Newest update in the family drama saga.

Oh, Kailie, I am sorry.

You're right. It should be up to your Mom to call you and invite you for Christmas. And she's not going to do that.

But......and there's always a "but" you know. Sometimes you gotta take the high road. It isn't easy, not by a long shot. And I don't know if I could do it either. And obviously, I don't know the whole story, why you and your mom became estranged.

Ask yourself.....if it turned out that this was your Mom's last Christmas, could you deal with it? And maybe I'm just saying that because of my dad's death, I don't know. I just think that sometimes life is too short to harbor ill to anyone. That sometimes, maybe you have to be the one to let it go. And I'm so sorry if what I said upsets you.

I have such issues with my mother; honestly, sometimes I just want to smack her silly. And she's my mother! She is a very angry and bitter woman, who's jealous of everybody. We have gone for months without speaking, especially when my son was younger. I keep saying that I'm going to just not deal with her anymore. And I said that a lot when my father was so ill. That I wasn't going to go to see her that often, that I wasn't going to call, that I wasn't going to do this or that. And then I turn around and invite her to Christmas dinner. And call her everyday, just to make sure she's OK. And take Mollipop to see her because I know she's lonely. *long, drawn-out heavy sigh coming here* I can tell you right now, too, that she doesn't appreciate any of it. She just doesn't. But still........

Either way, the choice is up to you and you have to deal with things the only way you can do so.

And I will love you either way!

I am sorry you are in so much pain. I know how hard this is for you. Standing up to your Mom isn't easy, Christmas makes it even harder. You do deserve to be treated with respect. I hope you Mom comes around. calming vibes

Kailie

I'm so sorry this is happening, especially this time of year, but I think it's good that you're sticking to your guns and I think you handled it beautifully. It's pretty telling that even after asking, your uncle seems to see the situation for what it is.

I've seen something like this play out so many times in my own life between my Mom and her mom. Mom bent over backwards for years, regardless of what was said and done to get everyone together for a "Happy Family Christmas." The one year that she finally put her foot down was tough, but it got much better after that.

My grandmother is still a bit crazy and certainly didn't change overnight, but she finally came to treat my mom with some respect and accept that she was an adult and would be making her own decisions (Mom was in her 40's when this happened, btw)

My dad had a funny way of putting it when my mom was close to giving in:
"With some people, you have to stop taking the high road because you're the only one up there and they'll just stand below you throwing stones. At that point, its better to pick a different road altogether."

Sending you hugs and good thoughts.

So sorry to hear this Kailie, this time of year is tough to get thru as it is and then when family treats you badly, it just makes everything worse.

Your Mom owes it to you to make that call, if she doesn't she doesn't really want you there. As for taking the high road, that's a bunch of bull. You can only take so much and then you retaliate, by that I mean just stay away from her.

I have been very lucky to have had a loving mother, unfortunately she has been gone for over 20 years and I miss her terribly. I could always talk to her about anything, I learned so much from her and I carry that with me every day. It's so hard for me to understand how some mothers treat their kids so badly, people like that should never have had children.

Stick to your guns Kailie, if she calls fine, if she doesn't then you know where you stand.

I always dread family get togethers because my family is loud, obnoxious, and crazy. We won't talk about the expectations placed on me. It just stresses me out! However, the first Christmas I spent away from my family was pure heaven! I slept in, ate a leisurely prepared meal, stayed in my jammies all day, and generally rested, instead of running around like a chicken with my head cut off! Now, I choose when I decide to spend Christmas or Thanksgiving with my family and it gives me time to mentally prepare myself.

All of this to say, I hope you'll focus on the joy of spending the day with Dana & the kitties and doing what you want, when you want it. You deserve to spend the time not stressed or worried.

You've been doing everything you can for your family for so long...it's time for you to do what needs to be done for yourself and Dana. No matter how much guilt, crying and pleading your family might put on you, just keep in mind that they're only doing that because they know that your mom might not ever change, and they hope that they can appeal to you.

The other thought is that they want you to "make the peace" and whatnot because they've never been the ones to stand up to her. But sometimes, all it takes is one person to say, "Enough is enough." before the message gets across.

I just hope that you can remain strong, and realize that you've got support here (and from your family, after reading Don's response). Chin up...the Holidays are about celebrating all the GOOD things, not forcing yourself to suck up the bad.

I kinda like your dad's way of thinking.

DH has often told me to take the high road and I've done so many times, only to realize that sometimes it just doesn't matter. And at that point, I decided to start taking a different road. A friendlier road with no stones. Kudos to your dad for his point of view.

Sometimes Dad's logic takes a moment to wrap your head around, but he tends to make a lot of sense in his own way.

You've got my support Kailie. I think it's great, even though it's hard, to be standing up for yourself finally. I wish you a super peaceful, laid-back christmas at home.

You have my support, no matter where you decide to spend your Christmas. I do hope things get better with you and your mom soon. I know this has caused you a great deal of distress.

I'm so sorry Kailie I feel like I'd be content spending this Christmas with just Rob and the kitties too, because of my mom being so insane about Christmas this year She barely talks to me, and suddenly is po'd I didn't plan a 5 day trip to their house and revolve my Christmas around her after being so crabby through my brother on the phone and nasty in considering that Rob has a family too.

I will support you no matter what

I'm so sorry sweetie! I LOVE the way Kate's Dad described the situation. It's hard to be standing up there with rocks being thrown at you!

We're here with all the hugs and support you need. I know you'll be missing your brother, but if your mom won't pick up the phone, you might just have one of your best Christmas's ever with Dana and the kitties!

Im sorry your going thru all of this Kailie.

I dont know why families feel the need to turn something that is supposed to be happy into a drama filled hunk of junk. Some people are just selfish rude individuals and only think of themselves rather than thinking of what a holiday is supposed to be and what its about. Instead of having a good time spending it with family and loved ones it turns into a peeing contest over who is better than who and who did what and who spent the most money.

When push comes to shove you need to do what is best for you not anyone else and if taking a stand and not going is what you need to do than thats what needs to be done.

Awww i'm guessing you and your Mum have had a fallout?!