Need advice on taming a feral cat

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alexandrajames

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Feralvr, I too have a hubby that has a family that is very much anti-cat. They also think I'm nuts!

However, my hubby is coming around.
When we first met he didn't like cats at all (I think because of his mom and dad), but has since had a change of heart. I had been feeding Luna for a while before she came inside, so he knew I was already attached and there was no point in arguing. I think Luna is getting to him too! He loves her!!


He knows how much I love Luna, so he now takes up for me when talking to his mom and dad if the subject turns to cats!

Luna, this afternoon, when I came home was out again!! I knocked on her door as usual, opened it and there she was at the box I put in yesterday. I always knock before I open the door just in case she is out and needs to hide quickly. She did hiss at me twice as I was opening and closing the door. I think maybe its a good sign she didn't run when I entered.

She did also sit and rub her whiskers against the edge of the box before returning to her mirror. I think too maybe she is wanting to explore outside of her room. She kept looking around me when the door was open. I still think its way too soon for that. I need to be at least able to pet her. Also I think she needs to be comfortable sitting with me for more than just a few minutes. Jazz was also making a lot of noise when I entered her room, but it didn't even phase her, she still sat down and didn't run off. So maybe that's good too???
I'm sure he barks when we aren't home, so she should be used to his sounds. She still only stayed out a couple of minutes.


I really thought her cat condo would be here today, but it wasn't. I'm hoping she will use it when we are in here together.

Hope everyone is well!!!
 

jtbo

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My parents are also thinking I'm crazy, but it did not started with cats, I think when I did move to middle of nowhere to countryside, they started to think I'm ill or something, they are good folks, but really can't understand anything that is outside of their normal routine and values, they think it is better to live in big city, be making profit and all that, so now as there is more cats than humans at my place it must be pretty much of horror to them.

People that has not had cats can't really understand why someone is willing to share their space with them, but it is their loss.

Ferals and strays are dividing people even more, in general people seem to think cat being an object of certain purpose and functions, if cat does not work as they except it is like having a broken vacuum cleaner, then there are some who actually can understand what animals truly are, maybe animals are bit more emotion driven and maybe they can't quite as well overcome of their emotions by reason and rational thinking, but still they are individuals and not objects or utilities.

So person who thinks cat being an object will not understand at all why someone would like to have broken object, if they learn to think differently, then surely they find out that their families and friends are keeping that person crazy and then person realizes how he/she has been in fault before, but for some it is so far out of the box idea to have this 'broken pet' that it causes sort of short circuit in a brain and they can survive from shock only by it being mental illness from other party or something like that, shield mechanism when facing something too different.

I have learned long time ago to ignore others completely, it is my life and only matters important for me are matters worth of paying attention, well of course I will try to be polite and not stepping toes, but what others think about choices of my life, I don't really care, let them think what they think, if it is so much that others can't stand me it is not a big deal, I can do fine by alone myself, however I have found out most seem to slowly change, maybe some day parents don't think I'm crazy, but that is not really important for me.

When my mother started to try to get me to forget cats, I found out that there was not much other subjects she was going to discuss, so there I thought that then it is perhaps better not to discuss with her at all, after 3 months without any contact her opinions seem to changed quite a bit, they seem to try control us, not matter how old we get, but I think some of you know this lot better as having your own children, there probably is always some worry and some guidance at parent's mind.

It is just part of life, hormones and genes acting up, I think it will pass with time as it is case with Luna's fears, her genetic code and hormones are causing her to be still a shy, but as there is nothing she can do about it and as she gets lot of nice events, she will learn to see situation in it's true colours and will learn not to be afraid, I think there is no real difference with your mother in there, with time she too will learn, but as with Luna it will need enough stimulating, having to face situation enough and finding there is nothing to do about it, however with humans sometimes it is better to have differences be, but so it is with some ferals, not all of them can adjust to indoors either, but that for sure is not the case with Luna as those that can't adjust are driven mad really soon from what I have heard, it just is too much for their little brain to handle
 

jtbo

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Originally Posted by alexandrajames

Feralvr, I too have a hubby that has a family that is very much anti-cat. They also think I'm nuts!

However, my hubby is coming around.
When we first met he didn't like cats at all (I think because of his mom and dad), but has since had a change of heart. I had been feeding Luna for a while before she came inside, so he knew I was already attached and there was no point in arguing. I think Luna is getting to him too! He loves her!!


He knows how much I love Luna, so he now takes up for me when talking to his mom and dad if the subject turns to cats!

Luna, this afternoon, when I came home was out again!! I knocked on her door as usual, opened it and there she was at the box I put in yesterday. I always knock before I open the door just in case she is out and needs to hide quickly. She did hiss at me twice as I was opening and closing the door. I think maybe its a good sign she didn't run when I entered.

She did also sit and rub her whiskers against the edge of the box before returning to her mirror. I think too maybe she is wanting to explore outside of her room. She kept looking around me when the door was open. I still think its way too soon for that. I need to be at least able to pet her. Also I think she needs to be comfortable sitting with me for more than just a few minutes. Jazz was also making a lot of noise when I entered her room, but it didn't even phase her, she still sat down and didn't run off. So maybe that's good too???
I'm sure he barks when we aren't home, so she should be used to his sounds. She still only stayed out a couple of minutes.


I really thought her cat condo would be here today, but it wasn't. I'm hoping she will use it when we are in here together.

Hope everyone is well!!!
Ah, the box rubbing, I think she was marking that box to be safe and perhaps even it being now her's with her cheek as there is one of those feromone things, uhm, don't know what it is in english, but from my memory cat has those scent marking things at legs, paws, cheeks, forehead and at tail, maybe there was ones at sides too?

That rubbing is very good sign, she is getting comfy and makes those scent marks to feel being at home, that is at least what I think based what I have read from cat behavior.

I don't know about petting, but somehow I have impression that it will be last part of taming adult ones? If it is so, then it might take months to get there?
I'm really worried about petting as I have quite similar situation and I would not want to rush or delay things too much, how one can even know that cat is ready to be petted?
 

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JTbo, you are right about all of it, and you had me laughing so much at the broken vacuum cleaner comment!
It's just so TRUE!

And yes, the cheek rubbing is scent marking, they also have the glands in their cheeks.
And she IS saying "this is HOME" because that's what those scent glands are used for!


As to your question about when they're ready to be petted... the answer is when they head-bump you. Now, most people don't wait for the head bump because they're too anxious, and this often works out just fine.

But of our 8, Tuxedo is the MOST loving and demonstrative kitty we have. He purrs when you just LOOK at him.
His two brothers and sister we brought inside before him. He was one nasty little kitty, and we deemed him "unadoptable." We left him outside to become part of the feral colony. But he did know us from when he was just a few weeks old. But he'd arch his back, hiss, and jump sideways while spitting when we were putting the food out.
(Gary was endlessly amused by this thing not much bigger than his hand or foot being so bold!)

He was such a mean cat, he sent two of the colony cats to the vet needing stitches.
We had to feed him separately from the colony cats.

The weather got colder and colder, and he'd always come running for his food. There was a snow before the end of November and it partially melted... and Gary was so upset about Tuxedo being out there. One day he put out his food, and sat down on the bench and started crying. Tuxedo walked over to him and bumped him on the leg. That was it. Gary could pet him and hold him after that.

If you want the rest of the story about how he came to be inside full time, I'm happy to tell. I don't want to hijack the thread. The point was... they'll come rub on you or bump you, and that's how they show you they're ready.


Many people who rescue don't wait for this, and work on getting them acclimated to human touch. But in our experience, even though you may have to wait MONTHS longer, if you let them come to you, (especially if they're older and not young kittens, I think this makes a big difference - not so much when they're little, like under 2-3 months old, then it is better to handle them), they become more loving and the bond you have is much closer/stronger.
 
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alexandrajames

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I am in no hurry with Luna!
What's happening right now is amazing.


I wasn't planning on even trying to touch her. I too also thought it would be best if she came to me. She has sniffed my hand, nose to finger once. I just froze and let her do her thing.

The past few days have been great. She is coming around, but at her pace. I want her to know I'm not gonna get her, grab her, or hurt her. So I'm doing my best at ignoring her. I do have to talk too her and all, but I still mind my own business.

I am so lucky to have found this site. A few weeks ago I wouldn't have thought what's happening now with Luna would happen (if that makes sense). Ya'll are great and thank you!!!
 
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alexandrajames

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Luna's kitty condo came today. I was a little disappointed as it did not go together well. Guess that's what I get for ordering online instead of just going to PetCo! It is about 2 feet high, which was what I had expected.

Luna and I played this afternoon and she also showed herself before I left this morning.

I have been in her room most of the afternoon. I set out her wet food about 45 minutes ago and then left. When I came back, about 20 minutes after, I knock on door and open it and there she was checking out the box that the kitty condo came in. I now have several boxes in her room. I figure why not it is her room and for now the only room she has, so why not make it as cat friendly as possible.


When I opened the door she looks up at me and starts meowing. Then hissing as I ease on in to sit down. She doesn't go behind her mirror. She goes to the new box, which is closest to me, and we play peek-a-boo. Then she moves to the longer box and goes into it and lays down. Again this time she does not retreat to mirror, she chooses another box closest to me. I guess this is good, right?

Anyway, we chat for about 10-15 minutes then I leave her. I can't find my camera right now (I think hubby has it) but when I do I will take more pics of how room is and maybe if I'm lucky I will catch Luna out again! She is soooooo pretty!!!!
I love her so!


She is really curious about the door to the room. I can't let her out right now, but do you think she maybe trying to say "Hey let me out!"? I know she has figured out that the door is the exit. I told her this afternoon again that if she was wanting out out, she could not go and that it wasn't safe out there. Maybe she is just curious though.


Hope everyone is well!!!
 

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She's really starting to "own" her room!
Keeping the box was a great idea - and obviously she enjoys having them! Not retreating to her mirror - and expressing her concern for her space by hissing - all good!


Is the condo sturdy? We bought a large, put-together one that the vet had, and we kind of had to jury-rig a few things, but it was very sturdy when we were done. That's really the most important part.


Especially as she doesn't seem bothered by Jazz and knows he's out there... I think she's just getting curious! But you're right - until she's comfortable with you, she shouldn't be let out to explore.
 

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I am backing up a few posts and commenting on your hubby comment
. My hubby, too, knows now there is no sense in arguing about what I do with the cats, rescue and TNR. He knows I will do it with or without him. So he now joins me in my efforts
If ya can't beat em, join em
.

Oh those cat condos. I am so lucky in that my daughter works at a Petco and she will call me periodically with the managers special sales on those tall cat trees
. So I get them for dirt cheap. I run to the store and stuff them in my car and by golly they are going to fit
. We had to put together one and I just love it. It was an older model Petco brand, very tall. That one is their fav for bird watching in the mornings.

I bet Luna and Jazz are already friends. I noticed with Magilla that she was more comfortable around the other cats and my dogs before me. I guess if you are covered with hair, look like an animal, talk like an animal, your socialization period of ferals is cut in half or less
.
 

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Originally Posted by Feralvr

I bet Luna and Jazz are already friends. I noticed with Magilla that she was more comfortable around the other cats and my dogs before me. I guess if you are covered with hair, look like an animal, talk like an animal, your socialization period of ferals is cut in half or less
.
Sleeping on cat sofa should then help, I'm covered with their fur every time, they shed so much this time of year, also sofa is so soft that I have to kind of roll out from it and then I'm on my fours, few meows and maybe I would go from a cat, rather large cat that is
 
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alexandrajames

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The condo is sturdy now. It didn't go together well and I had to do a little adjusting to make it work, but it was going to work!


I think I kind of freaked Luna out with all the new stuff. Last night she waited until everyone was quiet and in bed to come back out to eat her wet food. Normally she will eat it right after I leave. My daughter also had a friend over so I don't know if that had something to do with it. Also maybe she just didn't like the flavor as well. Usually anything chicken, tuna, shrimp, and fish she loves and I have also noticed she prefers Fancy Feast. This was chicken and ocean whitefish I think. Who knows.


Guess I'll see how tonight goes as I have once again rearranged things a little. I have more boxes so I stacked them by size right next to her cat tree and shelf. My office is a little cramped now, so I took out a chair and had to move some other furniture around.

I don't think she has even checked out the cat condo to much. Toys and treats were still where I had left them.

I'm going out today to see if I can't find her something new to play with.

Hope everyone is well and having a good day!!
 

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It was probably the moving things around.
She doesn't seem to like that too much.

As to the condo... as she loves behind the mirror and her boxes, it may take her a while to investigate? Although she was up on your desk before, right? So it's probably just all the noise and activity, and when things settle down, she'll be all over it.
 
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alexandrajames

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How is it that these little kitties can act just like a normal kitty and then all the sudden turn back into the scared kitty who thinks I'm going to eat her?

I have been playing with Luna for at least 30 minutes with her behind her mirror and me at entrance with the string and mouse. As soon as I sat down she was ready to play. She knew exactly what we gonna do. She plays just like a regular kitty. She even did her first belly roll with the mouse. She is definately a great mouse attacker!!!


I get up after we have played and chatted and leave for maybe 2-3 minutes. When I came back into her room, she was on her way out from behind the mirror, so maybe I did startle her a little. She looks at me and hisses and no longer looks like the playful kitty I had just left.


I'm sure I just startled her, but I did also knock before entering and I was talking too as I was coming through the door. I know she knew I was in the room.

It just amazes me how quickly they can go from easy going to all the sudden your in their space and you better get out of it now thing.

Any thoughts? I know this is all a process and it takes time, but still it is somewhat mind-boggling.


Luna is now back behind the mirror and has decided against coming out. Oh well!!


Hope all are well!!!
 

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AW hun, this is totally normal behavior. Who knows what set her back, probably nothing you have done. She is probably battling in her mind still about what the heck is going on. And part of her wants to be close to you and the other part is telling her to stay back and hide. It is just a very long process. And as I said many posts back, it also depends on what type of personality/temperament you are dealing with. Even hand-raised cats can be very, very shy and skittish and some very, very out-going. One of the feral kittens, Pixie, I trapped in December let me pet her on day two after trapping and was actually reaching out for my hand. It just melted my heart. She is now in her forever home, btw. Luna may have a more introverted personality to begin with on top of being feral. Just keep on plugging along day by day. You are making progress, huge progress with her. It takes a very, very patient person to do what you are doing and mix a ton of love
to that recipe too.
 

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Lauren (Feralvr) and JTbo (who's discussed this elsewhere) are exactly right. It's that internal battle. The trust is winning - but the instinct of distrust is still right there.

Imagine those cartoons with the angel on one shoulder and the little devil on the other shoulder.
Sometimes the angel is whispering, "It's OK, let go!" and other times the little devil is whispering "Big scary monster, beware!"


That's why we always talk about the "two steps forward, one step back."

It's the process.
Only in Luna's case.... trust is winning more and more frequently.
 
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Thanks guys!!


This morning has been a good one. I slept in a little this morning, so I wasn't on schedule so much. Usually happens on weekends (no school, etc.).

Anyway, I clean Luna's litterbox and take water to refill, and when I come back she had just used the litterbox (again
) and was just exiting. She does the whole hiss thing and then talks with me for a bit before she goes back behind mirror.


Hubby and Jazz were even making lots of noise, and she still just sat up tall and looked around for a minute. I was sitting in cornor of the room right next to the door. I thought she would run as soon as she heard my hubby getting closer and being loud and all, but didn't. I don't think she likes my hubby too much. I think he just scares her cause he is so big and hasn't been the best at not freaking her out. (You know the whole moving mirror with her behind it and looking down on her thing
) I don't think she has forgotten that or ever will.


I've been in and out all day and just now when I came in, she comes out meowing and we played peek-a-boo cause she can't make up her mind if she wants to come out or stay in. Its funny too, because all I see is her head. I see the angel/devil thing going on in her head.


I tossed a mouse near her and finally she gave in and pounced on it.
Her kitty condo it right next to the mirror and I guess my scent on a shirt I put inside caught her nose. She sat down right in front and sniffed around, looked at me some and yawned ( I yawned back too), and then she went back behind the mirror.

So I know this post is really long, but I think in a few weeks maybe she will be sitting out longer!! I hope anyway.


Hope everyone is well and thank you LDG and Feralvr.
 

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[size=-3]Luna, it's OK, she's never done anything to hurt you and she tries to always give you your space!
[/size]

[size=-2]Luna, be careful! She's a big scary monster![/size]

[size=-1]But Luna, she gives you yummy food all the time, takes care of you, and gives you wonderful things to play with and boxes! [/size]

[size=-1]But Luna, she COULD eat you! [/size]

Luna, why don't you just talk to her, tell her all about this struggle that stupid little devil over there insists on dragging up all the time!

 

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Yep, perfect analogy, Laurie
vs.
This is exactly what these ferals go through in the socialization process. It takes SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much patience on our parts during this transition from feral to friendly
. Luna will come closer and closer, but in her own time.

P.S. I can't stand LOUD HUBBY'S
. Again, yesterday, Perla did not eat her meal because SOMEONE was upstairs
stomping around. I just can't win
. So I go and tell him again, nicely to please stay put when I am feeding, he just rolls his eyes and stomps some more.
 
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alexandrajames

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Luna has been coming out and greeting me every time when I have been entering her room.
Yesterday it was mostly just poking her head out from behind the mirror and then easing on out. She also wasnt't staying out long.

Today all of her is out. She starts off hissing as she is coming out and then its just meows. At least 3 times when I have gone into her room today she has pretty much just walked straight to up me only leaving about 6 inches between us. I stuck my hand out once, but she never came to sniff me. My daughter even opened the door up and Luna stayed where she was and just looked up at her.

She has stayed out longer as well. Early this morning I know she was out at least 30 minutes with me on my computer. Once she was even lying in the middle of the floor.

Two times when I have moved too fast she has given me the dreaded hiss of "Back off Monster Lady".


I'm going to leave her alone for a couple of hours before I go in again. She has had a big morning. She is being so brave.


I really think the angel is going to win.
I just think its going to be a little longer and that's just fine. I want Luna to trust me, so I'm just taking it one step and day at a time.


Hope everyone is well!!
 
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