I don't get my ferals - any hope?

ziggy'smom · Jan 2, 2011

I have a semi-feral boy named G that I've had since he was just 3-4 months old. He's now almost 2. He was completely feral when I got him but has made some progress since. Now he's very odd in his behavior and I just don't get him. For the most part he's very skittish and will not let me come near him. He always stays some 3-4 feet away from me and won't let me touch him. He looks terrified if I stretch out my hand to him. But there is an exception and that's when he's with one of the other cats, Eli. When he's with Eli he's almost a normal cat. He lets me pet him, he rubs up against my legs and he's even let me pick him up. If Eli is next to me he will even come up to me to be petted. When Eli is not nearby though he acts like he thinks I'm going to kill him.
Clearly he feels very safe around Eli. When he first came to me Eli was the one that took him under his wing and took care of him so I understand why he feels safe around him. I just find it odd that he can go from wanting me to pet him one minute to being terrified of me the next when Eli has walked away. You would think that he would know that I'm not going to hurt him since I've never been anything but nice to him but that's clearly not the case. I just don't get how his brain works.

I suspect that he's going to be semi-feral for the rest of his life. Sometimes it seems like he's making progress but then go goes back to being scared. Obviously he has the ability to be okay with humans though so I'm thinking that there has to be a way to expand on that. Has anyone else dealt with similar situations and has success? I would really appreciate any tips or ideas anyone has.

StefanZ · Jan 3, 2011

Originally Posted by Ziggy'smom

He looks terrified if I stretch out my hand to him.

oh, in cat language it is somewhat threatening - raised paw is for giving you a "teaching"...

Some cats dont like to be petted standing on the floor, for ex my homeraised but shy guy prefers to be petted when conveniently laying down...

Did you tried with a Feliway diffuser?

Or even a Felifriend (?) spray - good when handling shy cats. Vets use it sometimes.

Good luck!

ellsworth · Jan 3, 2011

Welcome to my life.

In my case the cat won't leave me alone as long as I am lying in bed, under the covers thank you very much, or sitting on the couch. Anywhere else and she bolts. There is no way that she will let me pick her up. During our petting sessions I can lift her with one hand but if the other hand gets near her, pow! She's gone. She loves my tame cat and comes up and meows for me to come whenever she thinks the tame cat wants in or out of the house.

Ferals are definitely different.

ziggy'smom · Jan 3, 2011

StefanZ;2996631 said:
oh, in cat language it is somewhat threatening - raised paw is for giving you a "teaching"...
QUOTE]

Oh, I didn't mean stretching my hand out over him. I meant like moving my hand, or any part of myself, in his direction. What's so funny though is that when Eli is around I can do pretty much anything with him, like a normal cat, but when Eli is not around he acts like I'm a monster. I just don't get what's going on in that little head of his. He has a brother who is even more feral. He would never come up to me to be petted with or without Eli. But when I catch him laying down relaxed I can sometimes pet him on his back. He will lay down and purr for a while then all of a sudden he looks terrified and takes off.

I just don't get them. They've lived with me since they were little, tiny kittens so you would think that they would know by now that I'm not going to hurt them but that's not the case. They surely are odd. I guess you just have to learn how they work and adjust your actions accordingly.

momofmany · Jan 4, 2011

Some cats simply bond better with other cats than humans. I've taken in nothing but feral born cats for the last 20 years and there are always those that prefer the company of other cats over humans. I'm simply happy that they've made a friend in my house, even if that friend isn't me. Their alternative life would be far worse.

The cat in my house that reminds me of your boy is Eightball. I started handling him when he was about a week old and took him away from his very feral mom at the age of 6 weeks old (yes thats early but winter was upon us). He has always been very tightly bonded with the other cats in the house, but it took him 12 years to stay put when a stranger came in the house, and now at 14, he's finally learned to settle into my lap. He is who he is and I love him for it. On the other hand, I've had ferals that I didn't take in until they were 2 years old and they quickly became lap cats. Each one is different, and sometimes you need to accept them for who they are. Putting the feral label on them doesn't help, as every cat is different.

ellsworth · Jan 4, 2011

Yes, I should add that the cat I described above is the sister of another cat of mine who wants to be held or in my lap at all times. And I have a cousin of theirs who has her own version of wild/tame, different from the brother and sister. You would not think that there would be so much variety between cats that had the same kittenhood experience and are related by blood.

My tame cats have not been that different from each other.

hissy · Jan 4, 2011

Originally Posted by Ziggy'smom

I have a semi-feral boy named G that I've had since he was just 3-4 months old. He's now almost 2. He was completely feral when I got him but has made some progress since. Now he's very odd in his behavior and I just don't get him. For the most part he's very skittish and will not let me come near him. He always stays some 3-4 feet away from me and won't let me touch him. He looks terrified if I stretch out my hand to him. But there is an exception and that's when he's with one of the other cats, Eli. When he's with Eli he's almost a normal cat. He lets me pet him, he rubs up against my legs and he's even let me pick him up. If Eli is next to me he will even come up to me to be petted. When Eli is not nearby though he acts like he thinks I'm going to kill him.
Clearly he feels very safe around Eli. When he first came to me Eli was the one that took him under his wing and took care of him so I understand why he feels safe around him. I just find it odd that he can go from wanting me to pet him one minute to being terrified of me the next when Eli has walked away. You would think that he would know that I'm not going to hurt him since I've never been anything but nice to him but that's clearly not the case. I just don't get how his brain works.

I suspect that he's going to be semi-feral for the rest of his life. Sometimes it seems like he's making progress but then go goes back to being scared. Obviously he has the ability to be okay with humans though so I'm thinking that there has to be a way to expand on that. Has anyone else dealt with similar situations and has success? I would really appreciate any tips or ideas anyone has.

Is he an inside cat or an outside cat? if he is an inside cat, try this process with him. Set aside 10-15 mins every day (same time) and go into the room where he is at. Avoid making eye contact, don't look at him at all. Have some really tasty treats (I use small balls of cream cheese coated with catnip) Lay down on your back on the floor and place the treats on you (wear sloppy clothes and have your socks on (no shoes) Just lay there for ten to fifteen minutes, slow your breathing, relax, clear your mind. Let him come to you and when he does don't react. The first few times he will be wary and might not approach you- but eventually he will. When he does just stay still and let him explore you. Don't twitch or move or he will bolt. When you work with cats who don't trust humans, you have to work on their time, not yours. He isn't ever going to react like a house cat- he can't actually be tamed, he can be socialized.

If he doesn't come to you then leave the treats behind wherever you were laying.He will soon understand that your scent brings good things.

Good luck

gloriajh · Jan 4, 2011

Them ALL being different is so fascinating.

I do understand your frustration, though.

The process seems to be one step forward, then two back.

My only concern is when they are so skittish and I can't handle them - what do I do when there's some sort of emergency, or I need to get them medical help.

I, too, have one cat that is very social - and is the "daddy". As long as he's around, they are less afraid.

We might have to wait years - but if that what it takes so be it - at least they are all now inside and safe from the dangers that the out- of-doors bring.

Momofmany Re: the word Feral being applied

Putting the feral label on them doesn't help, as every cat is different.

I think I read this "admonition" from you in other posts (?) I have 8 cats now living inside our house and when I post about the former ferals I alway think about what you've written.

But I don't know another way to describe them.

The most recent cats now inside are the former ferals, that aren't as feral any longer. How do you feel I should now identify them when talking about them? I believe that if I tried to pick them up, that I would have a wild cat on my hands - they really are still feral in that sense, I think. (?) To me it helps readers understand these cats aren't as tame as my others and I need to respond to them differently.

Saying that they are former ferals identifies my situation without a whole lot of explanation, if you know what I mean?

I don't want to get off topic, sorry. But just had to ask since I saw this idea again.

momofmany · Jan 4, 2011

Originally Posted by GloriaJH

Momofmany Re: the word Feral being applied

I think I read this "admonition" from you in other posts (?) I have 8 cats now living inside our house and when I post about the former ferals I alway think about what you've written.

But I don't know another way to describe them.

The most recent cats now inside are the former ferals, that aren't as feral any longer. How do you feel I should now identify them when talking about them? I believe that if I tried to pick them up, that I would have a wild cat on my hands - they really are still feral in that sense, I think. (?) To me it helps readers understand these cats aren't as tame as my others and I need to respond to them differently.

Saying that they are former ferals identifies my situation without a whole lot of explanation, if you know what I mean?

I don't want to get off topic, sorry. But just had to ask since I saw this idea again.

I totally apologize if you interpreted this as an admonition!! (

) I bring this up because the term is used so loosely around this site at times. Any cat can have a personality that makes them more skittish than others, and by chance if that cat was born to a feral mom, it doesn't mean that the skittish cat is that way because he was born to that mom. It's easy to apply the label, and I will admit it gets under my skin at times.

My cats are feral born, and what I think that fundamentally means is that they simply had a rougher start in life than those born in a caring home. Chances are their moms did not have nutricious food, which means that health-wise they may not have a good start, and they learned their behaviors from a feral mom. You can redirect behaviors through human socialization and you can usually get them over their health issues through good food and health exams. I now call mine feral born if the topic warrants it, and other than my Lucky Pierre, who I didn't start to socialize until he was about 18 months old, I can't pin any of their skittish behavior on their feral mother. Eightball can seem semi-feral at time, but honestly, he's skittish because of his personality.

Socialization simply takes time with some cats, but if you adopted them young enough, you have a great chance of seeing their true personalities surface, regardless of their birth.

hissy · Jan 5, 2011

In my experience (and from this part of the United States) ANY cat that is seen outside that runs from humans is labeled as "feral." Usually, they are not feral. In the thirty years that I have been rescuing, I have met three true feral cats. The aggression was over the top and I was only able to socialize one of them.

Mostly, the cats outside are strays with feral tendencies depending on how long they have been forced or had to live outside and the abundance or absence of food and fresh water.

As Amy says calling a cat feral really does do that cat a disservice because so many people think feral is a dirty word. It evokes fear in people and they believe most ferals need to be killed- which is so sad and so untrue.

ziggy'smom · Jan 6, 2011

What people refer to as feral seem to be pretty broad. I realize that many people use the word feral to refer to a stray cat or any cat that is shy or skittish. The true defenition of feral, however, is an animal that is wild or has reverted to a wild state. A true feral cat is pretty much like a wild animal. Most cats that you see outside are not feral but socialized or unsocialized strays. You hear people saying things like "I took in a 2-year old feral and after a few months he was just like any cat". If that's the case, the cat you took in was not a feral but a once socialized cat that has not had contact with humans for a while. I've had several of these and they are fairly easy to get back to being a friendly cat. You just have to gain their trust and when you do you have it forever.
The two cats I'm talking about though are not just unsocialized cats but neither are they true ferals. I think describing them as semi-feral is quite appropriate. Their mom appeared feral, probably the offspring of a stray that never had contact with humans, and these boys did not have any contact with humans until they were 3-4 months old which in their case was too late.
They do fine living in a home and being in the same room with me but if I get within 6-7 feet of them they take off and hide. The exception is G who lets me pet him when he's with Eli. You would think this would make him a tame cat that is just shy and skittish as a part of his personality but that is not the case. I actually think he would be a very affectionate cat had I gotten him sooner. But as it is now he and his brother do not trust me and my husband and I don't think I will ever gain their trust. They don't make progress like an unsocialized stray that get better and better once they realize that you won't harm them. G and D may let me touch them one time and it seems like we're making progress, they've realized that I won't hurt them, but five minutes later they are just as fearful again and stare at me like I'm a monster. They are NOT tame cats. They are semi-feral.
I've had them for almost two years and the progress they made was in the first few months. After that they've stayed the same despite me trying to work with them. It is very much like a wild animal that can be trained to an extent but will never let go of their wild nature.
To me, it's just hard to understand how their brains work. I of course understand that it has a lot to do with instinct and deep rooted fear of humans since they didn't know humans early on. I understand that this IS how their brains work. It just doesn't make much sense from the standpoint of a regular tame cat that can be trained and tought new things and once it's learned it's there. But with G and D learning to trust me enough to touch them now does not mean that it is learned forever or even for five minutes. After two years with me they still don't know for sure if I'm going to hurt them or not even though you would think that their experience would tell them that I'm okay. But they just don't seem to function like that and to me that's hard to understand. That doesn't mean that I don't accept them for who they are. I do.

ellsworth · Jan 7, 2011

Just out of curiosity, what do you think would happen if you removed D from G's presence for a few weeks. If G takes his cues from other cats and there's no running-and-hiding cats around, do you think he might take that next step?

I don't get my ferals - any hope?

ziggy'smom

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StefanZ

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ellsworth

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ziggy'smom

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momofmany

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ellsworth

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hissy

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gloriajh

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momofmany

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hissy

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ziggy'smom

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ellsworth

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