TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › Respect - It's one of the rules here
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Respect - It's one of the rules here

post #1 of 74
5/9/11 at 11:48am
Thread Starter 
Let me begin by saying that this is not on behalf of the Moderating Team. I am just so disgusted by a few threads I just read that I need to say a few things. I'm sure I speak for a fair amount of the members.



There seems to be a different tone to many of the threads lately and it’s certainly not a positive change. I have never seen such a lack of respect for fellow members. The biggest concern to me is that this is not happening in the IMO forum, it is happening in the health, care and behavior forums, where members, new and old, turn for advice when they have a problem. Many threads are getting personal when there is absolutely no need for it. I’ve also never seen so much of the “I am right, you are right†attitude as I have been seeing lately.



If you enjoy the anonymity of the internet and want to take potshots at others or prove how brilliant you are, this is not the place for you. We don’t welcome or tolerate that type of behavior here.



Please take some time to read the forum rules before posting:


http://www.thecatsite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=15184
Reply
post #2 of 74
5/9/11 at 11:56am
Reply
post #3 of 74
5/9/11 at 12:09pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by AbbysMom View Post
If you enjoy the anonymity of the internet and want to take potshots at others or prove how brilliant you are, this is not the place for you. We don’t welcome or tolerate that type of behavior here.
Thank you! This is the reason we have so many long time members! I have no desire to take part in any community, online or not, where people disrespect each other. IMHO...it's childish and unnecessary. I don't have time for it.

The board I often go on for baby advice is like that and if I didn't get good advice there I would have quit it altogether a long time ago.
Reply
post #4 of 74
5/9/11 at 12:48pm
Thanks for saying so, it is a good reminder. Some of the personal attacks lately labeling members racists, terrorists, etc is quite over the top. Definitely appreciate the helpful community where different opinions can be shared w/o open hostility.

Time to take a step back and get in on a good ol' heh.
Reply
post #5 of 74
5/9/11 at 12:54pm
One of the biggest characteristics of TCS over othere places is the Familiar eviroment that you can "breath" here, you can talk about anything of course in the right forum but with total & ABSOLUTELY

RESPECT!


For many of us, TCS is our second REAL HOME in the world, many member came to here because the real world is sometimes RAW!...

PLEASE, you can contribuite to grew up this enviroment, ALL MEMBERS make TCS not one member or one Mod.......

Keep in mind this always!...
Reply
post #6 of 74
5/9/11 at 1:13pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ducman69 View Post
Thanks for saying so, it is a good reminder. Some of the personal attacks lately labeling members racists, terrorists, etc is quite over the top. Definitely appreciate the helpful community where different opinions can be shared w/o open hostility.

Time to take a step back and get in on a good ol' heh.
Yeah, that.
Reply
post #7 of 74
5/9/11 at 1:18pm
Thank you for this post! It's always good to have a reminder.
Reply
post #8 of 74
5/9/11 at 2:24pm
Here here! It would be terrible for people to decide not to post at all because they are afraid to get jumped on by those who refuse to respect other opinions.
Reply
post #9 of 74
5/9/11 at 2:36pm
Thanks so much for the reminder. I agree completely. What I've always loved about TCS is the atmosphere of respect, support and the willingness of members to offer helpful advice. If all people want to do is demonstrate that they're right and take the attitude that their way is the only way, it doesn't do anyone any good - humans or cats.
Reply
post #10 of 74
5/9/11 at 2:42pm
Yeah, there was one post in particular that rubbed me the wrong way. Someone was giving advice and the response was "I am not an idiot". Maybe the poster was not but perhaps a great many of us were on the particular subject.
Reply
post #11 of 74
5/9/11 at 2:44pm
Amen to that! I just found out today that one of our members has decided to leave due to that very thing. I for one am gonna really miss her: she always gave such good advice & input. It's a shame to have to lose her.


Reply
post #12 of 74
5/9/11 at 4:08pm
This is so sad. What in the world is wrong that people can't be nice to each other and treat them with respect. I am so sorry to read Kitt Katts post about someone leaving this site because of such goings on. I do hope that this thread will be seen and read by any guilty party and that these actions will cease. I am glad the link to posting rules was posted as this can serve as a reminder to be nice.
Reply
post #13 of 74
5/9/11 at 4:17pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by KittKatt View Post
Amen to that! I just found out today that one of our members has decided to leave due to that very thing. I for one am gonna really miss her: she always gave such good advice & input. It's a shame to have to lose her.
Not sure who that person is, but hopefully she feels she can come back at any time.
Reply
post #14 of 74
5/9/11 at 4:35pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by c1atsite View Post
Not sure who that person is, but hopefully she feels she can come back at any time.
Leaving certainly isn't the answer. More like the attitude of ignore it. Some people just like to argue for the sake of arguing. Why is that ?

If a poster is not even willing to entertain the other person's position or argument, they have a closed mind towards reasoning and feedback and there is absolutely NO point in correcting or trying to win them over.

"When an argument flares up, the wise man quenches it with silence."
Reply
post #15 of 74
5/9/11 at 4:37pm
Hear hear! Very well put, Karen!

One thing I want to add are the ol' "just because..." clauses.
  • Just because you are a regular here in the Cat Lounge doesn't mean that the regulars in the Health & Nutrition or Behavior sections know the extraordinary measures that you've already taken and didn't delineate because "everyone knows me here." Have patience!
  • Just because you know the importance of spay/neuter and wouldn't dream of declawing (or inherited/adopted an already declawed cat), remember that TCS is an educational forum. The person who finds your thread with a search down the road may not, and may learn it then. Think of the future!
  • Just because we disagree vehemently on whatever topic, whether in IMO or on the wet/dry or raw/processed debated, we should always be able to laugh and cry with each other down the road. Don't say anything in the heat of the moment that will alienate someone. Remember - we ALL love cats!
It is very easy to get frustrated online. You can't hear the tone of voice. It can (way too) easily sound like we're "ganging up" on a new poster when too many people tell them to spay/neuter or whatever the message. Sometimes they deserve it - most of the time they don't. Most of the time we sure don't mean to sound like that, but it does.

People come here because they have questions - sometimes urgent questions. The way they are treated in that first thread, whether in New Cats, Fur Pics, H&N, etc. determines if they will stay. If they are ignorant - not having the knowledge - it will determine if they stay and learn or if they turn away from the knowledge we have.
Reply
post #16 of 74
5/9/11 at 5:38pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by elayman View Post
Leaving certainly isn't the answer. More like the attitude of ignore it. Some people just like to argue for the sake of arguing. Why is that ?

If a poster is not even willing to entertain the other person's position or argument, they have a closed mind towards reasoning and feedback and there is absolutely NO point in correcting or trying to win them over.

"When an argument flares up, the wise man quenches it with silence."
For the record, the person I'm referring to did make several attempts at trying to keep the peace between the members she's had issues with - all to no avail. I know this person quite well, and she's not one to argue, but she won't necessarily back down, either. She certainly isn't one to "ignore" anyone either, and will respond if need be. She just got to the point where she was fed up with what had been going on, and decided it was best to leave. It's a shame to lose her, because she really is a knowledgeable person pertaining to many things: and she's a real sweetheart, too. Her leaving has nothing to do with having a closed mind towards reasoning & feedback.
Reply
post #17 of 74
5/9/11 at 5:39pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by blueyedgirl5946 View Post
This is so sad. What in the world is wrong that people can't be nice to each other and treat them with respect. I am so sorry to read Kitt Katts post about someone leaving this site because of such goings on. I do hope that this thread will be seen and read by any guilty party and that these actions will cease. I am glad the link to posting rules was posted as this can serve as a reminder to be nice.
I just wanted to address this post. Sometimes folks are going through a rough patch in their lives and may get upset over something that normally would just roll off their backs and feel they need a break. Many of those folks do come back after a "cooling off" period and continue to contribute to this site.

Also, at times we have "trolls" who come here to stir up trouble. If someone is bothering you, don't go away mad, just put them on ignore and you'll not be bothered by them again.

We can only educate with kind words, not anger and blame. As the old adage goes, you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar.
Reply
post #18 of 74
5/9/11 at 7:32pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosemite View Post
I just wanted to address this post. Sometimes folks are going through a rough patch in their lives and may get upset over something that normally would just roll off their backs and feel they need a break. Many of those folks do come back after a "cooling off" period and continue to contribute to this site.
I can relate to that. I stayed away for quite some time myself at one point: not only due to health issues which were causing too many problems and personal issues with my home life, but also because of a few members that rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe I'm too sensitive at times and let things bother me that shouldn't - I don't know. I finally decided that I wasn't gonna let those people keep me away from a place that I enjoy coming to - not only because of the cat aspect of TCS, but also because I've made friends here that I enjoy communicating with, and really missed. Why let a few bad apples spoil the whole bunch? Life is too short to let things like that bother you, when there's also enjoyment to be had.

Quote:
Also, at times we have "trolls" who come here to stir up trouble. If someone is bothering you, don't go away mad, just put them on ignore and you'll not be bothered by them again.

.
Very good advice. Or, as someone else once wisely said, you can just not communicate with them at all. It takes two to make a dispute.
Reply
post #19 of 74
5/9/11 at 7:43pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by KittKatt View Post
Amen to that! I just found out today that one of our members has decided to leave due to that very thing. I for one am gonna really miss her: she always gave such good advice & input. It's a shame to have to lose her.


There have been several that have left. Some of them I really miss. I hope some day they will come back.
Reply
post #20 of 74
5/9/11 at 10:38pm
I have noticed this, too. It is usually in the Behavior and SOS sections; many of those members have recently (relatively) signed up. I suspect that they were referred to this forum or perhaps found it by googling their problem. Those members are usually the hit-and-run types. They find answers to their problems and then leave. They don't care to be "preached to."

Threads by one new member have bothered me for awhile, but I didn't report because I didn't know if they had violated any rules or whether it was trolling or just obnoxiousness.
Reply
post #21 of 74
5/10/11 at 5:58am
Thanks for this reminder

That's what I love about this forum... I just plain love it here and the atmosphere. I do avoid all the IMO threads like the plaque but that's besides the point

I am a member at a little reptile forum, it's more like a local group for the Maritimes and there's one member there that it doesn't matter what I say, she argues with me....if I say black, she says white and it doesn't matter WHAT it is about. She's ruined it for me...I absolutely HATE posting there now since I know it will all be a big argument by the end of the thread so I can see how people would leave because of 1-2 people. It's really sad since we all join for the same reason.

I was always taught to treat others the way you want to be treated, I wish more people would go by that.
Reply
post #22 of 74
5/10/11 at 1:43pm
I've had enough of the "better than thou" attitudes I've found here.

Not happy, they are on ignore. It's helped greatly.

Julie O'
Reply
post #23 of 74
5/10/11 at 3:33pm
I am one of the "newer" members who have had a few posts in answer to mine that really rubbed me the wrong way with their "better than you / you are doing it all wrong" attitude - and since have basically not posted much at all. I tend to do "offline" browsing of the forum and if I have something to add I log in and add it - otherwise it is just better to keep silent me thinks. It's sad though as when I first joined several of the members were very kind, warm, welcoming and sweet.
Reply
post #24 of 74
5/10/11 at 3:47pm
I have to admit - I post less because of some of the responses I've received & have seen given to others. IMO TCS has taken on more of a negative tone than I remember. There will always be purrsonality differences amongst people, we need to handle those differences with grace & respect.

The thing to remember is that we make TCS what it is. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Nasty responses get us nowhere, how can you educate someone if you drive them away?

This thread has had many hits, and many people posting in it. Now we all need to do our part, be more aware that w/o vocalizations our posts can be interpreted in many ways, and help keep TCS great. It doesn't matter how long I've been here, I'm always learning new things. We have a wealth of knowledge here, let's put it to good use!
Reply
post #25 of 74
5/10/11 at 4:27pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by white cat lover View Post
I have to admit - I post less because of some of the responses I've received & have seen given to others. IMO TCS has taken on more of a negative tone than I remember. There will always be purrsonality differences amongst people, we need to handle those differences with grace & respect.

The thing to remember is that we make TCS what it is. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Nasty responses get us nowhere, how can you educate someone if you drive them away?

This thread has had many hits, and many people posting in it. Now we all need to do our part, be more aware that w/o vocalizations our posts can be interpreted in many ways, and help keep TCS great. It doesn't matter how long I've been here, I'm always learning new things. We have a wealth of knowledge here, let's put it to good use!
Bravo!
Reply
post #26 of 74
5/10/11 at 4:46pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosemite View Post
I just wanted to address this post. Sometimes folks are going through a rough patch in their lives and may get upset over something that normally would just roll off their backs and feel they need a break. Many of those folks do come back after a "cooling off" period and continue to contribute to this site.

Also, at times we have "trolls" who come here to stir up trouble. If someone is bothering you, don't go away mad, just put them on ignore and you'll not be bothered by them again.

We can only educate with kind words, not anger and blame. As the old adage goes, you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar.
I realize that sometimes we are going through tough times and maybe it doesn't take much to upset us. Maybe if this was the case with the person KittKatt referred to, she will cool off and come back. I hope so. Yosemite gave us some good advice here when she said ignore, don't go away mad. Ignoring someone would certainly solve the problem. Thanks for the good advice.
Reply
post #27 of 74
5/10/11 at 6:37pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by white cat lover View Post
I have to admit - I post less because of some of the responses I've received & have seen given to others. IMO TCS has taken on more of a negative tone than I remember. There will always be purrsonality differences amongst people, we need to handle those differences with grace & respect.

The thing to remember is that we make TCS what it is. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Nasty responses get us nowhere, how can you educate someone if you drive them away?

This thread has had many hits, and many people posting in it. Now we all need to do our part, be more aware that w/o vocalizations our posts can be interpreted in many ways, and help keep TCS great. It doesn't matter how long I've been here, I'm always learning new things. We have a wealth of knowledge here, let's put it to good use!
Well spoken.

I am sorry we are losing a member because of disrespect. I can recall with clarity a new member who introduced herself and her cats and was met with such anomosity that it was shocking. Some people didn't agree with the types of cats she had. I'm sure she wasn't expecting this reaction to her beautiful cats and I have never seen her post on TCS again.
Reply
post #28 of 74
5/10/11 at 8:02pm
Reply
post #29 of 74
5/10/11 at 8:51pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJayde View Post
I am one of the "newer" members who have had a few posts in answer to mine that really rubbed me the wrong way with their "better than you / you are doing it all wrong" attitude - and since have basically not posted much at all. I tend to do "offline" browsing of the forum and if I have something to add I log in and add it - otherwise it is just better to keep silent me thinks. It's sad though as when I first joined several of the members were very kind, warm, welcoming and sweet.
Please don't let all that make you think less of everyone or feel like you can't contribute. I've made some really wonderful friends on here that I talk with as much or more than my "real life" friends. Mostly by Facebook now; but I never would have met them if it weren't for TCS. I backed off on coming here for a bit because life was just busy for me; but I've never been gone for too long. I've seen the site go through some ups and downs...but in the end it seems the ups always come back around and certainly last longer than the downs.
Reply
post #30 of 74
5/11/11 at 1:24am
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJayde View Post
I am one of the "newer" members who have had a few posts in answer to mine that really rubbed me the wrong way with their "better than you / you are doing it all wrong" attitude - and since have basically not posted much at all. I tend to do "offline" browsing of the forum and if I have something to add I log in and add it - otherwise it is just better to keep silent me thinks. It's sad though as when I first joined several of the members were very kind, warm, welcoming and sweet.
Don't let that put you off!. Being on the other side of a pc means it's difficult to hear the other persons tone of voice, but l know what your saying. If you feel a post is coming across with an attitude, hit the report button and tell us why and we'll look into it for you.

No one here is better than anyone, because no matter how long weve had cats for were all still learning about them on a daily basis
Reply
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: The Cat Lounge
TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › Respect - It's one of the rules here