Need to talk.

Not sure what to do. I'm feeling so many things. I mentioned back in '09 in a thread about my mom, my babysitter's son molesting me. I've repressed a lot of what happened. My husband doesn't really know much about it. I've never been able to verbalize what exactly happened.

The other night, after an intimate evening with my husband, I opened up to him a little more about it, about why I couldn't do certain things. Then I started thinking about my abuser. I remembered his first name, but not his last. I asked my mom's friend, because her kids went there sometimes. I started obsessively searching for him on Facebook, no luck. I found someone I thought might be him, but I didn't have the nerve to send a message and his profile was private. I also searched for his family; sister, brother, parents. No luck. I don't know why I'm doing this!!!

Tonight, I searched again on FB, I found that guy again and sent a message asking if he was from Haysville before I could chicken out. Then, it occurred to me to search Myspace. I found the same guy, different profile settings. From Haysville. I don't know why I'm doing this. I feel sick. I want to say things to him. I want him to know he's a sick freak. He almost broke me, but he didn't. He took advantage of a FIVE-YEAR OLD GIRL. I hate him. I don't know what to do about this.

I personally have no experience with sexual abuse, so it's possible that this is not the right thing at all to do, but- maybe it would be good for you to confront him? Write him a PM on Facebook about everything you think and feel. He certainly can't reach you now, and it might make you feel better to face him and say "You are a sick, sick individual for these reasons-" and just list them off, one by one, so he can face what he did to you.

You are in my prayers.

Originally Posted by orangeishcat

He certainly can't reach you now

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Don't be so sure about this.... It is much easier to find someone then what you might think - it might cost you $9.99, but he can find you if he wants to.

To the O.P.: I am so sorry you had to go through this... Hope you find piece soon

I'm suddenly SO F-ing angry. I want to punch something.

I would be careful about sending messages on FB. Once the message is sent and read, most of the time the person that has received it can then look at your profile, pictures, etc. From there, it's very easy to get information about your by searching through your friends, their walls, pictures, sending them messages, googling your husband's name, etc.

I'm so sorry you experienced that. One of my closest friends was abused by her Grandfather as a young child. He died years and years ago; but she was only recently able to find peace and start putting it truly behind her.

I'm not sure confronting him is the best thing to do. Maybe; but maybe not. I just worry that establishing any contact with him would open new ways for you to be hurt; reopening old woulds so to speak. But I do understand why you getting to confront him might help too. Do you have a pastor or a counselor you talk about it with? They might give better advice/insight than I can.

Oh my god, NO, do NOT take that advice! First of all, there's no way in the world to "get even" with an adult for something horrible done to a little girl. Second, "getting even" is a juvenile and counterproductive approach, anyway. And third, it could be extremely dangerous!

Why don't you talk to the police department or a hospital and ask if they can refer you to a sexual abuse counseling center? Even if you have to travel a ways to find a good, professional counselor, it would be well worth it to get some competent help in dealing with this.

Please do that immediately -- and please don't even consider contacting that man in any way! If there's any safe way for you to achieve some sort of closure with him, the counselor will know how to make it happen.

I am so sorry this happened to you, and so sorry for the pain and anger you feel now. Your anger is absolutely justified, but you must not let it lead you to do something foolish. Let a counselor help you!

You're trying to find him because you are seeking closure.

However, as a child of sexual abuse, I'll let you know that you won't find it by finding him, or talking to him. The only way you will find closure is through your own self.

You know what happened. Now you need to come to terms with what happened to you. You need to know, not only in your head, but also in your heart, that you were a victim and that it wasn't and isn't your fault. You weren't a bad little girl that deserved what he did to you. You were complete innocent and still are.

Only by acknowledging what happened to you, and that it wasn't your fault in any way, and that he is a sick, sick individual, will you become a survivor.

Right now you are angry and that anger is giving him power over you. Don't give him anymore power over you than he already had.

Acknowledge what happened to you. Acknowledge that it wasn't your fault. Acknowledge that it still isn't your fault. Acknowledge that you are a good person and that you deserve to be loved.

Then pack up that part of your past and put it where it belongs! On a shelf in your past.

I can tell you that in time, you will be able to remember and talk about this without the anger that you are feeling.

What also helped me was counseling. I highly recommend it. They don't give you the answers, but they do help you find them yourself.

I'm sorry you went through what you did. No child should ever have to face something like that, ever. But remember! It wasn't your fault! And you are a survivor, not a victim. Because being a "victim" still means that he has control over you.

I posted my story here:

http://www.thecatsite.com/forums/sho...d.php?t=147778

After years of abusing children, my cousin was sent to jail. Since that thread, he's out now from what I understand.

I'm so sorry Maybe you should find him and report him, it depends on you but that might help some people ... I know for a fact some counceling will help you a great deal so you might want to consider that...

I don't know what to say to help you. I can give you a big if that will help. I'm so sorry you went through that.

Originally Posted by CarolPetunia

Oh my god, NO, do NOT take that advice! First of all, there's no way in the world to "get even" with an adult for something horrible done to a little girl. Second, "getting even" is a juvenile and counterproductive approach, anyway. And third, it could be extremely dangerous!

Why don't you talk to the police department or a hospital and ask if they can refer you to a sexual abuse counseling center? Even if you have to travel a ways to find a good, professional counselor, it would be well worth it to get some competent help in dealing with this.

Please do that immediately -- and please don't even consider contacting that man in any way! If there's any safe way for you to achieve some sort of closure with him, the counselor will know how to make it happen.

I am so sorry this happened to you, and so sorry for the pain and anger you feel now. Your anger is absolutely justified, but you must not let it lead you to do something foolish. Let a counselor help you!

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IMO this is the very best advice here. Counselling is the best way to go. I personally would be terrified that if I contacted this person he would harm me so please don't take that chance.

Also, even if he is the same person and wanted to keep what he did hidden, he may accuse you of false charges and sue you. It would be his word against yours and the whole thing could become a huge legal and media mess which I doubt you want. Get professional help instead.

I wish I could do something to take your pain away

I don't have any advice but to seek professional help, I think that's your best option at this point

Originally Posted by Yosemite

IMO this is the very best advice here. Counselling is the best way to go. I personally would be terrified that if I contacted this person he would harm me so please don't take that chance.

Also, even if he is the same person and wanted to keep what he did hidden, he may accuse you of false charges and sue you. It would be his word against yours and the whole thing could become a huge legal and media mess which I doubt you want. Get professional help instead.

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I agree. Take any specific information (address, name, etc.) to authorities but a serial sex offender is most likely already known to law enforcement. He is also going to have a fake profile on Facebook and MySpace.

Concentrate now on healing yourself emotionally one small step at a time by talking to someone about it in a structured recovery program.

All I can really say sweetie is that I know how you feel. I know the pain, the anger and the confusion. Thinking of you.

While at some point it needs to catch up with this person (hopefully it has already) I am at a loss as to what could be done. Everyone on here has made very insightful points and suggestions. Healing comes from within and there is no amount of strength gained from anywhere else other than ones self. You can spin this around and look at it asking yourself "what exactly can i do to help others, educate, prevention, etc...?" then make it happen. Your own testimony and help to others in whatever positive way will in turn be your own healing.

Many to you and I am sorry your were scarred by this creep. BUT, do not try to contact him in anyway. This might open you up to him finding you and that would not be good. I, agree, with the above. Definitely go for some counseling, right now. Then you can also discuss with your therapist about opening up to your husband about this as I think this is what is bothering you the most, him not knowing..... He could be very supportive for you during these bouts of pain and emotion you are experiencing. Again, more and mega .

I just wanted to add my hugs and vibes for you. I hope you decide to seek counseling, and are able to find your way through this and come out stronger for it.

Thanks everyone. I do need to call a counselor. I was so angry that night. The only way I could think to make it stop was to hurt myself, but I thought about my baby boy and just made myself go to bed.

Just more to you . Please do get yourself some therapy, it sounds like you ready to take that step. I for one, know it helped me so very much many years ago for a traumatic incident, although not like yours. But the therapy does help you sort things out and get back on track with your life, and just a happier life. Lots of today for you

Originally Posted by natalie_ca

You're trying to find him because you are seeking closure.

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That was my first reaction, too.

As someone who was also abused sexually, emotionally, and mentally by an abusive ex bf, I know exactly how you feel. There are times when I try looking him up on FB or other social networks myself: not because I really ever want to be in touch with him again, but because I want closure for what he did to me. There are so many things that I want to say to him that I never got to say: mostly that I hate his guts for what he put me thru. I haven't tried looking him up now for quite some time - mainly because I get so angry whenever I come across his profile anywhere: it literally makes me sick to my stomach. And so angry that I literally see red. Just knowing that he's gone on with his life without facing the consequences of his actions while I'm still dealing with the aftereffects of what he did to me puts me in a frame of mind that I don't like very much. So I quit looking for him: all it does is cause ME more anguish. It's not worth it. And I also know that if I ever did contact him, he would just laugh in my face and tell me that I'M the one who needs help, thus causing just more heartache...

I can certainly understand why you want to seek closure with your abuser. But it's not worth it. Sick people like that wouldn't understand the kind of pain you're in.

The others have given good advice. I think you should probably find a counselor to get the closure you need. I couldn't afford a counselor when I was trying to find closure, but I found a wonderful support group online that helped tremendously with what I had gone thru. It provided most of the closure that I needed. And please, whatever you do, don't contact that guy via FaceBook or any other social network! He could locate you again: those social networks are not safe by any stretch of the imagination. Please don't attempt it!

I am so sorry you're having to go thru this.