TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › IMO: In My Opinion › posting pictures of a stillborn baby to facebook..
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

posting pictures of a stillborn baby to facebook..

post #1 of 22
6/28/11 at 10:04pm
Thread Starter 
Okay I hate to sound judgemental, but a friend of mine posted a picture of her stillborn baby on facebook. It was the scariest creepiest thing I've ever seen. I am not sure what creeped me out more, the fact that she had dressed up the baby which looked more like a fetus than a baby, and it was tiny, in real baby clothes and taken a picture, or the fact that she decided to post this to facebook. When I saw that I couldn't stop thinking about it and I was creeped out for the whole day. What do you guys think, is this creepy or what??
Reply
post #2 of 22
6/28/11 at 10:45pm
I do think that it's important to the grieving process for the parents to hold the stillborn baby, maybe take some pictures for themselves. But I agree; it's a very personal thing and it IS more than a little bit creepy to post the pics on Facebook for all your friends to see. Awkward for the friends, too. What are they going to say? "Oh, how cute"? I know everyone has their own way of grieving and nobody can say if one way is right or wrong. . .but still. I don't like open-casket funerals either.

It could potentially be terribly upsetting to some people, too. Maybe someone else who had a stillborn baby and is sensitive on the subject. Or just someone who's really bothered by pictures of deceased people.
Reply
post #3 of 22
6/28/11 at 10:49pm
Very creepy. I'd keep a polite distance and let her grieve her way and wait till she's in a more healthy state of mind IMO.
Reply
post #4 of 22
6/29/11 at 4:02am
My sister lost her 2-1/2 year old daughter to a genetic disorder. She had an open casket at the funeral and many people were uncomfortable seeing a child in a casket. It was something my sister needed to do to bring her closure.

When my mom was dieing from cancer, the home hospice worker called a family meeting to talk about the "elephant in the room" that no one wanted to talk about. The thought of death can creep people out and our social customs do a poor job at dealing with death.

So if this person chose to bring closure to the death of her baby by posting pictures in public, then good for her. We hide death under a blanket too often. Yes, it would make me personally feel uncomfortable, but its not about me. Its about the family experiencing the loss.
Reply
post #5 of 22
6/29/11 at 5:02am
Hmm posting pictures for others to see is not something l would do, because for me that's something very private.

I'm still tying to get the image out of my head of a documentry on t.v. last week showing an assisted suicide in Switzerland, so that was bad enough
Reply
post #6 of 22
6/29/11 at 9:33am
Pictures like this affect folks in different ways. Mourning pics were popular in ages past - even dressing and posing the deceased with living members. It is a way to document their existence and remember how they looked. I had an uncle who was stillborn and he was dressed and photographed because my grandmother was unable to view him before he was taken by the mortician. (Difficult delivery.)

I have taken pics of the deceased and they were sent to family members unable to attend the funeral.

I would hope that the pic was posted that you would view it only if you wanted to.
Reply
post #7 of 22
6/29/11 at 9:42am
Quote:
Originally Posted by gemlady View Post
Pictures like this affect folks in different ways. Mourning pics were popular in ages past - even dressing and posing the deceased with living members. It is a way to document their existence and remember how they looked. I had an uncle who was stillborn and he was dressed and photographed because my grandmother was unable to view him before he was taken by the mortician. (Difficult delivery.)

I have taken pics of the deceased and they were sent to family members unable to attend the funeral.

I would hope that the pic was posted that you would view it only if you wanted to.
I was a bit perturbed when I saw pictures of my husband's maternal grandparents when they were laid out, till my m-i-l explained that the photos were taken for the relatives behind the Iron Curtain who couldn't attend the viewings/funerals.

The point Jan makes about documenting somebody's, e.g., a baby's, existence is a good one.
Reply
post #8 of 22
6/29/11 at 10:03am
I am sorry for your friends loss of the baby. I don't want to be judgmental. She has the right to do what she wants to with her baby and the pictures. I do have major concern about the things you see on Facebook. To me, her posting pictures of her baby thre is no weirder than seeing someone post their vacation itinerary or even pictures of their live children. Too many odd balls out there for me to want to do that. I don't even have a Facebook account.
Reply
post #9 of 22
6/30/11 at 9:41am
I belong to other forums, and on one of them a woman had a picture of her stillborn son (with nursery cap one and swaddled) as her profile picture. Looking at the picture, you couldn't tell for sure that the infant had died, but someone complained about the picture.

The woman explained that she loved her son and wanted to share him with others because it helped her with her grief. I didn't think it was creepy.

What I do find creepy are the pregnancy counters with fetus pictures. Not sure why THAT creeps me out, but there you have it. To each their own.
Reply
post #10 of 22
7/1/11 at 2:02am
Quote:
Originally Posted by ut0pia View Post
Okay I hate to sound judgemental, but a friend of mine posted a picture of her stillborn baby on facebook. It was the scariest creepiest thing I've ever seen. I am not sure what creeped me out more, the fact that she had dressed up the baby which looked more like a fetus than a baby, and it was tiny, in real baby clothes and taken a picture, or the fact that she decided to post this to facebook. When I saw that I couldn't stop thinking about it and I was creeped out for the whole day. What do you guys think, is this creepy or what??
As a nurse having worked in gyne and antepartum, I can tell you that it wasn't your friend who dressed up the baby and took pictures. It was a nurse. I've had to do that more times than I care to count. It's heart breaking

It is done in order to make up a keepsake box for the mother, so that they have something to remember their deceased child. Keepsake boxes can contain pictures, hand and foot prints, locks of hair, a little knitted sweater, hat and booties. And it's presented in a fabric envelope lovingly tied by the nurse who put it together, or in a beautiful decorative box.

Some families want a keepsake package, others don't. But where I used to work one was put together in all cases and left up to the Mom if she wanted it. If not, it was taken to the Pastoral Care Department where it was kept for a year in case the mother changed her mind and decided that she wanted it after all.

Her posting the picture was no different than if you had attended an open casket funeral.

She is grieving the loss of her child. Be there. Be supportive of her.
Reply
post #11 of 22
7/1/11 at 10:02am
Your friend's grief trumps your discomfort. She should do whatever it takes to get herself through this.
Reply
post #12 of 22
7/1/11 at 10:47am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natalie_ca View Post
As a nurse having worked in gyne and antepartum, I can tell you that it wasn't your friend who dressed up the baby and took pictures. It was a nurse. I've had to do that more times than I care to count. It's heart breaking

It is done in order to make up a keepsake box for the mother, so that they have something to remember their deceased child. Keepsake boxes can contain pictures, hand and foot prints, locks of hair, a little knitted sweater, hat and booties. And it's presented in a fabric envelope lovingly tied by the nurse who put it together, or in a beautiful decorative box.

Some families want a keepsake package, others don't. But where I used to work one was put together in all cases and left up to the Mom if she wanted it. If not, it was taken to the Pastoral Care Department where it was kept for a year in case the mother changed her mind and decided that she wanted it after all.

Her posting the picture was no different than if you had attended an open casket funeral.

She is grieving the loss of her child. Be there. Be supportive of her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SwampWitch View Post
Your friend's grief trumps your discomfort. She should do whatever it takes to get herself through this.
IMHO nothing comes close to the pain of losing a child... in any manner... It must be extremely hard to wait all those months and go home to an empty nest. What she has to do to mend her heart, IMHO, needs to be supported.... by "friends" and family. If you are a true friend, you will be there for her through and through - this will be the least of your worries.
Reply
post #13 of 22
7/1/11 at 11:46am
Thread Starter 
She is more of an acquintance to me and I knew her through high school. I was just really shocked to see that picture pop up in my feed, really really shocked and in disbelief at first..I didn't even say anything to the girl because we've been out of touch for a long and we were never friends to begin with. Maybe it's because I don't have nor do I intend to have kids that I am not more accepting of this, but honestly putting myself in that situation I don't think I would even want to see the dead baby, let alone take a picture..
I must be cold hearted or just someone without the maternal instincts, I dunno...
Reply
post #14 of 22
7/3/11 at 8:50am
About 2 yrs ago, one of our neighbor's son and gf lost the baby girl she was carrying. They tried so hard to save her, but she was born very premature. There was no home, so his son and gf had pictures taken of them holding the baby girl. The mom had been given sedatives and looked drugged out, but the dad looked so sad. He really wanted that baby girl. She was sooooo tiny.

They now have a healthy 8 month old son and got married in Jan. I am happy for them.

That being said, you can choose to look at the photos or you can delete them. If is brought comfort to the mother, I am all for it.
Reply
post #15 of 22
7/5/11 at 11:46am
Quote:
Originally Posted by ut0pia View Post
Maybe it's because I don't have nor do I intend to have kids that I am not more accepting of this, but honestly putting myself in that situation I don't think I would even want to see the dead baby, let alone take a picture..
I must be cold hearted or just someone without the maternal instincts, I dunno...
Maybe that's why I feel the same as you ... if I had seen it on my FB feed, they instantly would have been hidden because that would creep me out way too much.

Edit: I asked my husband as well, and he too said he'd be extremely creeped out and wouldn't find it appropriate.
Reply
post #16 of 22
7/5/11 at 12:33pm
That photo was a photo of her baby, the baby she gave birth to. Just because the outcome was not what was expected, does not take away the fact that she did give birth, and that is her baby. I greatly respect her choice to show her baby to the world. It is not a photo of a crime scene that needs a disclaimer, IMO.
Reply
post #17 of 22
7/6/11 at 4:40am
Quote:
Originally Posted by ut0pia View Post
I must be cold hearted or just someone without the maternal instincts, I dunno...
Your not cold hearted at all.

Some people are more private than others when it comes to showing or saying things on Facebook, and i'm in that bracket because l don't want the world and his wife knowing too much.
Reply
post #18 of 22
7/6/11 at 5:45am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momofmany View Post
My sister lost her 2-1/2 year old daughter to a genetic disorder. She had an open casket at the funeral and many people were uncomfortable seeing a child in a casket. It was something my sister needed to do to bring her closure.

When my mom was dieing from cancer, the home hospice worker called a family meeting to talk about the "elephant in the room" that no one wanted to talk about. The thought of death can creep people out and our social customs do a poor job at dealing with death.

So if this person chose to bring closure to the death of her baby by posting pictures in public, then good for her. We hide death under a blanket too often. Yes, it would make me personally feel uncomfortable, but its not about me. Its about the family experiencing the loss.
Beautifully said

Quote:
Originally Posted by ut0pia View Post
She is more of an acquintance to me and I knew her through high school. I was just really shocked to see that picture pop up in my feed, really really shocked and in disbelief at first..I didn't even say anything to the girl because we've been out of touch for a long and we were never friends to begin with. Maybe it's because I don't have nor do I intend to have kids that I am not more accepting of this, but honestly putting myself in that situation I don't think I would even want to see the dead baby, let alone take a picture..
I must be cold hearted or just someone without the maternal instincts, I dunno...

I don't think you are cold hearted, you feel what you feel and you are entitled to you own feelings.

What I don't understand though is, if this is a person you never were friends with and have been out of touch for years, why do you even have her in your facebook? Why are you reading...feeds? ...at all from this person?
Reply
post #19 of 22
7/6/11 at 6:48am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by otto View Post
What I don't understand though is, if this is a person you never were friends with and have been out of touch for years, why do you even have her in your facebook? Why are you reading...feeds? ...at all from this person?
I'm not really sure, I have close to 400 friends, not all of them I am on a friends basis with, most of them are acquaintances, high school friends that I've been out of touch with ...I guess I think it may be rude to unfriend them...
Reply
post #20 of 22
7/8/11 at 11:09am
Is it weird? Yeah. Is it cathartic? It must be, so you have to give her a pass on this one. Must be a tough thing for her to endure.

It would be different if she pulled a photo from her wallet and shoved it in your face. Maybe her intention has nothing to do with people seeing it, just the going-through-the-motions of "validating" her baby's existence by merely being able to display it. It sort of gives it "life", in that respect.
Reply
post #21 of 22
7/9/11 at 4:10am
When my nephew died (6 months old, SIDS) we were all so shell shocked that it took us a few days to wrap our brains around it. My sister did have an open casket funeral and seeing him that way was almost to much to bear. Even the priest remarked he had never seen a casket so tiny.

Its a very difficult thing and the grieving process is so unique to each person. Some people have to express things in a way that many of us might find unsual or "odd".

One of the most beautiful memorials I ever read was for a woman at work who had a stillborn son. It read that the baby was "born silent" and somehow that seemed so fitting and yet deeply heart wrenching.

I hope she is able to come to terms with her loss and work through her grief.
Reply
post #22 of 22
7/9/11 at 1:55pm
Personally I would be horrified and I would also hide the picture immediately- but I don't do well with seeing dead things in general. I wasn't there when any of my RB kitties were put down, and it was all I could do when Peanut was almost at the end (before the surgery that ended up saving him) to not call my dad and have him come and take care of it for me. At my grandmother's funeral there were people taking pictures of her in her casket, and I was actually quite offended by that- but to each their own.
Reply
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: IMO: In My Opinion
TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › IMO: In My Opinion › posting pictures of a stillborn baby to facebook..