1 kitten = lonely kitten?

I dont think I was clear on my earlier post. We like tabbies and when found them on the website, said we would like to meet them. As far as the other that they suggested to me goes, I met that kitten at the store and did not think it would be a good match to Calvin since Calvin's so spunky and mentioned this to the rescue. In fact, they know Calvin and even their description of this available kitten says that he's a couch potato and laid back. That's exactly what we felt when we saw him and that's opposite of Calvin's personality- who is crazy active.

I think the issue is mostly that these kittens are in foster care and you do have to limit the number of kittens you like to visit and I think the only way one can do that is check online and find their description. And DH and I are people who have difficulty "rejecting" any kitten so it's harder for us to visit multiple foster homes. The rescue currently has no other kittens close to calvin's age or younger.

I think DH and I will visit shelters, where we can meet different kitties and see who steals our heart and will have a personality close to Calvin's.

I'd just talk over the phone about the personality to save each other time, but not in the least would I feel bad if I wasn't 100% confident it was the right kitty. Its a companion for a decade or more if healthy, of course you're going to be choosy.

BTW, there are foster kitties that are brought out on adoption days too. Wesley and Buttercup were fostered, but came to Petsmart on weekends.

Trout is an only cat, and she is very happy

Don't feel bad about finding the right kitty that will fit with your Calvin. I understand the red tabby is a starting point - but I'm pretty sure that when the right cat decides he's going to be adopted by your family, the color and pattern won't matter.

Definitely visit shelters - but visit local pet stores too, because the kitties at Petsmart (and around here the other chain and locally owned pet stores) are all from rescue groups - they're an important source of adoptions FOR foster networks, in fact.

Talk to the reps about what you're looking for. I don't know that I'd be married to the colors and pattern so much as I'd want the right personality fit - but if you don't feel a connection with a kitty, you haven't been adopted, and a good rescue won't want you to force it anyway.

Just remember - someone personaly could be having a bad day (no excuse for taking it out on you two) - or the foster homes could be full (usually are) - lots of stress and pressure to get kitties adopted. That's (again) still no excuse for being pushy, rude, or disappointed.... but it sounds to me like you didn't adopt the kitty they suggested not for the "cosmetic" reasons, but because it wasn't the right kitty for your home.

Right now, it's about what's best for Calvin, and don't allow anyone to make you feel guilty for that. If they're doing their (volunteer) job right, that's what they WANT.

Originally Posted by LDG

That's (again) still no excuse for being pushy, rude, or disappointed.... but it sounds to me like you didn't adopt the kitty they suggested not for the "cosmetic" reasons, but because it wasn't the right kitty for your home.

Right now, it's about what's best for Calvin, and don't allow anyone to make you feel guilty for that. If they're doing their (volunteer) job right, that's what they WANT.

Click to expand...

No way was that for cosmetic reasons -he is a gorgeous gorgeous tuxedo boy - one of the most handsome I have ever seen.
The only store that has cats from rescues in my neighborhood is the Petsmart and the rescue I got Calvin from rotate their kitties there. So they do not have any kittens - just older ones. Plus with DH's schedule, the only day we have are Sundays to go check out kittens and so if nothing works out tomorrow, it will be another week, and that can potentially cut into the time I will to introduce them and I do not want to rush that.
I did get in touch with another rescue who has a few kittens and if weather permits, we can go and check their kittens tomorrow. I am just unhappy that things may get uncomfortable between Calvin's foster mom and us, if I rescue from somewhere else. The problem we are having with shelters is that DH's timing is not matching with the times they are open.

Just do you best to make Calvin's foster mom understand you've got timing issues and you're trying to find a right match for Calvin - age and purrsonality. She should understand!

Originally Posted by LDG

Just do you best to make Calvin's foster mom understand you've got timing issues and you're trying to find a right match for Calvin - age and purrsonality.

She should understand!

Click to expand...

Ditto what LDG said! Good luck finding a friend to keep Calvin company! I hope you find the perfect match!

Thanks all for the tips, suggestions and encouragement. We have brought home a little boy kitten for Calvin!!!!! However, it has left everyone traumatized.
I did email Calvin's foster mom and explained that we are not being choosy for us but for Calvin and that since time is of essence, I will be on the lookout for other available kittens. She seemed to be very understanding and wrote back to me nicely. The director of adoption, who was earlier really nice to me but send me a curt-ish email on Friday, did not respond to the email.

So we went to a different rescue and that was an experience. This lady, the founder of the rescue, had about 50 cats at her house and she also runs 21 feeding station for ferals. Let's just say, her house was different, though no poop on the floor or anything. It did smell of cat though. So we met this little boy and he was friendly and really playful. Totally reminded us of Calvin and we fell for him and decided to get him. I liked the fact that this rescue makes you sign an agreement that you will not declaw the cat. She said that we should leave the carrier somewhere for Calvin to meet the kitten and that may just work since they are both kittens. We felt the NEW KITTY (NK, henceforth - have not named him yet) did not enjoy the 1 hour drive but, unlike Calvin who screamed the whole way home, he was QUIET. We left the carrier in the living room and went to cuddle and love Calvin. He eventually came out of his room and went towards the carrier and hissed twice and then ran away. It made me cry. In the 2 months that I've had Calvin, I've not seen him growl or hiss. HIs foster mom gave him her vote of confidence that he was GREAT with other kitties. Then he came and was smelling me and I held him and was cuddling him when he hissed on my face. I was in tears.

DH took NK to his room (our guest bedroom) and set it up and let him out of the carrier. He promptly went and hid under the bed and has not been out. We have left him there and going occasionally to check on him. He has not come out, used litter box, eater or played. He's under the bed. He's supposed to be a really friendly boy and I just hope Calvin and the trip has not traumatized him beyond repair.

Oh well, will try to see how things go in the coming days. Planning to do intro by the book from now on. I should take the NK to the vet soon.

Question: How much time should we spend with NK in his room? How often should we check on him?
Any tips would be greatly appreciated.
Attachment 15159

I'm going to post some links, but let me go find them. The short version is - THIS IS NORMAL. He is used to having LOTS of cats around, and he's in a new territory, with new smells, and new sounds - and he's scared! NORMAL.

Spend as much time in there as you want. Don't try to interact with him. Just let him get used to you and make the space his own. Don't worry about introducing him to Calvin yet - understand the process first, and let NK get comfortable in his new room first. When it's "his," then you can work on the intro process.

As to Calvin hissing at the newbie, again NORMAL. He's got an invader in his territory - and they may end up being the best of buds. But right now, it's just a stranger in his space.

Calvin should be getting lots of attention, and he should always get attention first. He should get treats first, play first - EVERYTHING should be done to make Calvin be assured that the new cat doesn't mean ANYTHING is changing for him - in fact, the NK means more love, more play, more attention, &etc. Then the NK means good things for Calvin!

Let me go find those links...

First - it's 99.9% that you're all going to be ok soon - they're both young, boys aren't as territorial as girls, and you're entitled to be nervous and stressed - as they are. Calvin knows something is up - he's just not sure how to address this change in his world yet. I bet Calvin knew you were stressed from your car ride and anxious about how things will go - and he just felt his momma was 'different' and that's why you got a hiss.

My girl cries during any car trip - my boy is so quiet that I've worried that he passed out in his carrier.

I only intro'd two adults - so I'm sure someone with more experience with kittens will be by soon. But, first, keep telling Calvin, out loud, that he's the love of your life, and that NK is his kitty - that's there's plenty of love, and food, for both of them. Also, even though they're small, have a couple, like three, litter pans around for them. And separate bowls of food and water, even after NK is out of segregation.

Now, I tried the classic integration - but, in my case, Dharma darn well knew there was someone behind the door and she didn't like me going back there once an hour for ten minutes (I did a lot of reading Harry Potter out loud to both kitties). In my case, after only two 1/2 days, I let Dante out of the back bedroom. There was some hissing and chasing Dante off my bed (poor boy just wanted to sleep with us), and one night I woke up to screeching...ran into the front room, with towels in hand ready to drop on the combatants - and I saw two cats innocently looking up at me. The next day I saw them near each other in a sunny window. I rewarded them lavishly with words and a few favorite treats everytime they were near each other without hissing, so they got the idea that good things happened in each other's presence. Also, I always fed and greeted Dharma first - to reassert that it was her house and that she shouldn't feel she lost any status. Within a couple of weeks they were grooming each other, and initially sleeping on either side of me in bed. There are still times they're annoyed with each other, but that's balanced by the times they hang with each other. And they were about three years old - far more set in their ways than your babies.

I would visit new kitty fairly often - just sitting in the room, reading or talking out loud - maybe with a nice treat near me - and let him set the pace. Same thing with your Calvin - lots of consistency and telling him he's number one, that he's not losing play time, but gaining a play mate.


BTW, when is NK going to your vet for a check-up and an all-clear? I dragged poor Dante into the vet on the way home from the shelter - I sure vet smell didn't endear him to Dharma either!

TCS article on introductions: http://www.thecatsite.com/Behavior/4...cing-Cats.html

Thread on introducing cats: http://www.thecatsite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=67321

And even though I generally keep eyes on the behavior forum, I know the Caring for Strays and Ferals forum better, so I'll grab some threads on introducing cats there.

Found a great thread - and it has links to other introduction threads in it: http://www.thecatsite.com/forums/sho...d.php?t=210849 It's also a good thread, because it includes info about working with a scared kitty.



Take a deep breath! ALL WILL BE OK!

Just to add another opinion, I agree, that is normal anticipated cat behavior. NO WORRIES. New cats require an adjustment period (preferably in a "safe room"), and stranger cats require an introduction. I wouldn't be worried, this is a normal transitional hoop you just have to jump through, but they are young so I don't think it will take very long.

And yeah, Buttercup and Wesley absolutely HATED the ride back after I adopted them. At the time, I only had my Corvette, which has a intake, cam, heads, long-tube headers, and a borla exhaust so it shakes from side-to-side when idling and is quite loud and rumbly... but they're fine, they just protested during the trip.

They also hid under and behind the couch in the safe room I set up for them, but I had already been warned about this typical behavior and its just something you get through and then its done.

Darlili is absolutely right. Constantly reassure Calvin. And play it by ear - there are no rules to this. The main things are:

Focus on Calvin
Let NK get comfortable with you and his space
Positive reinforcement! Praise the heck out of either of them for being nice, for being "not mean," for anything that's good (or not negative LOL).

Use toys, food, & treats - things they love.

And I think this is important - when they're meeting, don't make their meeting about meeting - if that makes sense.

Think about kids. What would you do for a couple of 3 year olds? Would you just put two kids in a room together and sit there looking at them? Do you expect them to hug? To start laughing? No. You give them something to do, and then just... being together doing something together or at the same time seems a lot more natural.

Thanks so much LDG, darlili and ducman69 for all the encouragement and advice. It is a little overwhelming. Calvin did not hide, was super confident, took turns to come to DH and I in his room to get love. When we opened the carrier he went and checked him litterbox and food and water. He checked out the room and came to us for some cuddles and then went to his bed and napped for 15 mins and was ready to explore the house. In 2 days he became the king of the house. So it is obvious he's not reacting well and the new kitten, though was really friendly at the foster's, did not take to the new place as well. I don't know if his being nearly 7 months old has anything to do with it - Calvin was 4 months when he came to us. So the contract is rather shocking and overwhelming to DH and I. The first reaction was - "*&^&*% we made a mistake" But I guess this is normal.
Thanks Laurie for the links - read them over and definitely very useful.
Darlili - out vet is closed on Sundays and so could not take NK today. I will call them tomorrow morning and will be there the first appointment they can give me. Only I don't know how I can get him out of hiding
We've been reassuring Calvin, even before we left this afternoon to see kitties. We are showering him with love and food and being real cuddly. We've been telling him how he's our first baby and super special (DH was telling him that since both DH and I are older of 2 sibling families, we consider older siblings special and so he is our favorite and what not).

Yes, well, with 50 fosters, it's very unlikely that any of them are properly socialized. That's just too many. His age may also have something to do with it, being a little older, it's sometimes a little bit more difficult for them to transition.

But I'm sure he'll come around quickly, and with common sense and TCS I'm sure this will work.

Originally Posted by LDG

Yes, well, with 50 fosters, it's very unlikely that any of them are properly socialized. That's just too many.

His age may also have something to do with it, being a little older, it's sometimes a little bit more difficult for them to transition.

But I'm sure he'll come around quickly, and with common sense and TCS I'm sure this will work.

Click to expand...

Just our thought! I mean it was not as dirty as what we see on hoarders on the animal planet but pretty close. Though they are all neutered and spayed. She is a pretty well known person and really tries to do the best. We actually got really fond of 3 kitties. The only reason we chose this was because he was closest to calvin's age.
Honestly, if I had not found tcs, I would not have had the guts to get another kitty or I would have got another one with real limited knowledge and made a bigger mess

Aw, things have a way of working themselves out. Gary and I didn't have a clue what we were doing, and no permanent damage was done.

I do know this is one little guy that's going to be very happy in his new home.

And hoarding... if they're spayed and neutered and she's actively adopting, she's not anywhere near being a hoarder. Sounds like she might need some help with the cleaning - or maybe it was just the timing of when you came vs. when that stuff gets done. It is sad she doesn't know her limit though, because it's not what's best for the kitties.

Oh, it's scary - and especially with a 'perfect' first cat, it can be disconcerting the second time around. My Dharma was 'perfect' - like your Calvin, came out of the carrier, and very logically checked out each and every room. I sort of unconsciously expected bringing Dante in to be easy peasy - I wasn't ready for Dharma to not realize that Dante was really for her! What was I thinking! And poor Dante - looking back, he must have been very afraid being alone in the back bedroom by himself (with toys and litter box and anything I could think of).

Oh, another thought - whenever the two of them were in the same room, I made sure I had a toy (laser toy, ball, anything) near to my hands. In case I saw them staring at each other - with that look - I'd distract one, or both, with the toy. I figured if I could break up their concentration, how mad could they be at each other? And reinforced the idea that when they're nice with each other, they get even more loving and play. Oh, and if you can, maybe leave a radio on very softly in NK's room - either a light classical station, or new age, or maybe talk radio - just some background noise for NK. A night light might be nice if the room is very dark, but don't go crazy going to the store at midnight to pick up anything!

And, don't worry - vets are used to cat owners not always making their appointments right on time - I actually asked about this since herding cats is a cliche, for a reason!

The first night will be the worst - I can tell you you'll be listening for any issues or odd noises even in your sleep. But try to take a deep breath - maybe lay in a nice bottle of wine for a sip or five each evening - and give it time. No one can tell you exactly how long it will take, but with little ones like these, I'm pretty confident that before too long, you'll see them together and your heart will melt - and you'll feel rewarded for all your work and anxiety. Dharma and Dante do play with each other, and since I'm away from home during the day, I'm glad they have each other - even if I had a fairly sleepless few nights along the way. I've got to say - and I hope it's many years from now - next time around I'm going to look for a bonded pair - but even a bonded pair can react differently once they're in a forever home.

I totally agree with what other's are saying!! I have just found the safe room was the easiest way to make introductions safe and easy.. Sounds like your little guy didn't have much socialization being at such a crowded rescue, which alot are anyway.

First of all, please don't take Calvin's hissing at you when you held him personally. Cats/kittens sense of smell is incredibly intense and most don't like it when their meowmy's smell different and especially like another cat/shelter. You had just come home from this "rescue" place smelling like alot of other cats. Personally, I don't agree with the crate thing in the middle of the floor. It is way too soon for the new kitten and way too soon for Calvin. I like the sanctuary room. Bring the new kitten into the room immediately upon returning home. You should keep them separate anyways, until you get the vet check-up and kitty is healthy. Please don't rush the introduction because of you upcoming trip. Take this week and do scent transferring. Have NK and Calvin share beds i.e., have NK sleep in one bed for a couple of nights then take it out of room for Calvin to sniff and hopefully sleep in. Rub towels on one kitten and then rub towel on the other kitten, gently.

Spend alot of time with the NK in the room. When we put Magilla in her room, we put the mattresses on the floor, no bed frame. You don't want kitten to hide somewhere you can't reach him. Things will progress much more quickly if you take away any hiding places you can't reach. Go to Walmart and pick up some of those square tents, (they are so cheap and all my cats love those) get two of them and velcro them together and put a bed on one of them. That is where kitty can hide. Magilla still uses her tent, but very rarely now. The more time you spend in that room the better.

After a couple of days, (and kitty has a clean bill of health) go into the room and leave the door open for Calvin to come in - IF he wants too. And likely since it's been a couple of days, he will want to investigate the new kitten now. HISSING is normal, Calvin has had no reason to hiss since you got him RIGHT?? Don't feel bad or cry, that will only add to the stress of them adjusting to eachother. This is normal behavior. When you are done visiting in the room take Calvin out with you. And go back in a little later. Take in some interactive toys and get the kittens playing with the toy at the same time. They will soon learn to trust eachother and enjoy playing together.

If you use this process, it will be only a week or two and you should have two kittens who are becoming friends. And soon enough you can leave the room open all the time. Leave the room the exactly the same after you allow NK to roam freely, as long as possible, if not permanently. I just always have my spare room set-up as a kitty room for quarantine, or any new fosters I might have to bring. Right now it is still Magilla's room. But before that it was Perla's, Perkin's and Presley's room. Magilla has the run of the house during the day, but still sleeps in that room at night. I hope this helps as it really helps me with introducing newby's. The main thing is to get them used to eachother's smell before actually interacting directly for a couple of days.

p.s. I actually use a large piece of plexi-glass as my door to the santuary room. It is about five feet tall and can slide back and forth instread of closing the door. That way the newby can see out and my cats can see in without interacting directly. Just visually. It helps speed up the process of introduction as well as the open feeling it give the new cat in the safe room. They can hear, smell and see what is going on at all times in the house, as opposed to a closed door, while they are adjusting in their safe room. Either way is fine, I just wanted to share how I did a makeshift door.

p.s.s. Don't worry, these two kittens will be just fine, and the most important thing is LOVE, and you already know how to do that, so you are on your way to a great new family adventure with these two little darlings. Enjoy the process, they grow up too fast.....

Oh yeah, she was not a "hoarder" - far from it but it was very disconcerting for us and you cannot really escape from the stench.

DH is constantly talking to Calvin and explaining things to him in his very soothing voice. I am cudding him and showing love and saying the lovely stuff I tell him all the time. He's in the basement where we are watching the super bowl and being his sweet self with us. But his hissing right on my face was shocking. but I understand that he perhaps felt insecure then, though we tried to shower our attention on him.

Darlili - we needed something stronger than wine this evening - so rum n coke it is

I will take a radio to NK's room an the light is turned on now. I went to sit with him a while ago and spoke to him and reassured him that we love him and will give him a good life. He was under the bed and I reached out and he let me carress him a little. then I read some and when I peeked under I saw him move towards the middle of the bed - out of my reach.