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The nursing home called

post #1 of 29
Thread Starter 
Mike's mom has fallen yet again, getting out of bed without assistance only this time she has suffered a stroke. She is now paralyzed on her right side, though they do not know if this is permanent or temporary. For as much as she wants to die, and prays for it daily, I wonder how much more abuse her body can take? For a 95 year old woman, she is certainly resilient, though I suspect what keeps her going is her unending anger at everyone in her path. I almost hope at times to go and see her and find someone who is apathetic and giving up on life as she knows it. I realize that makes me seem like a harsh individual but to watch her daily deteriorate into an angry lump of humanity is hard enough for me, I can't imagine what is doing for Mike. We are told she can barely communicate and we went over there but were sent home.
post #2 of 29
How sad! Many hugs to you and Mike!
post #3 of 29
Oh MA I am so sorry. It must be so hard on her, feeling like this. You and Mike are in my thoughts and prayers.

post #4 of 29
My thoughts and prayers are with you. You are certainly not a harsh person. It is a very hard thing to do, to watch someone you care for deteriorate. Please do not think so hard on yourself.

As for the stroke. Her communication may well improve, but please, regardless of the outcome, make sure that the home are still moving her limbs on the paralyized side, and start as soon as possible. Even little movements can make a lot of difference, especially in the early stages.

Has she any hobbies ? Or anything she likes ? I know it's hard, but if she has a strong heart then she might pull through, but any residue disablement because of the stroke, may make her more upset.

Start her remeniscing. My mother who works in a residential nursing home for many years now, said that when some of the angry, confused, and/or frustrated, residents arrive, when they can find a way to make peace with themselves and their past, time gets easier for them. Often that is through talking of the old days, or finding something that brings a happy memory.

I wish you all the very best. You are a good person !!!

Peace, Love, and Happiness, Always
post #5 of 29
Its understandable, to want someone to be released from pain and torment. It is just too bad that she doesn't seem to be willing to let go. Hang in there, Hissy and Mike!
post #6 of 29
Thread Starter 
She is legally blind and almost deaf so motivating her to do things is not easy. She had a small radio we bought her with ear plugs where she could listen to her favorite shows, but some low-life stole it from her bedside! I got her a Snugglekittie, and again, someone stole that as well. She does get therapy every day 3 times a day (she broke her hip awhile ago- Time is just a blur. They have her bed alarmed as she keeps trying to get out, and she is deep in dementia thinking I am Sacagewea and Mike works for the CIA. She believes at night the floor opens up and these scientists come up and take her down below and perform all sorts of horrid experiments on her....sigh......Poor lady, I do feel sorry for her.
post #7 of 29
That is horriable to see someone who was once so full of life go through an illness like that. I am sending a HUG for you and Mike.
post #8 of 29
Hissy I am so sorry.Ted's mom fell yesterday also.Thank God she did't get hurt. You are not a harsh person,you are one of the most careing person I know. God bless you and Mike and his mom.(((((Hugs))))
post #9 of 29
Maryanne- I am truly sorry to hear about Mike's mother having a stroke. At 95 years of age, she's one tough cookie to endure so many painful disabilities.

I surely understand the feelings you and Mike must be going through, my friend. I know how hard it is to watch a person deteriorate before your eyes as we have discussed before.

I will be sure to keep you, Mike and his mother in my prayers and pray that she might be released from this agony and granted the peace she deserves!

post #10 of 29
Mary Anne... I am very sorry that you and Mike have to go through this. I will keep you and mike and MIL in my thoughts and prayers. ((((( MA and family)))).
post #11 of 29
I'm so sorry that you have to go thru all that..my grandma had the same problems too...what I can only say from my own personal experiences is that you guys just need to go along with her. if she says the floor opens up and stuff, just play along with her and ask her what comes out of it and all..it makes them a whole load happier...they are in their own little happy world now and to keep them happy it's simply to just go with the flow... hope it helps..will be praying for u...{{{ hugs}}}
post #12 of 29
sorry to hear this hissy, sending ((((((HUGS))))) to you guys, hope things get better.
post #13 of 29
Sounds alot like the situation we're going through with my Grandmother. She just seems to be so restless and always want to be up and doing something. She barely recognizes her own husband let alone her children and grandchildren. Of course, I'm sure my aunts and uncles pray for her passing it just doesn't happen. My mother is a hospice nurse and says it's amazing how when people want to go they go. They just don't die unwillingly. So, maybe she's just not ready. I know it must be such a burden to deal with her happenings. My Grandmother has broken her arm from her falls. Good Luck with your Mom.

post #14 of 29
Oh MaryAnne...I so very sorry to hear about Mike's mom! I will say an extra prayer for her tonight, and for you and Mike. God bless you for all you are going through with her...my heart goes out to you. You are in my thoughts.
post #15 of 29
I am so sorry Mary Anne...it's a difficult time, just hold on to each other and do the best you can.

My family is having a hard time currently as well, though my grandmother does not have dementia, there are many other problems...as resilient as she is (these 90 and older gals are tough!), each problem as it recurs, takes more from her, and her family watching her go through this.

post #16 of 29
Hugs for everyone's favourite MA... I can't imagine how hard it must be for you, but HANG in there.
post #17 of 29
(((HUGS))) MA, I know what it is like. I took care of people with alzheimers and dementia, and it's heartbreaking to see complete strangers with it, muchless someone you love.

All you can do is try to be there for that person and pray. I was called many many horrible names and hit and had things thrown at me in one instant and just a few seconds later that very same person would reach over and squeeze my hand and tell me they love me and thank me.

That job made me cry quite a few times a day.
post #18 of 29
Oh MaryAnne & Mike, I'm so sorry!

You are all in my thoughts., Love Always!
post #19 of 29
don"t ever feel bad about your feelings. You are the most, sweet, caring loving considerate, person I've ever met. I will keep you in my thoughts!
post #20 of 29
Sorry to hear that, M.A. After going through much the same thing with my father, I really feel for you and Mike. Hang in there!
post #21 of 29
Originally posted by hissy
We are told she can barely communicate and we went over there but were sent home.
why were you sent home? Couldn't you have just sat there?

oh, about the stuff getting stolen, was it labeled? It probably was, but was is labeled with those hot iron labels??
post #22 of 29
I am so sorry to hear this MA
(((Hugs))) I will be praying for your mom, and your family as well...what a hard time..
post #23 of 29
Thread Starter 
They were busy with her and Mike didn't want to wait, we were told it would be sometime before they would be done, so we just left. It is only about 15 minutes from our house.

And yes, the stuff was labeled that belonged to her- not that it mattered in the long run..

Thanks for the support guys, I am touched by the fact that so many of us have had to deal, or are dealing with this problem. I do appreciate you taking time out to share about it, and those who are going through it now with relatives and loved ones, you have my heart.
post #24 of 29
This recently happened to my Friends Grandfather. He had terrible cancer and couldn't hear or see very well and he was put into a rest home because they couldn't be bothered with him in the hospital, he was dying and they knew it , it was so cruel to put him with elderley when he wanted either to be at good care at the hopsital or at home with his family
Sadly he passed 2 weeks ago. R.I.P
post #25 of 29
I think, personally, I would rather go at a retirement care home than at the hospital. You have absolutely NO dignity when you die at a hospital. At least at a home there are people who genuinly care about you and what you do during the day etc, etc.

So many of our residents come back from the hospital with bed sores and pneumonia (sp?) and stuff, cause they're not properly looked after there - there's not enough time.
post #26 of 29
I don't like the Rest Homes around here, they treat patients like dirt.
post #27 of 29
There are always a few bad apples at homes but most of the staff are really nice.
post #28 of 29
I hope Mike's Mum is in a nice one.
post #29 of 29
My Grandma's getting to that point, but she's still talking and she's a pain in the you-know-where to listen to because it's just complaints. My Mom is taking care of her and is ready to go nuts. We all worry about my Grandma, but she keeps on going on. They must've put Energizers in people back then.
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