Need advice on taming a feral cat

Originally Posted by LDG

Curiosity will win in the end!

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Indeed, she is already showing small signs

So nothing new today. Luna is still hiding. Eating and using her litter pan. I have sat with her most of the day. No hissing and no talking. I have contacted a local spay-neuter clinic in my hometown. They do low-cost spay-neuters. As far as they know there are no there are no local TNR programs, and no one in my immediate area helping ferals. The clinic was very helpful, and I look forward to working with them more. I plan to contact my local shelter and other local vets over the next few days. Looks like I am going to start a TNR program, or try anyway. I have no idea what I am doing. Any advice, comments? I feel like these cats need someone to stand up for them, help them, and Luna is my inspiration.

Friends at the local foster network lobbied the town in which they're based to support their TNR efforts, and they got budgeted $12,000/year to help with spaying/neutering and, of course, official permission to TNR. I'll ask her what they did. But those links I provided should be really helpful! I think most of us on TCS just TNR on our own. Plenty volunteer at shelters too, but most TNR programs aren't affiliated with shelters.

Luna sounds like she is doing great and so are you with the progress. I socialized my Magilla who is about nine months now. It took a good three months, but now she is more affectionate to me and loving than one or two of my other's . You will feel like you are taking steps back, but the steps forward then will be even more progress. Back and forth, but eventually you will reap the rewards of full trust on Luna's part .

Most of the TNR programs near where I live are not affiliated through a shelter, but do have connections as well as connections to barns in our area that will take the newly TNRd kitties and acclimate them to living at the barns. Good luck and keep updating on Luna

I'll tell you something Hissy said in a post once that I have always remembered. It's funny but effective. As far as not making eye contact, you can take it to the next level.

The more submissive cats lower their heads and only make slight eye contact with the others and then lower their lids slowly.

So with my ferals, I have sat in front of them at a comrfortable distance of their choosing. When they would look at me I would slowly lower my eyes and heads.
Several times during one sitting. After a while and I mean or month or so, they would do the same thing to me. It was our first real one on one communication.

We communicated that way for months before I was allowed to venture closer. I have done this with two of my cats. It seems to ease their sense of me being a threat.

The key words to remember are patience and time. I have one who has lived with me nearly 10years and I can pet her now IF I don't startle her. But if I have to pick her up, it has to be for a reason and I have to do it matter of fact and firm. She meows at me when she wants something on a regular basis and occassionally has a very very very tiny purr. When she is laying down I can approach her and finally after ten years I can lay my head on her back and cradle her in my arms "without picking her up" and she will allow it. And then I listen for that tiny purr while my head is on her back. Long road but worth every second!!

Don't give up on your feral...! Just don't give up.

Well just thought I would give an update. Nothing new really. Luna is still hiding, eating, playing at night, and using her litter box. I got her a few more cat toys. She seems to be enjoying them (of course when everyone is sleeping), but I think its a good sign. Yesterday I sat with her a lot on the gound next to the mirror she is hiding behind. She actually was lying down, head down and all. She seemed to be relaxed. If there was a sudden noise or movement she would raise her head, but for the most part I think she was comfortable. I have finally gotten in touch with someone in my area who runs a rescue and has experience with ferals. I am meeting with her later in the week to see how I can become more involved. Thank you all for your great advice and support. I'm not gonna give up on Luna. She is the best thing that has happened to me in a long while. Its amazing how something so small can give you the greatest feeling. From the first day I saw her on my porch she has been lifting my spirits.

Isn't that true!!!! It is the most rewarding feeling in the world to me too when you make those little steps towards becoming great friends with your feral. It is a very special relationship in the making . I am sure she is already looking forward to seeing you each day now and has come to rely on your visits with her. As far as eye contact, I would look at Magilla with soothing eyes and slowly blink and then look away, and then look back and slowly blink. After about three weeks, she is very shy, she would not flinch anymore when I would look at her . You are doing a great job building trust with Luna, and enjoy the process!!!! It is so worth it. for Luna

This morning when I went to change Luna's litter, refill food, etc. Luna for the first real time was talking. Very talkative really. She would meow, then hiss a little, then meow, then hiss a little, then meow. This went on for about 5 minutes. I sat down on the floor in the middle of the room and started talking to her, and she came out! Only for a moment, but continued talking almost non-stop. I'm thinking this is good. I was so excited Unfortunately I didn't get to stay long--had to be at work early. Can't wait to get back home. She still looked scared, wasn't really sure of herself or me, but I think she's coming along. Slowly, but still coming along!!!

Originally Posted by alexandrajames

This morning when I went to change Luna's litter, refill food, etc. Luna for the first real time was talking. Very talkative really. She would meow, then hiss a little, then meow, then hiss a little, then meow. This went on for about 5 minutes. I sat down on the floor in the middle of the room and started talking to her, and she came out! Only for a moment, but continued talking almost non-stop. I'm thinking this is good. I was so excited

Unfortunately I didn't get to stay long--had to be at work early. Can't wait to get back home. She still looked scared, wasn't really sure of herself or me, but I think she's coming along. Slowly, but still coming along!!!

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It does sound really good

I think that cats do some tests to see if it can really be true that us 2 leg monsters are not really going to eat them, so they come out little bit and then quickly hide and make mental notes of how we react, they are a lot more clever than most think, so except to see more of Luna

When I throw treats towards my scared ones, they will come to pick up treats, but this can be because I used to throw those to them before capturing them too, so they might feel that it is some safe ritual or something like that, anyway it helps getting them to push their limits, which I think will help in socializion process.

I can just see it! Too cute! She's probably telling you all about how she's so scared but she really wants to trust you.

We're playing the "darting game" with the almost-one-year-old ferals outside. We've been feeding them since last fall (they're trapped and sterilized), and they've had plenty of time to understand we're the food source. They dart out while I'm putting out the food, look up at me, and dart back under the deck. If I reach under to get a food dish while they're under there they hiss, but as soon as I clean it and start putting food in it, they dart back out to look. Of course, as soon as I look up, they dart back under.

That is so funny Since I've been home this afternoon she has not come out or even spoke or hissed. When I sit on the ground next to her she will lay her head down, I guess napping. She watches me when I am playing with her toys. I have a feather wand, and when I move it around on the ground she is totally focused on it. She won't play with me, but watches. My being in the same room with her doesn't seem to bother her.

My husband, however, is becoming jealous. He is telling me now that I'm wasting my time. I wish that he would take the time and come read the things that all of you have posted and other information that I have found about feral and stray cats. It makes me sad that he has gone from being supportive to being completely negative. He doesn't get it.

I'm not going to give up though. I'm staying positive!!!

Luna has found a home and I will do everything I can for her and others.

Thank you all again for all of your advice and support.

I hope all is well and everyone is having a nice week!!

Awwww..... I'm sorry about your hubby. Gary and I discovered cats at the same time, neither of us having had one before. We lived in an RV when we were first socializing cats, so we had no place to separate them. I guess that helped with his not being jealous of time spent with them. But even Gary, having worked with many cats now (I mean, apart from all the fosters the first two years and the fact that we do have 8 and they are all feral rescues!) - he STILL thinks he's not getting the proper respect from them and wants to be "alpha cat." There are definitely guys that "get it," and some of them are here! But in my experience, patience is not a strong point for a lot of males.

That is great news that Luna was meowing at you!! As soon as Magilla started talking to me, things progressed much quicker it seemed to me. She is happy to see you now and telling you so . Just tell your hubby, happy wife - happy life . I got some comments from mine too when I was spending so much time in Magilla's room. But he just started sitting in the room with me and we have an extra TV in that room so he could watch that. Now he complains I am on the TCS site too much

Well last night I went in to give Luna her wet food before bed. Sat with her a moment. Things were good. Turned off the light and turned on her little night light and left. About 10-15 minutes later I realized that I had forgotten to put out fresh water so I knock on her door and slowly come in. I talk to her as I'm walking to where her food and water bowls were. I notice that she has wadded up my t-shirts that I had put out for her all on top of her wet food bowl. So I sit down and start cleaning it up (messy eater). As I am moving my shirt off the food bowl she gives me a hiss that I have never heard before. One like get out of here I mean it hiss. So I finish getting her food back into her bowl and get her fresh water. Tell her I'm sorry. I guess I frightened her and was a little to close for her comfort. I felt horrible.

This morning I go in to clean litter etc. and she does the same thing. I didn't mean to scare her. So I guess we are back to square one.

Any comments on the new hiss or about how she is wadding up my shirts? I have noticed for the past few nights she has been doing this. It's almost like covering up your own plate with a napkin?

Tomorrow I will have had her for 4 weeks. I don't know what to do.

Originally Posted by alexandrajames

Well last night I went in to give Luna her wet food before bed. Sat with her a moment. Things were good. Turned off the light and turned on her little night light and left. About 10-15 minutes later I realized that I had forgotten to put out fresh water so I knock on her door and slowly come in. I talk to her as I'm walking to where her food and water bowls were. I notice that she has wadded up my t-shirts that I had put out for her all on top of her wet food bowl. So I sit down and start cleaning it up (messy eater). As I am moving my shirt off the food bowl she gives me a hiss that I have never heard before. One like get out of here I mean it hiss.

So I finish getting her food back into her bowl and get her fresh water. Tell her I'm sorry. I guess I frightened her and was a little to close for her comfort. I felt horrible.

This morning I go in to clean litter etc. and she does the same thing. I didn't mean to scare her. So I guess we are back to square one.

Any comments on the new hiss or about how she is wadding up my shirts? I have noticed for the past few nights she has been doing this. It's almost like covering up your own plate with a napkin?

Tomorrow I will have had her for 4 weeks. I don't know what to do.

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If there is food in water bowl, then water is not enough cold or is too cold, some cats prefer water that is stood for long time some prefer fresh so it is quite impossible to know which it is without some experiment.

Then covering food, mine has not done that, but they cover water bowl if water is not enough fresh or if I forget to change it.

If food is not what they would like then they mostly leave it to be or then make mess from it.

My guess is that Luna got disappointed and is acting up a little while, but as your routine continues cat will put it behind and pick up where you were, but this is just my guess, I really don't have lot of experience, just that is what I find that would be logical based on what I understand about how cats work.

Kind of kids that are around 5 years old, but at some parts very much like adults, added with flavour of wildlife, oh and they do know what they want and if human slave is not doing right thing they do know how to make it known

Frustration can lead some very annoying things too, so they need some activity at the times.

I don't know, but perhaps it can be good sign, maybe Luna is now feeling room to be her's and is starting to test you up, what you will do when she does her worst? I'm pretty sure they do test us humans and try to figure out if we are really worth of trust.

My Miuku did hiss at me a lot when I did try to caught him, I did not took him seriously just talked to him how silly he is hissing and I did then put my tongue between my lips and blowed making kind of blrrrpppppp sound which made him to stop hissing and looking with great shock on his face then continuing hissing, when I kept doing that he eventually considered me probably bit crazy and moved bit further away and just stared at me, but he really stopped hissing and got his aggression taken away by that.

It is kind of psychology I guess, doing something such crazy and unexcepted that it breaks up adreanaline of cat and causes cat to kind of forget that he was hissing at first place, actually works with angry humans too just need to be careful not to cause aggressor to think I'm annoying/pushing him.

To get back to square one, I think it would need a lot more, really really lot more, might take day or two, but I'm sure Luna will return to way she was when you just act as before, cat like things that they can predict and except so continuing as nothing has changed will probably be just fine too.

Things to avoid now would be things like approaching her, that might make her fears stronger.

Thanks You may be right about Luna not liking the food that I gave her. It was a new flavor. She hasn't shown signs of not liking any food that I have put out for her before. Normally she eats it all. This morning when I came in she had not finished all of the wet food, most of it was on my shirt and the floor, and that was a first. Only the dry food was gone. I will keep that in mind. I know that cats I have had in the past have turned their nose up on food that they didn't like. Maybe that's what Luna is doing.

I hope so anyway. I also won't come in the room again like I did last night. I think I definately scared her. Normally after I turn the night light on I don't go back until the next morning. She wasn't expecting me back so soon.

Today and tonight I'm just going to give her space. Of course I will still be in the room as usual with her, just not so close to her.

Tonight I'll make up with tuna and not forget to change water

Thanks again--

I think you two have already figured it out, but my take on it is she didn't like the "broken" routine. I still think the good news here is that she felt brave enough to hiss!

But the t-shirts over the food is her burying it! Two of our 8 "bury" their food. If I don't put a handkerchief under Tuxedo's bowl, he paws at it until he turns it over. With the handkerchief, he can "dig it up" to cover up his bowl when he's done. It is SO darn cute!

Shelly just paws the air above and around the bowl. This is hysterical. In fact, he runs around and "buries" everyone's dishes as they walk away from them. We call him The Food Police. (He also "unburies" water before he drinks. That one - I don't know what that is. Maybe it's that 10,000 year old "desert animal" throw back, and he's digging through the sand to get to the water? I have no idea. It's just very entertaining LOL).

If she didn't eat as much as she usually does, then she probably doesn't like it. But the burying in and of itself is just... an instinct thing if there's more food in the bowl than they're going to eat.

Originally Posted by LDG

I think you two have already figured it out, but my take on it is she didn't like the "broken" routine. I still think the good news here is that she felt brave enough to hiss!

But the t-shirts over the food is her burying it! Two of our 8 "bury" their food. If I don't put a handkerchief under Tuxedo's bowl, he paws at it until he turns it over. With the handkerchief, he can "dig it up" to cover up his bowl when he's done. It is SO darn cute!

Shelly just paws the air above and around the bowl. This is hysterical. In fact, he runs around and "buries" everyone's dishes as they walk away from them.

We call him The Food Police. (He also "unburies" water before he drinks.

That one - I don't know what that is. Maybe it's that 10,000 year old "desert animal" throw back, and he's digging through the sand to get to the water? I have no idea. It's just very entertaining LOL).

If she didn't eat as much as she usually does, then she probably doesn't like it. But the burying in and of itself is just... an instinct thing if there's more food in the bowl than they're going to eat.

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Yes, of course if she got full she probably hides food so other beasts will not steal it from her, mine really don't do that a lot, they have done it only few times, but they put food to water and sometimes a toy, which I think is message that water needs changing, but it is sometimes bit hard to tell exact reason, however one will learn it by experience.

I think that at some point it is good to break a routine so cat will learn to understand how people can come and go and cat does not need to bother about it, but I think time for that is later, maybe around time when door can be left open for cat to explore bit more?

It is probably little things that cat finds safety in this early stages, scheduled visits, certain food, food and water at same place etc.

Can't say that I would kept very accurate time schedule, but they are really used to my +/- 1.5 hours timing from before, they seem to be ok with it and also I make quite a lot of unscheduled visits during early afternoon which they have learned, can't say if that would bother them or not as can't see or hear them during the day, no matter, they still play during night

Don't know if they really know the clock, maybe their understanding of time is more of event based, after some event happens some things, when they know to except those things and they happens as they except probably they get safe feeling from that too.

I remember reading how there will be setbacks so perhaps one must just accept those and put them back to one's mind, that is at least what I try to do, haven't had really setbacks yet, but there is not knowing if such will happen sometime, so it is waiting game here too.

We are bit of similar stage I think, so I'm of course interested to hear how things develop there

Well I got home about 1/2 hour or so ago. Luna has been out since I left this morning. I did get a soft meow and soft hiss out of her. Nothing like last night and this morning though. I'm not going to venture into her space today though. I am sitting with her now at desk reading and working on computer.

Tomorrow I will have had her 4 weeks. I know that this is all new to her and she is scared. Before she was trapped she was used to me feeding her and would come when I called her. I'm sure she misses freedom and the nice warm sun. I hope someday soon she will trust me enough to come out from behind the mirror and check me out. Once that happens, and after a while of her getting used to being out in the open, I will give her more access to the rest of the house.

We have a small house and every noise can be heard throughout. I too am not exact with her feeding schedule, litter changes, and such things can vary between 1/2 hour to 1 hour. Usually 6a is my first visit. I get everyone out of the house and then work for about a hour in the office before I leave. My next visit is between 12p-12:30p. I do more work until 2p. Then from there there is no real set time, I'm in and out, husband and daughter home, everyone loud, doors opening/closing etc. Then around 7:30p-8p is when I give her wet food and turn off light and turn night light on. Usually that's it. Hubby is ready for attention

Last night and this morning it was like my touching my shirt and moving her food bowl just didn't sit well with her. I had never heard a hiss like that and don't really want too again She was definately letting me know I was doing something that she didn't like.

I think when she is ready she will come around. I have hope. I have no idea what her background is. I keep telling her that it will all be o.k. and that it's not safe outside anymore and that being a house cat with a loving family isn't really all that bad.

I think she is just gonna need a lot of time, patience, and love.

Thank you all again for you wonderful advice and support. It makes me feel like I'm not in this alone and that Luna and I and my family can do this. I feel it's the right thing to do and I'm not going to give up.

Originally Posted by LDG

Shelly just paws the air above and around the bowl. This is hysterical. In fact, he runs around and "buries" everyone's dishes as they walk away from them.

We call him The Food Police. (He also "unburies" water before he drinks.

That one - I don't know what that is. Maybe it's that 10,000 year old "desert animal" throw back, and he's digging through the sand to get to the water? I have no idea. It's just very entertaining LOL)..

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Oh Goodness, seriously !!!! Presley does the same thing with water and food. Paws the air if there is nothing to cover up the food left behind. And he will go to the other's bowls and do the same . Sometimes he wills start eating some and then go back to covering. I think they are hiding it for later . See those primeval instincts are still alive and well in our domestics

Sounds like Luna and you making huge progress and I have no doubt you are well on your way to a great friendship!!!