Respect - It's one of the rules here

Thanks for this reminder

That's what I love about this forum... I just plain love it here and the atmosphere. I do avoid all the IMO threads like the plaque but that's besides the point

I am a member at a little reptile forum, it's more like a local group for the Maritimes and there's one member there that it doesn't matter what I say, she argues with me....if I say black, she says white and it doesn't matter WHAT it is about. She's ruined it for me...I absolutely HATE posting there now since I know it will all be a big argument by the end of the thread so I can see how people would leave because of 1-2 people. It's really sad since we all join for the same reason.

I was always taught to treat others the way you want to be treated, I wish more people would go by that.

I've had enough of the "better than thou" attitudes I've found here.

Not happy, they are on ignore. It's helped greatly.

Julie O'

I am one of the "newer" members who have had a few posts in answer to mine that really rubbed me the wrong way with their "better than you / you are doing it all wrong" attitude - and since have basically not posted much at all. I tend to do "offline" browsing of the forum and if I have something to add I log in and add it - otherwise it is just better to keep silent me thinks. It's sad though as when I first joined several of the members were very kind, warm, welcoming and sweet.

I have to admit - I post less because of some of the responses I've received & have seen given to others. IMO TCS has taken on more of a negative tone than I remember. There will always be purrsonality differences amongst people, we need to handle those differences with grace & respect.

The thing to remember is that we make TCS what it is. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Nasty responses get us nowhere, how can you educate someone if you drive them away?

This thread has had many hits, and many people posting in it. Now we all need to do our part, be more aware that w/o vocalizations our posts can be interpreted in many ways, and help keep TCS great. It doesn't matter how long I've been here, I'm always learning new things. We have a wealth of knowledge here, let's put it to good use!

Originally Posted by white cat lover

I have to admit - I post less because of some of the responses I've received & have seen given to others. IMO TCS has taken on more of a negative tone than I remember. There will always be purrsonality differences amongst people, we need to handle those differences with grace & respect.

The thing to remember is that we make TCS what it is. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Nasty responses get us nowhere, how can you educate someone if you drive them away?

This thread has had many hits, and many people posting in it. Now we all need to do our part, be more aware that w/o vocalizations our posts can be interpreted in many ways, and help keep TCS great. It doesn't matter how long I've been here, I'm always learning new things.

We have a wealth of knowledge here, let's put it to good use!

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Bravo!

Originally Posted by Yosemite

I just wanted to address this post. Sometimes folks are going through a rough patch in their lives and may get upset over something that normally would just roll off their backs and feel they need a break. Many of those folks do come back after a "cooling off" period and continue to contribute to this site.

Also, at times we have "trolls" who come here to stir up trouble. If someone is bothering you, don't go away mad, just put them on ignore and you'll not be bothered by them again.

We can only educate with kind words, not anger and blame. As the old adage goes, you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

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I realize that sometimes we are going through tough times and maybe it doesn't take much to upset us. Maybe if this was the case with the person KittKatt referred to, she will cool off and come back. I hope so. Yosemite gave us some good advice here when she said ignore, don't go away mad. Ignoring someone would certainly solve the problem. Thanks for the good advice.

Originally Posted by white cat lover

I have to admit - I post less because of some of the responses I've received & have seen given to others. IMO TCS has taken on more of a negative tone than I remember. There will always be purrsonality differences amongst people, we need to handle those differences with grace & respect.

The thing to remember is that we make TCS what it is. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Nasty responses get us nowhere, how can you educate someone if you drive them away?

This thread has had many hits, and many people posting in it. Now we all need to do our part, be more aware that w/o vocalizations our posts can be interpreted in many ways, and help keep TCS great. It doesn't matter how long I've been here, I'm always learning new things.

We have a wealth of knowledge here, let's put it to good use!

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Well spoken.

I am sorry we are losing a member because of disrespect. I can recall with clarity a new member who introduced herself and her cats and was met with such anomosity that it was shocking. Some people didn't agree with the types of cats she had. I'm sure she wasn't expecting this reaction to her beautiful cats and I have never seen her post on TCS again.

Originally Posted by JustJayde

I am one of the "newer" members who have had a few posts in answer to mine that really rubbed me the wrong way with their "better than you / you are doing it all wrong" attitude - and since have basically not posted much at all. I tend to do "offline" browsing of the forum and if I have something to add I log in and add it - otherwise it is just better to keep silent me thinks. It's sad though as when I first joined several of the members were very kind, warm, welcoming and sweet.

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Please don't let all that make you think less of everyone or feel like you can't contribute. I've made some really wonderful friends on here that I talk with as much or more than my "real life" friends. Mostly by Facebook now; but I never would have met them if it weren't for TCS. I backed off on coming here for a bit because life was just busy for me; but I've never been gone for too long. I've seen the site go through some ups and downs...but in the end it seems the ups always come back around and certainly last longer than the downs.

Originally Posted by JustJayde

I am one of the "newer" members who have had a few posts in answer to mine that really rubbed me the wrong way with their "better than you / you are doing it all wrong" attitude - and since have basically not posted much at all. I tend to do "offline" browsing of the forum and if I have something to add I log in and add it - otherwise it is just better to keep silent me thinks. It's sad though as when I first joined several of the members were very kind, warm, welcoming and sweet.

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Don't let that put you off!. Being on the other side of a pc means it's difficult to hear the other persons tone of voice, but l know what your saying. If you feel a post is coming across with an attitude, hit the report button and tell us why and we'll look into it for you.

No one here is better than anyone, because no matter how long weve had cats for were all still learning about them on a daily basis

I think I'll have to stop posting, I always sound rude or sarcastic..

I have also been contacted by someone who said they might be leaving. I understand that very well because it can get very frustrating when good advices given are totally ignored, taken as hostile or people start even calling names. And I'm not talking about posting in IMO.. Sometimes there are no 'right or wrong' answers to questions, but sometimes there is, it's sad when someone who actually knows what they are talking about are pushed to the point where they feel they have to leave this forum because their knowledge is turned against them because it's 'hostile'.

It would be interesting to know how many has put me on their 'ignore' list..

I think we all need to keep in mind that we can offer the benefit of our knowledge based on our own experience. At the same time, health advice concerning our cats is just that. We are not vets. When we offer advice, we need to remember that it might not be taken seriously as the person who posted has a mind and and has the right to make their own decisions. Nobody should expect that just because they give an opinion or advice, it will be listened to and taken. When all has been said we each haveto make our own decision. Nobody should be offended if their advice is ignored.

Thank you for posting this important thread Karen.
I really appreciate everyones feedback about this issue.

A wise member once told me, that if I become irritated by a members posts in a thread ...
"sit on my hands", instead of immediately replying.
A little time taken before reacting to something that irritates, can often bring clarity.

We came to TCS with a common cause...
to make a better life for our beloved cats.
That is a wonderful thing.

The people who, for whatever reason, cannot live within the community's rules simply cannot remain.

For the rest of us, respect each other and enjoy!
Meow!

Originally Posted by NorthernGlow

I think I'll have to stop posting, I always sound rude or sarcastic..

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Noooooo!!! All were really asking is to think before hitting submit. If you think your post might be coming across as rude or sarcastic just change it

Originally Posted by NorthernGlow

I think I'll have to stop posting, I always sound rude or sarcastic..

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I disagree. I have seen many of your posts where you get your point across, but word it in such a manner that is it not rude, condescending or sarcastic.

We all have days where we may be a little snippy in a post. It's important for us to ask ourselves how we would feel if we were on the receiving end of that post.

Originally Posted by AbbysMom

I disagree. I have seen many of your posts where you get your point across, but word it in such a manner that is it not rude, condescending or sarcastic.

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Thanks. I worry I might be taken in the wrong way because my english is not good enough for me to always get the posts sound polite, they can be a bit blunt or too straight for some.

Originally Posted by Rosiemac

No one here is better than anyone, because no matter how long we've had cats for were all still learning about them on a daily basis

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The great thing about this site is that we collectively have a huge amount of experience amongst the members. If someone has experience with a topic, then it is great to hear about it. I still learn from this site after being a member for nearly 8 years.

With that said, I think where people show disrespect is when they either come across as being a complete authoritarian on a topic, or judgemental about a person's situation. None of us are vets, nor certified behaviorists. No one can diagnose someone's cat over the internet. With a global audience, we don't always understand the culture accepted in a different country. We don't know the financial or health situation of members. We don't know the experiences that a poster has with cats. What we can do is talk about our own experiences or provide links to reputable web sites and hope that they will trigger some type of answer for a poster.

A few people have said it earlier. If a thread makes you angry, you have the ability to walk away from it. If you are angered because there is a misleading post that can cause a cat harm, be careful how you answer it, or contact a mod or adviser to help out. If in doubt, be a teacher, not a critic.

I'll offer a confession here. I know I come across as an authoritarian most of the time, which is why I'm very sensitive to how that attitude can come across to others. I have to stop myself most times and really think about how to word a response. Starting a sentence with "in my experience", or "I think" can put a response into context. It's something that works for me.

I think there are three things we need to remember when answering a post.

1) never call an idea or thought by another person silly or stupid. The recipient will shut down immediately.

2) read the posts before automatically replying. There are so many times where the last line of the post is "I'm taking him to the vet tomorrow" and the first answer is "Take him to the vet". It would be more diplomatic to say "It sounds serious and only a vet would be able to answer". Also, you glean more information as to how they are thinking so you can persuade them better.

3) Keep in mind that you don't know the cat in question so don't be offended if the OP rejects your idea.

This is Lucy.

There are many times where I'm hesitant to post about an issue with Lucy because usually I've tried everything that will be advised. She is the most contrary thing. We were trying to keep her away from a bannister overlooking the family room. I was told to try aluminum foil - it attracted her more as she wanted to play with it. Spray the tree with bitter apple; she chewed on the branches that were sprayed. Use sticky tape to prevent scratching on furniture; Lucy would pull it off and play with it.

When I was trying to decide on Aoibhe's cataract surgery, I had some wonderful advice and appreciated everyone's input. But in the end, I couldn't subject her to 6 weeks of confinement as she still can see some and is so frisky and confident.

who's been passing out the haterade?!

Over the years there have been a few people on here in which I really enjoyed reading their advice about everything, not just cats, although that was good too.
With all this talk about some members leaving and me not knowing who left or what drama started where or with who all I can say is that I hope those people I have in mind are not gone, they really made the cat site what it is for me and many others.