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SNAP OUT OF IT!!!???? really?

post #1 of 21
1/24/11 at 8:05am
Thread Starter 
Yes, I've missed a few days of work recently because of personal reasons--which I feel have been more than valid--the loss of Bella, the loss of Genesis, the loss of Emmy. I just couldn't deal with going to work and serving people. Customers don't want their server crying in their oatmeal!!
I've been back at work now for a couple weeks since Emmy passed. EVERYONE at my job KNOWS these cats were my babies!!!
Yet, this morning I arrived at work and was met by the owner, saying to me that these were "unexcused" absences and I either had to provide a doctor's excuse OR take a three day suspension!!!
God, you guys, I'm so tired of all of this pain and now I've got to deal with stupid heartless people! He even added that I should snap out of it--see, heartless!!
I've been there 15 years!! There only 2 other employees that have worked there longer. I'm never late, and hardly EVER call in sick. But none of that matters!!
So I'm home now. I'm turning over this idea in my head. Or course I could take the three days off and not protest, but you know that's not me. So since THEY want a doctor's excuse for each of the days I missed; I'm calling my Vet (who IS a doctor, right?) and having her write the excuses out for me. Is this an immature idea? Probably, but it's fighting immaturity with immaturity. After reading the employee handbook concerning situations that require a doctor's statement--it NEVER says a medical doctor or GP, but does say that a note from a specialist is acceptable.
So this is what my day has been like so far and it's not even noon yet! I'm still reeling from losing my babies so suddenly. I'm just tired of people thinking that the life and death of an animal is of so little importance. That I should just "snap out of it" is absurd and will never happen! Thanks for listening. Love you all for your support and vibes. It really has power and has helped me stay a live during this surreal nightmare.
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post #2 of 21
1/24/11 at 8:16am
Oh honey, I'm so sorry you were met with that kind of attitude when you went back to work. By all means, get a dr's excuse from your vet; I think that's a fabulous idea. One note of caution, tho; will the owner think you're being a smart aleck and possibly fire you? If you're secure in your position, and if the owner has a sense of humor, I'd say go for it. Otherwise, as much as it ticks you off, you might just have to grin and bear it.

"Snap out of it", huh? A remark like that was totally uncalled for. I would have had a hard time holding my tongue.

I hope everything works out alright for you; you've been thru so much, and you deserve better treatment from the owner. Good luck with whatever action you decide to take.
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post #3 of 21
1/24/11 at 8:31am
Sorry you are going through this hun
Instead of getting a Dr.s note from the vet, I would get it from your personal Dr.... There is nothing wrong in being depressed over this, and it is a very understandable reason for grieving... Your dr. will understand, and possibly can give you something for anxiety too, which even if you don't take it, will validate your point at work. That is what I would do.
I think if you get a note from your vet it will just make your boss angrier, as a vet is not people's dr and that is not going to be valid. I know you are angry and I know you are hurt, but if you want to get a dr.s note, you need to do it properly, IMHO.
Do you have personal days at work?
Personal days are not sick days, and you do not need to justify them. You can take them to do different things, and you do not need to tell them why - if you do, take them; they are paid, and they are yours to take... I have 6 a year... I take them to take the kids to the vet, or when I need the day for my own, for example....
Just my opinion hun... Sorry again you are going through this....
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post #4 of 21
1/24/11 at 8:41am
Oh god, I'm so sorry. We have all been there and we know how difficult it is to deal with the loss of a baby. And you've certainly been there and back more than once. I feel so bad for you.

I do agree with Carolina. Call you doctor to get the excuse, not your vet. I have a feeling that if your boss were to realize the excuse was from your vet, you could get into even more trouble. Honest.

When our Pumpkin-Boy died, one of my co-workers (at the time), said to a friend of mine, "OMG, it's just a cat!" Remarks like that stay with you. To this day, I do not like that woman. And when Banshee died and I took a vacation day, she (now in another department) didn't say a word....she knew that, with the workers in this office now who all have at least one cat, she'd get lambasted. It wouldn't have been pretty.

Please talk to your own doctor, not the vet....I really think it could add to your situation if your boss found out it was an excuse from a vet. And you don't need the stress right now.
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post #5 of 21
1/24/11 at 8:51am
Thread Starter 
Thanks guys. You're right. I'm upset so I think I'm acting impulsively. I'll call my own doctor. My boss would think I was being a wise a** if the note was from my vet. People who minimize the value of our babies are the pettiest people ever!! I want them to know that!!!
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post #6 of 21
1/24/11 at 9:05am
I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. It's awful how insensitive people can be about pets. I'm glad you'll talk to your doctor. Grief can be just as debilitating (if not more so) than regular illness.
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post #7 of 21
1/24/11 at 9:06am
Wow, your boss indeed sounds really heartless...I think Carolina gave you awesome advice, I would do what she said if I were in your situation. I think different people handle grief differently, some of us are really sensitive and something like the death of someone so close to us can really throw us off balance and and also bring up all kinds of other issues that had been under the surface, like anxiety and depression...So, it would definitely benefit you to go to your doctor and discuss what you've been going through, in that case your boss will know it's a legitimate excuse.

The thing is, if your boss is a heartless jerk, it may still annoy him that you got a doctor's note for dealing with grief, because to some people, all that matters is the fact that they needed someone to work and you were unavailable, and that bothers them. I really hope that's not the case with your boss, because I've dealt with bosses like this and it's no fun at all!!
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post #8 of 21
1/24/11 at 10:09am
Oh no, it's like pouring salt in your wounds.

I agree to get your own doctors note. It's tough working for people like that.

You have been through so very much. You didn't need this.
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post #9 of 21
1/24/11 at 10:15am
I'm sorry for the loss of your babies. And I think its a clever idea to get the vet to write up a doctor's note. Yes he/she IS a doctor and the company would have to accept this from a doctor. But its probably wiser to just go to your doctor and explain things and have them write a note for those days.

If not, then get a lawyer to fight it. But I would also be putting in applications for another job ASAP. I know its tough out there, but I'm sure you may find something better then you have now. Think about it
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post #10 of 21
1/24/11 at 10:47am
How cruel. Yes, a doctor is a doctor.
When my dog passed I took a week off, they knew why. No one hassled me or said anything about it (to my face at least).
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post #11 of 21
1/24/11 at 11:10am
Oh Cheryl, after all you've been through I am so sorry that you are being treated like this and especially after 15 years of working there. Do they do such a thing as compassionate leave where you work? I think if you speak to your own doctor he will definetely sort you out with a sick note, at the end of the day no matter who you lose in your life whether it be a human or animal, we all hurt the same and I really cannot believe someone being such a heartless git. Some people do really not understand and no I would not be happy as to be suspended and I wouldn't take this lying down.
You have been through so much recentely and this does not help matters, infact I am sure its not right at all in the eyes of the law, its discrimination. Such a shame as I know you love your job. I hope this can all get sorted out soon.xxx
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post #12 of 21
1/24/11 at 12:31pm
There are so many good responses in this thread already, I just had to chime in and say I agree - how heartless! You've been there 15 years - and then this? Of course you're not reacting well to it.

Ruthy's right - it's discrimination. Your boss wouldn't react like this if it were a human child. It must have been really difficult to not tell him to SNAP THIS and flip him the bird.


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post #13 of 21
1/24/11 at 2:03pm
So sorry to hear you have to deal with this at work. Grief is a real thing that can make you sick, not something made up or 'just in your head'. And all of your losses happened pretty recently, so it's not out of the ordinary to still be feeling like you do. If a year went by and it were still affecting your daily life, then I would definitely suggest counseling to help you better deal with the grief. But right now, I think you're well within 'reason' to still be feeling sick over your babies.

I agree, a call to your doctor is in order, maybe he/she can give you some names of counselors to try if you feel it might help at some point. And best of luck with your boss. What a cold, heartless *word-i-can't-type-on-a-family-friendly-forum*!!
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post #14 of 21
1/24/11 at 4:12pm
I am sure your doctor will write you a note. I am sorry you met with that attitude. I don't understand people who are heartless like that. For those of us who are cat folks, we never really snap our of it. Our hearts are forever broken when we lose one. I hope you get things worked out. Our thoughts are with you.
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post #15 of 21
1/24/11 at 4:31pm
I am so sorry to hear this on top of everything else you have been through.

When I picked up Boomer's ashes, I didn't talk to anyone at work. The "ass" manager asked if I needed to go home and I said yes and left.
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post #16 of 21
1/24/11 at 4:50pm
Some people just don't understand.
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post #17 of 21
1/24/11 at 5:15pm
HI I am newer on this site, so I don't know the story behind your losses. And I am sorry for them... Man, I have a hard time with people like your boss, and there are so many out there that make comments so COLD when it comes to cats. And you don't seem to forget them or forgive the people who say them. It will be hard for you to "SNAP OUT OF the fact that your boss is an !!" How is your finger snapping??? Loud, I hope.
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post #18 of 21
1/24/11 at 7:52pm
Wow what a jerk your boss is. Carolina is probably right about getting a note from your doctor and not a vet. If you do that, it might make your boss angrier, which probably isn't a good thing, unless you've already got another job you can change to.
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post #19 of 21
1/24/11 at 8:27pm
[quote=ut0pia;3011186]Wow, your boss indeed sounds really heartless...I think Carolina gave you awesome advice, I would do what she said if I were in your situation. I think different people handle grief differently, some of us are really sensitive and something like the death of someone so close to us can really throw us off balance and and also bring up all kinds of other issues that had been under the surface, like anxiety and depression...So, it would definitely benefit you to go to your doctor and discuss what you've been going through, in that case your boss will know it's a legitimate excuse.

The thing is, if your boss is a heartless jerk, it may still annoy him that you got a doctor's note for dealing with grief, because to some people, all that matters is the fact that they needed someone to work and you were unavailable, and that bothers them. I really hope that's not the case with your boss, because I've dealt with bosses like this and it's no fun at all!![/QUOTE]

All I can say here is... yup. I can also add that if you are a hard worker and not a complainer, high profile, in the boss' office sucking up all time... when you don't do what you have always done, like show up on time, work hard, etc... you get NO sympathy from the manager(s).
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post #20 of 21
1/25/11 at 4:22am
Some people just don't GET it! I can't get over the amount of times I've heard "It's just a cat." and I get SO angry! It's already been hinted by a few people that I should just put my Ossie down because he is currently sick instead of paying for all of the vet bills. I mean COME ON! Would you kill your kid if they were sick?!?

Oh sweetie, I really do hope this can be worked out for you. You've been through enough!
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post #21 of 21
1/25/11 at 6:47am
Quote:
Originally Posted by AddieBee View Post
All I can say here is... yup. I can also add that if you are a hard worker and not a complainer, high profile, in the boss' office sucking up all time... when you don't do what you have always done, like show up on time, work hard, etc... you get NO sympathy from the manager(s).

Boy, that's the truth.

When you're amazing, and suddenly show a human frailty, all heck breaks loose. Seems like it should be the other way around, "wow this person who's worked so hard all these years is for the first time ever having some trouble, it must be really bad for her to need to take some time off. We'd better cut her some slack" is the response you would expect.

Cheryl, he wants a dr note, I'm sure your doctor will be willing to write a letter explaining you've been experiencing some debilitating depression, which is a genuine medical illness.

I know the desire to kick him in the shin is strong, but keeping your dignity puts him in his place, even if he doens't realize.

Love and hugs and headbumps from me and mine. Keep us posted.
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