More of the family drama, need advice!

kailie

TCS Member
Thread starter
Veteran
Joined
Jan 20, 2010
Messages
9,025
Purraise
25
Location
New Brunswick, Canada
I just don't get it guys, I really don't...

So last night Dana and I were next door at my aunt and uncles playing some board games, Rockband, and just having a good time. My aunt mentioned she was at my Grandmother's yesterday who told her that my Mom has Christmas gifts for me and they need to be picked up by the 24th.

HUH?


The woman who hasn't spoken to me in over a month has Christmas gifts for me? Does she just expect me to show up and say "Hi, I heard you have presents for me, give them to me and I'll be on my way."? I mean really! If she cares, why not just pick up the phone, give me a call, admit she was wrong, has issues and will go to family councelling with me like I've suggested? I would forgive her at the drop of a hat if I actually thought she meant it!


Truthfully, this is just another of her guilt trips, another way for her to show the family what an ungrateful daughter I am. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say, but I don't want her "gifts", especially where she'll just leave them on her doorstep for us to pick up. Doesn't that defeat the whole purpose of Christmas gift giving?
 

tara g

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jul 16, 2007
Messages
5,678
Purraise
96
Location
On the farm
Sorry your mom is trying to guilt you and make you look ungrateful
Ahh the drama is in the air this season.

I don't get the point of leaving them on her doorstep for you to get, why is she even giving them to you at all then? Oy!
 

ldg

TCS Member
Veteran
Joined
Jun 25, 2002
Messages
41,310
Purraise
842
Location
Fighting for ferals in NW NJ!
If it weren't another guilt trip, like you said, she could pick up the phone. OR she could surprise you, and mail them. But to expect you to come pick them up without any word from her? Let her sit on them.

You might consider looking into family counseling - find a counselor, schedule an appointment for some time in January, and send your mom a coupon for the appointment in a Christmas card. Practical, thoughtful, caring, and not ungrateful.
 

larussa

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jan 28, 2007
Messages
4,899
Purraise
71
Location
Central New Jersey
Your Mom sure isn't making things easy for you at all. It's really a shame the way she treats you and it seems so uncalled for. The holidays are for family being together, my heart goes out to you Kailie.
 

swampwitch

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Sep 30, 2006
Messages
7,753
Purraise
158
Location
Tall Trees & Cold Seas Vancouver Island
Originally Posted by Kailie

Truthfully, this is just another of her guilt trips, another way for her to show the family what an ungrateful daughter I am.
I think you hit the nail on the head; and your mom used your aunt to get that "message" to you to make you feel bad. Very possibly there aren't even any presents, if there are your mom should deliver them.

I'm sorry you have such a crappy mother. I don't know if it helps, but you are not alone. I grew up thinking gifts had to be reciprocated, if someone gives you something OMG you have to give them something back or you "owe" them. This is how things worked with my mother and I didn't know any differently. It wasn't until I was about 25 when a friend and I were talking about it that the friend made me look up "gift" in the dictionary. Evidently I was describing a bribe, not a gift.


I hope you can stay away from your mom without guilt, she sounds like poison and I know just how horrible that is.
 

tavia'smom

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Apr 8, 2006
Messages
3,020
Purraise
11
Location
Kentucky
I am 30 years old and I still don't understand how mothers can do their children like this and I am sorry and just know that you aren't alone and if you need to talk we are here.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #7

kailie

TCS Member
Thread starter
Veteran
Joined
Jan 20, 2010
Messages
9,025
Purraise
25
Location
New Brunswick, Canada
Originally Posted by LDG

If it weren't another guilt trip, like you said, she could pick up the phone. OR she could surprise you, and mail them. But to expect you to come pick them up without any word from her? Let her sit on them.

You might consider looking into family counseling - find a counselor, schedule an appointment for some time in January, and send your mom a coupon for the appointment in a Christmas card. Practical, thoughtful, caring, and not ungrateful.
That's a really good idea, I'll look into it.
 

Winchester

In the kitchen with my cookies
Veteran
Joined
Aug 28, 2009
Messages
29,730
Purraise
28,024
Location
In the kitchen
Kailie, I've been there with my mom, too, and it stinks. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this kind of stuff; she's definitely trying to send you on a guilt trip.

I tried to talk my mother into going to counseling with me....it didn't work. The problem isn't my mother; it's me (according to Mom).
Believe me, my mother is the queen of guilt trips.

I've learned to roll with the flow, so to speak. We don't really talk all that much and I don't bother to go to visit that often either. Well, I didn't until my father became so ill; Dad is more important than family issues right now.

I'm here, if you need to talk. Many, many
, my friend.
 

libby74

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jan 21, 2006
Messages
6,217
Purraise
18
Location
Illinois
I'm sorry you're going thru this, Kailie. Family dramas are the absolute worst. I agree that your Mom is just trying to show everyone what an ungrateful daughter you are. I know she's your Mom, but you seriously don't have to put up with being treated that way.
I hope everything works out the way you want it to.
 
Top