Anyone ever used home care before?

MoochNNoodles

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One of my good friends was in a slip & fall accident a few weeks ago. She hurt her back and elbow. It's now progressed to the point she can't walk without assistance and can't really feel parts of her legs; and she has been in the hospital since Friday. She called me in tears because they want to discharge her today. She lives alone, on the second floor and they won't even give her a walker to use. But the doctor told her that because her MRI was fine they can't keep her.

Shes in a lot of pain and has basically no one to help her where she lives. Her dad lives closer to me; but she's very uncomfortable with the idea of him helping her to the bathroom and tub.

Her doctor said she needs home care; but the hospital isn't helping her get it from what she says. I live about 90 minutes from her and I don't have an extra bed. My parents do but they work and my mother is sick. (So is my daughter apparently, yay).

I feel like a bad friend but I don't know what else to do to help her! Her lawyer isn't answering his phone either... Her mother lives half way across the country.

I'm wondering how long it's going to take to get home care set up for her? How can she just be discharged with "no one" to take care of her at home. Part of me wants to say that either her mother needs to just get over here (she is a nurse and her MOTHER after all) or my friend just needs to suck it up and go to her dad's for now. Her step-mom works but she can help when she is there. It's not as if he has to look when she uses the bathroom; she just needs some support getting there. All these years my family has come to my friend's rescue; she even spends her holidays with us instead of them. It feels like we've enabled them to think they don't need to be there for her.

Sorry for being so long and venting! I do feel guilty; but I'm not sure how much help I can really be! I can cook and things; but only if shes closer. Any advice or words of wisdom?
 

catmom2wires

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My whole career was doing home health occupational therapy and my dh does home health physical therapy (can you guess where we met?) She needs to speak with the discharge planner or the social worker to set up the service. If she is familiar with different agencies, and has a preference, she should be referred to that agency. If not, they will assign an agency to her.

After that, she should just be able to go home and they will be out to admit her within 24 hours. Home care does not mean someone will be there with her 24/7, it just means they will provide her health services in the home. If she is not able to be by herself, she will need to work out that situation.

Hope this helps a little. Feel free to ask any other questions and I'll try to help.

Hope your friend feels better soon.

Cally
 
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MoochNNoodles

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Thank you that does help! She made it sound like the hospital was like "out ya go!" And like the hospital wasn't going to help her get the services...which just makes no sense that they wouldn't at least point her in the right direction. I think 99% of her problem right now is finding someone to either stay with her or someones home that she can go to for a few days. I think the fact that this is Sunday might be part of her problem.

I may PM you if I have any more questions! I haven't talked to her in a couple hours; I'm hoping her FAMILY steps up ya know?
 

catmom2wires

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I'm happy to answer any questions I can. I usually stay online and am off and on the computer until around 7pm CST each evening. If I don't respond, I'll get to it first thing in the morning.

Good luck to your friend.

C
 

natalie_ca

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I feel her pain!!!

When I was in the hospital in 2004, I was prematurely discharged with blood oxygen levels in the mid 80's instead of upper 90's as it should be. They refused to give me homecare because of my age.

I struggled at home to just shower and wash my hair. I sat on the side of the tub and used the hand held shower on my front. By the time I did that I was so exhausted I needed to go and nap. My hair was washed over the kitchen sink about 2 hours after my front only shower. It was taking me almost an hour to just put my clothing on, and forget trying to put a bra on because it was too difficult. Oftentimes I would be so physically depleted that I ended up not going out unless it was for a medical appointment. In the end if it was for groceries I often just wet my hair and skipped the whole bathing process because it just took too much out of me.

My apartment was in a perpetual state of being cleaned for almost 2 years. I would pick things up and put them away, and sometimes that took me 2 days to do. It took me several days just to vacuum the living room/dining room/kitchen. About the same amount of time to do the bathroom. A trip to the grocery store would take me around 4 hours or more some days because I had to keep stopping to sit down. Even though I had my groceries delivered, by the time I got home I was so physically depleted that I would lay down in bed for a few hours. Once the groceries arrived home, it took me days and days to put them away because the shopping trip took everything I had and I was like a battery having to recharge.

It was absolutely awful and I lived that way for almost 2 years before the disability insurance company phoned me one day and I had just gotten out of the shower and had answered the phone like I had been in a 24k marathon. The girl thought I had rushed in from outside to answer the phone. She was horrified to find out that I had just finished a sit on the tub edge, front only shower.

They gave me the number to the homecare intake line. But pride got in my way and it was some months before I actually called. I swallowed my pride and called because until that point all of my physical energy was going into my basic daily living needs. I didn't go anywhere other than to a doctor and to shop once a month, and I was spending all of the rest of my energy just trying to do grooming and minimal housekeeping.

By the time I got homecare, it had been 2 years since the last time my bedroom had been cleaned other than for a bedding change once every 2 or 3 months.

I had homecare for twice weekly bathing help (with a shower chair), and once every 2 weeks for housekeeping.

The girl who came to help me with my showers was very nice.

However, the first girl who came to do my cleaning was a nightmare. Homecare has definite rules that they must follow. They can't move anything, so they dust, vacuum, sweep, mop around things. I continued to do my own dishes (sitting in a chair) and laundry (in suite), but she did the rest. The cleaning wasn't to my standard, but it was adequate, which is all that it is supposed to be. However, the nightmare part was her personality. She was the most negative nelly I've ever encountered and her attitude, complaints and rants drove me around the bend. But there was nothing I could do because I had to be here when she was. Even tuning her out didn't help because she just kept right on in my face about her life. I finally requested a change in workers. The next one was great!!! I wanted to hire her privately when I went back to work.

So far as tips on how to get homecare. Lots of people are under the impression that you have to have a doctor referral to get it. That's not the case. People can phone the intake line themselves and someone will come out to assess their needs. This process, regardless of how they find out about you, does take time, sometimes several weeks. For example when I had surgery last summer, again they wouldn't give me homecare because of my age. They didn't care about my physical needs (no bending or lifting for 6 weeks), just that I was 48 years old. I called homecare on my own and would have gotten it too had it not been prime vacation time and the co-ordinator was going to be on holidays at the same time I was going to be off work, so they wouldn't have gotten me anyone until after I had already been cleared to return to work.

Look up the intake line for homecare in your area. Have your friend call and tell them that she needs help and why. They will put her name on the intake list and have someone come out and help her. But it may not be for several weeks. Also, they don't do grocery shopping. Even if she requires meal preparation help, she will have to find a way to get the groceries into the house for the worker to cook with.
 

Winchester

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My parents had home care, then when my dad was in his last days, Hospice came in to care for him. Since Dad passed, Mom has two women who come in to take care of her. I think she has about five hours a day. One woman comes in in the morning to help her bathe and dress and to clean a bit. She'll make lunch.

Then later on in the afternoon, another woman will come to do more cleaning, some laundry, and to make dinner. They also take mom for doctor appts when my sister and I cannot do so. They do buy her groceries as well and they take her for hair appts and such, too. Sometimes they'll use my mother's car; other times they'll use their own car and then they get paid for mileage.

My SIL started everything for my parents as she was familiar with the whole routine. She had done it for her own mother when her mom lost her legs to diabetes. I know that it was not done through the hospital or a nursing home; my SIL knew how to take care of everything. She was a huge help.

I hope you can figure it all out for your friend. (I will say that, sometimes, walkers can do more harm than good. The doctor might be thinking that, too.)
 

larussa

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That is really a shame when there is no family to help out. When I fell outside over a year ago while moving here, I hurt my back and could hardly get around. I fell many times while in the house trying to walk but my family was right here helping me through this. My sister had a walker she had used years before and she brought it over and that sure helped me. She also made meals for me. One of my nephews brought my car for inspection and brought back my library books because I couldn't do either of these things.

I feel bad for your friend, family should be there when a member needs them. I hope she gets some kind of help until she is on her feet again, sending many good to her.
 

catsallaround

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Just wanted to give it from a health aide view


I had a case and I was close with the woman and she ALWAYS had my cell(hardly ever used it tho but I knew her type would only use it if REALLY needed) That agency shopping was allowed as long as it was cash only and a recipt was given back with the change. There were things I did that were no legal but it worked for us(I was not supposed to help with medicines beyond handing her the bottles unopened, strictly there for my entire time-some days it took 1 1/2 hours others over 3 hours so it worked out in end.

It really depends on how you act and who you get. If I got a client who seemed to tell on every little thing I went by the books 100% If they were laid back and asked me to come in 30 minutes late and stay that 30 minutes at end of shift I would no issue Or on my way in I would call up I am at wawa or grocery store need anything while I am here?
 

catsallaround

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For her toilet needs what about a long gown and no underwear under neath so all he would have to do is lift the back part up of the gown? I did that for an alzheimers guy who was so modest.

And a shower with the stepmom as needed?
 
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MoochNNoodles

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Originally Posted by catsallaround

For her toilet needs what about a long gown and no underwear under neath so all he would have to do is lift the back part up of the gown? I did that for an alzheimers guy who was so modest.

And a shower with the stepmom as needed?
I was thinking something like that would work for her. She was sexually abused as a child; so sometimes shes just extra modest about her body around men. When you aren't moving around your grooming needs might be able to be stretched more. And baby-wipes can help for the in-between times. When DH was in the military they would take them on deployments to places where water was scarce. The ones I use on my daughter smell fabulous too!

She never called me back yesterday so I'm hoping she worked something out. I really think the best thing would be if her mother came to stay with her for a few weeks. Dad is probably the next best thing really since he is retired. My friend is a runner and used to being so active. This has got to be just such a shock to her.
 

catsallaround

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I know they sell adult wipes for bed bound-I was told a bit pricey but for the no shower days may work better. I love some of the baby wipes-and the cottonelle adult baby wipes

One of my cases was a stroke victim who had always been so active so yeah I can understand the shock


Not to get personal but for you and her to talk about maybe-if there was no issues and she fell and now can't feel legs is it possible she didn't feel them before the fall? Maybe is hiding something? I just would want to know there is no under laying issue that triggered the fall/can happen again.
 
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MoochNNoodles

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She fell at a restaurant. She was walking up to the bar and there was water on the floor. 99% of the time she wears heels (she's like 4'11"). We've been close friends since 10th grade; so for like 14 years or so. That year she managed to partially tear her ACL and break her kneecap on Christmas morning.

She said she fell again when she was getting up and a friend came over and SHE almost fell too! Then her boyfriend got there and he slipped... So she had lots of witnesses as to what happened. None of the workers even asked if she was ok; or dried the floor! Then her boyfriend overheard a waitress say that "she fell because she was drinking Long Islands all day." Too bad for them she had just gotten there and never finished 1 full drink! So now there is a lawyer involved. (This restaurant location has always been known for crummy service and things.) She had x-rays the day of and they gave her some good meds to help with the pain. I talked to her 2 days after and they were helping a lot. By the next weekend they weren't helping and she was starting to have the numbness in different parts of her body; mostly her legs. When I talked to her Saturday in the hospital she couldn't lift her legs more than a foot off the bed and they wouldn't even let her out of bed. She doesn't seem to know what is going on or why. Her doctor had rushed her by ambulance to the hospital on Friday.

I still don't know what is going on. Which is weird in a way. I may call her boyfriend tomorrow if I can't get ahold of her. I just hate feeling like I don't have good answers for her. (as in telling her she can come stay with me. My daughter and I are both sick now and I still dont have another bed for her to sleep in.)
 

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Originally Posted by MoochNNoodles

We've been close friends since 10th grade; so for like 14 years or so.
I still don't know what is going on. Which is weird in a way. I may call her boyfriend tomorrow if I can't get ahold of her. I just hate feeling like I don't have good answers for her. (as in telling her she can come stay with me. My daughter and I are both sick now and I still dont have another bed for her to sleep in.)
Sorry you guys are sick.
If it was a friend I was close to and cared a lot about I would sleep in a blow up mattress or the couch and give them the bed. Life is just too short and this time will pass, I would find a way to help. Or rent a bed or buy one off of CL. Or do whatever I needed to do. It really just depends on the situation though. You can always bake meals and snacks and drive them over when you are feeling better to get a better sense of what is going on. She might be feeling stressed on top of her medical issues and alone on top of that and that is why you aren't getting information.
I can tell you really care and this is causing you a great deal of confusion and you want to help but as unsure of the best or right way. Vibes for all of you
I have experience with home care, but I am not seeing how my experience is applicable in your situation.
 
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MoochNNoodles

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Yeah; this is a weird one. My parents actually said she could go there; but she's made no contact. I think I kind of said this in my first post; my family has always been there for her. Like we've made it too easy for her family to not have to do anything for her when she needs them. I live about 90 minutes from her. Her dad lives about 45 from her; though I could probably get to her dad's in about 30 minutes. I could totally bring her food at his house and stop in to check on her and that sort of stuff.
 

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When i had back surgery a few years ago i was given a form in the hospital to fill out if i needed any kind of services after discharge....Like walking my dogs,meals,homecare for showering and all that so they could arrange it for me.
I was lucky though and needed none of the service because at the time my MIL lived with us and she is a retired RN,so between her my hubby and SIL(an LPN) i was always well cared for.
I really hope your friend gets the help she needs as it is tough living in pain and not getting help.
 
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