We were leaving to go to a town 2 hours away to go to their malls...I am always running outside looking around the cars, under them, and on top of the tires. I was inside trying to find a book or something so I could stay awake those 2 hours. When I went outside grandma had already backed out the car so we could pull straight out. As I walked twards it I saw something under it. I assumed it was a cat fish in the driveway again since some of my cats go to my neighbor's paylake and drag back fish all the time. As I got closer to the car I saw one of my kittens and the way it 'looked' is how I knew it was dead. I screamed non stop and ran backwards away from the car untill Grandma got out to see what was wrong. I yelled, "MY KITTEN IS DEAD." She looked at it and me...told me to stop crying. I told her that I was crying because of the kitten and that I couldnt help it. I've NEVER had a cat/kitten run over. I've never seen that up close...I've seen them on the highway and I'm plenty old enough to deal...but it still hurts and freaked me out. I had to bury it and grandma told me to stop crying or we wouldnt go. I didnt want to ruin her day shopping (and since I couldnt bring the kitten back)I got in the back and crying silently the whole way there. I kept thinking of the irony...I had just finished getting the materials for my pen to keep the kittens out of the driveway and so I can keep the males and females seperate. I was gonna start it when I got back from the trip. If only I had had it built...In honor of the kitten I came home and was up untill 2AM building it. Now all my kittens and mothers are inside. It gave me a outlet for my pain and I'd never been able to build it in a few hours if I wasnt so upset. Even though I know I did something that will prevent this from happening to any of my other kittens..I am still scared. I feel like it's my fault..maybe I should've forgot the book...maybe if I'd had the pen built...I just dont see why this happened. I have never wanted them outside. This is why I wanted to build this pen. Now they cant get run over or poisoned. It's a large pen. A 9x12 tarp wont even cover the top. I Built it with plastic chicken wire so they cant hurt their teeth. A few days from now I will have another built for the males. This way they will be safe and there wont be breeding. I have toys and dog houses and am building some steps and railings since they always liked the deck. Sofar they seem no different than before. I just hope I'm doing the right thing. I just hope the kitten forgives me...forgives me for not building this sooner. I keep trying to block this from my mind...but I cant get the image of its body out of my mind. I just dont know how to let it go since I feel it's my fault and since this has never happened to me before. I'm sorry if this thread is emotional, I just had to tell someone. I trying to sum this up and leave out the details so it wouldnt be so hard to read. I just need help...how do I let this go?? Or should I always remember?
post #1 of 18
8/8/03 at 4:15pm