My ex is very sick - Page 2

He has been moved to a hospice today, which means he will get better individual care. Faith is going back tomorrow morning, and her half-brother is also arriving then. She will stay as long as necessary, depending on what the hospice say about timelines and his needs. The headmaster at school has told her she can have as much time off as she has to. It has finally kicked in with her and she is a mess, which is not surprising. She said she wished I was there too, and I have said that if I can do anything at all to support anyone in all this without hurting others then I will go. But actually I think she is the one who will be a support to her Dad and his wife, who has told her she considers her like a daughter, and I don't want to get between them. It all has to be treated with utmost tact.

The more I thought about it the less it seemed right or appropriate that I should go, and Faith now agrees with me, having watched her stepmother try to deal with little known relatives who are phoning or turning up.

He is now fully accepting of his limited time and has had really good long talks with both his children. Today he is seeing the lawyer to make some minor changes to his will. The consultant is meeting Faith again tomorrow to go over the xrays and scans which have been delayed at the hospital because of the holiday. But apparently they already know that his body is actually full of cancer - it is in his bowel, his intestine, the stomach and other vital organs. They are saying two weeks or less, which means basically any time. The only decisions will be whether to continue tube feeding or put him onto fluids only. He was given a glass of wine yesterday which he enjoyed, though he was not actually able to swallow any of it.

Faith will stay there. Her Headmaster has given her leave of absence, and she is preparing lesson plans for her teaching assistant and sending them by email. The cats are in a cattery where they are well known, so she has no worries about them.

All very sad. Everyone is trying to cope and I am so pleased Faith and her stepmother are close and supporting each other. Thank you all for your thoughts and comments. Please continue your vibes, I am sure it helps.

Faith has been told the end could come at any time. They have withdrawn all the feeding tubes to make him more comfortable, so he is getting no nutrition except iced water to sip. He is sleeping most of the time and is not now fully coherent when awake, I guess partly because of the morphine. Faith is so exhausted but so glad she has been able to spend this time with him. She went home for 24 hours to collect some more things and to give her stepmom time alone with him. But she is going back tomorrow and will then stay till it is all over.

Thank you all. Nothing much to report after the weekend, except that he is getting steadily weaker and is quite delirious, calling people by the wrong names, which is hard on his wife. He is also quite angry a lot of the time and wants to go home, something Faith says is impossible.

Last night he went into what the medical staff say is a final coma. Faith and her stepmother have both been there all day, holding his hand and talking to him, but with no response. Faith says he looks very peaceful. The end is very close.

Thanks again to everyone. Last night his breathing had become irregular and noisy. Faith and her stepmother spent all day with him again, holding his hands and reading/talking to him in case he could hear anything but Faith said to me she knew 'Daddy isn't there any more'. So we are waiting for the actual end, and everyone hopes it will be soon. His nephews arrive today and Faith will help his wife deal with that visit, as she has only ever met them once.

Faith's dad died this morning, peacefully, without waking up. Faith and her stepmother are dealing with it OK, smiling through their tears and glad he did not have to suffer any longer. Faith is staying there for the moment, her step-sister is flying in tonight from Australia, and they will between them arrange support for his wife. There is no time announced yet for the funeral - there is a meeting on Monday.

Thank you all again for the vibes and online support. When Faith comes here, probably in early June, I shall go through this thread with her, and I am sure she will take comfort from the help and sympathy expressed by so many people from around the world.