Wife getting tired of cats

Just as with a child, you made a lifetime commitment when you took on the cats. You owe it to them to work out the whole situation. We see people bringing cats/kittens into the shelter with this excuse on a regular basis, and you can bet a good portion of them ultimately end up in that terrible room in the back.

But it sound to me like they want some attention. A covered litter box might help, too, but just as you have dirty diapers with a baby, you have litter boxes and litter with cats.

Others who have had children here can probably make more suggestions; I'm just concerned about the lives of the cats involved. It's too easy to consider them "disposable pets."

I agree you took on the cats for life and they deserve to stay with you for life. I have 3 children and I considered my cats when I had my first daughter,the impact that having a baby would have on the cats too,as it must have been strange for them and they would be getting less attention.Have you thought about this?Your cats may wonder where this baby has come from and all of a sudden your attention has been moved onto something else.I had a few problems at first but I just made sure I really fussed the cats still and also visitors who came to see my daughter I made sure they gave some attention to the cats too.
I would have never considered getting rid of my cats and it makes me so angry when I read adverts "getting rid due to new baby",its so sad,the poor cats haven't done anything wrong.As for hairs then hoover,I find with having children I hoover up a lot more and hairs aren't really a problem.Yes I must say you do notice things more when you have children,especially with a newborn as you are very hygiene conscious but cats are very clean and I agree a covered litter tray would probably suit you better,I have one and its great.
Good luck and i hope you can find a way to solve your problems without giving up your cats.x

While pregnant with my daughter, my beloved cat started acting bonkers and once the baby came, she went totally off the deep end. I had her to so many vets for her hair pulling (she was totally bald from her hind legs up). She just did not understand the baby and where this new thing had come from. Megan(my cat) was on valium for a long time after our daughter was born and it helped her quite a bit. It was not my daughter that I was concerned about, it was my cats mental health and her destructive behavior to herself!

I really believe many parents, escpecially first time parents, take everything way to seriously. I know you love your baby, this miracle, he/she is your world and rightfully so. Children have been being born forever, lol, and have survived in really deplorable conditions and thrived. Getting rid of the cats because of some scattered litter or mewling for snackage seems a bit silly IMO.

It may simply be that your wife is feeling overwhelmed, a new baby is exhausting. The cats probably do just want attention and love from you both.

My daughter is 14 now and we lost Megan 3 years ago at just short of 20! I miss her so much and yes, she did eventually come around and loved my daughter

Good luck! I hope you can find a compromise that works for all of you so you can remain a happy family.

Poor kitties!

This is so sad, there are so many pets who are beloved until a baby comes along, and then they are considered a burden. I don't understand (nor like) people who look at living beings as disposable. That attitude says a lot about them.
However, if your wife resents the cats and takes it out on them, it may be better for them to be re-homed, hopefully to people who will love and appreciate them.

I believe, as other posters have mentioned, that your kitties need more attention. Give them a good session of play with interactive wand toys each morning and evening. Play helps relieve stress. Invest in Feliway plug-ins, this will also help reduce stress. Hide treats around the house for them to find before you head out to work.

Help your wife with the vacuuming, and if you can afford it, invest in a hand held vac to pick up the litter they scatter when leaving the box. It just takes a minute or two a couple times a day.

You can also purchase some Bach's Flower Essences Rescue Remedy. Put a few drops in their water every day when you change it, and before you leave for work in the morning, put a very small dab under their chins, at the base of their necks and at the base of their tails. This may help them calm down a bit too.

I'm so sorry your wife doesn't believe pets are family members for life. I hope you're able to help her change her mind.

It sounds like you really want to keep your cats, and your opinion is just as important as your wife's in family matters! Hold your ground and tell her "we don't dispose of family members in this family" and tell her you are going to help make it work. When the cats are needy and noisy, get out the laser pen or da bird and spend 5-10 minutes playing with them. Your kitties are going through changes in the family, too, not just you and your wife, and they are uncertain and need assurance that you are there for them.

Your wife still has all the pregnancy hormones going on, and the stress (even though it's happy) of a newborn. When her hormones regulate again, she would probably be very upset that the family kitties are gone, and you may resent her for causing it.

This is a bad time to make any more life-changes; if she insists tell her you want a compromise. Tell her you both can re-evaluate how it's going in a year, and then play with and pet those kitties. She will be seeing more clearly by then.

p.s. You might also think of what message you are sending to your child. Your son will hear you both talk about the kitties, and years from now your son will see pictures of them. What are you going to tell him? Was there a really good reason to "get rid of" your cats? What you do now will affect his way of thinking about life and empathy for other creatures. There are lots of kids who think their elderly parents are pretty disposable, too.

Feed on an exact schedule, and try switching partially to dry feeding from an autofeeder. You could do two dry meals and one wet meal for example, or two wet and one dry, and I would highly recommend a grain-free low glycemic rich food, else cats just feel so hungry from the carb rush of dry foods with lots of grain or wet foods with gravy and the like.

This is not only less work, but they will not expect to get food out of you more than very close to the timeframe they are supposed to be fed. Wesley is a huge chatterbox, but he'll just sit quietly by the pet feeder a half an hour before it dispenses, and its a life-saver for when you want to go out. There's also a huge cost savings, as even the best premium kibble bought in the largest bags is far cheaper than even the least expensive wet food on a calorie for calorie basis, as its just cheaper to package and distribute. I can also link you to a very large extensive study that demonstrated cats on mixed diets had better dental hygiene than cats that only ate wet.



For the shedding, I would recommend getting a square metal brush and a furminator, and you can do them once a week which will help. You can even use a lint roller on them in between, and my cats love it like its a swedish massage.

For litter, I would recommend using a ribbed or purpose made littermat, which should minimize tracking. I use Swheat Scoop Multicat wheat litter, and really like it, and it is definitely far less dusty than clay litter most use (and healthier and flushable too), although it does track immediately outside the litterbox, but never far since its big wheat clumps.

I wouldn't try to guilt trip her, as personally that doesn't work on me anyway and just makes me that much more annoyed. Try the honey approach first, by addressing issues that pester her, and I think she'll come around fast. And its not surprising for new moms to be 100% focused on their baby at the expense of other things, but I think that wears off in a bit.

The first thing you could do is volunteer to clean the litter boxes and area to help her out. I use old towels that I fold and put down in front of the entrance to the litter box. I can then just gently pick them up and shake the litter back into the box and the towels can be washed with the regular laundry each week. The towels catch the litter on their little paws before they can track it into the rest of the house.

I agree with the others who say the cats are wondering what this noisy thing is that has now taken over the house. They want some attention and need some reinforcement of their value to you. I made sure my cat was allowed to sit on my lap as I breast-fed and she and our daughter became fast friends. My cat at the time was a Siamese that was not particularly friendly to anyone except me, but wow, she was amazing with our daughter. Not once did she ever bite or scratch our baby even when Jennifer got a bit rough.

Give them time to adjust to the baby and give them some extra love. And, definitely give your wife a hand with the kitties by doing their litter and even handling the feeding.

Your wife is probably exhausted and overwhelmed and on top of it her mothering instincts are putting her baby first, as it should. You should take over the cat duties that are annoying her like vacuuming up the cat hair and cleaning the cat box. I'd also suggest cleaning up the tracked cat litter on a daily basis and you giving the kitties extra attention might reduce her annoyance with them. As a mom myself, it could take 6 months but she will get back into the swing of it. New babies are exhausting.

honestly, if we are ever blessed with the chance to become pregnant again, all of my animals will be finding temporary homes elsewhere.... i love them to death but after having a Stillborn child, i know what i will be focused on during and after pregnancy..... how my cats or dog may react to having a new baby around will be the last thing i want to deal with. so for me, taking them out of the equation for a while will be best..... and of course, the new home wont be forever, they will be with family or a close friend for a year or so and we will take our child for visits so that they "know" who the child is in a way..... when the time is right they will come back to live with us...

perhaps you could give your wife a break for a couple weeks.... have a friend or someone take the cats for you and let her get herself settled.... bringing home a new baby is very stressful in itself and maybe the cats wanting attention too is just too much for her to handle right now? get them out of the picture temporarily, let her catch her breath and then bring them home again.

You will be hard-pressed to find any responsible cat owners here at TCS who would recommend re-homing cats just because one is pregnant or just had a baby. Cats don't do well being moved around and could well end up with behaviour problems. They prefer a stable environment.

Most of us have had cats and babies together forever and all is well. I had a miscarriage before I got pregnant for my daughter but I don't for a minute believe my cat had anything to do with it.

Would one give away their first child (temporarily of course) when they get pregnant for their second child so they could concentrate on their pregnancy? Doesn't make much sense to me.

We have 3 cats right now at the shelter that were brought in "because I now have grandbabies, and I don't want them exposed to the cats." You have no idea how close the girl at the desk came to climbing over the desk to get to this woman.

Three cats. One, a yellow-and-white tabby little girl, will probably get adopted. One, a gorgeous adult snow-shoe, will be lucky if a rescue picks her up. And one, an orange tabby boy, will almost certainly be going to that dark room in the back, because he's afraid to let anyone touch him (he's friendly and talky, until you reach out to him, and then he shrinks back and swats).

You've gotten some good advice already. I just wanted to add that as a woman, we can sometimes say things looking for support. She is overwhelmed as any new parent would be and I think the place to start would be for you to say something like "I know Hun, they are a handful and we have the new baby. But they will settle, we just need to get back into a routine again. I'll try and help by (insert you own ideas..maybe dusting more? litter box duty daily? etc) and we'll get through this." followed by something like what a great job she is doing and how you love her and she is amazing etc etc...because she is probably feeling like crap right now especially since her body has changed. Support her and help her get through this time and things will get better.


p.s.: I think the idea of using towels outside the litter box is awesome! I am even going to try that! Easy to clean...gotta love it!!

I dont think your wife is a bad person i think she is probably just trying to do the best she can for her baby and she hasnt quite figured out that babies and cats can live together.

Definately take some of the stress away from your wife with the cat chores. And try and introduce the cats to the baby in a safe and controlled manner.

I have 5 kids and hygene has never been an issue. If your cats shed alot of hair then perhaps keep them away from the main area that your wife and child will use for now. Your wife doesnt want hair all over the baby and thats fair enough.

Your wife is probably feeling overwhelmed with motherhood, and she might even be suffering from a little post pardem depression. Mother's instinctually get protective of their own young like all in the animal kingdom, and some times rationality and common sense take a back seat. Are your cats indoor outdoor? If they are indoor only, is it possible you could build an outdoor structure for them to spend time in during the day? They could catch bugs and watch birds and get additional entertainment. Or maybe you have a friend who could watch the cats for 6 months while your wife adjusts and she could reevaluate then? Maybe the break is all she needs. Also, my Savannah is a huge obnoxious food meower, we had to start feeding him canned only once a day so he wasn't expecting it all the time, and that actually cut down on his meowing. Good luck and be patient with your wife, new motherhood is challenging.

Please don't get rid of you cats. The shelters these days are full of perfectly good cats people gave up on because they didn't take the time to work with them. I'm of the mind that if I take on a pet I take that pet for life. So anyone I date know this right off me and my pets are a package deal. Also I would never move somewhere that didn't allow them. The only way I would give them up would be if I couldn't afford to feed or shelter them anymore.

Here's a few suggests:

First off you had a baby only a few months ago. Cats are habitual creatures who don't like change but can adjust given some time and patience. They are used to a certain level of attention and probably miss that.

I would put them in the basement at night or in a separate part of the house. Don't over feed them when you give them what they are crying for then they learn to cry for it more. Keep a strict feeding schedule and only feed them at those times. Twice a day should be enough. My cats nag me for food in the morning. I yell shut up and they quiet down for a hour or so. Sometimes I close the bedroom door on them and they quiet down after a few minutes. They know what no and shut up mean. .

As far as the litter you could try the clumping litter is pretty good stuff and keeps dust at a minimum.

You will not like my answer, but this is how I strongly feel. The cats were in your home BEFORE your child and are just as important. You decided to live with a cat and the cat is NOT a disposable item, just because you have a child. You are now responsible for your child's care AND your cat. However, if you find a HOME, not a shelter, where your cats will be loved as much as or more than, what you have been providing, then ok. However, your cat should not be dumped at a shelter, because you have a child. An animal is not a disposable item.

Amber I agree with you 100%, well said

I so agree with you on that. Well said.

Your pets are not toys. They are a life commitment.

Any excuse you make on why you want have to get rid of an animal is no excuse at all except if the animal is really sick.. putting it to sleep is an option and I think thats the only good excuse.

I think everyone scared him away.

I volunteer at an animal shelter and it is really sad to see so many wonderful cats being surrendered for the reason of having a new baby. If I ever have children one day, the ONLY way I would EVER consider re-homing any of my pets is if my child were deathly allergic and there were absolutely no alternatives. When you got your pets, you made a commitment to them, and the most kind and responsible thing to do is be patient and work through any issues that may come up. They offer such amazing companionship, it's the least we, as their guardians, can do.

hmm, because there is just an overabundance of people willing to temporarily take on someone else pets for a year while they have a child. I'd suggest you just rehome them all right now and probably think twice about having pets in the future.

Thought I'd add a couple things:

1. Find a good littermat (I use the blue plastic rubbery-feeling type) and put it in front of the box...if you can get a high-sided or covered box, all the better.

2. For the hair, find some time to brush the cats every day or every-other day..I use a kong zoom groom for this...it "grabs" the hair via static and the hair clings to it. It greatly reduces shedding. This will also give your cats some attention.

3. You could switch them to partially dry food...and use a food dispesor ball..I've used 2 different types...both with success. You measure out the amount of food and let the cats roll it around to earn their food. It provides some mental stimulation for them.


4. You and your wife are partners in this and you both have a say..I would make sure that you emphasize to her that you are willing to help out in any way and that you want to wait a few months to make any hard decisions on this...that will give you time to adjust and get into your new routine and for the cats to settle down. If you DO decide that the cats just aren't compatible with your family after that period, make sure you find a good home for them with someone you know (I found a home for a kitten that I fostered via putting up a flyer at my church...got a great home in less than 1 week).

Good luck!

Artgecko

I have to agree with what everyone has said so far as far as the cats not being disposable items, but household family members who deserve to be treated as such. While doing research before adopting my kitty, I came across a website that estimated 90% of shelter cats are in there due to circumstances that were either not entirely the cat's fault or due to minor behavior issues that could be solved with some time and work. Do you really want to add to that number?

On the gentler side, you are both probably exhausted and stressed. I hear new babies are a massive amount of work (I wouldn't know, no kids of my own). However, your cats still deserve your love and attention, even with a new baby in the house. They're probably bewildered by this noisy, weird-smelling creature that suddenly takes your attention away from them. Spend some time with them to let them know you still care and love them.

I would suggest, if your wife is absolutely obstinate, perhaps finding them a temporary home with a family member or trusted friend. I don't endorse this option at all, but it's just a suggestion if your wife is really stubborn about not wanting the cats in the house. Once the hormones settle, she will probably change her mind.

Best of luck to you both, and congratulations on your little one.

I had my oldest cat before I had my husband or either of my two children. My husband actually complains about the cats too - he doesn't like the fact that they will occasionally get on the counters since they also walk in their litter. Good grief! He also doesn't like the shedding. However, he knows that I will put HIM out before I do the cats, so he deals with it.

If you love your cats...which you must in order to be a member of a CAT forum and all (I mean, most people who don't care about cats don't join a forum specifically related to cats)...then let your wife know that you feel the obligation to keep them for the duration of their lives. Ask her what you can do to make it more bearable for her and then do it.

I second all that has been said - particularly a litter mat, hooded litter box, cordless vac beside the litter box to pick up anything that gets tracked out, and dry food offered constantly from a free feeder. My cats graze all day on Authority Hairball dry food and then my oldest cat (who has no teeth due to a mouth condition) splits a can of wet food in the morning with my outside cats (Blue takes his portion first and the other cats split what is left since they dont' really NEED the wet food). In the evening, my oldest cat and the other indoor cats get to split a can. In all, none of them get a huge amount of wet food other than Blue (again, because of his teeth) and even he will get up and wallow some kibbles in his mouth occasionally.

I hope this helps and I hope you can find a way to keep your kitties...and keep your wife happy.

You may want to keep a small inexpensive dustbuster next to the litterbox. Zip zip, all the litter on the floor is gone.

My daughter was born into a household of 2 dogs, 2 birds and a cat. It was how she learned to love animals and that they are a member of the family, just like she is. She now has her own little Maltese, and from growing up with animals she knows how to care for pets, and what the responsibility is.

A covered litter pan is a great thing, and know this too...my daughter, and my oldest son, as toddlers, ate dog and cat food. I have a picture somewhere of my daughter with her face in my dobe's bowl, with the dobe (full grown intact male) sitting and waiting for her to have hers first. (It was kibble, so she didn't like it enough to want it instead of people food) She grew up just fine. Also, studies show that children raised with pets have far less allergies and health problems than kids raised in petless homes. Their immune systems develop better, than the child kept in a pristinely clean home, and never exposed to any allergens or dirt.
None of my kids have had allergies, asthma, or illnesses that they didn't catch from the kids at school. My house is filled with kids and pets and probably what would be considered yucky stuff (hair tumbleweeds, and muddy paw prints) but we're healthy and have these wonderful family members to add richness to our lives!

I hope your wife sees the value in raising your new child with your cats. There is no substitute for furry or feathered brothers or sisters!

I hope munkyleon comes back to see all this advice!

I keep a dustbuster by the litterbox too, it makes it really nice to clean up that tracked litter. And I agree with resqchick about kids growing up with animals... I don't have human kids myself, so it's easy for me to say, but I think all kids should grow up with pets. They are great for teaching respect, responsibility, and unconditional love.

We always had dogs growing up, even though my dad was allergic. I'm the third of seven kids and we had dogs from the earliest time I can remember.

Lots of good advice here.

My son and DIL have 2 cats. Then last Aug. 9 they had triplet girls. If they can handle 3 babies at once with 2 resident cats, then I don't see a huge issue here. The girls just turned 1 yesterday. They aren't walking yet, but they are crawling and they love to chase the kitties! Kitties always win, lol!