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Missing Callie & Feeling a Little Empty (Long)

post #1 of 19
3/17/11 at 8:39pm
Thread Starter 
It's been 2.5 months since Callie was put to sleep and I miss her so much, but especially lately it seems. I miss her sweet, calm presence and her snuggles. She was just always "there", you know? She was so predictable and steady and she was MINE, always MY cat. She loved Mark and would sit on his lap and enjoy his pets, but in reality it was ME that she had bonded with most.

I miss having a cat that's MY cat. Hannah and Tumbles have turned out to be Mark's cats, if you know what I mean. I just don't have that deep heart connection with either one of them. Maybe it's because he's at home with them during the day while I'm working or maybe it's just because he's not so "in your face" with them. I tend to want to pet them, love on them, and snuggle with them.

Don't get me wrong, I love both Hannah and Tumbles to pieces, and I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world, but I'm missing the feeling of having a cat that's closer to me than Mark. Hannah snuggles, but only when she's hungry and/or only on her terms. She enjoys being petted and loved on, but not for too long. She likes to be with her humans, but not necessarily next to us, just in the same room. Tumbles is still just a little tyke. He's easy to overstimulate and so BUSY all the time! He doesn't have time for extended petting sessions and snuggling. Perhaps that will come in time, but I don't think he's going to turn into a Momma's boy.

I just miss that really connected and bonded feeling I had with Callie. Mark asked me the other day if that is what's really driving my desire to get a playmate for Tumbles. He's wondering if I'm, in some way, trying to replace Callie. I don't think I am, but it would be nice to have another kitty that I had that type of bond with.

Sorry for rambling, but does this make sense to anyone and does anyone have any words of advice or encouragement?
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post #2 of 19
3/17/11 at 8:47pm
it makes perfect sense to me. I had to put Sophie my Toy pom down. She was poisoned. My heart still breaks for her. She was My little girl. I bought another Toy pom Baby Bear almost a year later. I love her, but not the way I felt about Sophie. it has been almost 2 years since Sophie died. I don't know if I will have that special love again.
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post #3 of 19
3/17/11 at 8:49pm
I know exactly how you feel. It's been over a year since I had to have my precious Maverick put to sleep, and I STILL miss him horribly. He was my "soul-mate" kitty, and I don't think I'll ever get over missing him. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him: the house isn't the same without him - even having 11 other furkids around. I love them all dearly too, but it's still not the same. I still can't look at Maverick's videos or pix without bawling.

You are not alone.
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post #4 of 19
3/17/11 at 8:51pm
I'll overnight you Lola. No matter what you're doing, if you want here there or not - there she is! You can push her away, she's like a boomerang & comes right back. You can shut her out of the room, she yowls to be with you. She must have incessant 24/7 human contact - and she's a ladies cat. And if you never put her down, she's happy.

Damita's been gone three years now in April. It seems like just yesterday. She was "the one", the one I had that special bond with. I miss her deeply but was blessed every day I had her.
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post #5 of 19
3/17/11 at 8:53pm
Losing a pet you are so bonded with is terrible. I can relate to what you are going through. I do understand what you mean about Hannah & Tumbles. In a way, I'm sure not having that sort of bond with them, makes the loss of Callie all that much more upsetting.

I know you aren't trying to replace Callie, but you said you wanted a playmate for Tumbles? What if you started going to a few different rescues or shelters, and trying to find a cat that you can feel a connection with? I think everyone has that one special pet in their life that is irreplaceable. But, maybe if you meet many different cats - it will bring you one step closer in finding that bond that you are missing? Maybe go to a rescue, and meet a few cats and if you feel a connection with one - go back and visit a few more times to see what happens. It may help the cat become "your" cat because it will so closely associate you with it's rescue. I know many people don't think cats can carry that type of memory or emotion - but I truly believe they do "know" and are forever grateful.
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post #6 of 19
3/17/11 at 9:31pm
It makes sense. I still cry over Lynxx I'd do anything bring him back.
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post #7 of 19
3/17/11 at 9:39pm
What you are going through makes a lot of sense. I had to put my Claude to sleep after he had a stroke back in August. Claude was my shower kitty. I could not go into the bathroom without him trying to order me into the shower. Claude was very bonded with my hubby but I still miss his meowing at me to drizzle water on his head every time I would go in the bathroom. Claude used to sit on the side of the bath tub in the shower mist and demand you drizzle water on his head. He loved to try to drink the water dripping off your fingertips and would get soaked. Sometimes he would stick his head in the shower. There are still times when I break down in tears taking showers.

Claude was 15 and he had been in my life since the day he was born.
Callie will always be with you in your heart and you will always remember her. Hang in there and hugs to you.
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post #8 of 19
3/17/11 at 10:15pm
Believe me........... I know your pain.....


don´t give up!...
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post #9 of 19
3/18/11 at 12:33am
I was thinking about you a little during my time at the shelter this week. We have a little tabby and white girl that is just desparate for love. You don't have enough lap or enough hands to to satisfy her craving for attention.
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post #10 of 19
3/18/11 at 4:28am
I too understand how you feel hun... keep your chin up, and when the time is right another kitty will choose you.
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post #11 of 19
3/18/11 at 5:03am
Oh, my dear, you are not alone. Sometimes I think I would sell my soul to get Banshee back, even for just one day. Just one day that I could spend talking to her and cuddling with her and telling her much I love her. Just one day to go outside so she could sniff the flowers and the leaves. I would give anything to see her careen around the corner in the kitchen so fast her bottom would slide around on the floor. Just one more time. Just one. I miss her so much.

DH used to say that Banshee loved him. But she adored me. And when he would come to bed and see the two of us all cuddled up together, he would us his CuddleBugs.
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post #12 of 19
3/18/11 at 5:22am
I felt that way when we put Max to sleep. He was my soulmate cat. I have missed him everyday since. I never thought any cat could take his place. We had Muffin and Speedboat, but they were not Max. It was strange, but Speedboat always loved me better than Max did. When Max was gone, Speedboat took advantage of that and became my lap cat. When he died this past January a year ago, he had become my cat, from being my husband's. Maybe something like that could happen with Hannah or Tumbles. My opinion is even if you got another cat, you might not get one that fills the bill. It takes time to bond with a cat, and I don't think you could tell in the time it takes to pick out one and bring it home. How much have you tried to bond with either of these two cats you have. By that I mean spend extra time and give extra attention. You could see a change. Hugs to you. I know how it feels to miss them.
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post #13 of 19
3/18/11 at 7:37am
I totally understand what you are saying. I had a cat named Jazz. He passed about ten years ago and was twelve years old when he died. He was a once-in-a-lifetime cat for me. They are all special, yes. But, Jazz and I had a very deep connection. My Pipsqueak now is up there with Jazz though. Each cat brings something special to our lives and some are just a tiny bit more than the next... for you today, I know it still hurts no matter how long ago they left us.
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post #14 of 19
3/18/11 at 5:32pm
Thread Starter 
Thank you everyone! In the past month or so, I've tried to increase my time with both Hannah and Tumbles, especially on my days off. It's not that they don't like me or are afraid of me, they just prefer Mark. I think I'm jealous!
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post #15 of 19
3/19/11 at 5:00am
The cat I mentioned is in treatment or got adopted, but there is just a too-sweet black girl at the shelter. She was out of her cage yesterday, and she followed me everywhere, begging for attention.
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post #16 of 19
3/19/11 at 10:30am
Thread Starter 
One reason we're reluctant to go to a place like the Humane Society or local shelter (aka animal control) is because often those cats have not been integrated with other kitties. I need to know before adopting if a kitty is good with other cats, plays nicely with others, and is not an alpha kitty. Are the kitties at the shelter you volunteer with ever fostered so that info can be determined? If so, we might be interested!
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post #17 of 19
3/19/11 at 10:41am
Oh I can't imagine something happening to Trout. She is my soul kitty and she has been with me longer than DH.

She is always there with me when DH and I have a fight, and she is clearly on my side She loves her momma.

I am so sorry for your loss.
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post #18 of 19
3/19/11 at 1:37pm
Stephanie, I'm just sending heaps of love and hugs. I know that when the time is right, Callie will send the right baby to you - whether it's through Mike or another way.


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post #19 of 19
3/19/11 at 1:42pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by stephanietx View Post
Are the kitties at the shelter you volunteer with ever fostered so that info can be determined? If so, we might be interested!
We try to expose them to each other to see which ones are hissy and fussy, and which ones are not.

For example, I knew before I adopted her that Sheba was tolerant of almost everything. Cats, dogs, kids, strangers, she wasn't fazed by any of them.

I try putting the cats up to other cats' cages to at least get an idea. And yes, some of them have been fostered with other cats. That's how I know that Flambe gets along with other cats, after the initial hissing is over. Almost all of our employees and volunteers do some fostering.
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