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The Mackerel Update Thread. :3 - Page 9

post #241 of 260
3/15/11 at 3:24am
I am so sorry you are going through all this with your parents. Like you need this right now....

I don't understand how a wonderful kitty like Mackerel could be considered a mistake. I am sorry they feel that way because they miss so much not understanding what a wonderful friend their daughter had.

When you cannot talk to your parents, we are always here. And I pray that your parents will come to realize they have a good, caring daughter and not be so critical of you.
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post #242 of 260
3/15/11 at 5:46am
Sophie, sometimes I forget how young you are; you sound so mature in your posts, I just forget you're still a baby No offense intended, it's just that I'm old enough to be your Mother.

Your Mom was so out of line concerning Mack; it does sound as if she knows how to push your buttons, and seems to enjoy doing it. Mack was probably the best decision you've ever made---don't ever forget that. I do understand not wanting to cause any conflict with your folks, so I guess not fostering the kitten was a wise choice. I'm not sure I would have had the strength to say 'no', but I think we've all come to the conclusion that you are a strong woman.

Don't dispose of all of Mack's toys, sweetie; in the end you'll probably be sorry. I lost my dog soul-mate in 1988, and I still have the frisbee she used to play with. I wouldn't part with it for anything.

We're here for you, anytime you need to talk there is always someone here. And, most importantly, we understand the love you feel for Mack and the pain of losing her. Be good to yourself; you've had a rough couple of months. Sending you a big (((CYBER-HUG)))
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post #243 of 260
3/15/11 at 6:00am
Aw hun.... just heaps of hugs. It must have been really tough clearing out Mackerel's things. And as to your mum... no two ways around it, that was an unnecessarily hurtful thing to say.


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post #244 of 260
3/15/11 at 6:22am
Not to be too flippant, but have you ever consider therapy, counseling. By yourself and/or with your mother? Your mom seems passive aggressive, which is quite insidious and has long-term consequences and ramifications. And about which I have up close and personal knowledge.
Mackerel was not a mistake; your mother is mistaken.
And don't even go there: you are not a mistake.
Mackerel taught you a lot; as a mother, I would want my child to be constantly learning, even if the lessons are hard. Lessons are not mistakes, even if the end result is a catastophy. There is book learning, there is emotional learning. Makes you a better person. And, what mother wouldn't want that?
PS: my gut reaction about your fostering a kitten is that it would delay your grieving process which I think you need to do. It would be like working 80 hours a week to escape the pain of a loved one's death. Also about which I had up close and personal knowledge. Later (next week? month?) you could consider fostering and/or volunteering at a cattery.
Just sign me "Lucy" of "Peanuts".
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post #245 of 260
3/15/11 at 7:07am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jalindal View Post
Thanks for the responses guys. Good to know I'm not going crazy to be upset by the things she said.

I actually feel good about not taking the kitten. I wish that I could look after her... but at the moment I think I'm too upset about Mackerel, too worried about Mum's anger, and too apprehensive about falling in love with her. It's definitely not a good time for me to adopt a cat, and maybe I need to wait until I can see my way clear to do that before I look at fostering, so I know that if I DO fall in love with the cat I can keep them if I need to.

I didn't mention this in my last post, but what I found out about the vet is that they have a no kill policy for animals that are turned in to them. I knew that about the dogs that they have there because you can see a big pack of them roaming around in the backyard and some of them spend quite a lot of time in reception... but I didn't know that they have a massive cat sanctuary out the back in a very big aviary, and that they're constantly trying to find homes for cats, so no matter what happens to the little girl she wont be put to sleep.

I think that when I decide that I'm ready to adopt another cat that's where I'll go- I like the idea of spending some time in the big aviary and getting to know them and finding a grown up cat to come home with me, not a kitten who will probably have lots of chances to be adopted. The... circular nature of that thought- getting a cat from the people who looked after Mackerel so well really appeals to me. But that is probably several years into the future, when I graduate from uni. Just an idle thought that appeals to me at the moment as the light at the end of the tunnel kind of concept.
Your plan is a good one. I'm glad you are starting to think ahead. You can always volunteer at their center if you want, sometime down the road, but yes, your first job now is to graduate and become independent.

Stick around, we care about you.
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post #246 of 260
3/15/11 at 7:19am
Thread Starter 
Thanks everyone. Today's been hard, but I'm glad that I sorted out Mackerel's things- I haven't thrown anything out, I'll leave that to do in a few weeks when I'm feeling more stable, and can decide what I can bear to lose.

The issues with Mum are usually fine... just today's been hard, and I'm not in the best mindset anyway so things got a bit out of hand. Ritz- without going into a tiresome level of detail, I have lots of issues and I've been in counselling for years, on and off. Currently not going and unmedicated, and doing well- yay. Mum and I had.. I think two or three sessions with a family counsellor, but it... didn't go very well. Mum's actually a counsellor herself, and since she finished her degree a half dozen years ago she's gotten much better. Everyone has family issues, I'm sure, so it's not something that generally bothers me that much- a little bit of tension every now and then and the occasional blow-up is bliss compared to what it was like when I lived at home. Most of the time it's great. But thanks for the concern, "Lucy of Peanuts".
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post #247 of 260
3/15/11 at 7:28am
Ritz is now my therapist! Amazing--she forgives me even when I accidentally hit her on the face or feed her crummy food or scold her for doing what cats do naturally (my that Ming Dynasty vase on the counter looks interesting). She loves me anyway.
We should start a new thread, What my cat taught me about life and loving.
Glad your mother is still learning--and living. Once you stop learning, you stop living.
When you get another cat, we'll still be here....
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post #248 of 260
3/15/11 at 7:55am
Am sure you've taken the right decision. You need to be absolutely sure and really - you should be kind to yourself - you've just been through a lot.
I sometimes have issues with my mom - she always feels that she know's what's best for me. My mother was not happy with us getting Calvin, the first kitty and was outright mad when we got the 2nd. She felt that the kitties would prevent be from doing my work and I will be too involved and ignore everything else. Oh well - who does not have family problems. I am sure she wants the best for you and may be hurting too since her little girl Sophie is hurting so much.

Perhaps one thing to keep in mind when you do decide (if you do) to get a kitty is maybe to get health insurance. In the US it is less that $20 a month and it buys you peace of mind. We have some money saved up and we do have credit cards what we can use if we need to. We also keep good credit so that if push comes to shove we can apply for hopecredit to avoid paying interests that our other credit cards will charge if we carry a balance. But just in case or large medical expenses we opted for medical insurance for Calvin (will have to get one for Hobbes too).

to you. Mack touched so many of our hearts and we are hurting along with you. Cannot think of her without tearing up. We all miss Mack
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post #249 of 260
3/15/11 at 7:57am
Thread Starter 
Cindy- that sounds like an excellent idea for a thread.

Calvin&I - I will *definitely* be getting pet insurance next time. It will be part of the costs that I factor into my monthly budget to see if I can afford a pet.
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post #250 of 260
3/15/11 at 8:02am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Calvin&I View Post
Am sure you've taken the right decision. You need to be absolutely sure and really - you should be kind to yourself - you've just been through a lot.

Deciding not to get a cat does not need to be as absolute as deciding to get one. In my opinion, if there is that much doubt and stress involved in making the choice, the choice not to is the better choice.

One can always change one's mind later and adopt, however, once the pet is home, there isn't any waffling room. (except in cases of fostering of course, which this was supposed to be, but still, I think Sophie is being very wise and doing what is best for both her and the kitten. )
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post #251 of 260
3/15/11 at 8:15am
Quote:
Originally Posted by otto View Post
Deciding not to get a cat does not need to be as absolute as deciding to get one. In my opinion, if there is that much doubt and stress involved in making the choice, the choice not to is the better choice.

One can always change one's mind later and adopt, however, once the pet is home, there isn't any waffling room. (except in cases of fostering of course, which this was supposed to be, but still, I think Sophie is being very wise and doing what is best for both her and the kitten. )
I totally agree with you and I think that's what I meant (not sure if you think I meant otherwise and hence you quoted my sentence). I meant Sophie needed to be absolutely sure before getting a kitten and even fostering one really. She has just been through a lot and then if she does not get the support she would like from her family and a lot of other concerns seem to arise, it's better to err on the side of caution. I think her idea to spend some time at the aviary is excellent. That's why I said she needs to be kind to herself now - make the least stressful choice and see how things go.
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post #252 of 260
3/15/11 at 8:26am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Calvin&I View Post
I totally agree with you and I think that's what I meant (not sure if you think I meant otherwise and hence you quoted my sentence). I meant Sophie needed to be absolutely sure before getting a kitten and even fostering one really. She has just been through a lot and then if she does not get the support she would like from her family and a lot of other concerns seem to arise, it's better to err on the side of caution. I think her idea to spend some time at the aviary is excellent. That's why I said she needs to be kind to herself now - make the least stressful choice and see how things go.
You're right, I misunderstood you. Since she had already posted she had decided against fostering the kitten I thought you were urging her to rethink that, and possibly decide to do it.
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post #253 of 260
3/15/11 at 8:36am
AWWWWW HUN many to you. I really think you are making a good decision for yourself at the moment in not fostering that kitten. She will be just fine and get care and love from another foster. It sounds like you need time to sort out your feelings before you foster/adopt another cat anyway and be in the right frame of mind. It is not helping you at all to do that with the issues with your mom. I am sorry for that for you. I have been where you are many times in regards to the mother thing. You need support right now and those negative comments are not healthy to hear from your mom. You need to take care of yourself right now and getting Mackerel was never a mistake and don't let allow anyone to tell you that. I am sorry you had to borrow money from your parents for Mack because that gave your mom some power here. You did what you had to do for Mackerel and you did the right thing by her. Don't ever doubt that

Mega coming to you.
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post #254 of 260
3/15/11 at 9:17am
Thread Starter 
I can't remember whether I posted it here or talking to a friend.... but the whole kitten fostering thing... I was really disappointed when I made the decision not to foster her. Very worried that she wouldn't find a good home, but also realised that I'd started to think about watching her get bigger and trying to remember the times I've lived with my Aunts while they had kittens (they breed Siamese!) and what stage of kitten-growth she'd be in now.... etc etc. Anyway, just saying that I hadn't realised how much I'd been thinking about it and looking forward to it.

Definitely NOT a good sign that I would have been able to give her up at the end of the foster period. And keeping her would have lead to alllllll sorts of drama with parents and disappointment in myself for taking on a responsibility that I can't... well, be properly responsible for.

Lauren - I knew there would be consequences for taking the money from my parents before I asked them, so it's not really an unpleasant surprise. It's really not too bad, anyway... just Mum finally having a reason to look through my finances in detail, which I've sort of managed to keep private after moving out, and feeling a bit of pressure from them. Nothing I can't handle, and totally totally worth it to be certain within myself that I gave Mackerel every chance in the world for us to beat this thing.

I'm fairly certain things with Mum and Dad will calm down once they realise that I didn't take the kitten. The call with Mum ended... precipitously? and sort of without clarification on that point. I'm much too stubborn to call them and tell them myself. ^^" But if they haven't called by tomorrow evening I'll call them and... -sigh- apologize for losing my temper and let them know what's going on.

If anyone noticed the drastic mood change from earlier when I was very blue, I've done some study for the first time since I got the last bad news about Mackerel on Thursday two weeks ago. ( ) I started doing the work I need to do as a distraction from everything else... and I'm coming to realise that this is probably what I should have done, maybe even last week, to start feeling a bit better, a bit more normal- I love Archaeology so much that it always restores my mood to equilibrium. I should have remembered that. -headdesk- I'm reading about and taking notes on Paleolithic fraud in Japan and wishing that Mackerel was here to swat at my pen as I write but... I'm laughing about it and not crying. Feels good.

Group hug!
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post #255 of 260
3/15/11 at 11:12am
I am glad you have your mind to study a bit....paliolithic fraud? Wow, you have a good brain to take all that in.

You sound like you are feeling a little better and that is so good to hear. One day at a time, Sophie. Things will get better with your mom, as you realize.

Sometime I will tell you about the archeological dig I have done at my house!
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post #256 of 260
3/15/11 at 11:45am
Archeology???? That is a wonderful career to pursue!!! And must be so very interesting to study. Sounds like you are feeling better about everything all around, mom included, and that is good for you. Your story is so close to home to me, as I once also had to borrow some money from the "P's" for one of my cats. That was many years ago but I was so glad they were able to give me the loan as I was then able to give my sweet old girl proper medical care. So, we just do what we have to do for our kitties, no matter what. Just hang in there, Sophie, each day will be a tinier bit easier than the next, and if you can get yourself involved in some other activities too, that will help tons
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post #257 of 260
3/15/11 at 1:56pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by libby74 View Post
Mack was probably the best decision you've ever made---don't ever forget that.
Exactly!!
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post #258 of 260
3/15/11 at 7:06pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by farleyv View Post
Sometime I will tell you about the archeological dig I have done at my house!
Zomg seriously??? I must hear more about this. XD

Thanks guys. I do feel a bit better about it all. It still really really hurts that Mackerel's not here... but I think that is always going to happen, wasn't it. Grief sucks. -sigh-

I have to run to uni know- going to lectures etc is a daunting idea, but my lecturers and tutors have been really understanding about my absence over the last couple of weeks. I feel strong enough to go into uni now though.
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post #259 of 260
3/15/11 at 7:26pm
So, is it possible for you to spend a little time volunteering with pets somewhere? Or would that be too emotionally difficult? (Probably would for me )

But it might offer you a chance to love on and help and be with kitties - with no strings attached?
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post #260 of 260
3/16/11 at 1:11am
I can understand your disappointment at deciding not to foster her but it does sound like you would have wanted to keep her and she would have needed a lot of time which isn't ideal with needing to catch up on your studies. I find archaeology incredibly fascinating.
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