My Grandpa passed this morning.

Last night I was up till at least 3 thinking about my Grandpa. I just knew he was dying...but I didn't know how soon. I almost posted here because it was just so on my mind; but I decided not to. I overslept this morning (so did my daughter thankfully) and woke up to seeing my Dad had called my cell and home phone. You know that is never good. I thought he was going to tell me to come up if I can.

Some of you may remember in April I went up to visit my family and my Grandpa didn't know who I was. I posted because I was upset that I wasn't upset about that somehow. Since then he has just declined. My family has been at his nursing home for every meal to try to feed him and bringing my Gram there (who also has dementia/alzheimer's) to see him. Grandpa had alzheimer's, heart conditions (from a heart attack when I was a kid) and strokes. He was in a wheel chair on thickened liquids; basically just poor poor health. I know he was unhappy and he was tired.

Dad said he hasn't responded to him or known him in about 3 weeks. My cousin goes up every weekend to be there and she has been saying her goodbyes every week. She was supposed to leave for her honeymoon this weekend and her new husband is already in Europe on a business trip.

Grandpa had stopped eating except some of this fortified ice cream stuff now and then. Lost a lot of weight; that sort of thing. So we knew; but we didn't know how long. I don' t know funeral plans but I am starting to pack anyway.

This is just one of those things you know will happen someday....but you never want to face that day. Someday is today.

Thank you. He is the first Grandparent I have lost. It's been a rough last few years. He and my Grandma on that side have had alzheimer's. My other Gram has severe dementia. (Although now I'm finding out my other Gram may "just" have dementia.)
Thank you. I just talked with my cousin (the one who just got married) and it just seems unreal. She is going ahead with her honeymoon plans. I think Grandpa would have wanted that.

I talked with my other Grandpa and that made me feel a bit better. He always understands.

Yes I believe it was. I know he was ready and I just the other night told my Dad that it feels selfish to want him to stay like he is.

I'm trying to decide what to do with his Father's Day cards from myself and my daughter. Tressa "colored" inside it. Do I put them in his casket? Save them to reflect on later? I wrote my Grandpa a long note in his this year. Sort of saying my goodbyes and letting him know I love him. My Dad would have read it to him for me.

Thank you everyone.

That was my first clue that his time was coming. DH's Grandma passed a few years ago and that was what she did. Except she was making a conscious decision; or at least a verbalized one. She was almost 99 and had fallen and was in extreme pain they could not relieve or cure. I guess when you have lived that long; you do just know. She counseled with a psychologist and what not and was found to be in sound mind. Back then my other Grandma's dementia wasn't so bad; and she said that was exactly what it was like for one of her brother's who passed.

It's been really rough to watch him, and my other Grandparents, decline like they have. I do have some peace in knowing he is not suffering anymore. I just feel like I'm either suspended between reality and a dream. And then again I feel like I'm standing on a very tiny, narrow rock ledge and there is no escape. I'm just trying to get things done around here. It's not going so well... I need a maid.

I have had 4 really awesome, intelligent, talented, caring grandparents for nearly 29 years. The gifts they have put inside me; no one can take away...not even death.