Introducing Feral to Hubby-to-be

Hey Guys,

I'm new to this vBoard but not new to ferals. I've had my two girls Kaneta and Lotus for almost 3 years now. Kaneta is very feral and Lotus is a shy stray.

I'm facing a conundrum: I'm getting married in February and Kaneta only socializes with me. I get that is normal. At night when I'm going to sleep, we have our cuddle time and you wouldn't know she was feral. The rest of the day or when people are around she's hiding in her safe place like in her bed or behind the couch .

Problem is that I'm getting married and I want Kaneta to feel safe around the future-hubby. Problem is when he's over for the night, she won't cuddle or have anything to do with me (or him). Future-Hubby isn't as patient with feral cats. He just wants a loving lap-cat.

I'm thinking about putting her back in her cage a couple months before the wedding so that she can get used to Future-Hubby. My fear is that if she doesn't learn to open up to him, I might need to give her up and my only two options are a no-kill shelter (where I original got her from) or a barn that had a colony of ferals (I know someone).

Help! I don't want to have give her up if I don't have too. She's the most beautiful loving cat when she's not cowering for her life.

If you guys have more ideas beyond the cage, it would be appreciated.

Thanks guy!

I think your fiance needs to leave some of his clothes there so they can begin to get familiar with his scent. And he needs to become more tolerant and patient.

Yes, everyone loves a sweet, loving lap cat and that is what most people adopt. You however adopted some special kitties that you have grown to love and have grown to trust and love you in return. I'm pretty sure that didn't happen overnight. Your fiance needs to get over his 'idea' of what he wants and realize this is what he has. And earning their love and trust is one of the most rewarding experiences I, personally, have ever had. I hope he can learn to understand and appreciate these wonderful friends.

As for returning them to the shelter because he is intolerant and impatient....is he 12? These cats are a part of your life and if he loves you and respects the bond you have with them, he would NEVER put you in the position to choose. Im honestly rather taken aback that your only options are for a cat that was born wild and has slowly come around to human contact is to have that cat advance leaps and bounds in a short time or off to the shelter or new home. That could be extremely damaging to the cat.

And please, don't start caging her again. You risk losing everything you've done with her.

I wish you and your kitties lots of luck with this transition.

I have to agree with RAFM. If your hubby-to-be loves you, then he won't make you choose.

Please, do not put her in a cage. There is simply no way to force this. It's not a matter of her getting used to him, it's a matter of her TRUSTING him. Being in a cage will only scare the wits out of her and potentially cost you her trust.

Cats do best with learning by association. Have your fiance get a few t-shirts really good and sweaty. Put one under her food dish. Keep one with you in the bed during your cuddle time.

And sit down and have a good talk with him. She may hide while he's there, and she may not cuddle... but with time, she will come around. He can help, if he wants to open his heart and change his mindset about what cats "should be."

What's going to happen if you have a special needs child?

Agreeing.
Adding:

Let your coming hubby give food to the cats, change the water, change the litter... Kaneta wont eat at once, but she will probably observe he is giving food, and thus - getting positive vibes.
Do you have a netted balcony where they can be? Opening this balcony for them is a big plus!

Second. Get a Feliway diffuser. Set it on around the time when your hubby is visiting. If you can get Felifriend spray, have it handy. If your hubby ever gets near the cats, good if he has this Felifriend.
(Felifriend is a feromone of the same type as Feliway, but for a more immediate use. Many vets uses this).

Third. I wonder if it perhaps may be a good idea to get such a easy loving, lap cat to be your hubbys personal chargee.
Make sure this newbe is a cat friendly and sociale one.
Such a cat, after becoming buddy with the shy ones, may perhaps be a little of a bridge between hubby and these shy ones. An ambassadeur for them: "see, he does likes cats!"...
It prob wont work with foreigners, but with a friendly hubby it should.


Good luck!

Ps. Welcome to the Forums!

Thanks guys. I'll think on it. I leave the balcony open all night for the cats. Lotus loves it. If Kaneta uses it, I wouldn't know. hehe. Maybe I'll hold on the trapping. I was just planning on doing a slow-trap where she gets used to the cage and doesn't mind hanging out in there. But the last time I trapped her when she reverted she revolted by peeing in her favourite bed. 2 steps forward, one back and thus.

I'll try Feliaway again. She's smart! She knows when she smells it, she's going to be trapped. Maybe she's lost her association form being in the shelter.

Fiance's up for the idea of getting a kitten that he can become friends with. So hopefully that'll work out. He's also concerned for the Cat's sakes because we're moving to California next year and he's also worried the cats might get too stressed out from the trip and completely revert. I'm thinking I'll have to get them drugged and shipped through FedEx overnight. AH! So many things!