Disgusted, Shocked, Shaking...  

I received an email today from my old college roommate. We were very close, and even lived together for two years after graduating college. she started drinking, got into drugs and eventually had to go to rehab and has been in and out since we lived together.We lost touch because she was in just too dark of a place. She wasn't interested in having a relationship with me, or anyone else for that matter. It seemed like letting her be was the best thing for her treatment. I had wondered what had happened to her, always looked for her on social networking sites and was never able to find her. Last night - she found me.

She proceeded to tell me that she is finally clean and as part of her "therapy" she wanted to reach out to me to confess something. She started her letter with telling me what a wonderful friend I was to her, and how this has haunted her for most of her life, how everyday she thinks about what she did to me and how it is "hurting her recovery". Turns out - she had been abusing my cat Molly (RIP) the entire time we lived together. She never hit her, or anything like that. However, she liked to torment her. She confessed to spraying her hard food almost daily with a substance such as bitter yuck. Molly would never eat wet food, so hard food was her only option. She also confessed to sometimes taking a dropper, and putting drops of bitter yuck directly into her mouth. Looking back - I remember Molly eventually stopped eating unless I hand fed her. I spent around 6 months and a lot of money at vets to find out why she had stopped eating (that I didn't really have as a college student) to find out what was wrong with her. Nothing was medically ever wrong and by luck, I eventually, learned that the hand feeding method worked and I stuck to it. She said after seeing all the anguish it was causing me she stopped spraying Molly's food - but would sometimes still put the bitter yuck in her mouth. On top of all this - she told me when we moved out of our dorms and into an apt. she would sometimes put Molly into a bathtub with water, and close the sliding glass doors on her while she struggled to escape from the water which she has ALWAYS despised She was TERRIFIED of water since being a kitten. Though my roommate didn't say so - I'm assuming she blow dried her off to hide the evidence as Molly always ran and hid the second I would reach for a blow dryer.

I can't for the life of me comprehend any of this. At the time, Molly was around 9 or 10 years old at the time. She was my pet from childhood and I couldn't bear to part with her while I went away to college. Looking back - I think of all the issues Molly started having a few months into living with me & my roommate but I thought it was due to her getting older, and a change in her environment. Now I realize why she would urinate and sometimes defecate on herself if I ran a tub for myself after a long day. And why I had to hand feed her the last few years of her life. I'm sure she couldn't understand why I was letting this person hurt her this way. I'm sure she didn't understand I didn't know, and would NEVER have let anyone hurt her. She probably didn't understand why I didn't take her away from the torment. I think of all the times I went back to visit my family and left Molly at home because she didn't do well in her carrier - and the sheer terror she must have felt at the hand of my roommate who was supposed to be taking care of her. She deserved to spend her golden years being pampered, and happy. Not having to endure this.

I'm so sick to my stomach. I don't know what to say to this woman. Is she expecting me to forgive her? Does she think just because its been so long I'll say, "It's ok - it was a long time ago and Molly is in a better place now"??? In fact - what I do have to say and what I want to say is what a filthy, disgusting excuse for a human being she is. and ask her how she could ever have harmed an innocent animal that I had loved so much. Most of all - I just cannot believe this went on for almost 6 years and I had NO idea! I used to joke that she was like Molly's other parent - she really acted like she loved her. I guess I'm not looking for any answers here... just wanted to vent and could use some support. I'm just in such complete and utter shock.

Thank you so much everyone for your support. It means so much to me.

Something that makes this situation even worse, is that she wasn't into drinking & drugs when we were living together. She did this sober. Or at least, the drinking and drug use would have been moderate - and not yet in an all out addictive phase. There must have been something very dark lurking inside of her. Maybe that's why she turned to drugs/alcohol.

I cannot forgive this woman, and I am happy she seems to have had a horrible life after the pain she inflicted on an innocent animal. I hate that she's put me in such a dark place to say something like that.

I haven't decided yet if I want to respond and tell her how much I hate her, am glad she is suffering with her guilt and will never forgive her. Or, if I want to just ignore her - which may be just as bad for her considering she is seeking some type of reaction.