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Grandma ran over a kitten of mine...I'm blaming self..

post #1 of 18
Thread Starter 
We were leaving to go to a town 2 hours away to go to their malls...I am always running outside looking around the cars, under them, and on top of the tires. I was inside trying to find a book or something so I could stay awake those 2 hours. When I went outside grandma had already backed out the car so we could pull straight out. As I walked twards it I saw something under it. I assumed it was a cat fish in the driveway again since some of my cats go to my neighbor's paylake and drag back fish all the time. As I got closer to the car I saw one of my kittens and the way it 'looked' is how I knew it was dead. I screamed non stop and ran backwards away from the car untill Grandma got out to see what was wrong. I yelled, "MY KITTEN IS DEAD." She looked at it and me...told me to stop crying. I told her that I was crying because of the kitten and that I couldnt help it. I've NEVER had a cat/kitten run over. I've never seen that up close...I've seen them on the highway and I'm plenty old enough to deal...but it still hurts and freaked me out. I had to bury it and grandma told me to stop crying or we wouldnt go. I didnt want to ruin her day shopping (and since I couldnt bring the kitten back)I got in the back and crying silently the whole way there. I kept thinking of the irony...I had just finished getting the materials for my pen to keep the kittens out of the driveway and so I can keep the males and females seperate. I was gonna start it when I got back from the trip. If only I had had it built...In honor of the kitten I came home and was up untill 2AM building it. Now all my kittens and mothers are inside. It gave me a outlet for my pain and I'd never been able to build it in a few hours if I wasnt so upset. Even though I know I did something that will prevent this from happening to any of my other kittens..I am still scared. I feel like it's my fault..maybe I should've forgot the book...maybe if I'd had the pen built...I just dont see why this happened. I have never wanted them outside. This is why I wanted to build this pen. Now they cant get run over or poisoned. It's a large pen. A 9x12 tarp wont even cover the top. I Built it with plastic chicken wire so they cant hurt their teeth. A few days from now I will have another built for the males. This way they will be safe and there wont be breeding. I have toys and dog houses and am building some steps and railings since they always liked the deck. Sofar they seem no different than before. I just hope I'm doing the right thing. I just hope the kitten forgives me...forgives me for not building this sooner. I keep trying to block this from my mind...but I cant get the image of its body out of my mind. I just dont know how to let it go since I feel it's my fault and since this has never happened to me before. I'm sorry if this thread is emotional, I just had to tell someone. I trying to sum this up and leave out the details so it wouldnt be so hard to read. I just need do I let this go?? Or should I always remember?
post #2 of 18
Gothic_Amethyst, I'm so sorry for the loss of your kitten. I have lost pets before too, and I know what you are going through. The loss of the kitten is very painful right now because it just happened. You will always remember the kitten, but time does heal, and it will gradually become less painful when you think about him. What happened was an accident, and the kitten will forgive you.

You have a special little angel watching over you now.
post #3 of 18
I am so sorry to read about the loss of your kitten . I also have lost some very special cats in my life , one just 2 month ago . I can feel your grieve and it hurts .But time will heal your hurting heart , it may take a while but it will heal . Your kitten will be always with you in your heart . And for sure you don't need to feel guilty , it was an accident . Your kitten is in a better place know where there is no pain at all . Here are some special angels for you they will give you peace and comfort .
post #4 of 18
Thread Starter 
Thank you Lorie D. and Purrfectcatlove for your words of comfort..I keep trying to tell myself that it was an accident and not my's just so hard to believe that, especially when I see the image of the kitten in my head. I thought burying it myself would give me peace, but it didnt. I just hope you guys are right that it will get better with time. I just pray it didn't suffer. Hopefully my efforts building the pen will keep the rest safe untill I get the money to move out and can bring them inside. I just wish everyday that it hadnt happened. I know people say that bad things happen for a reason and to teach you something...well I dont see what purpose there was in this...or what lesson there was to learn. I guess time will have many purposes for me...healing and understanding.
post #5 of 18
What a horrible thing to have to see. I would have freaked out myself. Your caring and sorrow comes across clearly in your posts. Please don't beat yourself up with the "what ifs", you will find a plentiful supply with any accident. It's great that you're finding things to do to help your other kitties, take comfort in them. ((Hug))
post #6 of 18
When I recently lost my sweet cat, George post-surgery, I too felt (and still do feel) to blame. I elected that he have the operation for recurring urinary obstructions. He was not supposed to die!

I also had a difficult time getting the image of him in his final hour (the vet showed me his surgical site), out of my mind.

I want to remember him when he was full of life and happy.

The images of him in pain and gasping for breath still haunt me.
And it was my first time experiencing the decision to have a loved pet put down.

I know it will get better in time.

I try to tell myself that George was a special angel sent to me and that God was calling him back.

Your sweet kitten will always be with you in spirit. She forgives you. She didn't suffer and probably did not even know what hit her.
Please find peace in that.

Accidents do happen.

I think your Grandmother could have been a little more sympathetic & compassionate. . . . . and a little more upset for what she just did.
I assume she's not a cat person or did not have pets of her own growing up.

Cry all you want!!! You need to release the pain!!

post #7 of 18
Thread Starter 
Originally posted by superkitty
Please don't beat yourself up with the "what ifs", you will find a plentiful supply with any accident. It's great that you're finding things to do to help your other kitties, take comfort in them. ((Hug))
You sound like my fiancee....he keeps telling me to not blame myself, but it's so hard not to. I just cant stop wishing I had been outside. As for finding comfort, if it wasnt for Lyle and my other cats/kittens I know this would be hurting alot more.
post #8 of 18
Thread Starter 
Originally posted by George'smom
I recently lost my sweet cat, George post-surgery.

I think your Grandmother could have been a little more sympathetic & compassionate. . . . . and a little more upset for what she just did.
I assume she's not a cat person or did not have pets of her own growing up.
Laurie [/b]
I'm sorry about the loss of your cat...I've been lucky sofar that the only surgery mine have had was neuter/spay. Even that had me afraid for them.

Grandma always acts that way about stuff. It still hurt though and made me furious that she didnt care any more than she did. She did help me build the pen that night. She is sick of these cats. She tells me so all the time. Atleast now with the pen built out back she wont have to see them.

I hope I can forget about this...crying doesnt help any more. I cried off and on the whole day this happened and I still felt just as bad. I hope you all are right that he didnt suffer and that I'm not to blame.
post #9 of 18
I'm so sorry to hear of your unexpected loss.

But, you are not alone when it comes to unexpected losses.

I also lost my beloved Shadow very unexpectedly and I also saw how he died and it was horrific! It's been 3 months now and to this very day I still think of him, especially when I'm looking at my new kittens. I see some similarities in both kittens when they are playing or eating or even sleeping.

I tell my husband, "Hey, Shadow used to do that!" I remember well, we both do.

Your kitten will be well taken care of and will have fun at Rainbow Bridge, rest assured there are excellent cats and kittens there and they will take care of your little kitten.

post #10 of 18
Oh my, I'm so, so sorry. Please don't beat yourself up over it though. If we all lived by the "what ifs" we'd be one sorry planet. It was an accident and you're doing the best you can. Here's a hug for you.... wish I could be there to give you a real one. Let yourself grieve and try to get some comfort from your other kitties. We're here for you.

post #11 of 18
GA- the image will fade in time, and yes, it is a bad image still in your mind, but it does fade. It a one of the biggest risk for young kittens outdoors because they do not know about cars, and even cats are at risk because those type of predators are not easy for cats to understand either.

I am so sorry that you had to witness this and I hope in time you can forget about what you witnessed.
post #12 of 18
Thread Starter 
SkyKitty, mzjazz2u and Hissy:

Thank you for the sympathy and hugs...I really have needed everyones support...especially after the way that grandma reacted over what happened.
I am still sad over this(thanks to the images not going away)and I am hoping that it doesnt happen again. My only problem is that I am becoming alittle over-protective of the other cats(the pen) and Lyle (I freaked out one day when he was mowing he said he'd call in 45 mins and still hadnt after 3 hours...I flew to his house thinking he was hurt by mower-he was fine just not wearing watch). Is it normal being paranoid and over-protective after something like this? How do I stop??
post #13 of 18
the best way to move on after something bad happens is to make sure it doesn't happen again. After I lost isadora I became more aware of signs of sickness and I was able to save bonnie by knowing what to feed her and how to handle her. I had her three young kittens die in my arms. But I also learned about about hand raising kittens and if I am ever put in that place again I will hopefully be able to save them. You have to take the good with the bad. Life is about learning. Remember spay and neutar saves lives in more ways then one.
post #14 of 18
I'm so sorry
post #15 of 18
How horrible.. and how inconsiderate of your gramma in that whole situation .. sorry.. but that's how I feel.

It wasnt your fault.. all I can offer is some hugs **** hugs **** and know that you will always remember the kitten and he is playing with the other kitties over the bridge
post #16 of 18
Thread Starter 
You dont have to appologize...I am still pissed at her and hurt because of how she made me feel for crying.
Thanks for the hugs...I need them. Hopefully I can get this image out of my head soon.
post #17 of 18
You would think that she would have been alittle more comforting to youand your feelings. To tell you to stop crying was inconsiderate of her. I still do not know why you even went shopping with the witch Sorry about the name calling but I think she deserves it. Hope you feel better soon.
post #18 of 18
Thread Starter 
She has always been that way...over everything. I stay depressed alot because of her. I went shopping because I needed some new clothes and also because I am too **** nice. I knew she had planned this for months. Although I was hurt and mad, I know(hopefully) that she didnt do it on purpose and at the time I assumed she was just yelling at me 'cause she felt guilty. As for calling her names.... it's a good thing you cant read my mind alot of times
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