Have you ever been a bad friend?

This thread was started because of the one on bullying....

Have you ever done something completly awful to one of your friends or even someone you didn't know?

Not that I was aware of. I think I once told a boy that one of my friends liked, that she liked him. They wound up dating for awhile, but man, until he asked her out, she was angry!

Turns out he was a jerk, but I had nothing to do with that.

I don't talk behind people's backs, if I don't like someone, they usually know it, I prefer not to act. If I am your friend, I will walk through fire to do the right thing by you.

There was an episode with a friend of mine 3-4 years ago where she was forever arguing with her partner, and no matter how much he put her down she wouldn't leave him. My weekends used to be ruined through her coming into my house crying in her coffee, then it got to the point where l was sounding like a broken record.

She got so depressed through him and started drinking which started her ringing me really late at night, so ln the end l started making excuses that l was going out or l wouldnt answer my phone when l saw her name flash up. It was starting to drag me down because you can only help a person so much, but if they don't want to help themselves you have to let them go.

I honestly didn't think she would be alive today because she really was a car crash waiting to happen, but thankfully she had her wakeup call

I was actually one of the ones bullied. I was very overweight my entire childhood/teenage years, then in high school I got into the Gothic scene, which really fueled people even more.

I have had a lot of people who bullied me try to get involved in my life as an adult now that I have lost the weight and am doing pretty well for myself, but I have NO interest. If I wasn't good enough for them then, they don't need to be in my life now.

Unintentionally, I was a bad friend. I was really very selfish and I didn't realize it until she told me off, and we haven't spoken since. this was back in high school. Then I found out my BF at the time was cheating on me with her.. a good reason not to get back in touch!

Frankly, IMHO everybody has... It is all a matter of perspective.... We humans are no saints.... We are not perfect. We can try to be our best, but we are not perfect; at some point in life we will hurt someone - I doubt someone can truly say he/she has gone through life without hurting anybody. I find that very hard to believe.

I've been a horrible friend...

I won't go into the details but I will say their marriage broke up because of it

Of course I've hurt people's feelings, that's normal but I can honestly say I think that was the only time I was truly an awful friend and person in general.

I agree with Carolina, nobody is perfect. You know, some people just take longer to grow up and get their heads out of their arses; I know I sure took my time! I think the important thing is to try to be a better person, and learn that one's selfishness can actually hurt others.

There was a period in my life when I wasn't a good human being, therefore, not a very good friend. I often hurt the people who really loved me the most. My selfishness and hatred just pushed them away.
I had to go through some terrible experiences before I could appreciate that to have a friend you have to be a friend.
Now I just try to be the best person I can be and try to be the kind of friend to others that I would like to have.
I sometimes screw up and hurt someone in some way, but now I'm quick to realize it and apologize for it.

Originally Posted by Carolina

Frankly, IMHO everybody has... It is all a matter of perspective.... We humans are no saints.... We are not perfect. We can try to be our best, but we are not perfect; at some point in life we will hurt someone - I doubt someone can truly say he/she has gone through life without hurting anybody. I find that very hard to believe.

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The one incident that really stands out in my head was in 5th grade. We had a grade school, K-4, then we went to another school for 5th & 6th grade, a different one for 7th & 8th grade (the 7th / 8th grade building was built on the same property on the other end of the track/football fields), then a different one for high school.

K-4 school and high school were walking distance from my house, and my best friend if I took that route was on the way. 5th - 8th grade were however far away a 45 minute bike ride is. (Took a bus when I didn't ride the bike). I dumped my best friend in the switch from 4th to 5th grade. None of the details stick out other than a new friend didn't like her, so I just told her I didn't want to hang out anymore. It was just mean.

Funny thing is.... 2 or 3 years after college, she got in touch with me. I was in NY, and our moms still talked, and she was living in NJ. We got together for lunch and had a nice time reminiscing - but had absolutely NOTHING in common, other than our past.

Originally Posted by Momto3boys

Have you ever done something completly awful to one of your friends or even someone you didn't know?

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I was 8 or 9. My friends and I were in playing in my house when a family from India paid a visit. They had a girl about my age and my parents told me that she should join our play group. Problem was the girl did not speak the language, and would really stick very close to whoever was near her, which we all found weird. So I lured her to a little storage room where I kept my toys and actually locked her inside. She cried and shouted and we ignored her. Well, my parents rescued her and of course her parents were quite upset. My mom slapped me on the face real hard in front of everybody.
I started to feel ashamed but not sorry (that girl really bugged us) then I looked at the girl's parents and they were grinning (I guess they enjoyed my punishment). I did not give them the satisfaction, I stood up straight and left the room.
Still looking back - it was a bad thing I did.

Great timing for this topic. My 'best friend' is very mad at me at the moment, although I'm not too sure I deserve it.. She says I've been a very bad friend. Long rant, warning..

Reason: We were out partying on Wednesday in a bar. I went there with her and her new fiancÃ[emoji]169[/emoji] (they just got engaged a while ago). She had also invited her ex there who I know well too as we spent almost all weekends together when they were still a couple. There was also another friend and his friends who I don't know.

I ended up talking with some guy who was in our table but I didn't know, he turned out to be very creepy.. He tried to ask me out but someone interrupted him and I 'escaped'. Apparently he was determined to spent the evening in my company and when we went to another bar, he followed. We kinda pretended that my friend's ex was with me (basically he was just sitting next to me and talking to me) so that creepy guy would back off. It didn't work. My friend and her fiancÃ[emoji]169[/emoji] were then leaving, I borrowed them money for their taxi, and I stayed in the bar.

I had planned to go home with the first train of the morning which leaves at 5 am. The bar closed at 4 am so I would have had to wait an hour outside, it was also raining quite hard. The bar closed and the creepy guy was still there. My friend's ex said that I could go to his place for the night, he probably felt that it would be his fault if something bad happens when he leaves. He still lives in the same place where he lived when he was still with my friend. I was a bit hesitant, but accepted his offer. There is nothing between me and him, and I only slept there and left in the morning. Nothing else.

My friend texted me last night asking how the rest of the evening went and I told her. She said that she kinda assumed I would end up in her ex's place and added a smiley to the message like it was ok. I said that maybe she was still there when her ex said I could go with him and changed the subject. Then she stared to claim that I had been planning it the whole time and was trying to revenge something to her?! We argued a long time with messages and she is now totally pissed off. She knows nothing happened, and she already knew I had been at her ex's place because they had talked about it before she texted me. She says it's ok if I'm friends with her friends (all of them are males) and exs' but this was a bad choice from me and I have offended her deeply.

Was I totally out of line? I can't really see the problem here because nothing happened and she 100% knows it. And her jealousy is a bit much, she is getting married with another guy after all. But apparently I am a bad friend..

^^Um shes totally in the wrong. One for assuming you were being a hooch and two because shes getting married. Its time to get over it.

That reminds me of the evil smil. She still to this day gets all bent out of shape complains whines and moans about her ex and trash talks him every chance she gets. Shes been married for over ten years now....Its time to GET OVER IT! Ugh that irritates me to no end.


Im sure if someone asked my 'friends' they would say I suck. I probably do but their actions are the reason I stopped talking to them. I cant stand selfish self absorbed obnoxious people who seem like they are using me for something. So I withdrew myself and stopped talking to them. Now Im the jerk because I dont think their actions were appropriate in the way of being friends. I bent over backwards and listened to their complaints offered advice when warrented and was a good friend but when I NEEDED them they walked away and left me hanging. IMO thats reason enough to walk away and not deal with it because being a friend goes two ways. Its not all about them and its not all about me.

When I was in high school, I used friends as alibis to see a boy I really liked that my folks hated. My friends always knew about it beforehand, and nobody ever complained, so I'm not sure if that makes me a bad friend or not. I like to think I haven't hurt anyone on purpose.

Originally Posted by Carolina

Frankly, IMHO everybody has... It is all a matter of perspective.... We humans are no saints.... We are not perfect. We can try to be our best, but we are not perfect; at some point in life we will hurt someone - I doubt someone can truly say he/she has gone through life without hurting anybody. I find that very hard to believe.

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Very well said. I agree completely.

I'm afraid I was, yes. My first good friend was in part of fifth and sixth grades, a girl named Diane who lived near the house we stayed in while my father was in Vietnam.

When my father came home and we were transferred to Washington, DC, Diane and I wrote letters back and forth... and one of my letters became a huge project. I had just gotten a set of colored markers, so I wrote page after page in all sorts of fancy styles, drew colorful illustrations, decorated the margins... had a lot of fun. (Hey, I was a pre-teen girl, what can I say?) In the end, I filled up eleven envelopes with about five pages each, one-sided. I numbered the envelopes in sequence, and when I asked my mom to mail them, she complained about the cost of all those stamps, and also said, "Diane probably won't even bother to read all that." I assured her that Diane would. "She's my best friend!"

Well... several months later, we were transferred again, and we went back to that town to visit family on our way down to Texas. I spent an hour at Diane's house, and I asked if I could see my Very Very Very Long Letter. She said she didn't know where it was, but her younger sister heard me and said, "It's under your bed." And sure enough, there it was, all eleven envelopes in a box under Diane's bed... and only the first envelope had been opened.

I was mortified, and I know Diane was, too. I pretended it wasn't a big deal, but of course it was. I was so hurt... and so embarrassed, to have gone so thoroughly overboard writing to someone to whom I obviously didn't matter very much anymore.

But here's the thing: I didn't write to Diane when I got to Texas. At the time, it was because I was so embarrassed... but I later realized that I should have written at least once, so she would have the address and could write me if she wanted to. As it is, I was the one who cut that connection.

So I think I was a bad friend in that case.