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old cat frightened of new cat-- what to do?

post #1 of 11
1/19/11 at 1:53pm
Thread Starter 
i have 2 cats: Odessa and Norah.

Odessa I have had for over a year, she's two. She was a pet turned abandoned/stray and lived on the streets for a good while, therefore she has a lot of emotional issues and albeit very friendly, she is very skittish and can frighten easy.

I got Norah from the APL in mid December of 2010. She is 10 (I have some doubts about that but that is what was written on her card), and came from a loving home she had had all her life. She is very outgoing, playful, sweet, and mischievous (like jumping on kitchen counter mischief).

I knew they were never going to be friends but I was told that they will learn to at least tolerate one another, and it looked like it was heading that direction. They were progressing to the point that they could sleep on the couch albeit separate sides and with two people in between them. Then--

About 1.5 weeks ago, I decided to start alternating which cat gets to sleep in my bedroom so that they both get to be with me alone. I had to close the door when it was Odessa's night because Norah always wants to be where the humans are. The next morning Odessa and exiting my bedroom as Norah was coming in to see me and as they passed each other Odessa started to run to get away from Norah faster. Norah took that as a cue to play the 'chase me, chase me' game and ran after her. Then they started fighting and Odessa continued to run until she got under her pet stairs, I then collected Norah and put food/water/litter box in my room and closed her in.

Odessa eventually came out from under the stairs. This 'Norah pouncing on Odessa' incident has happened twice since then and now whenever Odessa sees Norah she runs and hides.

They were at a point where they would just ignore each other but now Odessa hisses and growls and runs and I can't even let them be in the same room without supervision because Norah wants to pounce on Odessa. I think Norah wants to play, I don't think its coming from an aggressive place (although I could be wrong), but Odessa is problem ridden and doesn't like to play with other cats. In fact she seems downright terrified of them. Her and I had to stay with my mother and her 3 cats for a while and Odessa was absolutely miserable there, but I thought it was because it was a new place and on top of that, there were 3 cats new to her.

How long should I give this before I succumb to rehoming Norah (my father has been thinking of getting a cat)?

Everyone is fixed and I have a feliway plugin. What else can I do to get us back to the 'just ignoring each other' place?
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post #2 of 11
1/20/11 at 9:16pm
I am not sure why you can't sleep with both cats.
But that aside, it's been only a month and sometimes that is still a short time for cats to accept each other especially with yours having opposite personalities - one is playful, used to humans, while the other is shy, lived on the streets.
You could try reintroducing them again. Read the suggestions in the stickies above but I would pay more attention to Odessa (she's the resident cat). She sounds like a cat who does not like sudden changes - like going to a new place, meeting other cats, etc.
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post #3 of 11
1/21/11 at 7:47am
Thank you for adopting your new cat who is older I volunteer at a shelter and most people want the young cats and the sweet older cats never get homes. You are great

Please give this much more time. It can take many weeks or months for cats to accept each other. Do you have a safe room to put the new cat in for a bit? It sounds like to much to soon for your resident cat and she is upset about being shut out of the bedroom where she always sleeps. I always have a sanctuary room for new cats and i spend a lot of time in there and when I am in the room I leave the door open for my cats to come in and smell and visit. It is better to do the introductions very very slowly so there are not these bad experiences. I would start over and separate the new cat to it's own room. Give them both lots of attention and rub a towel on each of them to spread their scent on each other. They can get used to their smells this way without actually having to interact yet. Cats are all about smells and the more you can put their scents on each other the better. Then when they do interact they will remember that familiar smell and it lessen the anxiety

Good luck and keep posting to keep updating how they are doing
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post #4 of 11
1/21/11 at 10:19am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Feralvr View Post
Thank you for adopting your new cat who is older I volunteer at a shelter and most people want the young cats and the sweet older cats never get homes. You are great

Please give this much more time. It can take many weeks or months for cats to accept each other. Do you have a safe room to put the new cat in for a bit? It sounds like to much to soon for your resident cat and she is upset about being shut out of the bedroom where she always sleeps. I always have a sanctuary room for new cats and i spend a lot of time in there and when I am in the room I leave the door open for my cats to come in and smell and visit. It is better to do the introductions very very slowly so there are not these bad experiences. I would start over and separate the new cat to it's own room. Give them both lots of attention and rub a towel on each of them to spread their scent on each other. They can get used to their smells this way without actually having to interact yet. Cats are all about smells and the more you can put their scents on each other the better. Then when they do interact they will remember that familiar smell and it lessen the anxiety

Good luck and keep posting to keep updating how they are doing

its really hard for me to believe that she's 10, if it wasnt a typo, then she's a very very young 10, lol!

when fights happen i usually put Norah either in the bathroom or bedroom and close the door. they could both sleep in my room because i usually leave the door open (only when i was trying to alternate cats on separate nights was the door shut). My bedroom gets really really cold!

The last time she did that, Norah pounced down on her. Odessa can't jump well so unless she's really needing to be near me she doesnt jump on the bed. Normal behavior for Odessa is to come into my bedroom and drop a toy mouse at bedside then get petted and leaves. Some nights she slept in the bedroom on her bed, but since winter came, she sleeps on a pillow near the heater in the living room.

As i said Odessa is a terribly broken cat. She went through many bad things and I would go as far as to call her a special needs cat because of it. I'm just afraid that be me getting Norah, that I've only made things worse. That, because of me selfishness of wanting another cat, I've made Odessa terribly unhappy. When we (Odessa and I) lived with my mom, and her 3 cats, Odessa stopped grooming, stopped playing with her toys, and mostly just laid on the floor or slept all day. She seemed terribly depressed and I don't want her to go through that again.

thanks for the advice, i will keep you updated
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post #5 of 11
1/21/11 at 11:35am
What happened is you changed up the routine and set the resident cat off. Cats really do crave routine and they will find their way with each other it just takes time. I would just let them find it without interfering an doing creative things like switching rooms etc. Stay with one program and unless they are drawing blood, they are testing each other to determine who is in charge (and here you thought you were!)

You can go out and buy a bottle of pure vanilla extract and put some on each cat about three times a day repeatedly for about four days to make them smell the same. Two dabs under the chin and two dabs on the base of each tail where cats typically socially network. This will reduce the threat.
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post #6 of 11
1/21/11 at 4:28pm
I would go back to leaving the door open so that Norah isn't excluded. Continue to love, love, love on her and pet her first, feed her first, greet her first. Take care of the resident cat when the new kitty gets rambunctious and the resident cat has had enough. Redirect the new kitty with a toy.
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post #7 of 11
1/22/11 at 10:14am
Thread Starter 
Odessa was using the litter box and Norah jumped up on the chair and began watching her. Then Odessa jumped out of litter box and Norah went to other side of living room. She moved in closer and Odessa let out a low growl. She then decided to run from the situation and Norah pounced on her. I was ready so I threw a blanket on Norah and put her in the bathroom for a little alone time.

When I got back to living room Odessa was in the closet hiding under my wire shoe rack. About 20 min later I let Norah out. Odessa is now sleeping on her bed in her usual daytime bed in the closet.

Based on what I saw, I'd say that these fights are started by Norah because she is always the one to 'throw the first punch' (even though if Norah gets too close to Odessa, she growls first).

maybe tomorrow will be better.
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post #8 of 11
1/22/11 at 10:26am
Quote:
Originally Posted by mscatamaran View Post
Odessa was using the litter box and Norah jumped up on the chair and began watching her. Then Odessa jumped out of litter box and Norah went to other side of living room. She moved in closer and Odessa let out a low growl. She then decided to run from the situation and Norah pounced on her. I was ready so I threw a blanket on Norah and put her in the bathroom for a little alone time.

When I got back to living room Odessa was in the closet hiding under my wire shoe rack. About 20 min later I let Norah out. Odessa is now sleeping on her bed in her usual daytime bed in the closet.

Based on what I saw, I'd say that these fights are started by Norah because she is always the one to 'throw the first punch' (even though if Norah gets too close to Odessa, she growls first).

maybe tomorrow will be better.

Cats fighting for dominance is normal. There is no other way for them to decide who is the dominant one, and they need to decide. You shouldn't interfere with their fights unless they draw blood. Growling, pouncing, etc are all normal cat fight behaviors. If you keep messing with everything like alternating the sleep situation and never letting them settle it themselves, they will never get along well. Cats, especially female cats, are very very territorial and unaccepting of new cats initially. Also, you throwing the towel over Norah and putting her in the bathroom could be seen as you coming to help Norah out. From a cat's perspective that looked like you swooping in to save Norah, and showing favoritism. That's the main downside to interfeing in cat fights; if the newcomer is the aggressor and you pull her off, it looks like you're taking her side and that will make Odessa act even more timid and nervous in her own house.
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post #9 of 11
1/22/11 at 1:23pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by rad65 View Post
Cats fighting for dominance is normal. There is no other way for them to decide who is the dominant one, and they need to decide. You shouldn't interfere with their fights unless they draw blood. Growling, pouncing, etc are all normal cat fight behaviors. If you keep messing with everything like alternating the sleep situation and never letting them settle it themselves, they will never get along well. Cats, especially female cats, are very very territorial and unaccepting of new cats initially. Also, you throwing the towel over Norah and putting her in the bathroom could be seen as you coming to help Norah out. From a cat's perspective that looked like you swooping in to save Norah, and showing favoritism. That's the main downside to interfeing in cat fights; if the newcomer is the aggressor and you pull her off, it looks like you're taking her side and that will make Odessa act even more timid and nervous in her own house.
well thats terribly unfortunate. There is just so much info about cat squabbles on the internet and what to do in that event, its hard to know which bits of advice to follow. I read that you're suppose to put the instigator in 'time out' (which for Norah is probably torture because she likes to be near people).

What you're saying is to just sit here while they fight and make that horrible noise? If I let them do that, do you think all the bickering will be over quicker or do most cats have several fights before deciding who is 'the boss', or will they never back down and this thing will go on forever?

So, if there is blood drawn, is that it? The end of my experiment gone awry-- at that point do I give up and re-home Norah? I really hope they dont get that far though, I've heard that keep cat wounds clean and healing can be a nightmare.

This is my first time ever having two cats at the same time so I am all for any information anyone is willing to lend.
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post #10 of 11
1/23/11 at 3:36pm
We adopted Tumbles in July at the age of 2 mos. We brought him into a house with 2 cats, 14 yrs and 5 yrs and both female. The 14 yr old and Tumbles got along very well. My 5 yr old tolerated him. Then, we had to put our 14 yr old to sleep rather unexpectedly at the end of December. That left us with the two that really didn't get along. We've been having the fight for dominance ever since. I think we're finally seeing some progress.

One thing I've learned is to pick which battles to allow. Yes, you have to let them duke it out, but only to a point. I watch them and when it gets too spirited, I break up the fray. I have soda cans that I've cleaned and put a layer of dried beans in then taped the tops closed. I bang and rattle that thing and that startles them enough to separate and go to their separate corners. I also keep an old towel handy. When it gets too heated, I use the towel to "herd" the offender out of the area. If the cat comes back and starts up again, I herd again. Eventually they learn that I mean business and that this fighting behavior is not going to be tolerated. Sometimes merely clapping my hand is enough to startle them apart. I also have to monitor litter box time and distract the one not in the box so that the one in the box can potty in peace and get out of the box and to wherever they want to go without getting jumped on.

The other thing that I've discovered is that sometimes the fighting is started because my younger kitty (now 8 mos old) is bored and wants to play. My 5 yr old doesn't want to. I distract the younger one with a toy and play with him for awhile. He's currently NUTS for DaBird and the laser pointer.

Hopefully, in your situation, Norah and Odessa will reach an amicable agreement and at least learn to tolerate living together. That's the type of relationship my 5 yr old and my 14 yr old had. They weren't cuddle buddies, but they tolerated each other. It only took about 2 years to get them to that point! LOL
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post #11 of 11
1/25/11 at 10:02pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by stephanietx View Post
We adopted Tumbles in July at the age of 2 mos. We brought him into a house with 2 cats, 14 yrs and 5 yrs and both female. The 14 yr old and Tumbles got along very well. My 5 yr old tolerated him. Then, we had to put our 14 yr old to sleep rather unexpectedly at the end of December. That left us with the two that really didn't get along. We've been having the fight for dominance ever since. I think we're finally seeing some progress.

One thing I've learned is to pick which battles to allow. Yes, you have to let them duke it out, but only to a point. I watch them and when it gets too spirited, I break up the fray. I have soda cans that I've cleaned and put a layer of dried beans in then taped the tops closed. I bang and rattle that thing and that startles them enough to separate and go to their separate corners. I also keep an old towel handy. When it gets too heated, I use the towel to "herd" the offender out of the area. If the cat comes back and starts up again, I herd again. Eventually they learn that I mean business and that this fighting behavior is not going to be tolerated. Sometimes merely clapping my hand is enough to startle them apart. I also have to monitor litter box time and distract the one not in the box so that the one in the box can potty in peace and get out of the box and to wherever they want to go without getting jumped on.

The other thing that I've discovered is that sometimes the fighting is started because my younger kitty (now 8 mos old) is bored and wants to play. My 5 yr old doesn't want to. I distract the younger one with a toy and play with him for awhile. He's currently NUTS for DaBird and the laser pointer.

Hopefully, in your situation, Norah and Odessa will reach an amicable agreement and at least learn to tolerate living together. That's the type of relationship my 5 yr old and my 14 yr old had. They weren't cuddle buddies, but they tolerated each other. It only took about 2 years to get them to that point! LOL
wow 2 years, that must have took a lot of patience on your part. i usually have to distract Norah when Odessa uses the box. ive noticed that THAT is when fights break out a lot of the times. When Odessa is exiting the box Norah jumps right on her.

i just hope Odessa eventually comes out when Norah is in the room instead of making a b line for behind the couch
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