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Am I the only one?

post #1 of 86
Thread Starter 
I wonder if I am the only person who shares their life with the people here, and have no "real" friends to speak of? I have the wife of my husbands friend that I chat with, but I don't think we live close enough to be "close" friends. You know, the person you want to call and say "what's up" and "how is your day?" Just to keep in touch?

I have trouble making and keeping friends. I barely know my neighbors and couldn't tell you the names of most of them. Are any of you "home alone" except for kids and/or cats?

I am hoping we could form a support group? I went to the cat show as my first step to stop being alone. I can't thank Angela enough for inviting me. I really had a great time and cannot begin to express what it meant to me!
post #2 of 86
I guess I am lucky...I have several friends here where I live that I see on a regular basis and talk on the phone to as well. But I love having my friends here, too... and consider you one of them, so you are never truley alone...you always have us!!!!
post #3 of 86
Thread Starter 
Thanks Debby! You are so very sweet. It's just so hard for me to go out and meet some one. With all the kids and things that have gone wrong at the last minute, I feel overwhelmed sometimes.

Hopfully I will be able to gather my courage and maybe join a breeders club here. With a anxiety disorder you sort of feel that everyone is judging your clothes, make up and every word you say. It makes it very difficult to be yourself, or let anyone close to the real you.

I haven't had a real girlfriend since highschool and have had some violent relationships that have lead to some isolation. I just am having a hard time trying to get back to the person I was then or should be now. Yes I have had counselling, without much sucess. The insurance we had wouldn't cover long term therapy...

Oh well, maybe someone else here can start this support group with me and you can be our cheer leader with suggestions on getting out and meeting others!
post #4 of 86
It's too bad you don't live closer to some of us...are there any members here who are anywhere close to you? Maybe you could meet up with them...that would be so much fun! I have often thought of trying to get together with Jugen and Fireshoes since they don't live too far away.
post #5 of 86
Thread Starter 
I just met harrythecat and we got together at a cat show. It was very nice to meet someone from here. I have tried to get others near here together for a pic-nic, but no one was able to come even with several weeks notice. Right now I have an invatation out for a Halloween Party the first weekend of October. I haven't had any takers yet. I bump it up from time to time to remind everyone but.. Oh well we are trying to get the block together too so I'm sure someone will show up.
post #6 of 86
No, you're not the only one
I too have trouble making friends...
actually it's not really trouble, it's just that i don't get out much...
And my life really IS just my cats, a few close friends, my family, my fiancee, the things i do... etc. I don't think it's bad... just different.

And a lot of my real friends from school have moved to different parts of the world so we all MSN all the time. It's almost like they're really here... even though they're not
post #7 of 86
Thread Starter 
HIgh School seems so long ago! Lets see I graduated in 1977.... I think 25 years is close enough. I moved away from Florida less than a year after that to be closer to my mom. I have lived in California most of my life. I just got so wrapped up in my kids (6) I kind of lost track of time, friends, and me.

You are right it isn't bad so to speak, just sort of impersonal to share little triumphs with people I have never seen. It's was nice having friends that you can hug and be there for. I want that again.

So I force my self to go out and chat with strangers. I try to put forth friendly vibes... just haven't clicked with anyone yet.

I like the idea you have about a work out log. Maybe I'll join!
post #8 of 86
I have trouble in the friend dept too.. I have had a lot of strange experiences in my life and find it hard to open myself up to people. I don't talk to anyone I talked to in highschool or college more than just casually when I run into them. I do have a few close friends but sometimes I find it really hard to keep up my end of the friendship, so people will call and I won't call back for a while just because I have nothing of interest to say and it really turns people off. I got involved with the wrong people in the past and am not used to truly nice people, so with the people I'm close with now it's really hard to trust them. When someone reaches out to me, I just close up. Sometimes I'm better alone but then sometimes I really want someone to hang out with.

I am lucky to have a couple friends who I know would die for me (and I for them) but the problem is that they're guys and my bf gets jealous of time spent with them. I do have a couple close girlfriends but it's hard to keep in contact when they are still in the party stage and I'm kinda passed the bar scene. I also have a few friends who are young mothers who I can't fit in with also. I'm going to one of my friend's son's bday parties tomorrow which is the most social action i have gotten in a while since I've been out of school. I really need a job, if not for money at least for my sanity. I too feel that I am being constantly judged and find it hard to meet new people.

My bf used to take up a big chunk of my life but since I called off the engagement I'm getting nervous about being alone again. I'm actually thinking about just moving far away and starting over.. Somehow I think sitting alone in a new city is more justifiable than in your home town lol. I could of course goto the bar with people but that's not entertainment to me anymore, so likely i'd just sit around doing nothing.

BLAH!! Personal relationships were always a mystery to me.
post #9 of 86

Working out used to be SUCH a pain in the BUTT for me... But as my butt slowly started to disappear (courtesy of sweat and physical exertion) it became less of a pain...
weird how that happens isn't it?

Maybe you could join a class?

I know what you mean by it being impersonal... BUT i always look on the bright side and think, I hardly know these people and yet they're all SO nice and caring. It really justifies me having so much faith in people being good at heart.

I'm such an optimist...
post #10 of 86
Thread Starter 
I never really got into the club thing although others in my family did. My family is mostly die hard drinkers, and I never developed a taste for the stuff.

I too feel bad when there is nothing to say and I really want to say something!!! Life is so boring without input from an outside source to say the least!

I was losing weight for a while, then hubby lost his job and we are both comfort eaters
post #11 of 86
I guess you guys are lucky that each of you stay in the same country... though it is small in Singapore, I hardly meet up with my friends not even to talk about anyone special. I guess ever since I broke up with my boy friend who's been a huge part of my life, I hardly have any life... I'm trying to pick up hobbies and join more clubs but being a person that isn't really good at socialising, it's like a huge obstacle... oh well, at least we know we are not the only ones who have got not many friends and only this forum to hang around in..
post #12 of 86
sometimes I feel really isolated too. I work evenings, so family dinners are mostly out of the question...so is hanging out with friends. I only have one girl I can call a real close friend... but she's not always available to talk, neither am I though.

Work people have become interesting aquaintances, but I would never reveal anything personal to anyone I didn't think I could trust.

You guys are the ones I come to with troubles. I know you won't put me down for silly questions and predicaments.

post #13 of 86
it's weird because almost everyone I know has a "group".. Well I don't! I have a friend here, a friend there, but it's always one on one. I'm amazed that my one friend has like 8 different people call her every single day! I'm suprised if one or two people call me a day. A lot of it's my fault tho because for a while I was doing the fulltime work/school/bf thing and kinda grew apart from my friends just from lack of time.. Then I didn't know how to call them back up and say "I'm sorry for ####ing you over.. can we be friends??" So I just kinda left it like that.
post #14 of 86
I share alot about my life here at thecatsite.com and probably share more then with my real friends, I make friends very easily and I have heaps from around the world, I also have very many at college.I guess you could say I'm a bit of a People Person not to be confused with a purple peater eater LOL!. I consider you guys to be real and just as friendly as my offline ones.
post #15 of 86
I had a TON of friends where I grew up. I lived there nearly all my life and when I moved away I was devistated. I didn't have any friends or family, and I had to start from scratch. After two whole years I have two friends.. that I have JUST made recently. Like within the last few months. So we aren't even that close of friends.

Starting over is so hard, and now that Craig is getting laid off we may have to move to another state and I'll have to do it again, and I just don't want to ya'll. I don't want to start over and be lonely again.
post #16 of 86
Well i can assure all of you that unless my computer blows up, or gets stuck with cat fur and i can't use it anymore, i'm always here to listen and give my hairbrained bits of advice and to be an electronic pal if you need one...
post #17 of 86
I guess what yzma said is true...even though we always complain that we do not have friends or even a proper social life outside the forum but hey..take a look at the brighter side...we still have each other, we still have our kitties... I haven't been here long enough to know everyone..I came into this forum because of my breakup and I had a whole lot of time to while away. Somehow I share more things with you guys more than I do with my own frens. I feel like we are a whole big family where we can share our lives despite the fact that we are really far from each other. Just look thru the posts that we had, be it new kitties, a mishap in the family or is it just a shifting of new homes..who ever said we do not have a life or even friends? I have tons of friends here who are willing to help!!
post #18 of 86
Well, I'm surprised that some of TCS's members don't have many, or any close friends. I like this forum because you all seem to be such interesting people. Like DragonLady says, I don't have any "real" friends at this point in my life. I grew apart from them and didn't make new ones as my life had drastically changed over the years. I won't complain though. Life is what I have made it, but I try to reach out sometimes too.

This summer I joined a co-ed softball team. I just wanted to meet some people and have some fun along the way. They all drink and smoke after the game, so I don't feel like I belong, but I try to make the most of it anyway. It's not a great way to meet women though. The few that are there all seem to be attached, but I wasn't really expecting otherwise. I can recommend it to women who want to meet men though. If you're married, it's also a common thing to do with your spouse.
post #19 of 86
I'm another without close friends at this point in my life. About 10 yrs ago, I moved to PA from NJ, one whole state away, about an hour from where I had spent the first 25 yrs of my life. The way my friends acted, you would have thought I moved to another continent. It took me about a year to realize I was the only one making the phone calls and driving to visit. ("Oh, long distance costs so much" "It's such a long drive"). Come on, people, it's AN HOUR AWAY! Eventually, i stopped trying to keep the friendships going and they faded away. These were people I had known since grade school!

I have managed to hold onto two dear friends who now live in NYC, but we see each other only once a year or so.

The friends I've made here in the Philly area seem to just come and go, for whatever reason. I used to be very shy, but as I get older I find that I will talk to anyone, I am just so desperate for conversation. I just can't seem to meet the right people or something like that.

I get very lonely and I miss having friends, even just ones that I can call and pour my heart out to and vice versa. Poor Midnight is the only one I have left who will always listen, and bless his heart, he stays until I'm done and then purrs and gives me kitty kisses. I would be lost without my cats.
post #20 of 86

I'll be your friend! I am home alone as well, no kids, just cats and one mangy dog. LOL.

I was widowed 2 years ago. My husband was my best friend, and when he died suddenly my whole world came crashing down.

I do have 2 friends. Eileen I've known for 30 years, and Shawn, whom I've known for 12. Eileen is married, and Shawn left last week for a 1 year tour of duty in Cuba. With Shawn's departure, my friendship circle has been cut by half. I mean, Shawn's still my friend, and I love her dearly, but now that she's not physically present ...

I thought I would make some friends while attending university, but alas, I'm old enough to be a mother to most of them. When I tell people I'm widowed, their reaction is like I just told them I have AIDS or the plague or something. They say they're sorry, then they turn away. It's pitiful.

I joined an on-line support group of widows, but honestly found it disurbingly depressing. I'm a fiesty gal, and quite capable of pulling myself out of the wringer. I got frustrated with the seemingly non-ending depression of my support group mates. I know it sounds odd, I mean I understood where they were and why, but there has to come a time when we widows put all that behind us and find the path that takes us forward. This group just wasn't as progressive with their emotions as I needed them to be.

So, with all that said, here I am.
post #21 of 86
I tend to stick at home alone too. Right now there are no kids or cats at home when I'm there alone. My hubby is the same way. I have one really good friend who lives about 50 miles away and she has 2 little kids so we have to plan when we decide to get together. Unfortunately my Mom gets most of my "I'm upset" calls.
post #22 of 86
I have always had just a few friends. I've never been one to collect a huge group of friends. I usually get along with people I meet, we just don't always become friends. I am pretty private about my life and feelings, and maybe that comes across as snobbishness, although it isn't.

I have also lost several friends, some when I was little and one a few years ago. I am not sure why this happened throughout my life. My ex-friends and I never had fights or disagreements, they just stopped being my friend. The most recent one I think is due to the guy she married, he was something of a jerk. I still miss talking to her, I traveled all the way to Michigan to be in her wedding, and I was the maid of honor. Haven't really talked to her since.

Now, I have a handful of friends I can rely on, and that is all I really need. I am content most of the time to hang out with my fiance and the cats, or y'all here. I am an only child, so I am used to solitude and keeping company with myself.

I can't imagine any of you having trouble making friends, you are such nice people. And if making friends extends to TCS, and I think it does, we all have a huge circle of friends.
post #23 of 86
Count me in as another stay-at-home. I have old and true friends and the number I can count on one hand. They are the type of friends that I would do anything for, and I have known them all at least 20 years or more.

Since arriving here as a refugee from another pet board that was constantly in flames, I have added to my friend count although I have not met these people in real life yet. They know who they are, and they know that they are a very real part of my life.

I have always been content to sit at my desk and write, or stay with my animals. My husband is the same way, we stay at home, don't party, drink, play cards with the people in this town (which is a big deal here) nor do I play Bingo with the ladies. When I was growing up, besides my best friends of which I had 2, my other friends were found it books: The Happy Hollisters, The Boxcar Children, Nancy Drew, Hardy Boys, All of a Kind Family, and dear Dr. Seuss were some of the people I spent the most time with. When I left Southern California to move to Alaska and marry Mike who I had been writing to for over 4 years, I really lost touch with a lot of people, we traveled a lot into the interior of Alaska and we met some really colorful and interesting and sometimes downright wacky people there!

I remember one morning at a bush station, we were drinking coffee with the crew. I had come in to meet the guys at Mike's request, we had a small cabin nearby where the company put us up. So we were sitting there, and all of a sudden the front door crashed open, and I jumped but no one else did. I heard this really strange "vrooooming" noise in the background, and this man comes in with his arms straight out like an airplane, swooping and diving and making airplane noises! No one even looked up, but one gentleman who said "Good Morning Wallace." Wallace proceeded to zoom all over the room and then zoomed into this own cubicle to wind down. LOL Interesting meeting that was.

So although I am labeled as the weird cat lady in my area, gratefully I am not that wierd! I just enjoy the company of animals to the company of people 95% of the time
post #24 of 86
I don't have a problem with meeting people, I get along with a lot of people, but I have a problem with trust. That didnt happen til I went through the crap my mother in law put me through. But I am slowly getting better.
post #25 of 86
Hi Teresa, you are definitely not alone! I have but a few friends, no husband, no kids. Even though I work full-time and see people all day (and for the last two years did the work plus school thing), I still often feel isolated. My birthday was last week, and I spent the day by myself! The few close friends I have, do have lives and responsibilities outside of me, and forgot my special day. I didn't remind them, so ... I was by myself and depressed on my bday! Now that I'm out of school, though, I am really trying to re-connect and cultivate my friendships. Now that I have time again, I'm trying to be more social, because it's so depressing to be alone all the time. I was happy to meet you at the cat show on Saturday, I love cats and it was fun to chat with you! Teresa, I think getting involved with the cat show scene may help you to build a friend network. Or, maybe taking a fun night class? Where I live, Piedmont Adult School offers all kinds of classes -- cooking, exercising, languages, computer skills -- I'm going to take a class there in American Sign Language in the fall.
post #26 of 86
Dragonlady, you are not alone. I have acquaintances. Never really friends. I live 40 miles from where I worked and since it is longdistance to call, no one I work with calls. I left my hometown in 1968 and have not made any what I would call close friends since. The people I worked with are nice but never invite me to do things away from work. I don't understand why. I always try to be a good friend????? Now I don't go out because I don't like going places alone. Sometimes I coax my daughter to go with me. A couple of the people I worked with do write occasionally and ask what is going on but never call to ask me to do things with them. I have one who gets online and we chat and sometimes play games.
I have kids but one lives 500 miles away and one does not talk to me. Her loss, mine to as I don't see my grandkids either.
I seem to have more friends online.

Well enough. More happy thoughts.
post #27 of 86
I only have a couple real friends in real life. I have hundreds of online friends especially from my home board that I've been on for over 2 years

I would like to say that I have met some friends here as well.
post #28 of 86
Youre not alone at all I know Im very new here, but I frequent many other message boards daily. (My job allows for it and boredom at home asks for it ) I moved to my town about 2 years ago now and I still havent made many friends. Acquaintences, yes.. but no one that I call to chat with or go hang out with. I havent really made any true friends since High school. I went straight in to family mode and skipped college. So now its just me and my daughter (her dad and I arent together anymore!) and now our 2 new cats. It gets kind of lonely some days, but Im used to it I guess. I post like crazy on my other message boards, one thats just like this in format actually. It keeps me entertained and busy. But really, with my house and yard to keep up, and working full time and also being a full time single mom, I have no time to meet people and make any friends! All the time Im left with is after Laura goes to bed and I cant go anywhere but online.
post #29 of 86
Man I thought I was the only person who had no close friends! Ted is my best friend. We are not drinker's or card players.I know a lot of people but no one I call or calls me.And there is't one person I can talk to about problem's except the friends I have made here.Ted & I have move so oftern when he was in the Army,so makeing friends was hard,and now we don't know how.
post #30 of 86
You hit it on the nail. Trust. My whole life has been filled with people telling me they will do something, then don't. My first date for a school dance failed to show up after I got all dressed up. People tell me they will do this or go there with me and never show up. No calls to explain. Just don't show. hehe even my kids do this to me.???? After 50+ years of that, I am gun shy.
Another proplem, where to meet people? Everything I try turns out a bust. I tried a 4 wheeler club, I love riding, but it was mostly men and boys who liked the hairy edge of riding. No me. No men to meet as they were all married. Tried bingo??
Don't like bars, don't drink, don't smoke(can't tolerate smoke), go to church but no one there either. They are friends when I show up at services or get togethers but when it's over it's over and I go home.

I just have to keep my online friends
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