My dad passed away today....

After a long battle with cancer my dad passed away today just before 2pm. He was still talking last night and I even said good-bye to him before going home.

I received a call this morning that he had very labored breathing and so I just threw on some clothes and went up there. A few friends came up and stayed with me, but when he passed I was out of the room because 4 nurses came in to check on him and that was when it happened.

I feel horrible that I wasn't in there and I kept falling asleep because I was so tired that I was afraid that something like this would happen.

I hope that my dad is now with my mom. It will be a journey and new experience in this world to have no family left, except for friends.

My dad's family is very toxic, only gossips, and brings you down. They even said bad things about my dad so as soon as the funeral is over I am breaking free of that viral disease that calls themselves a family. It will be a relief and a burden lifted and I am grateful that I shielded my dad from all the grief they have caused the both of us.

He knew that the people who truly cared were there with him. I'm glad that he no longer has to suffer and that he went in peace with little suffering.

It's going to take a long time for me to get used to the fact that my parents are now both gone. They weren't perfect, but they were always there for me and I made sure that I was there for them when they needed me most.

I have no regrets with my dad because I know I did everything he asked me to and more.

Thanks everyone for your kind words. All my friends have come through for me today and there is not a single place I wasn't invited to stay tonight.

My dad's family is pestering me and just won't leave me alone. The only way for me to get them to understand that I want my privacy is to ignore them.

They feel a need to be controlling and I have been Ok all these years without them - another 20 isn't going to hurt either. I don't "need" a toxic family who would have disowned my dad had they known what they found out earlier.

They have done everything possible - lie, gossip, and dishonor my family so I have permanently written them off. My uncle gave me his word and broke it and I warned him if he did what he did and I found out I would be done with the family right then and there. He dug his own grave.

I will have to get my cell phone changed eventually as I will be deleting all there numbers and information. It will feel good to be rid of the toxicity.

I will be going to the funeral home at 10am to make arrangements for the visitation and service. At least it won't be for too much longer before I can ignore my dad's family completely - I am almost do that point already. Only keeping in touch on my terms and on a need to know basis.

Feels weird to come home and not take care of him.