(ex)Boyfriend Hates Animal Care

Hi everyone .. I hope I have picked the best place to vent about this. I need to get this off my mind and I know most of you, if not all, will understand where I am coming from. I apologize in advance for the long post.

I just got home from the vet's office. Last week my 19 year old cat Sammy was put to sleep. Five days later my 8 year old cat Baby Kitty came down with a high fever and stopped eating/drinking on his own. I spent the weekend feeding him with a syringe to make sure he did not develop Fatty Liver Disease before I could get him to the vet yesterday morning. Turns out it was some kind of "bug" (bacteria). After receiving an antibiotic shot yesterday he is back to his old self (thankfully!). I spent the weekend trying to come to terms with the very real possibility of losing my last "baby". It tore me up inside.

My cats have always been my children (I don't have any human children, I prefer cats). When I was younger I felt embarrassed when my Mom would tell people that I lived for my cats. I wanted to have a life and not be known as a sheltered antisocial with cats as my only friends. But as time has gone by (I am 35 now) I take pride in the love and the bond I share with my cats. They are my best friends and my top priority. For me, there is nothing wrong with this. They make me happy and I love sharing life with them.

My (ex)boyfriend whom I still live with has been taking me to the vet and I am very grateful for this, as I do not drive. But my issue, the reason I am here venting, is because my (ex)boyfriend does not believe in maintaining the health of "pets". While in the vet clinic he was rolling his eyes and telling me that people are ridiculous for bringing their pets in for every little thing. A woman in the room next to us had a chihuahua with diarrhea and my (ex)boyfriend thought this was a petty issue. I tried to explain to him that diarrhea can lead to dehydration, can be a sign of a more serious underlying problem, etc. but he just shook his head in disgust at people's "stupidity" of blowing money on animals.

This is not the first time he has judged responsible animal lovers for paying money to maintain their pet's health. He claims to be an animal lover but he is of the old school belief that animals come and animals go. Let nature take it's course and find something more "important" to spend your money on.

I don't mean to sound heartless towards his right to have his own beliefs but when he says things and gives off vibes that animals are not worth caring for financially it not only reminds me of why I broke up with him (differences in practically all opinions and beliefs) but it makes me sick to my stomach. He does not bond with animals at all. To the contrary, he has a short fuse when it comes to animals .. such as shooting the outdoor cats with plastic BB pellets when they try raiding the bird feeder or kicking the (outdoor) cats when they get in his way. He once chased a cat clear across the house hitting it with a broom when the cat sneaked in through a hole in the screen door. He wanted to teach the cat a lesson for entering the house. I was not home at the time but he texted me saying that Fluffy done went and got him all kinds of mad. He curbs his behavior towards the outdoor animals when in my presence because he does not want to look bad but I see the resentment he has towards them (he has a few outdoor dogs as well).

I called him out on it once and told him my instincts are very keen. He went and told everyone that he could not believe his own girlfriend could think he would hurt an animal, because he loves animals after all. His own chihuahua will protect and defend anyone that shows it love, growling at my ex when he tries to get near the dog when it is in the company of someone who shows it affection. There are reasons why a man's own dog will turn against him and look upon him with extremely intimidated eyes.

I was raised around guys who treat dogs and cats with such disregard, sometimes taking their frustrations out on the animals for simple things that they are bound to do such as too much barking or killing chipmunks. I know a heartless person when I see one and I know my ex views animals with contempt when they get on his nerves in the slightest of ways.

I once sold everything I owned .. nice stereo equipment, television, my huge movie collection .. just to raise up $500 to get Sammy emergency stomach surgery. This $500 turned out to buy Sammy 14 more years of life. Not to mention it bought me 14 years of companionship, love and making my own little world a happier place. I wish my ex could see that animals ARE worth every single dime that people put into them.

Of course, my ex has blown thousands of dollars on video consoles, video games, computer games (he is a gaming addict and admits it) not to mention he has put thousands into his truck to "pimp" it out. These video games and vehicles do not give love back. They are mere pieces of man made material but I do not make him feel like it is a waste. I realize these are his passions in life, these are the things that make him happy.

As I sit here feeling a world of stress and fear lifted off my heart knowing my Baby Kitty will overcome this current illness I feel deeply grateful and blessed to have him in my life. He brings an innocent pure love to my heart just the same as children bring to their mothers. *I* know Baby is worth every single penny I invest in keeping him happy and healthy.

I just wish my ex could at the very least stop belittling people for embracing animals as another form of children. In the end he is the one missing out on a kind of love that my life just never would have been as fulfilling had I never experienced. I do not appreciate his criticisms but what can I do? Every time I have tried discussing it with him he claims "don't get me wrong, I love animals .. I just don't see the sense in blowing money on them".

Has anyone here ever had someone like this in their life? I don't even know why his opinion gets under my skin but it does. I despise ignorance and when someone views us as stupid or ridiculous for maintaining our pets' wellbeing it just eats me up inside.

To everyone reading this: If your partner shares your devotion towards taking good care of pets please stop for a moment and count your blessings.

I wish I lived with someone who understood where I am coming from.

At least he is your 'ex'. I hope that soon you can manage to get him right out of your life and find someone who loves and respects your opinions and your animals.

I'm sorry to hear about Sammy. And I hope Baby Kitty gets well soon!

I am single, and have been since I adopted Holland, but it's something I think about every day, that I will not ever be able to be with someone who doesn't "get" that my cat is my baby. Other people in my life, though, do think it's ridiculous that I fret over leaving her alone for a couple of days, or that I miss her when I'm at work, or that I spent $2000 to get her teeth fixed, or that I make sure she gets a vet checkup at least once a year. My brother and I were talking about what food we give our pets (he has a dog that's like his child) and what constitutes high quality in cats vs. dogs, etc. and I could just sense that my mom wanted to roll her eyes at the two of us. Then I have my older sister who feeds her dog any old junk, who takes him to the vet only when he "has" to go, not for wellness visits... it's just a different mindset.

Like you, I don't expect everyone to understand that to some of us, our pets ARE our children, but at the same time I don't like feeling belittled because I take care of Holland like she is a human. I totally get where you're coming from, and unfortunately sometimes there's nothing we can do about it. There's a philosophy that I try to remember every day of my life - you can't control the actions of others, but you can control how you react. It helps me to remember that.

I hope you are able to find a better living situation, if you are looking. I do have to say, I really don't understand how your ex considers himself an animal lover and then goes and shoots cats and chases them with brooms.

A lot of people don't get putting what many of us put into our cats. When one of my cats was very sick the end of last year and ended up with a feeding tube put in for a short time, many people at work couldn't understand why I didn't just have him put down. The following February my other cat had dental work done including 5 extractions. I am sure at that point many people at work decided I was the crazy cat lady. I grew up on a farm where money wasn't put into dogs or cats other than rabies shots but my parents weren't cruel to dogs or cats either. Neither of my parents would've kicked a dog or cat or chased it around with a broom.

I can only speak from experience but my husband didn't even blink when I told him last November that it would cost $4K for the animal hospital to try to save Lily's life. (It worked and she's doing great. ) And we don't have thousands of dollars lying around, who does?

When we were poor students and dating each other, my kitty Moon-Pie needed surgery for her thyroid problem, and he helped me throw a benefit and we raised the money for her treatment.

Sending vibes for Baby Kitty's speedy and fully recovery!

Can I say that I'm glad he's your "ex"? Many people don't understand the unconditional love a cat, or any animal, can give us. I feel sorry for these people.
You're not alone. I made the decision many years ago to have cats. I passed on having children. I've been shunned by certain family members and some acquaintances make fun of me. I only surround myself with people that understand my feelings. I just won't give up my love for the furballs!! And yes, I even broke up a 13 year relationship because he never "got it".
If your "ex" had this attitude when you were together then i don't think he's going to change. Just keep doing what you're doing for your babies. That's what brings you joy. He's the poor soul that's missing out on all those purrs and snuggles. RIP Sammy

Believe me I know the feeling, my sister literally thinks I should be in an instituition because my cat is my baby. Pets are disposable to her its how I got Pixie. She had her till she was tired of her and then gave her to me. But she thinks its disgusting that I allow her on my bed and furniture. But that's her loss.

Thank goodness he's on his way out of your life! And yes, I do know at least one person like that. Strangely, he's an extremely intelligent man, so I can't blame a lack of IQ. But he grew up in a rural setting in the '50s and '60s, and that was the way of things in that time and place. Now he lives a very different life, he's well-educated and well-traveled -- but nothing I can say seems to shake his conviction that animals are responsible for themselves, they live outdoors, they hunt for most of their food, and they don't have doctors. It took me years (and two litters) to get him to spay his current cat, and he still thinks it was a pointless exercise.

Some people will just never get it. I'm so sorry you're having to live with one of them. I hope it's not for long!

Originally Posted by jennyranson

At least he is your 'ex'. I hope that soon you can manage to get him right out of your life and find someone who loves and respects your opinions and your animals.

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It is difficult to be around someone who cannot even understand that bonds with animals are meaningful and important. Thank you for your response. At least I know I am in good company here.

Originally Posted by Mystik Spiral

I'm sorry to hear about Sammy.

And I hope Baby Kitty gets well soon!

I am single, and have been since I adopted Holland, but it's something I think about every day, that I will not ever be able to be with someone who doesn't "get" that my cat is my baby. Other people in my life, though, do think it's ridiculous that I fret over leaving her alone for a couple of days, or that I miss her when I'm at work, or that I spent $2000 to get her teeth fixed, or that I make sure she gets a vet checkup at least once a year. My brother and I were talking about what food we give our pets (he has a dog that's like his child) and what constitutes high quality in cats vs. dogs, etc. and I could just sense that my mom wanted to roll her eyes at the two of us. Then I have my older sister who feeds her dog any old junk, who takes him to the vet only when he "has" to go, not for wellness visits... it's just a different mindset.

Like you, I don't expect everyone to understand that to some of us, our pets ARE our children, but at the same time I don't like feeling belittled because I take care of Holland like she is a human. I totally get where you're coming from, and unfortunately sometimes there's nothing we can do about it. There's a philosophy that I try to remember every day of my life - you can't control the actions of others, but you can control how you react. It helps me to remember that.

I hope you are able to find a better living situation, if you are looking. I do have to say, I really don't understand how your ex considers himself an animal lover and then goes and shoots cats and chases them with brooms.

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Thank you for responding And for the well wishes. Baby Kitty is getting better. yAy! And at least Sammy is no longer in pain, that's how I try to manage the loss. It's a small comfort but it's the most important thing.

I have always felt bad when I would go out even for the evening leaving my cats alone. Now that Baby Kitty is the only one I have I will feel even more worried about going out. It's like having a perpetual infant that a new mother does not want to part with even for a few hours. It may be considered codependency. If I could, if Baby would tolerate it, I'd take him out with me. Hehe. But he is a furball of anxiety. Scared of practically everything.

I think aside from my exes whole mindset towards animals, and the sheer hypocrisy, it bothers me that he cannot just admit to me that he takes his anger out on them. He tries to make me feel like my gut instincts and my observations are way off base when I know for a fact I am spot on. In the end I have to just accept that he will be who he is and I cannot change him.

As you said, I only have control over the way I react.

It sounds like Holland is loved very much. I commend you for giving her such wonderful care. She is a very lucky kitty. It doesn't matter if few people understand .. you and Holland have a special bond that many people will never allow themselves to experience.

I awoke this morning before the crack of dawn with Baby Kitty walking all over my pillow trying to wake me up. Some would be annoyed but I was just happy to see him in such a good mood and feeling well. My ex woke up grumpy and complaining about having to go to (welding) class. It just goes to show the power of the love we share with our cats and the positive impact it brings to our lives.

Originally Posted by Denice

A lot of people don't get putting what many of us put into our cats. When one of my cats was very sick the end of last year and ended up with a feeding tube put in for a short time, many people at work couldn't understand why I didn't just have him put down. The following February my other cat had dental work done including 5 extractions. I am sure at that point many people at work decided I was the crazy cat lady. I grew up on a farm where money wasn't put into dogs or cats other than rabies shots but my parents weren't cruel to dogs or cats either. Neither of my parents would've kicked a dog or cat or chased it around with a broom.

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When I grew up my dad was a nightmare towards my cats. He did not believe in vet care whatsoever. When our outdoor cats got out of control in numbers he would round a batch up, put them in the trunk of his car and dump them on a dirt road (usually when I was at school or crying in my bedroom). I spent my entire childhood in constant mourning and agony because these cats were my best friends. It was torment going through each day knowing my friends were abandoned with nobody to feed them or keep them safe. He would "haul off" at least 1-2 batches each year that I was a child (consisting of anywhere from 3 to 6 cats at a time). Along with the constant breeding going on that kept the population increasing we also lived in an area where other people would drop their cats off. Some of these poor cats probably lived to experience two haul off's.

Once I reached an age where I felt strong enough to defy him (age 15) I took it upon myself to bring a few cats into my bedroom and I began to give them the love, respect and health care that all my former kitties should have experienced. I still take time to think about the ones who were abandoned, left confused and scared with in all likelihood a very bad outcome. I wish I could have found some way to save them back then but my dad was not one you could reason with. He was a very heartless man.

I would have a feeding tube inserted to save my Baby Kitty with no hesitation. The lack of support from other people in such situations can be difficult, though. That's what they do not seem to understand. When they judge us for our devotion and do not try to empathize they actually make us feel more isolated. In times of kitty crises all I want is for my cat to pull through and be alright but it helps to have someone support you and say "I know what you're feeling".

Originally Posted by SwampWitch

I can only speak from experience but my husband didn't even blink when I told him last November that it would cost $4K for the animal hospital to try to save Lily's life. (It worked and she's doing great.

) And we don't have thousands of dollars lying around, who does?

When we were poor students and dating each other, my kitty Moon-Pie needed surgery for her thyroid problem, and he helped me throw a benefit and we raised the money for her treatment.

Sending vibes for Baby Kitty's speedy and fully recovery!

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So far Baby Kitty is doing wonderful. Thank you and everyone else here who have sent well wishes. It's times like these when the internet can be most valuable. Receiving support when it is much needed.

Oh you about made me cry! I long for a partner who would go the extra mile like your husband has. That is just amazing and touching to me. Some people truly do understand and know how to be the rock we need in such situations as what you experienced with your Lily and Moon-Pie.

Money is my greatest fear aside from the even worse scenario of a terminal illness. Last year Baby Kitty endured a mystery illness where the vets were literally saying that exploratory surgery was the only option left after blood work and x-rays came up with no answers. I spent $1,200 at an emergency clinic over that weekend just to keep him hydrated. I came close to calling up my ex's father and beg him to please loan me some money. Not once did my ex even say "maybe you can ask my dad, he might help you".

Baby Kitty ended up getting multiple enemas throughout that week along with mineral oil treatment from the vet to help a possible blockage. It did the job and saved his life. My mom ended up offering me her credit card. Of which I was very grateful for.

A few weeks before Baby's health scare my ex (whom was still my boyfriend at the time) was debating on getting a new car for us. He was willing to ask his dad for $12,000. To say the least, this hurt me terribly that of all things a CAR was worth borrowing money for but he never relieved my fears in my time of need when I had told him I was scared that lack of money might force me to put Baby Kitty to sleep.

If he had helped me gather donations or borrow money (or at least try to help me find a solution), just to take that aspect of stress off my shoulders, that would have given me great reassurance that I was with someone who would go the extra mile in my greatest time of need. (My cats are my greatest weakness, when they become ill I spend every waking thought worrying for them and trying to get both them and me through it).

As I said, your husband is awesome in this aspect. I envy you!

Originally Posted by Bellaandme

Can I say that I'm glad he's your "ex"? Many people don't understand the unconditional love a cat, or any animal, can give us. I feel sorry for these people.
You're not alone. I made the decision many years ago to have cats. I passed on having children. I've been shunned by certain family members and some acquaintances make fun of me. I only surround myself with people that understand my feelings. I just won't give up my love for the furballs!! And yes, I even broke up a 13 year relationship because he never "got it".
If your "ex" had this attitude when you were together then i don't think he's going to change. Just keep doing what you're doing for your babies. That's what brings you joy. He's the poor soul that's missing out on all those purrs and snuggles.

RIP Sammy

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You may indeed say that you are glad My ex has been here for me, I will give him this. Taking me to the vet clinic when he doesn't have to now that we are broken up (but still friends of course). And I do appreciate this from him and have told him as much .. but his ways of justifying things and ways of thinking are obstacles that I realized months ago could not be overcome or overlooked. He doesn't "get" a lot of things. \t

My entire family knows if emergencies were to occur (tornado, house fire, etc) my first priority is to round up my cats and get them to a safe place. I know that probably sounds bad since we are supposed to value human life more .. but Baby Kitty is my child and most moms would save their children before all else. Mine just has an overabundance of fur on him. I am sure it was never easy for my ex to know that I love my cats more than anyone else (especially for a guy who does not bond with them).

Baby Kitty is difficult to compete with

Originally Posted by Tavia'smom

Believe me I know the feeling, my sister literally thinks I should be in an instituition because my cat is my baby. Pets are disposable to her its how I got Pixie. She had her till she was tired of her and then gave her to me. But she thinks its disgusting that I allow her on my bed and furniture. But that's her loss.

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I guess in some ways it was meant to be that your sister feels the way she does. Otherwise you wouldn't have Pixie now. Indeed, it is her loss but it is also your gain

I let Baby Kitty on my bed and furniture. The fur can be frustrating when he sheds a lot (which is practically year-round) but it is a price I willingly pay in return for all the happiness he brings to my life. I could not imagine a wintertime when I do not feel a cat trying to sneak under my blankets while I sleep or sitting on the sofa without someone beside me begging for attention. I do not let Baby get on the kitchen table or counters, though. That's mainly because I don't want him to get in the habit of this and end up knocking my food plate or cups onto the floor. My sister, however, let's her myriad of cats get on everything. No beverage or food is safe when I go there to visit. And she has no less than 8 cats. \t

Originally Posted by CarolPetunia

Thank goodness he's on his way out of your life! And yes, I do know at least one person like that. Strangely, he's an extremely intelligent man, so I can't blame a lack of IQ. But he grew up in a rural setting in the '50s and '60s, and that was the way of things in that time and place. Now he lives a very different life, he's well-educated and well-traveled -- but nothing I can say seems to shake his conviction that animals are responsible for themselves, they live outdoors, they hunt for most of their food, and they don't have doctors. It took me years (and two litters) to get him to spay his current cat, and he still thinks it was a pointless exercise.

Some people will just never get it. I'm so sorry you're having to live with one of them. I hope it's not for long!

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I remember about two weeks after I moved in with my then-boyfriend we were talking about something that triggered him to say "I won't tell you how to take care of your pets and you don't tell me how to take care of mine". It caught me totally off guard as we were not even trading commentary on how one another cares for them. He said it in a matter of fact sort of way. So he must have, at that point, felt this unspoken pressure that I was judging his care-taking abilities (or lack thereof).

I suppose since I had just moved in he knew I would eventually notice his behavior towards them. And he knows I don't like it. I just wonder if it ever crosses his private thoughts that "if I have to curb my behavior towards the animals in her presence this must mean I am too mean to them". I wonder if he realizes this?

Your intelligent guy friend/relative just goes to show how deep our upbringing affects our adult beliefs. No book smarts in the world can break some people of their ways of thinking.

I admit, the hardest times in my life have been the illness-then-death of my cats. There have been some traumatic experiences trying to save their lives only to be forced to let them go. A wise person may feel they are better off not investing their hearts in an animal. But a happy person knows all the good times, all the love, is well worth the risk.

I'm glad you got him to spay his cat! You will obviously never be able to change his ways of thinking (I love that you tried to though!) but at least you got him to take this one important step.