On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for coffee whereupon the parrot squawks, â€œAnd get me a whiskey you woman.â€ The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whiskey for the parrot and forgets the coffee.
When this omission is pointed out to her, the parrot drains its glass and bawls, â€œAnd get me another whiskey you cheeky woman.â€ Quite upset,the girl comes back shaking with another whiskey but still no coffee.
Unaccustomed to such slackness, the man tries the parrot's approach. â€œI've asked you twice for coffee. Go and get it now, or I'll give you a slap.â€
Next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says, â€œFor someone who can't fly, you're a cheeky b******d.â€
While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered and Mr. Benson looked out the window. â€œGood lord!â€ he screamed, â€œOne of the engines just blew up!â€
Other passengers left their seats and came running over. Suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side. The passengers were in a panic now, and even the stewardesses couldn't maintain order.
Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about. His words and his demeanor made most of the passengers feel better, and they sat down as the pilot calmly walked to the door of the aircraft. There, he grabbed several packages from under the seats and began handing them to the flight attendants. Each crew member attatched the package to their backs.
â€œSay,â€ spoke up an alert passenger, â€œAren't those parachutes?â€
The pilot said they were. The passenger went on, â€œBut I thought you said there was nothing to worry about?â€
â€œThere isn't,â€ replied the pilot as a third engine exploded. â€œWe're going to get help.â€
â€œIf Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at the age of 22, it would have changed the history of music... and of aviation.â€ â€” Tom Stoppard
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner were seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they could get under way. The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind. The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle, and the copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with huge sunglasses.
At first the passengers do not react; thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. However, after a few minutes the engines start revving and the airplane starts moving down the runway. The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness, whispering among themselves and looking desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.
Then, the airplane starts accelerating rapidly and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical. Finally, when the airplane has less than 20 feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once, and at the very last moment the airplane lifts off and is airborne.
Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and turns to the pilot, â€œYou know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we're gonna get killed!â€
In Britain: A Royal Air Force pilot returned to active duty after getting sex change surgery to become a woman. There were no problems in the air. But for some reasonâ€”after landingâ€”the pilot no longer knew how to parallel park the plane.
Have a good flight
who lost two relatives on the Paris DC10 crash when a cargo door blew open.