Disloyal Rescue? Or, Personality Change? *Long*

Hi Everyone -
Sorry for what is going to be a long post - I'm just a bit frustrated and tend to ramble.

Last week I took in a 10 month old spayed girl from a rescue. I had been working with the rescue director for a few weeks trying to find a companion for my 5 month old neutered boy named Marc. He is extremely playful - and we felt he was a bit bored, and thought a companion would be a great for him. This is a cat who will chase a ball around the apartment at FULL speed for a good 30 mins before getting tired. One of his favorite games to play is running and jumping as fast as he can in a circle from our couches, to our countertops, and all our other furniture without touching the ground!

The rescue assured me they had the perfect kitty - a 6 month old spayed girl who is very playful and GREAT with other cats. I went to meet her a few times, she was confined to a pretty small room at the foster family - but played a bit with the other cat in the room. She also seemed friendly, though I was assured it was just because I was a new person and the other cat in the room was brought in only that day I met her.

Last week, the rescue worker dropped her off, and that's when everything started to unravel.

We were told she was 6 months old, it turns out, she is 10 months old. Not a deal breaker for us. What's a few more months? But, I was a bit put off that the RW (rescue worker) had lied initially. This poor little girl had an injury, so the RW was VERY familiar with her medical history and there was a very small chance she didn't know how old this girl was.

Then, she casually dropped into the conversation that LG (Little Girl - haven't renamed her yet!) just finished treatment for Giardia - but that we should get her fecal matter checked to make sure. This really upset me, as I've had many conversations with the RW telling her how many issues Marc has had with his tummy. From Coccidia from the breeder, to severe vomiting issues that landed him in the ER, and some overnight stays on several occassions. I understand that Giardia is VERY common in cats - but Marc isn't really exposed to many other cats, and due to his past history we'd like to avoid having a sick animal in the house that could pose a risk to his health. I happily would have paid for her post treatment fecal test, and any additional treatment needed to rid her of the Giardia, as well as a larger donation for them keeping her longer than anticipated had they bothered to give me the option!

Finally - I don't think I've ever seen a less playful cat in my entire life. She won't play with any toys, and reminds me of my 15 year old cat who passed a few years ago. If I hadn't seen her medical records with my own two eyes - I would have assumed this girl was over 10 years old just because of how - well, lazy she seems! I understand it's early days - but she seems to be gaining some confidence, but just doesn't want to play. She is also exhibiting some signs that she may have been abused. She will headbutt, purr, and try to cuddle up to me, but if I move too quickly, or if my hand is raised, she will run away and hide under the bed so quickly you would think I had just lit her tail on fire. It's heartbreaking to see, and really breaks my heart for this poor girl.

I'm really scared we've adopted the wrong cat for our home. We have no children, but we live in a city and with Marc - this house is far from quiet. She seems like she'd be best suited in a home with a senior who wants a very docile cat. At this point - giving up on her is out of the question, because this is her 4th home (starting to wonder why...) and I just couldn't put her through that. But, on the other hand - I feel I am really doing a disservice to Marc who really does seem to want to play with her, and have a playmate. Getting a third cat isn't an option - so he now has another cat in his terrority who has no interest in doing anything but laying around and hiding.

I'm just so incredibly disappointed that this rescue has put this LG into this situation, and that they've put me in it. As I said, this LG had an injury recently, so even though she was being fostered, the rescue director was with her quite frequently, and I can't see how she wouldn't have knows this wasn't the right cat for our situation.

Any advice? Thoughts on the rescue? Similiar experiences?

Thanks for listening!

Thanks for the response. I am probably jumping the gun because I feel so sorry for this girl!

Kailie - your comment about her probably not knowing how to "be a cat", just broke my heart. Practically in tears thinking about whatever this poor baby has been through that has made her scared of simple things like playing!

Thanks again - and I'll keep everyone posted!

Well -
She's finally begun to come out of hiding. However, she isn't interested in anything really. She no longer runs under the bed when we try to pet her, which is a great step. But she is not at all interested in playing, and at 10 months old, that's a bit of a concern. I've tried using wand toys, toys filled with catnip, laser pointer, etc. I lightly tossed a feather toy in her direction, and it landed on her back. She didn't even bother to move it. It's still sitting on her back 20 minutes later.

Our other cat really seems to want to play with her, but again - she just lays there everytime he comes around her. They do touch noses, but that's it. Marc got a bit frustrated with her this afternoon when he was trying to play and nipped her tail. Again, no reaction or movement from LG.

This can't possibly be normal? Do you think I should get her an appt at the vet for tomorrow? I dread trying to get this poor girl into her carrier. She is so terrified of it, and I doubt I'll be able to coax her into it without having to scruff her. Food does not entice her to move, so it isn't an option.

The only enjoyment she seems to have is digging in her litter box. It's a filthy habit, as she tracks litter EVERYWHERE once she gets out of it, and I do believe she rolls around in dirty litter (she will sometimes play in it after using the box, so I can't immediately clean it before she starts playing and other times she just goes in to play even if having not gone to the bathroom). I absolutely detest that she is doing this as I don't necessarily love litter, and sometimes dirty litter being tracked everywhere - but it's the only thing she seems to enjoy so I've let her do it for now. I'm going to pick up a hooded box tomorrow to help alleviate some of the litter tracking, hopefully, she won't be terrified of that too.

She isn't feral. She was living with a foster family for months, amongst other cats and children.
I'll give her a few more days, and ask the rescue agency again what her personality was like in the foster family. They claim she was very playful, loved other cats, and loved playing with toys and people. Which is why I'm so concerned about her health.
On the other hand, the rescue group has lied to me twice in this adoption process, so I'm not so sure.

I'll keep everyone posted.

No positive updates today on LG.

She seems to progressively get worse and worse. We didn't let her or Marc have any contact today, or see each other through their grate. It's difficult because Marc desperately wants to see her, and does anything he can think of to get into her safe room. He realized I caught his trick of trying to hide around a corner and then run into the room - so he got rather creative! He hid on the table across from the safe room door - I was looking for him on the floor and the next thing I know a cat is soaring towards me!!

As for LG - she spent most of the day laying in her litter box, trying her best to crouch down and hide her head when someone came in. It's just all so sad. I tear up each time I look at her. I tried offering her some tuna as a treat to entice her out of her box but she wasn't interested. The good news though, is that she is eating a bit (I leave dry food out for her all day), drinking water, and using her box. the bad news, is obviously that she is laying in her soiled litter (though she covers it well).

I have feliways all through our house, and have had them since she arrived. I picked up one of those calming collars. Does anyone have any positive experiences with them? I'd love to try one out on her, but before I put her through the torture of getting it on, I'd like to know there is a slight chance it will help her. Or, are they really only good for cats who are aggressive, hyper, etc? Will they make her even more mellow (if that's even possible)?

I hope you all don't mind my daily posting on LG. I know I sound neurotic. In my own way, I'm using this as a diary of sorts. I don't always expect responses, but it is nice to know someone is listening, or in our case - reading who has maybe shared a similiar experience and who shares my fondness of cats. It's nice to be able to vent without someone rolling their eyes and telling me "it's only a cat".

Thanks Rad!
That makes a lot of sense and explains why she both lays and plays in her box.

Marc was a very easy cat, and while I've done a ton of research on his breed in the time I've had him, I never dealt with these types of problems. I guess that makes me more inexperienced than i thought! But, I think LG is quickly changing that.

Thank you LuvMyParker for sharing your story about MJ! That's such a touching story - It's as though Parker & MJ knew you helped save Parker and were thanking you

Thanks Carolina for sharing about Lucky. I love your signature and you have beautiful cats. I'm a bit more concerned with her becomming friends with Marc, as I wanted a companion for him. I know Lucky was shy with you, but how long did it take her to come around with your other cats? Was she just as skittish around them as she was around you? Or did she seem to bond with them quicker?

As for an update on LG - I came home today from a day of shopping and she was huddled up between my wall and a piece of furniture shaking like a leaf. It also appears she urinated on herself. I'm not sure what could have freightened her so much. Her safe room door was shut, so Marc couldn't have done anything overly traumatizing to her other than sticking his paw under the door which he does daily - and it didn't cause this reaction. So I'm not sure what it could possibly be. We have very thick blinds on our windows, so it couldn't have been another cat. I wish I knew so I could prevent it from happening again. She didn't run when I discovered her, she just seemed to try to curl herself up into a tighter ball. I sat close by and talked softly to her for a while. I didn't want to scare her more and have her run all over the room covered in urine. So, she is still sitting in the corner - not shaking as much, but too scared to come out.

Since her coming to my home, I've cried almost daily for this poor girl. I can't explain it - but her face and body language just seem so sad. This poor girl seems so miserable here. She looks like one of those shleter cats they put on commercials to tug at your heart strings for donations.
And on the flip side - people always comment on Marc and how he is the most outgoing, affectionate, happiest, and spoiled cat they've ever encountered. I just hope she knows what a wonderful home she will have when she is able to come around, and out of her shell. At this point - I don't care if she wants to be shy and hide - I am concerned with her seeming to be constantly terrified to the point of soiling herself.

Well, LG soiled herself again while shaking in the corner.
this time I had been home all day and didn't hear any noises that could have triggered this, nor can I think of anything that could have caused this.

I spoke with the rescue worker today and we both agree that maybe it's best that LG go back to the rescue with her previous foster family.
Neither my husband or I have ever had a cat like this before. Much like Marc, they've all been out going, playful and confident happy cats. Granted not all of them wanted to be pet or held - but that was ok with us as long as everyone was happy - including us.

We never would have adopted a cat like LG. We were assured by the rescue she is playful and would make a fantastic companion for Marc. So either they lied, or she truly is miserable here. It isn't fair to Marc to keep wanting to play and LG not want to reciprocate. It isn't fair to her to keep being put in situations that make her uncomfortable, and it isn't fair to my husband and I to be put in a situation that we are unable to handle. I feel for LG as she's had many homes - and Im really hoping that her next home is the right one for her. I also hope that the rescue doesn't keep trying to tell potential adopters that she is playful, and affectionate, or telling people whet they want to hear about her just so they can adopt her out. I can only imagine that is why this poor girl cant find a forever home. The right home is out there for her, but until the rescue can be truthful about how she really is, she won't find it.

I have tears in my eyes writing this, but in my heart I know this isn't the right home for her, and I know that we aren't the right people to help this poor girl.

Please send her vibes. Thanks to everyone who has weighed in.

LG went back to the rescue yesterday. Upon dropping her off the rescue worker told me the second she came to our home and met Marc, she knew it wouldn't have worked out, but she left her anyway. I told her I thought what she did to LG was terrible and it wasn't fair to her to keep
giving her to homes she won't be happy in.

All in all, the experience was very unsettling. We wanted to take a
cat into our home that would work for our family and instead, the rescue pushed a cat on us that they admit is the complete opposite of what we wanted and what was best for Marc, LG, and us.

The atmosphere of my home has been so much better since LG has left.
I'm not upset all the time looking at how sad she is, and we no longer have to top toe around our home to try not to scare her.

Thanks to all for their help and advice.

Yes - we would still love to get Marc a new friend. We are just so upset over what has happened with LG - it's going to take a little bit to head down that road again.

Marc is a bengal - so while we'd love to rescue another cat - we think we may end up going back to the bengal breeder we got Marc from so he has a companion who is similiar to his energy level. We did some research about whether a non bengal could play well with a bengal, and it's been done - but it didn't work out in our case, but I do think that was mainly because of LG's personality.

Either way - I'll keep everyone posted.

Oh Sarah, I'm so sorry to hear this.
Did your new kitten come from a rescue? Or someone's home?
I thought from your post it may have been a home. Do you know anything about his/her history?
Is your new kitten your only kitten?