TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › I Miss My Loving
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

I Miss My Loving

post #1 of 30
7/11/11 at 6:10am
Thread Starter 
Cats have always been very healing to me. I give them 95% of the credit for my sobriety and my peace of mind over the last 16 years. My cats have not only given me love, but they taught me how to return love.
I've always been fortunate to have the most affectionate cats in my life...until now.
Turtle wants NOTHING to do with any kind of affection!! She doesn't even sleep with me!! I've never had a cat NOT sleep with me.
I realize she's still young and we do bond by playing fetch all the time, but is this it? Are we as close as we're ever gonna get? If I need to just chill until she gets older and mellows out a bit, I will, but for now it's killing me!!
I miss my loving Bella so much. She really spoiled me with her constant affection. I've gone from one extreme to the other.
I know there are those of you dealing with so much more serious things in life. I should be (and I am) very grateful she's happy and healthy! I just needed to whine a little bit.
I'm watching her now, asleep in the recliner and she's is beyond sweet and precious. Should I try to steal a kiss?
Reply
post #2 of 30
7/11/11 at 6:17am
How old is Turtle?, and is she the only one?

I've been very lucky as well because all 3 of mine are loving lap cats. Jack is very needy, and Sophie jumps up before my backside is touching the sofa

I've never really had to do anything to get them on my lap either, they just came up?. Do you keep patting your lap in the hope that Turtle might jump up?.

And steal a kiss if you want, l often do it as l walk past them
Reply
post #3 of 30
7/11/11 at 6:23am
Honey, I know. I really do understand. As much as I love Mollipop, she is not a lap kitty. She may become a lap-sucker when she gets older, but right now, she can be a very independent little girl.

When Banshee was alive, my butt would hit the couch and her butt was on me. When DH and would watch tv in the living room, Banshee was on my lap. In the winter, when we were wrapped up in a blanket on the couch to watch movies, Banshee was wrapped up with me. At night in bed, she was right there.....it was very rare that she was not in my arms. Rick always called us CuddleBugs because that's what we did. She was so very much a part of my life and I miss that. It still kills me sometimes. She was always right THERE. My arms were never, ever empty.

Many, many for you.
Reply
post #4 of 30
7/11/11 at 7:21am
Aww, I'm sorry Turtle isn't all lovey and affectionate. She may change as she gets older, or she may change when she is more adjusted. How was she with your friend?

We adopted Dorothy in January, and just the past month or so she really started to become super in your face affectionate. She comes up to BF and I and just shoves her face in our hands or our faces. She is sometimes a lap cat, but usually prefers to be NEAR rather than ON us. Except when we're in bed, she has taken to lying on our chests, kneading (feels like choking if she's kneading my neck!) and settling in, cheek to cheek, her wet nose all over my face. I never would've thought she would ever get that close when we brought her home. Even 2 months ago. Also, it took 10 months with Genever before she ever jumped on our laps for the first time.

Sometimes it just takes longer to get really comfortable in a new home, even people are like that. Perhaps like stages of comfort. Turtle is comfortable playing fetch with you. Maybe in a week or a month or a year, she'll decide she wants to be closer to you.
Reply
post #5 of 30
7/11/11 at 7:30am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosiemac View Post
How old is Turtle?, and is she the only one?

I've been very lucky as well because all 3 of mine are loving lap cats. Jack is very needy, and Sophie jumps up before my backside is touching the sofa

I've never really had to do anything to get them on my lap either, they just came up?. Do you keep patting your lap in the hope that Turtle might jump up?.

And steal a kiss if you want, l often do it as l walk past them
Turtle is almost 2 years old and yes, she is the only one. I contribute a lot of this to her age. It's been a very long time since I had a cat that young. Well, I was younger too then. She just wants to play 24/7. When I pat my lap, inviting her to come near me, she thinks it a game and wants to attack my hand.
Reply
post #6 of 30
7/11/11 at 7:37am
have you tried picking her up and putting her in your lap when she's very sleepy? Not sure how Turtle will react, but I find sometimes Monet would stay in my lap for a few minutes at least if I do this.

The only way I can get Monet in my lap (if we're not sleeping) is to pet him while he's very sleepy, just a teaser pet. If he still wants more, he'd meow, but I won't give in, he has to crawl in my lap for more.
Reply
post #7 of 30
7/11/11 at 7:41am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkMavis View Post
Aww, I'm sorry Turtle isn't all lovey and affectionate. She may change as she gets older, or she may change when she is more adjusted. How was she with your friend
Well I'll tell you. She had issues at my friend's house. His roommate admitted to smacking her and we got the roommate evicted. So maybe she has trust issues? She also suffered from a broken leg at a visit to the vet and her activity level was stopped for a while. She was pooping and peeing everywhere there and hasn't done ANY of that here. I know she's happier. I think there'll be a day when we can snuggle. I mean she's not going anywhere whether she warms up to me or not.
Reply
post #8 of 30
7/11/11 at 8:38am
While I do think some cats never become the lovers we might want them to be, I think your Turtle may come around. It does sound as if she has trust issues because of that nasty room-mate smacking her. My advice would be don't push her. The fact that she wants to play 24/7 is, IMO, a really good sign that she's happy where she is now. Give her time, honey; I'm sure she'll decide eventually that your lap is a fabulous place to sleep.
Reply
post #9 of 30
7/11/11 at 8:48am
!! I also have a couple that NEVER come to me for attention, or sleep with me. Perla ( in the year that I have had her, she slept on my pillow about five times, so that was like a gift to me ) and Perkins..... they show love in different ways such as following me around and just wanting to be "near". They are not lap cats at all. Perkins doesn't even like to be touched, really. I have to put my head down, and he will rub back and forth on my head. That is how he shows love... I wish it could be more, believe me. Each cat is so different in the "affection" department. That is what I love about cats, their individuality. I have had cats all of the sudden change as they got older and become lap cats. So, I am hoping for Perkins and Perla, someday to climb into my lap !! Turtle might just surprise you someday too, but I do understand you missing the lovin
Reply
post #10 of 30
7/11/11 at 8:55am
Just give Turtle more time, maybe a few years.

Lily was 2 years old when my husband adopted her for me as a gift; she was my Christmas Lily. We hit it off immediately, but she was never a lap cat so I just accepted that fact. She's been with us for 4.5 years now, and every single year we've had a milestone in trust and each time she has gotten snugglier. After one year, she not only let me pick her up, but she didn't want me to put her back down again. After a couple of years, she started jumping on my lap, but just for a minute or two at a time. A year ago, she started giving me little lick kisses that she had never done before.

Fast forward to today, Lily sleeps with me, and she jumps on my lap when I'm on the sofa and sometimes even snuggles under the blankets with me. We've all been surprised here; we never thought she was a lap kitty.

We've had Tophel a year, and he was SO needy we've spent all time with him loving him up! Now, he plays and we are seeing the cutest personality in him, but it took 12 months for him to feel comfortable and secure enough to "be himself."

Hang in there, Turtle needs time to heal past wounds and will come around.
Reply
post #11 of 30
7/11/11 at 8:59am
Many cats grow more affectionate over time. She's busy playing, adjusting and learning to trust just now. You and Turtle have nothing but time, as you say. I realize you were just venting, but I wanted to offer some support.

xx
Reply
post #12 of 30
7/11/11 at 9:20am
Thread Starter 
Thanks to everyone for your responses. Me and "T" will just take one day at a time...
Reply
post #13 of 30
7/11/11 at 10:07am
Punkin was a cuddler and a lap cat when we brought him home. I remember the last time he sat on my lap. It's like a switch was flipped. He got down, and never came back.

Oh, he loves attention. He's sleeping just an arm's length away from me right now, on top of my desk. He comes for petting when I come in the door; he comes in the bathroom to be petted after a shower. Get out the brush or the whisk broom, and he's right there. Walk from the bedroom out to the front room, and he'll race me around the back of the couch and to the foyer, hoping for attention.

But only occasionally will he sleep on the bed, and then only at the foot. Do I love him? You bet! Do I wish he would cuddle at night? Yes! But he's about 8 years old, and I don't see him getting tha way any time soon.
Reply
post #14 of 30
7/11/11 at 11:00am
Oh yeah, I forgot about the roommate , and the leg. Perhaps because of all Turtle went through before, she's got to take her time to really feel more and more comfortable.

One thing I do when I want to get close but I know they won't want to be picked up, I'll just get down on the floor and lie right next to them. If it's Dorothy, I'll put my face by her face, because she likes to headbutt. Genever doesn't like my face in her face, so I'll lie on my side so my belly's near her. I've learned over time what they're comfortable with and what kind of loving they like to give and get. You and your baby will figure it out. Even if it doesn't get physically much closer than playing.

By the way, I'm sure I speak for the rest of TCS when I say I could go for a few pics of Her Fluffy Highness!!
Reply
post #15 of 30
7/11/11 at 11:08am
King Milky is the .in the whole extention of the word....................... you should to understand to Turtle!...


Reply
post #16 of 30
7/11/11 at 1:05pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkMavis View Post
Oh yeah, I forgot about the roommate , and the leg. Perhaps because of all Turtle went through before, she's got to take her time to really feel more and more comfortable.

One thing I do when I want to get close but I know they won't want to be picked up, I'll just get down on the floor and lie right next to them. If it's Dorothy, I'll put my face by her face, because she likes to headbutt. Genever doesn't like my face in her face, so I'll lie on my side so my belly's near her. I've learned over time what they're comfortable with and what kind of loving they like to give and get. You and your baby will figure it out. Even if it doesn't get physically much closer than playing.

By the way, I'm sure I speak for the rest of TCS when I say I could go for a few pics of Her Fluffy Highness!!
Try experimenting a little with location. Oliver used to be very affectionate until I brought Tripod home in 2002. It took him a year to forgive me (although he accepted Tripod in a few months). Since then he has become affectionate again, but only on his terms.

Unless he is half asleep, he does not want to pet him in the living room. He does sleep with us at night (sometimes on top of me ) and will allow petting in the bedroom at his convenience. Here's the wierd thing: 100% of the time he craves petting in the bathroom. I actually sit on the bathroom rug and pet him in the morning.
Reply
post #17 of 30
7/11/11 at 1:31pm
Sneaky was a lap cat when she was an "only". Either that or she was cold.

Then we got Holly. Holly is NOT a lap cat. She does enjoy the occasional pet on her back- but she's not the cuddly type. Worship her from afar

And then there's Jasper. Lap cat is his middle name. And it's ME 99% of the time that he HAS to get on.

He's a sweet cat. And I really do like having a lap cat. It's just that he insists on being in bed with us EVERY single night- on my side, as close to me as he can get. And we only have a double bed- and Jasper is 13 lbs. If you shut him out of the room he gets upset. I think that's one of the reasons why we've had spraying and pooping issues- he can't stand to be on the outside of a closed door at night.

I know, I shouldn't complain. One day he'll be gone and we'll miss him
Cheryl
Reply
post #18 of 30
7/11/11 at 1:37pm
She just needs time. Chester lived with me for over a year before he would get close enough to me on the bed that I could pat him. He would sleep at the foot of the bed but jump off if I moved suddenly.

When he finally decided to come up to the top of the bed he would lay just close enough so that I could pat him but not be able to grab him. It was another year or more before he would come up and actually snuggle with me.

He has been with me six years and still will not let me pick him up and hug him. I can pat him, brush him and give him belly rubs in bed but with only one hand. If I put both hands on him he will scoot away.

Correction: The only time he let me hold him and hug him for more than a few seconds was when I was leaving him at the hospital. The tech put him in my arms because I had asked to say goodbye before I left. He was scared and I didn't want to leave him.

Even with all his quirks (he is scared of everything and people come to my house and have never seen him) he's my baby and I wouldn't part with him for anything.
Reply
post #19 of 30
7/11/11 at 5:56pm
Luna doesn't like to be touched, hates being held. That's the complete opposite of Midnight. Midnight loves being held and you can never pat him enough. Lynxx was in between he didn't like being held, liked being patted only so much. I think it depends on the cat's breed, personality, and how they were treated before they came to you.
Reply
post #20 of 30
7/11/11 at 7:21pm
Aw sweetie, I would be so sad if we didn't have any cuddlers. None of them were at first - but I hadn't had one, so didn't miss it.

Then came Flowerbelle. Poor baby was so sick, she lived in bed. We carried her to the litter box, and let her drink water out of a bottle cap we'd hold for her.

But...

Quote:
Originally Posted by mrblanche View Post
Punkin was a cuddler and a lap cat when we brought him home. I remember the last time he sat on my lap. It's like a switch was flipped. He got down, and never came back.

Oh, he loves attention. He's sleeping just an arm's length away from me right now, on top of my desk. He comes for petting when I come in the door; he comes in the bathroom to be petted after a shower. Get out the brush or the whisk broom, and he's right there. Walk from the bedroom out to the front room, and he'll race me around the back of the couch and to the foyer, hoping for attention.

But only occasionally will he sleep on the bed, and then only at the foot. Do I love him? You bet! Do I wish he would cuddle at night? Yes! But he's about 8 years old, and I don't see him getting tha way any time soon.
But once she got well, it was just like this. She purred 100% of the time - but she moved out of the bed and didn't come back for years. Well - she'd sleep at the end of the bed, but she didn't want to be petted, she didn't want to be held, she didn't want ANYTHING but to play.

Over time, she started enjoy a brush here and there, and she would "pet" us by licking our hands. I'm not sure when it started - a few years a go (she'll be 8 this year) - but she started sleeping on us (our legs). And when Gary's sick, she sticks to him like glue.

But wanting pets and snuggles - used to be never, then rare. Now she purrs and pulls your hand in when she's in the mood, which isn't daily.

I'm sure part of it is Turtle's young age - I also expect some of it is her trust issues, poor baby.



You wouldn't want to get Turtle a "play mate" that happens to be a snuggler?
Reply
post #21 of 30
7/11/11 at 7:32pm
I almost needed my bifocals to read Laurie's last message
Reply
post #22 of 30
7/12/11 at 9:35am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Feralvr View Post
I almost needed my bifocals to read Laurie's last message
Yeah, she was sneaking that one in...
Reply
post #23 of 30
7/12/11 at 12:24pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bellaandme View Post
Yeah, she was sneaking that one in...
But there may be a little nugget of truth in that statement. Just sayin'..........
Reply
post #24 of 30
7/12/11 at 12:33pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by libby74 View Post
But there may be a little nugget of truth in that statement. Just sayin'..........
Right?
Reply
post #25 of 30
7/12/11 at 12:39pm
Kaymen, my Tort was just like Turtle, too the point I thought she hated us and considered finding her a more 'quiet' household when she was about a year old since she always seemed so stressed over the kids and dogs (I know that's not your issue) but she never ever had anything to do with any of us...

UNTIL the last year or so (she just turned 9 last week) she can't get enough of us, seriously she is such a LOVER now, such a different cat!
Reply
post #26 of 30
7/12/11 at 2:31pm
I think Turtle will eventually come around. I've noticed that my cats tended to be more affectionate the older they got.

Chynna was always affectionate, but as she got into her senior years she became down right needy and always wanting to be held.

Abby on the other hand when she came to me at 4 months old didn't like to be held at all. She always made sure I was within her line of sight no matter where she and I were in relation to one another. If I got up and left the room, even if she was sleeping, she came right along with me, laying near me but not near enough for me to touch. And she rarely slept in my bed at all, preferring the closet or the living room.

I guess it was around 6 years old when she started to want to be near me more. She started to sleep with me in bed, pasted right up against my side. She still doesn't like to be picked up and held unless it is on her terms. Meaning she will initiate it when I'm sitting down by putting her paws on my leg and meowing.

So give her time. Love on her as much as she will let you, and vice versa.

Do you brush her? I find that Abby gets very loving when I brush her and she will even climb up on me to make sure that I don't miss a spot!
Reply
post #27 of 30
7/12/11 at 3:10pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natalie_ca View Post
Do you brush her? I find that Abby gets very loving when I brush her and she will even climb up on me to make sure that I don't miss a spot!
Turtle--not a fan of the brush. I really can't even touch her below the neck without her getting anxious. Getting her from a shelter, I don't know what she may have gone through in her short life. I know she didn't have it easy at my friend's house though.
I'm going to give her time. She'll eventually realize that I'm here to love and care for her. I feel a lot better after reading everybody's thoughts on the matter.
Reply
post #28 of 30
7/12/11 at 3:39pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bellaandme View Post
Cats have always been very healing to me. I give them 95% of the credit for my sobriety and my peace of mind over the last 16 years. My cats have not only given me love, but they taught me how to return love.
I've always been fortunate to have the most affectionate cats in my life...until now.
Turtle wants NOTHING to do with any kind of affection!! She doesn't even sleep with me!! I've never had a cat NOT sleep with me.
I realize she's still young and we do bond by playing fetch all the time, but is this it? Are we as close as we're ever gonna get? If I need to just chill until she gets older and mellows out a bit, I will, but for now it's killing me!!
I miss my loving Bella so much. She really spoiled me with her constant affection. I've gone from one extreme to the other.
I know there are those of you dealing with so much more serious things in life. I should be (and I am) very grateful she's happy and healthy! I just needed to whine a little bit.
I'm watching her now, asleep in the recliner and she's is beyond sweet and precious. Should I try to steal a kiss?
I so know what you mean. I miss Maverick's lovin' horribly. None of my other furkids like to cuddle like he did. Geronimo can be the most lovin' thing when he wants to be, but he doesn't like being held. Winchester, Ricochet, Samurai, BlackJack, & Spencer are all little lover-boys too, but not in the same way as Maverick was. They like sitting in my lap and all, but really don't like being cuddled. Gabriel is just a grumpy old man now, and the "girls", i.e. Salem, Jinxy, Chiquita, & Cassidy don't mind being petted on their terms, but want nothing to do with being held or coddled - especially Chiquita - which I really don't understand cuz I've been cuddling them since the day they were born (Ricochet, Jinxy, Cassidy, & Chiquita, that is). I miss my Maverick more & more all the time. He was my heart kitty.
Reply
post #29 of 30
7/13/11 at 2:58am
Thread Starter 
KittKatt, I so understand what you're saying. Bella was my soulmate kitty like Maverick was yours. That's what I miss the most.
Reply
post #30 of 30
7/13/11 at 10:50am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bellaandme View Post
KittKatt, I so understand what you're saying. Bella was my soulmate kitty like Maverick was yours. That's what I miss the most.
There's just no replacing the soulmate kitties. I've had to resign myself to the fact that I'll probably never get over losing Maverick. He was so special to me and one-of-a-kind. I miss him horribly.

Many hugs to you, Bella. I feel your pain.
Reply
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: The Cat Lounge
TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › I Miss My Loving