I am so heartbroken and mad at myself...

I have to share this here, because I know you all will understand.

Reading about Lazlo and another kitty with lymphoma in the stomach really took me back to the struggle with had with Sissy Kitty at the end of her life. She had cancer in her stomach. At the time, the vet did an ultrasound, told me it was cancer and there was nothing that could be done. I watched her wither away and die about a month after the diagnosis.

Reading the posts as of late, I decided to call the vet and ask what KIND of cancer she had in her stomach. Guys...it was lymphoma! I am so STUPID! Why did I not seek a second opinion? Why did I not research it? Why did I not help her??? She could still be here right now if I had been more informed and tried something to save her!!! Oh I could just CRY! I have now read story after story of cats surviving this type of cancer and going on to live many more happy years. I will never forgive myself! What kind of cat mother was I? I did nothing more than cry and love on her in her last days. Why did I not try harder? I failed her.

Oh sweetie.........you have made me cry for you. Please let up on yourself. We can only go by the knowledge we have at the time.

I wish I could say something to make your pain go away...but you know, each case is different. What worked for one, may very well not work for another. I have heard of people going in the hospital for the same sickness. One lives and the other does not.

I really am just rambling because I know nothing I can say will help you feel better. But I knew I had to answer to let you know your pain has touched me. You had a vets experience guiding you. What were you supposed to do?

I send my thoughts to you today and tonight you will be in my prayers. We aren't perfect. Please be kind to yourself. No good will come of the "what ifs".

God bless you for your great heart.

Originally Posted by farleyv

Oh sweetie.........you have made me cry for you. Please let up on yourself. We can only go by the knowledge we have at the time.

I wish I could say something to make your pain go away...but you know, each case is different. What worked for one, may very well not work for another. I have heard of people going in the hospital for the same sickness. One lives and the other does not.

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I totally agree. Also, your vet has had many years of training and experience and told you that for your particular cat, the situation was hopeless. So please continue to believe in what the vet said and don't beat yourself up over this.

I understand how you feel - hindsight gets all of us sometimes. But your vet told you all they thought you needed to know - how could you have acted any differently? We live and we learn, and we do the best we can at any given moment. You loved Sissy and you did all you could for her, take comfort in that.

SO well said! We're SO lucky with Lazlo, because he's tolerating the treatments and vet trips so well. But what if he didn't? What if he handled the treatment, but getting him to the appointments was torturing him? And if he has a setback along the way, when do we say it's enough? There are sooo many questions, considerations and other factors. When we first found out, a number of people wrote to me to say chemo was a nightmare, and they'd never put another cat through that.

My point is that farleyv is right. I totally understand being upset about not knowing there might have been an option or options. But when you get such devastating news, you simply can't beat yourself up for listening to your vet - and as others have pointed out, your vet had all of her information, and it may simply be that chemo wasn't an option for your Sissy.

I am just so sorry, hun. I hope you're able to find some peace, because I know Sassy Kitty had a wonderful life, a devoted meowmy, sends you all her love, and I am SURE she doesn't want you to feel pain or guilt.

I can't add much that hasn't already been said, but I agree, it's not your fault you lost Sissy. We all learn. And it hurts along the way. I lost a cat, Cleo, to hyperthyroidism 5 years ago because we just didn't know anything was wrong, we didn't even realise she was losing so much weight so fast because she was very fluffy and didn't let us hold her. By the time we caught it, it was too late, and she passed just a month or so after finally getting on meds. I think that's why I'm so paranoid now with my 2 cats, especially Dot who has hyperthyroidism. We were lucky to have caught it early on and she's fine now, but I'm so scared all the time that I'll miss something with her or Genever. Anyway, I know you're heartbroken, but try not to be mad at yourself. It's so hard, I know. We just have to try to remember that we gave them love, and we did the best we knew how. And we're learning everyday how to be even better cat moms.