Respect - It's one of the rules here

Originally Posted by white cat lover

I have to admit - I post less because of some of the responses I've received & have seen given to others. IMO TCS has taken on more of a negative tone than I remember. There will always be purrsonality differences amongst people, we need to handle those differences with grace & respect.

The thing to remember is that we make TCS what it is. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Nasty responses get us nowhere, how can you educate someone if you drive them away?

This thread has had many hits, and many people posting in it. Now we all need to do our part, be more aware that w/o vocalizations our posts can be interpreted in many ways, and help keep TCS great. It doesn't matter how long I've been here, I'm always learning new things.

We have a wealth of knowledge here, let's put it to good use!

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Thanks, Nat! That was very well said.

Originally Posted by xocats

Thank you for posting this important thread Karen.

I really appreciate everyones feedback about this issue.

A wise member once told me, that if I become irritated by a members posts in a thread ...
"sit on my hands", instead of immediately replying.
A little time taken before reacting to something that irritates, can often bring clarity.

We came to TCS with a common cause...
to make a better life for our beloved cats.
That is a wonderful thing.

The people who, for whatever reason, cannot live within the community's rules simply cannot remain.

For the rest of us, respect each other and enjoy!

Meow!

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And thank you, Lei, you've picked up on some good points that we all should keep in mind.

There are many thoughtful posts in this thread -- which are in themselves examples of how we need to be when answering members' questions and concerns.

Thanks for posting this thread , Karen.

Thank you, Karen, for this thread. I am new here about five months and do spend alot of time on the board. It has become a part of my day, a home away from home. I will admit, there are times when I am intimidated to post on certain threads and have learned quickly better to keep silent about something for fear of being judged because I have seen threads go from nice to nasty in just one post.

I have learned so much on TCS and have made some incredible friends here. I LOVE cats too. But this place has also become a social setting for me. I feel part of something which is important to me since a life change last Fall. I want it to be a happy place to be and feel sad that some right now are feeling down about this site. But, I have also found that many here are very kind and supportive and I appreciate that and try to follow suit as well. .

Originally Posted by AbbysMom

We all have days where we may be a little snippy in a post. It's important for us to ask ourselves how we would feel if we were on the receiving end of that post.

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I haven't been around much lately, but if you look at my site stats you'll see that I've been around the block a few times at TCS. I really can't count how many times I've had to walk away from a post, or how many times I start a post and either walk away or open another tab in my browser and look at kitty pics (you can't be mad when you're looking at kitties!) and come back to edit, edit, edit. And then after I post I always read my post again and sometimes go in and edit one more time. I don't mind adding one more sentence if it clarifies what I'm saying and how I'm saying it.

Originally Posted by Momofmany

A few people have said it earlier. If a thread makes you angry, you have the ability to walk away from it. If you are angered because there is a misleading post that can cause a cat harm, be careful how you answer it, or contact a mod or adviser to help out. If in doubt, be a teacher, not a critic.

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Very well put, Amy!

Originally Posted by NorthernGlow

I think I'll have to stop posting, I always sound rude or sarcastic..

I have also been contacted by someone who said they might be leaving. I understand that very well because it can get very frustrating when good advices given are totally ignored, taken as hostile or people start even calling names. And I'm not talking about posting in IMO.. Sometimes there are no 'right or wrong' answers to questions, but sometimes there is, it's sad when someone who actually knows what they are talking about are pushed to the point where they feel they have to leave this forum because their knowledge is turned against them because it's 'hostile'.

It would be interesting to know how many has put me on their 'ignore' list..

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No god no ive never seen sarcasm per se from you only benificial posts!

theres a lot of posts where people have ganged up on someone and ive either found myself backing away because yeah granted im a mentor but i dont have full whack as a moderator to say "look pack it in its not called for" but theres a few times i have done when people are in need we NEED to help not chastise!!!!

If there's ever any thread or even a single post that bothers me for whatever reason, I just move on. I don't even bother to type my opinion, as I don't want to get caught up in any drama that might ensue. Not my thing.

I don't see many posts like that though, which is great. I really love the sense of community and support on TCS. I learn a lot, and it's helped me to offer 'advice' of sorts, too, based on what I've experienced and what I've learned. I like to think we're all in this together, for our kitties and for our own sense of friendship and fun too! It's why I'm here pretty much everyday!!

One other things that I think we all need to consider when we post advice to someone in H&N or Behavior or SOS or PG Cats & Kittens...

A lot of the time when people, especially new members, post in the "top" forums (above the social forums) they are worried, frustrated, frantic, terrified, all of the above. If they have a reaction to a post, i.e. "Of course she's spayed! I'm not an idiot!" it may well be their emotions running high. Especially if they happen to call out your post as the RUDEST thing they have ever heard in their LIVES, try as hard as you can to smile, and either answer their post with honey dripping from your words (not sarcastically, either ) or walk away and let someone else take it from there. It's not you. Don't take it personally. Emotions do strange things to people. Just look at IMO!

Wow - haven't been here for a while and it's going to heck in a handcart, eh?

Seriously, the friendly, community, supportive nature of this site is WHY I joined in the first place.

Thank you all for your very thoughtful responses. I really didn't know how this thread was going to be received when I started it. I'll be honest, I reported this post for my fellow Mods to review because I knew I was opening a big can of worms.

Originally Posted by valanhb

One other things that I think we all need to consider when we post advice to someone in H&N or Behavior or SOS or PG Cats & Kittens...

A lot of the time when people, especially new members, post in the "top" forums (above the social forums) they are worried, frustrated, frantic, terrified, all of the above. If they have a reaction to a post, i.e. "Of course she's spayed! I'm not an idiot!" it may well be their emotions running high. Especially if they happen to call out your post as the RUDEST thing they have ever heard in their LIVES, try as hard as you can to smile, and either answer their post with honey dripping from your words (not sarcastically, either

) or walk away and let someone else take it from there. It's not you. Don't take it personally. Emotions do strange things to people. Just look at IMO!

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Excellent point!



Many of you have posted that when you see a post that bothers you, you move on. Please, if you see a troublesome post, report it. Let the Mods decide if it is a problem of not. That's what we are here for.

If you aren't sure how to report a post, just click the exclamation point inside the red triangle that is in the upper right-hand corner of the post.

Its ironic that I chose today to read this as almost 7 (yes 7) years ago I joined this TCS to ask for advice about a stray that came into my life and I needed some urgent advice.

I've seen many people come and go throughout this time.

There have been some posts in various forums that can get quite heated. I agree one needs to stop and re read what you are going to post as it my not be seen as favorable to others.

As many stated we all are unique in our opinions as we are so diverse in our backgrounds. That is what I love about this forum.
When I lost Sheba and went though that horrendous experience the TCS members really helped me hold it together as there were (and still are) so many "I get you and your situtation" members.

Thanks Karen for being this to my attention.

I haven't said anything in this thread, largely because I've not had a lot of issues. And I didn't really know what to say. Guess I've been lucky in that people have been so nice to me and always ready to lend an opinion or give me a hug when I've needed to talk about something. I think there are a lot of super people here.

We all have our opinions and it's difficult sometimes to express how we feel, especially on a forum.

If I've offended anybody, please accept my apologies! It was never done on purpose. And if anybody has an issue with something I've posted, by all means, throw me a message and we can talk it out. Sometimes that helps, too.

When I first joined TCS, I was amazed by the friendliness, compassion, and knowledge I found here. There was an incident early on, however, that almost made me leave the site. I'm glad I didn't; I have since realized that some folks don't try to 'sugar coat' their responses, and you just have to get past it.
I've been known to spend 15 minutes writing a 3 line response; I truly don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or make them feel bad in any way. It's hard to get your meaning across sometimes since you don't have the vocal inflectons and nuances to help you.
I love this site and feel that I've made some wonderful friends here. When I've needed a virtual hug, I've received it and when I've needed a swift kick, I've received that, too.

Originally Posted by Feralvr

Thank you, Karen, for this thread.

I am new here about five months and do spend alot of time on the board. It has become a part of my day, a home away from home. I will admit, there are times when I am intimidated to post on certain threads and have learned quickly better to keep silent about something for fear of being judged because I have seen threads go from nice to nasty in just one post.

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There were times that I was leery of saying something for fear of being judged or ridiculed, due to the fact that I had been pounced on before for things I said which were misconstrued, so I kept my mouth shut too on numerous occasions. It really shouldn't have to be that way...

I have learned so much on TCS and have made some incredible friends here. I LOVE cats too. But this place has also become a social setting for me. I feel part of something which is important to me since a life change last Fall. I want it to be a happy place to be and feel sad that some right now are feeling down about this site. But, I have also found that many here are very kind and supportive and I appreciate that and try to follow suit as well.

.

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That's why I came back. Not everyone here is out to stir up trouble.

I agree that it's hard to distinguish just what people are saying sometimes because you can't hear the tone of their voice when they're writing something out. Being that there are members from different parts of the world that belong on this site also makes it difficult sometimes to know exactly what they're saying, as everyone speaks differently. Sometimes emotions get in the way, too.

ETA: I'm glad you posted this thread, Karen. Maybe by bringing it out in the open it will end up making a difference in how people treat others, and some of the members who have left will decide to come back. I know there a quite a few that I myself miss, and wish would come back.

Chiming in late, in between packing (will post about that later).

Thank you, Karen, for starting this thread! I think it's great to clear the air like this. Some great and very practical advice was posted on how and not just what, as well. I will add one more bit -

If you're worried that your posting style may not be as it should, and wonder what you can do about it, don't hesitate to contact one of our mods. While we keep complaints discreet, a moderator can give you great feedback on where you stand and offer tips on how to improve things.

I am about ready to leave. Some of the people around here are darn right rude. I ask a question, don't tell me to google it. I have, and I want others opinions. But that same person can start many threads of no use to me but I don't tell them to "google" it.

Instead of leaving, why don't you put that person on ignore? Then you will never have to deal with them again.

Originally Posted by zohdee

I am about ready to leave. Some of the people around here are darn right rude. I ask a question, don't tell me to google it. I have, and I want others opinions. But that same person can start many threads of no use to me but I don't tell them to "google" it.

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Oh, no! Please don't leave. You would be missed very much....

Originally Posted by AbbysMom

Instead of leaving, why don't you put that person on ignore? Then you will never have to deal with them again.

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I have done this.

Originally Posted by Trouts mom

I have done this.

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Wow,I didn't know you could do this.I have not been on here very much lately and it seems from what I have read that things haven't been too good on here,I am sorry and its such a shame.I always try to have a positive input when I answer things and generally if I have a big opinion on something which I know may get heated if I express that opinion I tend not to even bother expressing it,sometimes its easier that way.x

Originally Posted by zohdee

I am about ready to leave. Some of the people around here are darn right rude. I ask a question, don't tell me to google it. I have, and I want others opinions. But that same person can start many threads of no use to me but I don't tell them to "google" it.

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I would miss your posts, if you left, Zohdee. I agree about putting the person on Ignore, if necessary. I did that when I first started posting here and didn't want to deal with somebody....it made it easier. Thankfully the issue seems to have resolved itself. I hope you'll reconsider.

As members you all play a huge role in this.

1. If you see a post in any forum that is rude, uncalled for, offensive, foul, whatever please report the post. It's the exclamation point in the triangle at the top of every post. It gives you a place to say why you're reporting it, which can be one sentence or phrase or the whole post. Every mod sees these - it will be looked at straightaway!
2. If the post is directed at you, please do not respond. That will only escalate the situation.
3. If there is a particular person that just gets your goat or seems to argue with you even if the topic is the color of the sky, put them on Ignore. There are plenty of other people who post here.