the house, ever. Chloe will still hiss at Rex if he is playing too rough. Juno is like Rex - too laid back to hiss. All of those behaviors are normal for those cats. It just takes time and patience.

I think the situation can work out...with some due diligence. I have Rex who was born in Aug 2010 and Chloe who is about 6-9 mos older than him and they get along wonderfully. It truly just depends on the cats. A 3 year old cat is not generally a good playmate because they have started to calm down...a lot...by then.

As for declawing...I am *shocked* that they shelter didn't make you sign something saying you wouldn't declaw, TBH. With the invention of "soft paws" - there is never a reason (other than injury) where a cat's claws should "have" to be removed!

If you do get another cat, please look into using soft paws instead of declawing. You are removing a portion of their TOES. It is so inhumane.