Dad helped me get a car

tavia'smom · Aug 2, 2011

Well actually he went and got a car in his name and he picked it out and paid the down payment without discussing it with me, he discussed it with my sister, and now I am to make the payments and once its paid for it goes in my name. I make about $1000 a month after taxes and dad picked out a brand new xterra with a $400 a month payment. Since its his car till paid for I have to ask permission to do just about everything and I cannot afford to move out. At first I was happy about the car butit feels like a big trap. I found out yesterday that my dad is leaving the house to my sister, and she says her and her husband are building me one but I am not sure what that will end up being and I have no idea if she will keep it in my name she already made the comment that it was so I could not get more animals as she feels one cat is enough. I don't know if this will be yet another trap. Sorry this was so long I just feel lost and I don't know what to do.

catsallaround · Aug 2, 2011

I would not make one payment on that...with the stuff you have mentioned in this post and others even if you paid it may never be yours.

I would consult a lawyer(NOT on a phone payed for by family-maybe at work or through emails so they never know) IF you pay do it in checks with the memo written or maybe a money order NOT cash.

The monthly payment and the added insurance(full coverage) do not make sense and this is not a normal thing to do

ducman69 · Aug 2, 2011

Originally Posted by Tavia'smom

Well actually he went and got a car in his name and he picked it out and paid the down payment without discussing it with me, he discussed it with my sister, and now I am to make the payments and once its paid for it goes in my name.

Parents often have the best of intentions (I assume purchasing on your behalf because of the better credit rating), but to be honest I would be downright furious if that were done to me. I also wouldn't make a single payment unless I was at least cosigned, otherwise you could pay off half or all of the car and if there is some falling out then you just entered into an expensive lease/rental.

So in short, I would say something to the effect of "Thanks dad and I know you had the best of intentions, but you did not consult me regarding your purchase and I am not even cosigned on the loan so I am not going to make payments for this vehicle. Please ask me in the future before making financial decisions on my behalf".

orangeishcat · Aug 2, 2011

I agree with the others. Don't put a penny toward that car until you sit down with your dad and have a long, long talk about his intentions!

natalie_ca · Aug 3, 2011

Originally Posted by catsallaround

I would not make one payment on that...with the stuff you have mentioned in this post and others even if you paid it may never be yours.

I so agree with this! Please don't let yourself get sucked into this bad family situation anymore than you already are.

You state that you just found out yesterday that he is leaving the house to your Sister. However, you mentioned that here months ago.

So far as the car is concerned, you didn't ask for it. It's in his name. You have to ask permission. Because of the large payments you can't afford to move out.

Sounds like his way of trapping you in what you have said time and again is a horrid living situation, and guaranteed he would be lording that car over your head every minute of everyday to manipulate you. I believe I remember you saying in a post some time ago that you don't even have a door on your bedroom because your Dad won't let you have one? That is just sick and twisted.

He bought the car. It's in his name. Let him make the payments.

My advice to you is to squirrel your money away as fast as you can and get the heck out of there. Get a second job if you have to.

You said that your Sister is going to build you a house? Don't believe it unless it's in writing, witnessed by a lawyer.

Cinderella lives a charmed life compared to what you've described is your situation in your posts over the last years.

I don't typically advocate for people to go on welfare, but I'm going to recommend it to you. The place you live in is toxic! You need to get away from these people. If you really and truely want to get away from this toxic environment, quit your job and go on welfare. Between rent and food you will be getting more than $1000 after taxes, and you will have your peace of mind.

gardenandcats · Aug 3, 2011

Do Not pay one penny toward that car. Sounds like your dad wants a new car and wants you to pay for it. Its a trap.To trap you into having to stay home and your dad gets a new car you have paid for.
As to your sis building you a house I doubt that will ever happen. And 1 cat she thinks is too many pets? Its none of her business how many pets you have.
Is there any type of low income housing in your area? You really really need to get out on your own away from your dad and sister manipulating your life.
What a nerve to think you are paying for his car and then have to ask permission to use something you are paying for, He is using you do not let him. If he can't pay for his own car then he needs to return it..
You really really need to get your own place untill you do you will alway be treated like this.

momto3boys · Aug 3, 2011

I think you and your Dad need to have a talk.

Explain that you simply cannot afford the car and you would rather save up that $400 a mth until you can afford to buy a car outright so you have no payments.

It's time you start taking your life into your own hands and don't depend on your Dad or sister, I wouldn't hold your breath for a house from your sister, go and get your own apartment...

Do you have any kids? If not then there's no reason why you can't go get a second or even a third job, bring in more money and be dependent on your own

Good Luck sweetie

tara g · Aug 3, 2011

I wouldn't pay a dime on that vehicle - it definitely sounds like he is trying to trap you and hold it over your head! Having to ask permission to drive a vehicle that you're dumping so much money on every month is insane! He could have easily gotten you a cheaper, paid in full car to get you from point A to point B. The payments are nearly half your monthly income!

I also do not believe your sister is building or planning to build you a house because she too has been very toxic. I think they just say things to placate you, but are really holding you under their thumbs and are enjoying their control. They should not be allowed to dictate your life, from your car payments to how many cats you can have in life.

I agree with getting in contact with a lawyer (without letting them know) to find out your options on getting away from the situation. I also think getting an extra job to put money away and finding an apartment or lower income housing would be a good idea for you so you can live your life without manipulation. Good luck.

denice · Aug 3, 2011

Your father sounds like a control freak. He has to know that that car payment is beyond your means. I wouldn't make payments on that car and there would be no legal consequences for you because your name isn't on the loan. I would be looking for a second job, saving money and working on getting out of there. I don't know what the cost of living is like where you are but I know here it would be impossible to find even a studio apartment in a relatively safe area with your income. A two bedroom with a room mate to split the expenses with would be doable though especially if you have a second part time job.

ldg · Aug 3, 2011

Originally Posted by Natalie_ca

I so agree with this! Please don't let yourself get sucked into this bad family situation anymore than you already are.

You state that you just found out yesterday that he is leaving the house to your Sister. However, you mentioned that here months ago.

So far as the car is concerned, you didn't ask for it. It's in his name. You have to ask permission. Because of the large payments you can't afford to move out.

Sounds like his way of trapping you in what you have said time and again is a horrid living situation, and guaranteed he would be lording that car over your head every minute of everyday to manipulate you. I believe I remember you saying in a post some time ago that you don't even have a door on your bedroom because your Dad won't let you have one? That is just sick and twisted.

He bought the car. It's in his name. Let him make the payments.

My advice to you is to squirrel your money away as fast as you can and get the heck out of there. Get a second job if you have to.

You said that your Sister is going to build you a house? Don't believe it unless it's in writing, witnessed by a lawyer.

Cinderella lives a charmed life compared to what you've described is your situation in your posts over the last years.

I don't typically advocate for people to go on welfare, but I'm going to recommend it to you. The place you live in is toxic! You need to get away from these people. If you really and truely want to get away from this toxic environment, quit your job and go on welfare. Between rent and food you will be getting more than $1000 after taxes, and you will have your peace of mind.

Sweetie, I have to agree with Linda and the others. There is nothing good in this at all.

This is controlling, manipulative, and you need OUT of this situation. The sooner the better, the farther the better. If you're going to spend $400 a month on something, spend it on therapy, if necessary, to help you build the confidence you need to cut the ties to your family so you can begin to heal from that toxic environment.

Please find the time to go to a Kentucky social/family services office and talk to someone about what your options are.

Winchester · Aug 3, 2011

You don't have a door to your bedroom? Your sister will build you a house, but you're not sure if it will be in your name? Your sister tells you how many cats you're allowed to have? Your father just buys you a car with no thought to you?

Something is definitely funky here. I'm not sure how old you are, but if there's any way possible to get out of that house, you need to do so....and the sooner the better. I wouldn't care if I had to go with low income housing, I'd get out.

mrblanche · Aug 3, 2011

If you didn't sign the loan and registration for this car, it's not yours and you have no responsibility for it. Requiring you to spend way over half your income (including insurance, gas, maintenance, etc.) and not giving you full control is just wrong, and I suspect you knew that before you ever posted your message here.

my4llma · Aug 3, 2011

You didn't sign anything, you don't have to pay for it. Same with the house tell your sister you're not interested, you can find your own place. That way you have as many pets as you want.

subconsciousme · Aug 3, 2011

Don't pay anything.
Don't sign anything.
Don't agree to anything--verbally or otherwise.
Consult a lawyer... in person.

Simple as that.

Get. Out. Now.

tavia'smom · Aug 8, 2011

Thank you all so much for being here for me, I have to placaite him until tax time when I will have a down payment for my own vehicle and hopefully enough for an apartment at the same time and then I am out of here. I finally deleted my sister from my facebook. As she blasted me for wanting my two dogs inside and I am finally done with her. I am also trying to get a job at the local VA Center which pays alot better than anything else in the area. And if I do I will be able to get out of the house that much sooner. I am truly done with the family.

my4llma · Aug 9, 2011

Originally Posted by Tavia'smom

I am also trying to get a job at the local VA Center which pays alot better than anything else in the area. And if I do I will be able to get out of the house that much sooner. I am truly done with the family.

Good luck getting the job, and getting away from your family!

Dad helped me get a car

tavia'smom

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catsallaround

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ducman69

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orangeishcat

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natalie_ca

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gardenandcats

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momto3boys

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tara g

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denice

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ldg

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Winchester

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mrblanche

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my4llma

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subconsciousme

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tavia'smom

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my4llma

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