My mother, who is 97, is amazing for her age. She has been staying with me here in France for two months and really enjoying herself. Normally she lives in an annexe flat attached to my sister's house in the UK, and is due to go back there next week.
But she doesn't want to go back. She gives two reasons, which are connected. First, when she is in her flat she rarely goes out and has no friends, as they are all dead. She goes to see my father once a week in his care home, but he does not know her any more and she finds it depressing, though he is well looked after. My sister is out much of the time and my mother is really alone and very bored as her mind is still very active even though her legs and back mean she can't walk very far.
Second, she is worried about me. Since she has been here she insists on trying to help me by doing the ironing and occasional cooking, but gets very tired after 30 minutes or so. She will not stop trying, whatever I say or do. She says the work here is too much for me and she must 'help'. BAsically she is looking for a role in life again, but it is too much for her. This week she has already spent one complete day in bed, absolutely exhausted, and she has just told me she is too tired to eat lunch and has retired to her room for a nap, after an hour of ironing sheets while I was working in the garden.
My sister would like her to come back, I would like my space again, and I think she is killing herself. But she broke down this morning saying she must stay with me through the summer when I have my busiest time with the cottage rentals and the garden.
I don't know what to do. Half of me says it is better for her to feel useful even if it makes her so tired she has to spend some days in bed, half thinks she should go back to the UK and I will try and tell my sister that she must spend more time with our Mum. It is so difficult not to offend her whatever I say, I am in a real dilemma.
But she doesn't want to go back. She gives two reasons, which are connected. First, when she is in her flat she rarely goes out and has no friends, as they are all dead. She goes to see my father once a week in his care home, but he does not know her any more and she finds it depressing, though he is well looked after. My sister is out much of the time and my mother is really alone and very bored as her mind is still very active even though her legs and back mean she can't walk very far.
Second, she is worried about me. Since she has been here she insists on trying to help me by doing the ironing and occasional cooking, but gets very tired after 30 minutes or so. She will not stop trying, whatever I say or do. She says the work here is too much for me and she must 'help'. BAsically she is looking for a role in life again, but it is too much for her. This week she has already spent one complete day in bed, absolutely exhausted, and she has just told me she is too tired to eat lunch and has retired to her room for a nap, after an hour of ironing sheets while I was working in the garden.
My sister would like her to come back, I would like my space again, and I think she is killing herself. But she broke down this morning saying she must stay with me through the summer when I have my busiest time with the cottage rentals and the garden.
I don't know what to do. Half of me says it is better for her to feel useful even if it makes her so tired she has to spend some days in bed, half thinks she should go back to the UK and I will try and tell my sister that she must spend more time with our Mum. It is so difficult not to offend her whatever I say, I am in a real dilemma.
) because it is the right thing to do, and I owe her. And someday, I hope someone helps me when I need it.
Glad to hear everything is okay. My mom is similar yet opposite of yours. She keeps leaving the house and spends most of the day at her "friend's". There she eats and drinks what she is not suppose to so after a month or 2 of constant trips to her friend, I end up rushing my mom to the hospital where she spends a week or more. I've tried talking and all lies and tricks to keep her home. But she gets her way because she calls me an "ungrateful and uncaring" daughter. Oh well.
