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Taking a break from fostering...

post #1 of 14
2/21/11 at 6:19am
Thread Starter 
After a lot of discussion, Dana and I have decided to take a break from fostering. I had a really big blow out with the director from ca-r-ma Saint John as I basically told her how I felt about the way she was running the chapter. We have been guilt tripped, used and just feel burnt out. Yesterday I had a very distressing call from a lady who adopted Jasper, a little ca-r-ma kitten who had to be put to sleep yesterday due to FIP. She went up one side of me and down the other, like it was my fault, even though I was just a foster Mom. I've been lied to about vet care fosters receive before coming to me obviously.

The local shelter is a little better, but there are still a lot of policies they have that we don't agree with, and they too like to guilt trip us because they know I have a hard time saying no to kitties in need. With the health scare we had recently with Osiris, we just feel that we need to take a break and concentrate on the health of our own kitties for awhile.

We WILL foster again, but have decided we will not go through any organization to do so. We do a lot of our own fundraising anyway and have almost always paid fosters vet bills on our own, so instead of going through politics and bs with the organizations, if we come across a kitty who needs us, we'll foster them and provide vet care on our own. We're just a little jaded right now. All we have ever wanted to do was help kitties, but we're tired of being taken advantage of.
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post #2 of 14
2/21/11 at 6:30am
Aww. That makes total sense to me.

My hairdresser/friend, from whom I got Larry, stopped working with the woman who was rescuing cats in her neighborhood, because the woman was constantly slamming her with guilt trips. What's up with that, anyway? Lisa, my friend, decided that she'd rather do this on her own, than work with this woman.

And, the woman laid a guilt trip on me when, five months after adopting Larry and his sister, Lena, she (Lena) had to be put down because of FIP. I was in no way guilting her....the vet assured me there is no way the disease can be accurately diagnosed beforehand, and it's prevelant in colonies, and it was a super-hard decision for me to end her suffering, and yet this woman started guilting me on the phone, "try giving her blah-blah-blah, go to another vet, it can't be FIP, yadayadayada." I had to explain to her that yes, it was FIP, and I was already having a hard enough time, so don't pull that guilt stuff on me.

Geez. Sorry for the rant. But your experience just brought back to me how icky that woman was.

So, back on track, I'm in total agreement with your decision.
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post #3 of 14
2/21/11 at 6:48am
I would take the break, it sounds like you need a it to tend to your own kitties health at the moment. The organizations sounds dishonest and they are losing a fantastic foster home in you. What a shame for them. As time goes on, you will know when you are ready to foster again, and there is nothing wrong with taking a break from fostering kitties, especially from an organization that is being dishonest about foster's health!!!! That is just terrible and puts your own babies at risk.
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post #4 of 14
2/21/11 at 7:37am
Honey, if ever somebody deserved a break, it's you and Dana. You have done so much for kitties and all you ask in return is that the kitties have purrfect forever homes. You're both truly amazing.

And yes, you should not let them take advantage of you. It's your time, effort, and money. You have the best interest of the cats at heart. It's sad that the organizations don't feel the same way.

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post #5 of 14
2/21/11 at 8:01am
Unfortunately getting burnt out is part of rescue. Been in the exact same boat as you. There will always be personalities clashes amongst volunteers/staff, and IMO they are often more heated because lives are at stake. After just over 6 years of volunteering here - I rarely go to the shelter anymore. I do still udpate Petfinder, take pics, write biographies, etc - but I no longer go in during open hours, help w/ events, or foster. Time to put me & my fur-kids first for awhile.
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post #6 of 14
2/21/11 at 9:35am
I totally understand understand and support your decision. You guys have done so much for so many cats. It's time to focus on caring for your own.

It's shame the shelter you were working with took advantage of you and didn't respect the boundaries of your involvement. I had a pretty negative experience with one local rescue group almost five years, largely due to a disagreement with the director who's doesn't treat volunteers with much respect and tries to make them feel guilty for not doing more. I now foster for another group, along with volunteering for various other activities, but have stopped short of becoming an official volunteer.

Anyway, I do relate to your position and respect your decision to do what's best for you, your kitties and others you may help in the future.
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post #7 of 14
2/21/11 at 9:51am
to ALL of the above!

I'm so sorry to hear this. It's really sad when things like this happen to good people - and it's just so unnecessary! What's wrong with these organizations that they need to push, take advantage of people and lie? It's just so very very sad.



Whenever you're ready to begin again (and that's usually with kitties finding you, rarely do you actually get to pick the time LOL), now that you have a new vet, go talk to them! We NEVER worked with a group, because all we got was turned away when we were trying to figure out what to do with kittens in our yard. We had no choice but to operate on our own. Our problem was networking to find homes for the little ones, and we enlisted our vet and their staff to help, and they were more than happy. Talk about pricing, &etc. (We pay full rates for our pets, but not for the rescue kitties). A number of the vet techs also helped foster. And you know that referrals from the VET for homes for kitties are good ones.

It isn't too hard to start a non-profit here in the States - I imagine it wouldn't take a lot up there either. Certainly worth looking into.

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post #8 of 14
2/21/11 at 10:05am
I totally understand your feelings, Kailie. It's shameful the way you and Dana have been treated!!! You've helped and saved ssooo many precious kitties; you certainly could teach a few people what real rescuing is all about! You heart is so Big and your love is so Real, sadly, not everyone is like you and Dana. It sounds like you've met those people.
By all means--take a break-I'm sure the Terrific Ten will be so elated to have you all to themselves. We'll support you no matter what you do!!!
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post #9 of 14
2/21/11 at 10:38am
I completely agree with everyone else that has posted and don't have much to add but I wanted to let you know that I am supporting you too in this decision and I think your reasons are totally sound
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post #10 of 14
2/22/11 at 5:02am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by eilcon View Post
It's shame the shelter you were working with took advantage of you and didn't respect the boundaries of your involvement. I had a pretty negative experience with one local rescue group almost five years, largely due to a disagreement with the director who's doesn't treat volunteers with much respect and tries to make them feel guilty for not doing more. I now foster for another group, along with volunteering for various other activities, but have stopped short of becoming an official volunteer.
That is EXACTLY it! At the last ca-r-ma meeting we went to, the director literally got nasty and threatening about how none of the vollenteers do enough, and how she does all of the work, etc, etc. Wow, it was REALLY bad. I mean Dana and I both work fulltime as well, we have our own cats and our own lives. We have helped in so many ways, but yet it was never enough.

Laurie, that's exactly what we're going to do, do everything on our own and discuss things with our vet. He is awesome and his prices are reasonable as it is but I know he will work with us if we start a fostering/rescue program of our own. As I said, we will ALWAYS help kitties, but from here on in, it'll be on our own terms, without the guilt trips and politics.

Thank you all SO much for your kind words. You all have no idea how much they mean to me.
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post #11 of 14
2/22/11 at 5:08am
Kailie I'm so sorry they have treat you that way, you do nothing but help them and that's how they repaid you, even after adopting two kitties you were fostering

I would take the break to, and when the kitties need help they will find you

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post #12 of 14
2/22/11 at 9:49am
......
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post #13 of 14
2/22/11 at 4:33pm
Burn out is so common in that type of volunteer work. Don't be hard on yourself.
Sounds like the director is in big time burnout and is ignoring the signs. I don't think it is going to go well if the signs keep being ignored. Everyone needs a break. Some longer than others.
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post #14 of 14
2/22/11 at 8:12pm
Just wanted to chime in and say like previous posts I support you and applaud you for all you have done and do for cats.
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