Do kittens feel sad or abandoned at new homes?

My husband and I took in orphaned kittens that needed bottle fed. When we took them in they were around 2 weeks old, and we planned to get them to their new homes between 9-11 weeks old.
We had 3 kittens, one passed away, and the other two are very healthy and growing well. They are now about 9 weeks old. We had originally promised the grey kitten to a friend of mine when he reached adoptable age, but he passed away. My husband was very fond of the girl kitten and I was very fond of all the kittens...when the grey one passed I let him decide if my friend could choose one of the two kittens or if he wanted to keep the girl and give my friend the boy. The girl kitten is a very sweet kitten, loves to cuddle and be held/petted/sit in laps. The boy kitten is very sweet too but a little more playful and not as much of a lap kitty although he is getting to be one. They are both super funny and cute, and when we call "kittens" run to us like little puppies, and they always greeted us whenever we came home, at the door.

Well hubby decided to let my friend pick which cat she wanted, and she chose the girl. We just gave her the girl this weekend, as they have been off bottles for a couple weeks and doing very well. I bawled like a little baby when the girl left...and now we both feel like horrible people. We already felt bad for the kittens not having a cat mama and only having us to feed them & such...and then one died so we felt worse as seemed to understand that one of them went missing...and now that we have given one away we worry. We are worried the little boy that we still have misses his sister...he has loads of other kitties to play with and they all love him...and I am home all day and make sure he has tons of play time and he is certainly loved and purrs constantly and sleeps between us in bed at night, but we both kinda have some guilt for separating them. Especially since the girl went to a home far away (3 hrs) from us, so she had to go to a new environment, new cats and no brother. I don't want her to think we didn't keep her because we didn't love her because we did...so much! Since we gave her away, we have done nothing but regret it and wish we could ask for her back. My friend LOVES her and is a great mom to her so it isn't that she is not being cared for, we just don't know if she feels sadness for being moved, or if being loved by her new family is enough? They say she has adjusted very well and seems very happy. I guess it also sucks that we feel so sad and it seems she may have forgotten us already...do kittens forget that quick? In a way I guess it would be good if she did because then she would definitely be happy in her new home?

I feel totally dumb for posting this, just so everyone knows. I just don't know anywhere else I can ask cat questions, especially as silly as this one!! We have never had kittens that we didn't keep, and initially when we took in the orphaned kittens the goal was to feed them, get them healthy and adopt them out at 10 weeks old. When the first one passed, we both got even more attached to the remaining two, and when we adopted the one out we basically decided to keep the last one because we just cant imagine him leaving too. We apparently are not cut out to foster baby kittens, as we get too attached.

Originally Posted by frankthetank

They say she has adjusted very well and seems very happy. I guess it also sucks that we feel so sad and it seems she may have forgotten us already...do kittens forget that quick?

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Our foster guys did. One was already ignoring us in favor of her new family by the time we finished dropping her off and the other 2 didn't recognize us whe we visited the friends who adopted them 1 week later.

I think we take these kinds of changes harder than kittens do. At that age, the momcat would naturally be pushing the kittens away, so maybe they're programmed to cope.

If nothing else, you and your husband should take her easy adjustment to a new home as a sign that your love and care resulted in a healthy, happy, confident kitten.

...and yeah, we both cried a bit when our foster kittens went to thier forever homes too.

Originally Posted by frankthetank

I feel totally dumb for posting this, just so everyone knows. I just don't know anywhere else I can ask cat questions, especially as silly as this one!!

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This is my favorite place to ask dumb questions. We are all here for you as everyone has been there for me when I ask my own elementary questions. And this one is something that I think about all the time - my google search history is full of "Do kittens miss their brothers and sisters?" "Do kittens recognize their mom after they have grown up?" and the like. It's totally understandable after you have formed an attachment.

Originally Posted by Ms. Freya

I think we take these kinds of changes harder than kittens do. At that age, the momcat would naturally be pushing the kittens away, so maybe they're programmed to cope.

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I totally agree - I'm very close with the human of Simon & Garfunkel's mom, Strange Cat, and we keep saying how we need to plan a family reunion with the boys, Strangie, and their sister Nugget. (They have another sister, Smokey Joe, who went to a different home. .) I don't think the boys think about their mom or sister and doubt they would recognize them - but as the humans in the family we still like to think they do and would appreciate a visit

It is best to wait until 12 weeks before rehoming (just for future reference.)
I am not sure how quick they forget but they do. I have rescued kittens and cats in the past and rehomed them to friends/family and the majority of them act like they don't know me when I visit them. My brother moved out last year and he took his Maine Coon with him, and a few months later I went to visit him with my cat Church who had grown up with his Maine Coon from when they were kittens. My brother's cat hissed and growled at Church and acted like she never saw him before (or like she knew him but didn't want him there!)

I know what you mean about getting attached, the last feral litter I bottlefed I ended up keeping four kittens from the litter. There were 7, I had a lot of trouble finding homes so 5 of them ended up staying with me until they were 6+ months old, another finally got adopted but then I just was too attached to even look for homes for the other 4.

Last year a friend of mine found a mama and 3 kittens living outside. I fostered all 4 of them for a few months. Two of the kittens were adopted together, I kept one kitten, and another friend of mine adopted the mama cat. My kitten didn't see his mama for a couple months after he was weaned because when she went in for her spay, it turned out she had a diaphramatic hernia that had to be surgically corrected first, and it was a long recovery. After she was healed up, I started to bring my kitten over to visit her pretty regularly. She never was interested in "mothering" him, but they definitely have a close bond still, and play like two little best friend's still. Now my kitten, Iggy, is much larger than his mama, but they still recognize each other and love hanging out.

Wesley and Buttercup acted skittish around their old foster mom when she came to visit a month after their adoption, like they weren't immediately sure who it was. When cats are separated for a while, they can be a bit hissy toward each other not recognizing one another right away either.

So IMO kitty psychology is pretty simple.

Cat: I wanna sleep in a safe place without intruders. I wanna wake up and eat something tasty. I wanna run around, play, and at least pretend to kill something. I wanna go dookie in a clean place. I wanna get myself nice and clean. Then rinse and repeat.

As long as those requirements are met, I think they're pretty much happy wherever and live more in the now and don't dwell on the past and future as much as we humans do.

Originally Posted by Ducman69

So IMO kitty psychology is pretty simple.

Cat: I wanna sleep in a safe place without intruders. I wanna wake up and eat something tasty. I wanna run around, play, and at least pretend to kill something. I wanna go dookie in a clean place. I wanna get myself nice and clean. Then rinse and repeat.

As long as those requirements are met, I think they're pretty much happy wherever and live more in the now and don't dwell on the past and future as much as we humans do.

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LOL I like that )
I am dwelling on it too much I think...I am sure she is happy. It is just sad for us because she & her brother would run to greet us at the door and she was just the happiest little girl ever and she always wanted to be around us and sitting with us, sleeping with us etc. Her new mom has posted lots of pictures of her on facebook, I can tell she is VERY loved and cared for. My friend/her new mom bought SO many toys for her before her arrival and has said she plays constantly and loves her kitten bed and is always purring and cuddling which is good because it seems she is happy...so as much as I would love her to miss us like we miss her, I would prefer her to be happy.

Once the new "owner" feeds the kitten/cat and such chores for a few days the kitten will forget you. That is totally normal and means the kitten is "happy" with its new life.

I am sorry you feel sad but you did a great job raising such well adjusted kittens ! Plus you can foster more cats that need homes and if you ask me that is great !

Originally Posted by frankthetank

LOL I like that )
I am dwelling on it too much I think...I am sure she is happy. It is just sad for us because she & her brother would run to greet us at the door and she was just the happiest little girl ever and she always wanted to be around us and sitting with us, sleeping with us etc. Her new mom has posted lots of pictures of her on facebook, I can tell she is VERY loved and cared for. My friend/her new mom bought SO many toys for her before her arrival and has said she plays constantly and loves her kitten bed and is always purring and cuddling which is good because it seems she is happy...so as much as I would love her to miss us like we miss her, I would prefer her to be happy.

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U R dwelling on this way to much . The fact that your little girl is happy and healthy, you know is in a very loving home, with pics to boot! She is with a friend,who is aware of her special needs, well I don't think you could ask for a better new home .

There have been several cats that I rescued as kittens and friends/family ended up adopting, and even if they LOVED me when I was fostering them they pretty much ignored me once they went to their new home, when I visited them later... Even my last feral litter who I bottle fed from 2-3 weeks old and had for several months-- a friend of mine owns a pet store and adopted one of the kittens, and when I went to the store and the cat was there she did not seem to recognize me (OR her two littermates who I brought with me to visit the first time I visited.)

I also rescued a kitten who my sister ended up adopting from me, and now I never even get to see Kiki because she hides when I come over! She does this with everyone except my sister and her husband. Even when I petsit for her and come every day for a week or more she never comes out (even if I sleep over for a few days!)
When I was a kid we adopted a cat from one of my sister's friends, and she'd owned Sylvia for several years at least before we adopted her (her cats were not getting along so she had to find a home for Sylvia). When my sister's friend came to visit after that Sylvia would hide and not come out, just as she would when anyone else visited. If we brought Sylvia out she acted like it was a stranger.

I see this is an older thread and I am new to the site and have a similar issue I am dealing with so thought I'd add anyway.  I have just done a web search on this topic and it brought me right back here.  All things CAT!  LOL.

I am also in a different thread about some feral kittens I am fostering and socializing.  Having a hard time with one last kitten!  However I have rehomed 4 of our 6 fosters and that last one that got picked up I am completely upset about.  He was totally adorable, the cutest best personality in the whole litter and clearly the most adoptable.  I have three cats of my own - so the kittens have been in my kids rooms, who have been awesome at kitten socialization I have to say.  I knew people who wanted Mittens, and frankly with three other cats and two of his siblings still in my care - I feel like they need me more and Mittens has a great new home with someone who appreciates him.  But I am so sad over him leaving and clearly am thinking about it too much.  And as I told my kids there are LOTs of other cats that will need us and now that we've been fostering we'd gladly do it again.  I view it as an unselfish act, and something that is probably best for everyone.  But I so enjoyed him and I do have regrets about the decision.  Stupid, but true.  

Now on to get his uncooperative feral brother....hoping for the best!