I keep getting asked if I write for, or am a comedian. Well heres the answer... Nope am not a stand up comedian or anything like it - I just have a warped sense of humor and believe that life is too short for being down in the mouth although this may the result of the anti depressants I take. I just try and make people smile and nothing gives me more pleasure than when I read the posts about how people have laughed about something that has happened to me or I have said. I do however, have a confidence problem and am on the lookout for something downloadable that will help me get my confidence back and get me out of the job I am in as want more!! I want to go forward and not be sat doing what I do at the moment taking abuse... any ideas? I am trying to be a better person, reduce the amount of barriers that my family say (mother etc) I have (they made them with years of verbal and mental abuse), its not easy - thats even why I was laughing and joking with the surgeon whilst having the vasectomy. Its the way I cope with life.
Anyway, thats why I try ad make you smile - if it works, pass it on.
You hear this one...
An englishman, Irishman and Japanese man go for a job on a building site but there is only one opening. The foreman cannot decide so as a one off - he decides to employ them all. To the Englishman, he gives the job of tidying the bricks and he sets off.
The Irishman he gives the job of shovelling sand and to the Japanese bloke he gives the job of looking after the supplies. He comes back after a few hours to check on progress of each of the men.
He finds the Englishman and finds him having not only tidied the bricks, but has moved them to the other end of the building site and assisted in laying them.
To the Irishman he returns - not a spec of sand is left and he is delighted. He has not only moved the sand but shovelled it to the other end of the site and mixed mortar. Brilliant. Now for the Japanese man....the three men look high and low and cannot be found. They check the room that the man is responsible for and its not been touched. As the three men are looking for him - they round a corner and the Japanese man jumps out and shouts "SUPPLIES"!!!
Question : Can an aethiest get insurance for acts of god???
True story - some years ago I was flying Air Canada to Toronto from manchester on my own. I was sat on the inside, next to the window and next to me was a woman and then her husband. As we were taxying, this voice came over the intercom ..
"Good morning ladies and gentlema, my name is Captain Sylvia Davies and I am responsible for this flight to Toronto - Canada."
I said something under my breath like "Oh god.....a female captain" as did most of the aircraft. I received a nudge from the woman next to me and a smile and her hubby got a punch to his knee. There was a pause for a few seconds and I swear the captain heard us as the next thing she was heard to say was "I heard that" over the intercom. Half the airplane - me included shrivelled under the seat.
She got her own back on us - we did not land at Toronto, we hovvered and dropped like a stone - then taxied back. My stomach is still at 300 feet. I swear as she shook our hands as we got off and thanked us for flying - she was in stitches with every bloke on that flight.
have a good day huh... please
kev
Anyway, thats why I try ad make you smile - if it works, pass it on.
You hear this one...
An englishman, Irishman and Japanese man go for a job on a building site but there is only one opening. The foreman cannot decide so as a one off - he decides to employ them all. To the Englishman, he gives the job of tidying the bricks and he sets off.
The Irishman he gives the job of shovelling sand and to the Japanese bloke he gives the job of looking after the supplies. He comes back after a few hours to check on progress of each of the men.
He finds the Englishman and finds him having not only tidied the bricks, but has moved them to the other end of the building site and assisted in laying them.
To the Irishman he returns - not a spec of sand is left and he is delighted. He has not only moved the sand but shovelled it to the other end of the site and mixed mortar. Brilliant. Now for the Japanese man....the three men look high and low and cannot be found. They check the room that the man is responsible for and its not been touched. As the three men are looking for him - they round a corner and the Japanese man jumps out and shouts "SUPPLIES"!!!
Question : Can an aethiest get insurance for acts of god???
True story - some years ago I was flying Air Canada to Toronto from manchester on my own. I was sat on the inside, next to the window and next to me was a woman and then her husband. As we were taxying, this voice came over the intercom ..
"Good morning ladies and gentlema, my name is Captain Sylvia Davies and I am responsible for this flight to Toronto - Canada."
I said something under my breath like "Oh god.....a female captain" as did most of the aircraft. I received a nudge from the woman next to me and a smile and her hubby got a punch to his knee. There was a pause for a few seconds and I swear the captain heard us as the next thing she was heard to say was "I heard that" over the intercom. Half the airplane - me included shrivelled under the seat.
She got her own back on us - we did not land at Toronto, we hovvered and dropped like a stone - then taxied back. My stomach is still at 300 feet. I swear as she shook our hands as we got off and thanked us for flying - she was in stitches with every bloke on that flight.
have a good day huh... please
kev
