Disgusted, Shocked, Shaking...

I received an email today from my old college roommate. We were very close, and even lived together for two years after graduating college. she started drinking, got into drugs and eventually had to go to rehab and has been in and out since we lived together.We lost touch because she was in just too dark of a place. She wasn't interested in having a relationship with me, or anyone else for that matter. It seemed like letting her be was the best thing for her treatment. I had wondered what had happened to her, always looked for her on social networking sites and was never able to find her. Last night - she found me.

She proceeded to tell me that she is finally clean and as part of her "therapy" she wanted to reach out to me to confess something. She started her letter with telling me what a wonderful friend I was to her, and how this has haunted her for most of her life, how everyday she thinks about what she did to me and how it is "hurting her recovery". Turns out - she had been abusing my cat Molly (RIP) the entire time we lived together. She never hit her, or anything like that. However, she liked to torment her. She confessed to spraying her hard food almost daily with a substance such as bitter yuck. Molly would never eat wet food, so hard food was her only option. She also confessed to sometimes taking a dropper, and putting drops of bitter yuck directly into her mouth. Looking back - I remember Molly eventually stopped eating unless I hand fed her. I spent around 6 months and a lot of money at vets to find out why she had stopped eating (that I didn't really have as a college student) to find out what was wrong with her. Nothing was medically ever wrong and by luck, I eventually, learned that the hand feeding method worked and I stuck to it. She said after seeing all the anguish it was causing me she stopped spraying Molly's food - but would sometimes still put the bitter yuck in her mouth. On top of all this - she told me when we moved out of our dorms and into an apt. she would sometimes put Molly into a bathtub with water, and close the sliding glass doors on her while she struggled to escape from the water which she has ALWAYS despised She was TERRIFIED of water since being a kitten. Though my roommate didn't say so - I'm assuming she blow dried her off to hide the evidence as Molly always ran and hid the second I would reach for a blow dryer.

I can't for the life of me comprehend any of this. At the time, Molly was around 9 or 10 years old at the time. She was my pet from childhood and I couldn't bear to part with her while I went away to college. Looking back - I think of all the issues Molly started having a few months into living with me & my roommate but I thought it was due to her getting older, and a change in her environment. Now I realize why she would urinate and sometimes defecate on herself if I ran a tub for myself after a long day. And why I had to hand feed her the last few years of her life. I'm sure she couldn't understand why I was letting this person hurt her this way. I'm sure she didn't understand I didn't know, and would NEVER have let anyone hurt her. She probably didn't understand why I didn't take her away from the torment. I think of all the times I went back to visit my family and left Molly at home because she didn't do well in her carrier - and the sheer terror she must have felt at the hand of my roommate who was supposed to be taking care of her. She deserved to spend her golden years being pampered, and happy. Not having to endure this.

I'm so sick to my stomach. I don't know what to say to this woman. Is she expecting me to forgive her? Does she think just because its been so long I'll say, "It's ok - it was a long time ago and Molly is in a better place now"??? In fact - what I do have to say and what I want to say is what a filthy, disgusting excuse for a human being she is. and ask her how she could ever have harmed an innocent animal that I had loved so much. Most of all - I just cannot believe this went on for almost 6 years and I had NO idea! I used to joke that she was like Molly's other parent - she really acted like she loved her. I guess I'm not looking for any answers here... just wanted to vent and could use some support. I'm just in such complete and utter shock.

Originally Posted by herekittykitty8

She confessed to spraying her hard food almost daily with a substance such as bitter yuck. Molly would never eat wet food, so hard food was her only option. She also confessed to sometimes taking a dropper, and putting drops of bitter yuck directly into her mouth. Looking back - I remember Molly eventually stopped eating unless I hand fed her. I spent around 6 months and a lot of money at vets to find out why she had stopped eating

Click to expand...

What the h#^* goes through the mind of someone like that? Did her email say she will never do this to any animal ever again (and the reasons why it's morally wrong) or was it just factual?

Oh my God, what a nightmare... What a complete dark total nightmare to even think about that... I am so, SO sorry this happened to your sweet Molly...
I know this person is looking for forgiveness, and there are probably better people out there than myself, and maybe I am a bad person to say this and shame on me, but I could never, for the life of me, forgive a person who did this to my kitty... Because my kitties are the children I don't have... so they are like children to me, and God forbid someone ever does that to one of mine... No... Sorry...
The best I could say is simply that - If you are looking for forgiveness, sorry, I can not forgive you for what you have done. I wish you well on your recovery.
In my honest opinion, people don't change all that much... A person who did this is rotten inside... Is evil... There are no drugs excuses, there is nothing that can explain such behavior. A good person in the core doesn't become that on drugs or in any other circumstances... Drugs could explain stealing, lying, deceiving, etc. in order to get more drugs... But to do this to an innocent creature? Sorry - IMHO this sickness is within her drugs or not. For me, I would not forgive... ever.
Again, call me a bad person, call me whatever, but this is just too sick for me to even think about having anything good to say to this person.
She needs to live with her guilt, that is the least of the consequences she has to pay for her disgusting behavior.
If there are consequences for all of our behaviors, why not for hers?
Sorry if I am being harsh, but just my 2 cents... Urgh, I am so sorry... wow, what a nightmare... Sorry hon...
RIP Sweet Molly Sorry you had to go through this horrible ordeal...

Oh hun. I have no comforting words, just this I'm thinking of you

Oh my gosh, that is just sick and unforgiveable, I could never forgive her and to be honest, if she's written this confession down I would take it to the authorities and have her reprimanded. I am so sorry your poor kitty had to endure this, there is just NO excuse, whatsoever.x

My stomach feels sick for you

Personally, l couldn't care less how dark a place someone is, or how much therapy they have to make them well again. If anyone did that to any of my cats i'd hate and curse them for the rest of my life.

What she did was to take her problems out on a defenceless animal because she knows it wouldn't be able to speak, well shame on her, and i hope karma bites her back!!.

How vile and appalling!! I believe people like that are naturally evil. Drugs and alcohol just brings it to the surface. I'm so sorry this happened to you and your poor, sweet Molly!! As a recovering alcoholic myself, I'm familiar with making amends to people for the terrible things I did while in that "dark place" BUT not if it brings such pain to others!! You have every right to deny forgiveness. Some things are unforgivable!! Is it interfering with her recovery? Good. I hope she suffers with the guilt the way Molly suffered with the torturing!! RIP Sweet Molly!!

OMG - I was absolutely horrified reading your story. How in the world could somebody do this?

Like Carolina said, my kitties are my children and I would NEVER be able to forgive somebody for doing something so vile!

If it were me I would either ignore it completley(as if you never got the email and keep her in suspense) or write back telling her of a few therapists that would be willing to help her(I would provide the names just cause I would want her to get the best help possible so this is never repeated) If in therapy I would send a copy to the dr if for nothing else it would make me feel better(how much I have no idea but I would feel at least I gave it the best shot I could

I have been by the party scene and never saw anything like that which leads me to think this is more her then "the drugs/drinking talking" I have seen ppl go without drugs/alchol or less then normal to make sure the dog ate. I have seen pets being the only ones treated nicely while owners in withdrawl.

So sorry you had to find this out. I just wonder does she think she was going to be able to be your friend again and this all would be "the past"?

Also if she has kids I would try to put a call into there as a heads up of some sort...., Oh I hope she doesn't have kids but I could easily see her doing this to a baby.

Sorry Molly, that you had to go through this

Oh sweetheart, I am literally on the verge of tears... I am so, so sorry for all that Molly went through. I can't even BEGIN to grasp how seriously damaged this woman must be to do something like that to such an innocent creature.

I have NO idea what I would do in your shoes, but I do know it wouldn't be pretty...

I don't know what to say. I simply don't know what to say.

As a former addict I will say this first, YOU are under NO obligation to forgive her she needs to live with what she did and just because she confessed to what she did does not in any way shape or form mean that you need to forgive her because she is working thru the 12 steps.

That being said even in my darkest days I never ever ever ever harmed my cats like that and what she did is vile disgusting and inhumane. I wouldn't blame you one bit if you ignored her or wrote her a scathing letter in return.

Originally Posted by Rosiemac

.............Personally, l couldn't care less how dark a place someone is, or how much therapy they have to make them well again. If anyone did that to any of my cats i'd hate and curse them for the rest of my life.

Click to expand...

I agree. I would have a really, really hard time forgiving someone like this.

So sorry for you and Molly.

Originally Posted by Carolina

I know this person is looking for forgiveness, and there are probably better people out there than myself, and maybe I am a bad person to say this and shame on me, but I could never, for the life of me, forgive a person who did this to my kitty..

Click to expand...

I feel the same way...I could never forgive her if I were you. I would just tell her that I appreciate her stepping up and admitting to it, and understand it's not easy, and wish her the best with her recovery, but to please not expect any forgiveness, and to just get out of my life. She needs recovery not only from drugs but also from being an evil monster, if she can do that, great but it doesn't make anything better. I don't see how she could possibly expect forgiveness, to the contrary I feel like she should be punished- while reading your post the whole time I kept thinking "is there any way to press charges for what she did"

My God, I feel like throwing up.
Do you believe this psycho actually did these things to Molly and is 'confessing' now, or is she a nut-job trying to get back at you for some reason?
I don't care how it might affect her so-called recovery; I would never, ever tell someone I forgive them for tormenting/torturing my cat.

There is a special corner in hell set aside for people that hurt animals, and I'm willing to be there's an extra special seat reserved for that

This excuse of a human being should never have told you at all. Why hurt you now after all these years. What she did was unforgivable and inhumane. She is looking to get it off her chest so she can feel better but she is hurting you by doing this. Sometimes it is true that what you don't know can't hurt you. She did not accomplish anything by telling you except to make herself feel better, what a b---- she is for doing this to you. So sorry you had to go thru this anguish.

Thank you so much everyone for your support. It means so much to me.

Something that makes this situation even worse, is that she wasn't into drinking & drugs when we were living together. She did this sober. Or at least, the drinking and drug use would have been moderate - and not yet in an all out addictive phase. There must have been something very dark lurking inside of her. Maybe that's why she turned to drugs/alcohol.

I cannot forgive this woman, and I am happy she seems to have had a horrible life after the pain she inflicted on an innocent animal. I hate that she's put me in such a dark place to say something like that.

I haven't decided yet if I want to respond and tell her how much I hate her, am glad she is suffering with her guilt and will never forgive her. Or, if I want to just ignore her - which may be just as bad for her considering she is seeking some type of reaction.

I wish I hadn't read this thread, as I know you wish you'd never gotten her email. How people can do things to harmless animals (and children) is just beyond me. I'll never understand.

I'm so sorry you had to learn about this and now feel guilty about what Molly went thru, through no fault of your own.

I am more concerned for you. I hope you have lots of support you can lean on because she betrayed you and Molly in a brutal and cruel way. I would personally not respond. Responding only gives her some sort of validation.

I'm speechless! I'm crying now for your poor little Molly. While the "friend" confesses this now as part of HER therapy, that does nothing to help you out and opens up an entire can of worms.

Its horrible that happened and it will take a lot to "forgive" this person - but that doesn't mean it was ok and it doesn't matter now. It does. Forgiving someone for something so horrible is very hard to do and not many can do this. If you have God in your life, please pray about forgiveness and mercy for this person - God will give you what you need to give to the roommate.

Its like when a person is abused. Many hold the hatred inside and never forgive. I was abused by my ex for years and I hated him. But one day God did remind me I had to forgive my ex for what he did to me. That didn't mean it was ok, or did it mean I could stay with him - but once I finally gave in and forgave him for the abuse, a burden was lifted off me and while it still hurts at times, I am now in a wonderful relationship with my 2nd husband.

This is something only you can decide on - to forgive and pray for this person, or keep the hatred inside you which will do you no good.