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Help with jealous cat

post #1 of 8
1/30/11 at 7:12pm
Thread Starter 
Here's the story.
When I was married my wife and I acquired two cats from different places. One cat was very attached to her and the other was very attached to me. Now we're divorced, it's been two years and I have both cats. So now I have the one cat that's alway been attached to me and the other who I think have become jealous and a bit withdrawn since my ex-wife isn't around (there's no chance my ex-wife can take a cat). I never really realized this until the other day. I had to drop the cat that's attached to me off at the vet for the day. When I came home the other cat's behavior was 180 degree change. It was like flipping a switch. She was acting like the other cat always does around me. I was actually a little stunned that all of a sudden she was like this. She was being very very affectionate and playful, all day. Then it all changed back to 'normal' as soon as I brought the other cat home. It's a bit aggravating because I love both cats equally but for some reason they don't see it that way. What can I do? Are there resources? I need to find real solutions that work for this problem. I don't want either of my cats to be unhappy.

Thanks,
Paul
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post #2 of 8
1/30/11 at 8:52pm
You should do everything you can to dote on the jealous cat. Show her that you love her by feeding her first, petting her first, basically acknowledging her first every time you see the two cats. The cat that likes you will coninue to do so since you'll still be showing affection to both, and the other cat will see you are treating her the best and should come around.
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post #3 of 8
2/1/11 at 4:02am
Thread Starter 
Thanks I'll try that. I've also noticed the jealous cat is always hissing at the other cat if she gets to close. In over five years I've never seen this happen. The vet told me she may do this at first but it's been almost a week and it appears the two cats are just tolerating each other. Not being playful and what not like the use to.
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post #4 of 8
2/1/11 at 7:32am
I agree that you should totally lavish extra attention on the withdrawn cat. Extra treats, cuddles, brushing and even sleeping on your bed(you might already be doing that). Get some interactive toys and play with her often. You might be surprised that they will both get involved in the play sessions together. This way of playing actually helped me with getting my cat Perla to accept Magilla. It sounds like she just need to have some one-on-one time with you.
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post #5 of 8
2/1/11 at 8:46am
Forgot to mention, very important, don't leave the interactive toys out when you are done playing with them with the cats. They could entangle themselves in the string and chew the string up and eat it too. Just put them in a safe place where they can't get to them and only take the toys out to have play sessions. And that way the cats will get excited when you go to get them too. Have fun and hope this helps you out.
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post #6 of 8
2/1/11 at 10:55am
Wow...this sounds very much like how my cats are acting! One cat swatting at the other and the other being lovey (and mine being a little mischevious). My boyfriend and I are together so his cat isn't missing him, he is just withdrawn because of the other cat's presence.
I have a question for you Paul...when you play with the jealous cat does the other cat take over the play? Or does your withdrawn cat just walk away when the other cat comes near?
Now one question/though I have in regards to what a couple of people have suggested, doting on the jealous cat. It sounds like good advice but I think this may cause trouble if not done carefully. I have tried being more affectionate to my boyfriend's cat but then mine acts up. I'm struggling with two cats having problems, only together for a year, so I'm no expert, but I think causing jealousy in the other cat might be something to watch for. Does anyone have suggestions for dealing with this possibility? It would probably help both Paul and I.
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post #7 of 8
2/1/11 at 12:14pm
Yes, I agree, this is tricky and I have thought about it a bit more too. Paul, you do want to be careful not to start YOUR cat becoming jealous seeing you lavish too much attention on the other cat. Try to make some special one-on-one time with each of them AFTER an interactive play session with both of them together. I really don't have too much experience with this but I know with Perla and Magilla I play with the interactive toys together with them and Perla gets so distracted with the toy she forgets about being crabby at Magilla. I do give Perla lots of extra attention, but not openly in front of Magilla. I don't Magi thinking I am praising Perla for being snooty.
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post #8 of 8
2/6/11 at 8:00pm
Thread Starter 
Thanks for all the great advice. Most of the time I let the cats play with each other. Every time I get an interactive toy out it always seems that one of the cats dominates and the other one loses interest very quickly. I don't do it much anymore because it just kind of feels awkward. I will take more of the advice in this thread. As for sleeping in the bed both cats sleep in the bed with me every night. They usually sleep in the same spots. The jealous cat loves to sleep between my legs and the other cat always sleeps next to me.
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