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Can you say that you love yourself? ( self esteem )

post #1 of 35
5/24/11 at 9:30pm
Thread Starter 
This can be a sensitive topic for some, so I appreciate anyone who is able to come forward and put in their thoughts.

I am exhausted, so this is going to be a quickie but I hope to get a conversation started about self esteem.

Personally, I have always had horrible self esteem....thanks to years of different types of abuse, as well as me thinking I don't deserve happiness.

I have been on a quest to find both inner and outer health for myself.

I seem to have the weightloss going well, and am eating great. I do not diet, as I believe the only diet one can succeed on is the one you can stick to for life..... for me, that is simply eating enough, and burning enough to have a 1000 cal deficit daily, or thereabouts as I am losing 2lbs/wk.

I have just branched into learning to love myself for me.

My husband took a pic of me, that I didn't know about. We were enjoying a short trip, and I was standing on a beach watching my kids, and taking pics of them...he took a pic of me doing so and gave it to me later on.

Normally, I delete pics of me, or move if I know someone is trying to take one of me but out of nowhere I said "wow, I actually don't look half bad"....and shocked everyone.... even my kids have never heard me compliment myself. They don't hear the criticism either, but everyone was surprised.

I have to be happy with that, how can I not be? Instead of seeing myself as fat or unhealthy, I saw a pic of me looking healthy. (I am still 30lbs, slightly more, away from goal weight)

I would like to hear from others, hear what you do to help love yourself, any tips you have for those with low self esteem, and just anything you wanna say on this topic. I would love to see ppl saying that they love themselves for being who they are, looking the way they look. Even if it's something you have to practice.

At this time, I can't say I love myself.....
but
I can say there's different parts of me that I love, and that is my start
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post #2 of 35
5/25/11 at 12:34am
Yes! I absolutely can!!! It hasn't always been this way though! I struggled with self-esteem issues through my childhood and into a good portion of my 20's. Probably even into my early 30's.
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post #3 of 35
5/25/11 at 2:50am
Yes and no...it honestly depends on the day and situation. I love the person can be around my husband. I'm comfortable with my intellect (or lack thereof some days ) and my attitudes. Mentally, I like me.

Physically...not so much. I've struggled with body image most of my life and still do. Intellectually I accept that I'm shorter and stockier than most of my friends and even if I were to lose 100lbs (which would not be healthy) I'd likely still not look the way I want to.
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post #4 of 35
5/25/11 at 4:11am
There is absolutely nothing I like about my physical appearance....

I recently lost 47lbs but then gained some of that back, I am right now getting in the right mindset to change my ways again. I know I can do it, but I am an emotional eater.

I hate that I'm bigger, I hate that I have to work and work HARD to lose weight. I hate my face, I hate my body....I used to like my legs but then I got stretch marks on them when I got pregnant and won't even wear shorts anymore....I even hate my feet and hands. It drives me insane.

I am a very insecure person, I used to be so confident and believed I could do anything. Now sometimes I feel like people will see me as the fat and frumpy Mom of 3 forever.

I however LOVE my personality, I can talk to anyone and I can be very funny (I almost feel conceited saying that). I can always make someone laugh and I am a good friend....I would literally do anything for people I care about and sometimes people I don't even know. I love helping others

I get very jealous of people sometimes and then I feel awful for feeling that way, but atleast I can admit it now, I never could have before.
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post #5 of 35
5/25/11 at 5:36am
I think this is a great thread. Thank you for starting it. Hopefully to those who deal with poor self esteem, this thread will be a help. In my first marriage, I was always belittled. I learned to believe I was useless and nobody would be interested in my thoughts or feelings. I have forgiven him for treating me that way. I think it is mportant to learn to forgive abuse. Then we can move forward. The man I am married to now has saved me from myself. He always encourages me and never does anything to belittle me in front of friends or otherwise. I now love myself and the person that I am. Congratulations to those of you who are dealing with weight loss. You CAN get there. Just remember, it is a lifesyle, not a diet that will work.
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post #6 of 35
5/25/11 at 6:11am
I can always find something i don't like about myself, usually my weight. I recently lost 40lbs but i still feel and look gross most days. I don't have much confidence at all when talking to people, i guess that's why i prefer animals to human's. I always think people are judging me and im paranoid that they talk about me behind my back. So yeah i have pretty low self esteem
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post #7 of 35
5/25/11 at 6:15am
My self-esteem is neither very high or very low, sort of middle-esteem.
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post #8 of 35
5/25/11 at 6:17am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natalie_ca View Post
Yes! I absolutely can!!! It hasn't always been this way though! I struggled with self-esteem issues through my childhood and into a good portion of my 20's. Probably even into my early 30's.
Hey Linda, since you're the only one who can really say they love themselves, do you have any tips or want to share how you went from struggling with yourself to the point of loving yourself?

I think a lot of ppl would highly value hearing from anothers point of view, and one who has succeeded

I am not feeling well right now, but will be back to this thread to type up how I've been slowly learning to love me for me.
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post #9 of 35
5/25/11 at 6:37am
I find that the older I get the more accepting I am of myself. I am 42 years old, chunky, and not at all cute but at this point in my life I can say, "who cares?" and focus on the positives. When I was younger I had a harder time because I was always worried about what other people thought of me

It's liberating to get past that phase!
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post #10 of 35
5/25/11 at 6:49am
Quote:
Originally Posted by jenwales View Post
I find that the older I get the more accepting I am of myself. I am 42 years old, chunky, and not at all cute but at this point in my life I can say, "who cares?" and focus on the positives. When I was younger I had a harder time because I was always worried about what other people thought of me

It's liberating to get past that phase!
I'm opposite because as I'm getting older, I'm getting WORSE.....

This weekend, I went to a dance. Actually I am part of the local dinner theatre, we act out dirty jokes and it's a big drunk basically Anyways there's this guy who lives in our area, he's a kid really, I think he's 23, I am 28 (and happily have a boyfriend I might add). But anyways one of my friends started sticking to me like glue, never letting me out of her site, etc. The next day she told me it was because that guy was following me around like a puppy dog and she was worried rumors would start to fly so she stuck with me,.

Part me of me was like NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO way, you're crazy. But then part of me was like "AWESOME" ahahahaha.

And again the insecurity pops up....like really "WHO CARES?" But to an insecure person or someone with low self-esteem, it means alot....

I seem to have issue with getting older and people seeing me as old. I was 17 when I started having kids, I am 28 with 3 kids (all with the same Dad and I'm still with him after 11 yrs) but people see me as soooooo much older....I just need to somehow start feeling good about myself again.

I'm rambling....sorry but I tend to do that
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post #11 of 35
5/25/11 at 6:58am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Snake_Lady View Post
Hey Linda, since you're the only one who can really say they love themselves, do you have any tips or want to share how you went from struggling with yourself to the point of loving yourself?

I think a lot of ppl would highly value hearing from anothers point of view, and one who has succeeded

I am not feeling well right now, but will be back to this thread to type up how I've been slowly learning to love me for me.
I guess you missed my post where I also said yes, after years of an abusive marriage, I truly love the person I am now. I am sorry you are not feeling well and hope you will come back to this thread soon and be encouraged.
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post #12 of 35
5/25/11 at 7:08am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momto3boys View Post
I seem to have issue with getting older and people seeing me as old. I was 17 when I started having kids, I am 28 with 3 kids (all with the same Dad and I'm still with him after 11 yrs) but people see me as soooooo much older....I just need to somehow start feeling good about myself again.
I think you're at that weird, in between phase in life where you aren't "young" (i.e. college age or just starting out) and 30 is staring you in the face. A lot of people see that as a big dividing point in life. I'm pretty sure I was a basket case at 28.

I guess it's all about embracing where you are at the moment. There's no going back so why dwell on what you aren't anymore?
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post #13 of 35
5/25/11 at 11:20am
I would like to say "Yes, unequivocally!", but sadly I have some miles to go before I can say that. There are many awesome traits within me but lots of old inner turmoil/issues (we're talking years and years worth) that I need to work through.
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post #14 of 35
5/25/11 at 11:34am
Quote:
Originally Posted by jenwales View Post
I think you're at that weird, in between phase in life where you aren't "young" (i.e. college age or just starting out) and 30 is staring you in the face. A lot of people see that as a big dividing point in life. I'm pretty sure I was a basket case at 28.

I guess it's all about embracing where you are at the moment. There's no going back so why dwell on what you aren't anymore?
This is probably very true...I FLIPPED when I turned 25. I honestly don't know how I will deal with 30
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post #15 of 35
5/25/11 at 12:12pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Snake_Lady View Post
Hey Linda, since you're the only one who can really say they love themselves, do you have any tips or want to share how you went from struggling with yourself to the point of loving yourself?

I think a lot of ppl would highly value hearing from anothers point of view, and one who has succeeded
There really is no secret. You just have to change your way of thinking. You have to stop dwelling on your perceived flaws and weaknesses and putting yourself down and beating yourself up over things. No one is perfect. In fact there is no such thing as perfect. And you have to embrace your own uniqueness and individuality and stop comparing yourself to other people.

For years I have looked at myself in a mirror and said "I love you!" And amazingly enough the reflection in that mirror says it back to me!!!!

I've struggled with my weight all of my life. I've been 122 pounds and I've been close to 400 pounds (current). And no matter what my weight, I still feel good about myself. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed and I don't care what anyone else thinks. In the locker room at the gym I strut around stark naked. If people don't like what they see, well, too bad. They shouldn't be gawking anyway. I'm me inside a large package and I believe that I'm a good person.

Here is a link to some ways to build self-esteem.

http://teenadvice.about.com/od/selfesteem/tp/build_self_esteem.htm

Do you want to know the best gift that you could ever give to someone? A mirror!!! With a note that says:

"In this box you will find the magical secret to success for yourself and everything you want."
.
.
.
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post #16 of 35
5/25/11 at 1:01pm
Some days yes, some days no. I have a long way to go still, but I'm making a lot of positive steps!
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post #17 of 35
5/25/11 at 2:18pm
I've honestly never had any serious self esteem issues. While I don't necessarily like the way some of my body parts are put together (I'm a big square box), I do like the fact that it is my heritage that gave them to me. And I'm proud of where I came from. I always find the positive side of anything that others might criticize themselves for.

We are always our own worst critics. The standard for that self criticism is up to each person. I never expected to look like a super model, so why fret because I don't look like one? My expectations for myself is that I look like the true northern European ancestry that I was born with, and I fit it quite well. What also helps is that when I look out at the world, I notice that the majority of people don't look like super models. That puts me on par with most of the world. That is nothing to be ashamed of.

I used to be somewhat bothered about the fact that I fret about a lot of things (emotional rather than physical things), until I realized that I got that trait from my mom, who I love very much. If I can love that trait about my mom, what's not to love about me?

So much goes into making each person unique. That alone is worth a celebration.
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post #18 of 35
5/25/11 at 4:10pm
Yes, I do love myself. I've definitely gone through cycles of insecurity, and I've had some real issues at times with myself physically, but I've (almost) always liked who I am. I made a conscious effort to stop comparing myself to others in high school. I am very thankful to my parents for having raised me in an environment of support, and I was always taught to speak out, speak up, and not be afraid to "march to the beat of my own drummer."

I did fall into some kind of weird place when I was miserable in my first marriage. I was in an unhappy marriage and hated my work. I had to get to the point where I realized the problem wasn't my ex and wasn't my work - I had to change what was going on inside first. I was SO not doing what I thought I'd be doing, and I was very unhappy with myself. It took some work on my part to get back to the place where I believed I deserved to be happy - and where I respected myself again.

But IMO, that is really the key. When I was at my lowest point, I didn't believe I deserved to be happy, but I started with saying positive things about myself, and no matter how hard it was, I'd look at the mirror and say "I deserve to be happy," and "I AM happy" - even if I wasn't and didn't believe it. May sound stupid - but I really think we CAN "reprogram" our internal dialogue about ourselves - and by stating those things in the present, we make it our reality.

I realized quickly that no can make me happy but me. Things people say and do and share make me happy - but that feeling of love, of happiness, of... "harmony" ... comes from inside, not out. To me, love is a verb or a way of being, not a state of mind or a thing, and it's something I can do or share only if I am doing it and being it to begin with.
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post #19 of 35
5/25/11 at 5:44pm
Wow, what a great thread and this will be good to post my feelings on the matter and I am sure others will feel the same way. Thanks for starting it

I have worked so hard these last few years to learn to love myself. I had a very difficult childhood, no physical abuse, but more mental. My feelings were never validated or accepted when I was a little girl, I had to learn to suppress them and keep quiet, my opinion didn't matter or count. So it has taken me a lifetime to learn to validate myself and stand-up and voice my opinion right or wrong. I tend to be a very insecure person. For me, love, is just a word and love truly comes from deep inside yourself, it is a state of mind, a sort of energy all on its own. I had to reprogram my internal thoughts of myself from negative to positive. I had to learn to tell myself and believe myself that all is great in the World and I was safe, and I was a good person, and I love myself very much. I have never thought of myself as a very intellectual person or book smart. But I know how to make people feel good and happy and I sure know alot about animals, and all kinds. That I love about myself

I have never really had insecurity issues with my image. I am not saying I think I am beautiful by any stretch. But I have always taken care of my body and have been blessed with great skin and bone structure.. I do hate my curly hair though. Both of my parents are good-looking people and it passed on to us kids. But I would give up the good looks any day in exchange for just being happy with the person I am inside and love and accept myself for who I am instead of trying to be someone I am not. It is a work in progress
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post #20 of 35
5/25/11 at 9:05pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by blueyedgirl5946 View Post
I guess you missed my post where I also said yes, after years of an abusive marriage, I truly love the person I am now. I am sorry you are not feeling well and hope you will come back to this thread soon and be encouraged.
I am sorry, yes I missed yours

I will indeed be back, as this topic is inspiring to me, helps me, and well, I just like to talk and learn.

I'm just battling a sinus bug that's making my head pound and the sinus meds knock me out....

but I shall be back of course, and hope to get a good discussion going on here since self esteem is such an important part of life

I am forever thankful that my daughters have great self esteem....it's one thing I am proud of. They both try to encourage me through it as well.
My husband, well, no offence to any of our male members, but he doesn't seem to understand how to support/encourage/etc. so I really don't lean on him for advice or anything like that when it comes to this.

to all, and as silly as it sounds, go look in the mirror, find ONE simple thing you love about yourself and SAY IT...(to yourself, or here, your choice).


I LOVE my nose piercing, I think it suits me wonderfully and I do like my nose.
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post #21 of 35
5/25/11 at 10:00pm
I think when one grasps the concept of how fleeting and special life really is, and sees the blessing in life, it is hard not to love yourself and those around you. Love is everywhere. And when it is all said and done and really comes down to it - love is the only real thing that matters.
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post #22 of 35
5/26/11 at 3:02am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Snake_Lady View Post

to all, and as silly as it sounds, go look in the mirror, find ONE simple thing you love about yourself and SAY IT...(to yourself, or here, your choice).
I would say - I love my skin. It's still soft w/ a few wrinkles even though I don't use special creams and stuff.
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post #23 of 35
5/26/11 at 4:00am
Quote:
Originally Posted by c1atsite View Post
I would like to say "Yes, unequivocally!", but sadly I have some miles to go before I can say that. There are many awesome traits within me but lots of old inner turmoil/issues (we're talking years and years worth) that I need to work through.
This for me as well.

I wonder why it's so hard for humans to be happy with ourselves

My lack of self esteem affects my marriage as well and I really don't like that. I always am feeling like I'm not good enough for DH and wonder why he's with me. That sucks. I have been to therapy a number of times, but it doesn't seem to have lasting effects for me.
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post #24 of 35
5/26/11 at 5:21am
I love myself as a person...who I am on the inside. I consider myself a very loving, kind person. HOWEVER physically I am so incredibly insecure. I don't think I could ever be happy with myself physically. I thought I would get better with my dramatic weight loss, but it didn't because although I had a tummy tuck (completely covered by Medicare due to the extreme nature) I still have quite a bit of loose skin on my body. I still look in the mirror and see that "fat chick". I pick myself apart. It drives Dana NUTS because he tells me daily that I am beautiful, I just wish I could believe him.
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post #25 of 35
5/26/11 at 6:14am
I don't HATE myself, nor am I loving myself. I am perfectly content with myself.

While I do see areas of improvement (my weight, and my lack of abilities to go out and meet people), I do remind myself of my good points (I have education and a job that I love).

it also depends on the days too, lol.
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post #26 of 35
5/26/11 at 7:43am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Snake_Lady View Post
to all, and as silly as it sounds, go look in the mirror, find ONE simple thing you love about yourself and SAY IT...(to yourself, or here, your choice).


I LOVE my nose piercing, I think it suits me wonderfully and I do like my nose.
Yes, we all need to do the mirror compliment to ourselves each day, it really does work, something I learned in therapy

on the nose piercing
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post #27 of 35
5/26/11 at 7:44am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kailie View Post
I love myself as a person...who I am on the inside. I consider myself a very loving, kind person. HOWEVER physically I am so incredibly insecure. I don't think I could ever be happy with myself physically. I thought I would get better with my dramatic weight loss, but it didn't because although I had a tummy tuck (completely covered by Medicare due to the extreme nature) I still have quite a bit of loose skin on my body. I still look in the mirror and see that "fat chick". I pick myself apart. It drives Dana NUTS because he tells me daily that I am beautiful, I just wish I could believe him.

You are beautiful believe it
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post #28 of 35
5/26/11 at 8:37am
Have any of you guys seen this mirror?



I first seen it in the Sears catalogue, then I seen it at Zellers, I think we should all go buy one
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post #29 of 35
5/26/11 at 12:05pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Draco View Post
... I am perfectly content with myself...
That's how I feel too. Thanks for putting into words for me. There's something about the concept of loving myself that I don't understand. I know that Jesus, my husband, my family (including the kitties) love me. I'm happy with myself and my life, but loving myself? I just don't know the answer, I guess.

What I find interesting about this thread is that so many women equate loving themselves (or not) with appearance. I wonder how men would answer the same question.
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post #30 of 35
6/6/11 at 9:32pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rockcat View Post
What I find interesting about this thread is that so many women equate loving themselves (or not) with appearance. I wonder how men would answer the same question.
I do believe that society can play a part in making a womans appearance more of an issue than a mans.

I for one, was teased for always being a "larger framed" woman....I've seen "larger framed" men with no comments made about them.... Men tend to be seen as "larger" in general with more muscle mass, etc. Whereas to a lot of ppl, a woman with a large frame, muscular, maybe some fat, is ridiculed.

I hope that makes sense.

And I do stand as one of those women who believe that truly loving myself involves everything about me, which includes my physical attributes. Which there are a lot that I do not love.

But it is coming...... it truly is a learning or unlearning process, especially for those of us who have suffered emotional/mental/physical/sexual abuse, or bullying, or ridiculed because of body type.

I am thankful that society has changed the few on what a healthy womans shape is, rather than the anorexic models we used to see, now women are healthier which is great.
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