Here's my update, and thanks for the well wishes.

I'm sorry you have to go through all of this. You may not realize it now but you are stronger then you realize. I wish a brighter future your you and your daughters.

I really do not know the words to say to help you because I can´t imagine how hard this is for you and your family. But I want to send ...... ......!

Chris, my love, support, prayers and are going out to you and your girls . I can't even imagine what you are going through, but I agree, you are stronger than you realize. You are a great mother and an amazing person! Don't ever doubt that!

I can't believe you have to go to court for slapping the SOB. I'm sure once the judge hears the story he just laugh it out of court, but the added stress of the court date is so unfair to you.

I'm glad you saw him for who he is and didn't waste anymore of your life on him. That sounds harsh, but you are right, there is the "last straw", and you didn't give but stood up for yourself and your daughters. That is something to be proud of, and the that's the first step of finding "you" again.

All I can say is I/We are here for you. We love you and will support you through this.

I am so sorry... Lots of vibes and prayers for you and your daughters.

I'm so sorry you and your girls had to go through this, Chris. Please know that you're in my thoughts and prayers and have my admiration for your courage and strength. We're here for you!

I'm so sorry you are going through this Many vibes heading your way

I don't even know what to say to you to help you feel any better. I think you're an amazing woman and you've realized what's important in your life. You are! And your daughters, too!

Many, many and coming from me. I hope everything works out well for you and your girls.

As calico2222 said, the judge will probably laugh the case right out of court, but it's just that much more stress for you. I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry you are going through all of that. My heart cries for you!

Things look bad now, but they will get better and better and you will find yourself looking back in total disbelief in having stayed in your situation for as long as you did.

Lots of vibes coming your way for the strength to pick yourself up and start over in making a much better life for you and your children

Thank you all so very much.

i had to come and read everything cuz I am having a bad bad night.
I woke this morning with a fullbown sinus cold, then emails of lawyer stuff, then my daughter had an appt that I should have taken her to or been there to hear the outcome, killer headache, high pain day, and one kiddo is in a sensitive mood and got upset with me, and I couldn't help but cry.

Sitting here thinking, I don't want to be a single mom again. Who's going to support me, back me up when my teen daughter or soon to be a teen is mouthing off or whatever?

And I haven't touched on it, cuz I have tried to stay angry.... but.
I loved this man. I gave him everything I had to give. I said my vows and meant every word of it. I tried so very hard. I loved him.

The lady that was supposed to come to the lawyers with me yesterday got sick so she couldn't come, and I didn't want to reschedule so I ended up driving in. Didn't get anywhere really other than my proposal for custody issues and my lawyer gave me the financial bundle I have to fill out. That in itself is overwhelming. It's all about your net worth/debts/assets etc. and well, for the past 9yrs, whatever money I got I gave to him, he handled the finances, and I have no clue on the costs of some things, I don't even know what I'm supposed to fill in, both of our money is still paying on the bills so we don't ruin our credit. I just, I don't know how to explain it. It's probally simple but everything is overwhelming when you've been out of it for so long. He did our taxes, paid the bills, etc. I bought groceries, took the kids to appts, etc.

I feel awful about so many things, and Linda touched on one aspect about the disbelief that I stayed in this so long. I wish I had left when I found out certain things about him.... or the first time he dragged our daughter into an adult arguement, or other things. I wish I hadn't given up my independence to be with him. But I did, and nothing can change it.

I know there is a bright side to come, logically I know that when all is said and done, I'll be in a better place. I know even sitting here, tears flowing down my face,this is still a better place than I was. It's just a bump, a moment of weakness, pain and fear. I shall just keep telling myself, it's just a bump and I will be fine.


It's just one of those days where I really don't want to be me right now.
I know I'm blessed with my beautiful, wonderful children. My stubborness and determination. My past and all that I have rose above. I do know I'm greatful for all of it.

Just right this moment, I really don't want to be me. It's one of those moments of weakness, and my first in about a week.

The first week after "the incident", I was angry but cried a lot. The next 2wks I've been angry, and that has kept the tears at bay for the most part. Just tonight, they fall.

On Sunday, it will have been a year since we buried my dad.

This last year, well, its not going to make one of my top 10 best years I can say that.

I do wish something good would land in my lap. Even if it's just one day without lawyers, or my kids hurting, just something.

thank you all for your very kind words. They do help. A lot.

Aw Chris....

Thinking of you and the girls Chris

You know, there are days that I am just angry.
There's days where I wonder how we got here.
But most of the days are spent knowing my children, specifically my youngest one, is suffering. She misses her father, heck she missed him when he was here and chose to travel for work.

But, I have seen positive changes in both girls, and in myself too.

Without the stressload of having to watch what I say, worry about what kind of mood he'll be in, just overall uneasiness, I am much more tolerant. I admit that my patience was worn thin over the last while, and I may not have been the most understanding mom I can be.
Both girls also showed "symptoms" from the fighting between he and I.
Now, me and my girls, are fairly relaxed (except for the jumpiness from time to time) and are taking things one day at a time.

Everyone is so much more relaxed now, which is a very very good thing.


I am not religious, but I do firmly believe that everything happens for a reason, and what is meant to be, will be.

I try to think of that when I get down.

I think you seem to be doing the best things you can be doing right now. Taking it day by day, crying when you need to, getting angry when you need to. You have those bumps along the road, but you get over them. You know you will, and that is so important- knowing that you and your daughters will and are getting through this mess and you'll all be a better person for it.

Chris, the healing is underway.

I'm so sorry I missed the anniversary of your dad's burial.

But it's nice to hear there are rays of sunshine through all the turmoil.

The system is so screwed up here.
A person applies for legal aid,because they cannot afford a lawyer.
Legal aid puts a lien on the home (fine, I have no objections to paying it back, the money that my lawyer costs).
But because I have a locked in rrsp, I also have to pay a lump sum payment and they've given me 15 days to come up with $1500. :-o
How the heck do they expect someone in a financial situation that warrants applying in the first place, to come up with that kind of money in such a short period of time?
I haven't worked since becoming disabled and was/still am dependent on my (ex)husband. I have no clue how to get that kind of money in such a short period and if I don't pay it, then I lose my legal help.
Just venting, got the letter telling me this yesterday, spent the rest of business hours on the phone trying to understand all of this. I despise automated phone systems, took me 30mins to be able to access a live person, it just kept circling through the automated stuff, very frustrating when calls need to be made during business hours.
If anyone has any clue how to raise money, I am open to suggestions. I've thought about selling items, but I have to be careful and make sure I don't sell anything that he may consider to be ours. Not to mention I don't have many items that are worth anything.

- meeting today to get counseling for my daughter the youngest is the only one that will go, but it's a start, and free thankfully.

- I can't give details, but something is happening today and I am terrified of any repercussions that may happen. I have a safety plan in place, and hopefully that's all I need.

I have to just shake my head at all of this. Never ever did I imagine such cruelty and even basic lack of consideration for a fellow human being was possible. Not by him. The sad part is that it didn't have to be this way. Prior to the incident on the 23rd I would have been willing to separate amicably, saving lawyer fees, court fees, child trauma, my psychological upheaval, etc. We could have worked to find a suitable arrangement.

It would seem that everything in my life has to be done the hardest way possible.

Lastly, most of y'all know my health issues. It's fall weather and they are kicking my butt almost daily.


Keep the vibes coming please.
Thank you for all your thoughts.

I wondered how you were doing. I am so sorry you are going through such a rough time. Unfortunately, I know from personal experience just how ugly things can get during a breakup.
I don't know of anyone here that would mind you posting about what is happening with you and yours. Even though most of us have never met face to face, we are a tightly knit group and are more than happy to lend a vibe, a prayer, advice, or just a place to come to get away a little. I am sure all of us wish we could be of help.
I wish you many healing vibes, and many prayers.

My mum and dad are going through the same thing you are going through now (almost identical stories) As a child ( well adult I am 19 but living at home) I have seen them argueing and falling out over the past 10 years. I just want to say big hugs and i hope things get sorted I know first hand how it is from a childs point of view , the only advice i can offer is be their for your daughters like you are being because your a GOOD mum and don't lie if you dont need to (which you probably dont) ive been lied to because they thought it would "protect" me but it causes more doubt and damage ( I am on a break so didnt get to read anything except your orginal post .)

Like i said big hugss Your a strong kind hearted woman and you will get through this xxxxx