Guys really suck -rant, and advice please?

So one of my good girlfriends is having issues with this guy, C. She has been venting to me about him for the longest time- basically they were just roommates and they just fell in love unexpectedly, and now she feels like she wants a long term relationship with him, and it seemed like they were headed that way, but now it seems like the guy is backing out. He isn't telling her anything directly though, he is still treating her like he cares a lot about her and wants to be with her, but she is really annoyed at little things she asks him to do, like not to get drink alcohol if she needs him for something, that he refuses to do.

Anyway, last night C.calls me and asks if he can confide in me. He is also my old friend from high school, and we have been having this really fun flirty friendship that's basically just us joking ever since. So, he tells me he doesn't want to be with her long term, and he tells me that I know him better than most people and I know that he always just goes with the flow of things and doesn't want to upset people, so he has basically been leading her on, and he feels awful about it. Then he goes on to say that he is prone to infidelity, so he knows he will disappoint her. I was just baffled and sad to hear something like this from him- so I ask him, do you never plan to be in a long term monogamous relationship?? He says, yes he does, but the thing with my friend was never meant to be that, he says he was surprised he was able to co exist with her and then before he realized he fell for her....

Excuse the rant but, to to most of us girls falling in love spontaneously is so romantic and fun. But apparently to guys, it just means that it's a fling that won't last???? This just confirms that guys are wayy too grounded and pragmatic when it comes to love and relationships, and to me that's the worst thing ever! If I'm pragmatic about most of my life, relationships is where I'm the opposite, I prefer things to be spontaneous and maybe I'm a bit too idealistic, to a point where I don't even "date" - I just wait for someone who is single but happy by himself, loves animals, and is sweet and caring to come into my life and for things to naturally progress into something like a lifetime of passionate love, lol...And what really saddens me, is the fact that my friend C. is such a great guy, he is really smart, and expresses his feelings so well and so easily which is also rare for guys!! But here he is treating my friend so badly Anyway hearing him and my own personal experiences just depresses me. I know most of you girls on here are married or in relationships so you will likely jump in and say you're wrong, the perfect guy exists I'm married to him But I just feel the need to rant about this lol..

Anyway, so my friend C. is basically saying he is not ready for a relationship, he just wants to make her happy for as long as he can, and fulfill most, but not all of her desires. I just feel sooo bad that he's doing this to her, while she has been asking herself, analyzing his every action and trying to figure out if he truly loves her or if she's just fun for him. And I mean she's really been going crazy with that, like she doesn't even get any sleep over it! And here is where I have to ask for advice- do I tell her what he told me, since he asked me if he can confide in me I feel like I shouldn't' say anything, but my heart is breaking for my girl friend I want to yell at him and tell him to please just tell her how he feels and just end everything that's going on between them, but that will probably just antagonize him, and I don't want to lose him as a friend either

Thanks guys. It's kind of sad that I've been avoiding my girl friend lately because I'd just hate to hear more of her venting while secretly I know what's going on and she doesn't
But, I haven't said anything to her, and I don't plan to.
She really IS trying to change him. Even before they were dating, she would get upset at him because he went downtown with a friend of his rather than waiting for her, and little things like this. I always told her to just make up her mind and if she isn't happy with what he's doing to just back away from him rather than trying to make him fit her ideal of the right guy, but she just didn't seem to grasp the concept. She's a bit selfish and spoiled in that sense, but I'm sure she will learn eventually.

The thing is, I'm really sympathetic with her, because while I've learned from past mistakes of my own, I have been in a situation like her and it's just so painful, to have your whole world upside down because you aren't sure what's going on and the person you are 100% sure you want to be with more than anything is making you confused. I've tried hard not to do what she's doing and not try to change the guy or expect things out of him, and I've been conscious of this the entire time, but it really can be so sad to go through all of that, to put all of your energy into trying to make something work, and not only get nothing back, but learn that your genuine efforts have been wasted. In fact, I think it hurts even more when you've done the right thing and respected the guy's choices, haven't been overly clingy and never tried to change him, because then you feel even more like you've been stabbed in the heart, because you have nothing to blame yourself for.

So, this whole thing has just really upset me, I've been thinking about it soo much and relating it back to experiences of my own. I really, really hope she is okay after this, because she broke up with her boyfriend to be with this guy, and now she doesn't have a car and walks to class which is really far. She thought it'd be okay because she would have the person she loves, but I can't imagine her struggling so much and dealing with all those sad emotions...I guess all of this will teach her a lesson and she will be a lot more careful in the future, so that's a good thing. But still, I hate for her to be going through all this.

What appalled me was that my guy friend was willing to avoid a relationship just because he knew he would cheat somewhere down the line and disappoint the girl...But, I guess it's part of him not being interested, and just another excuse to stay out of a relationship with her!!

And I totally agree about him not being man enough to tell her that he doesn't feel the same way about her, as she obviously does for him. That's what bothers me so much to begin with. He claims he cares too much about her to not disappoint her, it's all just excuses because it's obvious that she will appreciate knowing how he feels so much more than living a lie!! She will be sooo much more hurt and disappointed when she one day realizes the truth.

Basically she is always there for him whenever he wants to hang out with her, to do anything with her- she is there. She never misses an opportunity to be with him, makes so many sacrifices just to get time with him. Him, on the other hand- he only sees her whenever he has some free time in between other things. It's just sooo plain and obvious that she is crazy about him, and for him she's just a diversion. And when he told me so it became certain that's exactly the case! I think this is what is driving her crazy, she notices this, but he keeps telling her that he does care about her a lot, he wants to do nothing but try to make her happy as much as he can, etc every time she asks him how he feels and where he sees things going in the future for them. Of course, they don't talk about marriage, they're both 22 and in college, so you just don't talk about that at this point. But, when he tells her he cares about her and wants to stay with her and make her happy, that makes her feel like she should believe him and stay in this relationship rather than move on and become aware that she won't get what she needs out of him, and she is investing too much and not getting anything in return in the relationship.

You're right, but that's the thing, what I don't get is-her behavior is a turn off for him, and he is uncomfortable that she expects things from him and tries to change him, yet he won't tell her that he wants to slow things down if not end them, our of fear of disappointing her I mean, that's just dumb and unfair to her, because he is essentially telling her that he appreciates all the things she is doing and encourages her behavior even further....

I really hate it when I hear that guys are more likely to cheat than women. But, at the same time I think if someone is at a point where they can't overcome their desire to be with other people, then whatever relationship they're in is already over. If you have to struggle to remain faithful, I think you're probably with the wrong person. I dunno, maybe I'm naive like that. But, I've had trouble staying faithful before, and I know for sure it was because I wasn't with the right person. And, what I don't get is why people go through all this therapy sometimes in order to make their marriage work, when it's so much easier and probably healthier to end it.