No more wedding- opinions!

strange_wings · Dec 4, 2010

You know, I wonder if it truly bothers you more than it will her? Yes, she'll be disappointed, but talk to her about it and ask her to tell you the truth about how she feels. If she's a good mom she'll be there and support you no matter what.

natalie_ca · Dec 4, 2010

I've never understood the need to plan a wedding months/years in advance and spend 10's of thousands of dollars on a dress, hall, food etc.

A marriage is about the 2 people in love, committing themselves to each other in front of a group of people. It just seems to me that whole premise has been lost because people think the more lavish and expensive, the better.

Have your court house wedding. Invite your close friends and family, and then have a BBQ or something outside in your back yard, or even in a park and invite people to attend. Or have a come and go tea with finger foods.

Save the money you would have spent on a large lavish wedding and dress for something else....put it in the bank and save it. Or use it as a down payment on a house. Or put it into a college fund for a future child

swampwitch · Dec 4, 2010

If I were you I'd definitely put health and financial issues ahead of a desire for a dream wedding. You also can't go wrong with honesty so tell your family you are getting married now and the reasons why. You can always have a reception with family and friends later on, you can have your beautiful dress and cake then. (The vast majority of divorces happen over money problems, and a large wedding can set a couple back financially for years.)

There are many health issues that can cause infertility if not caught and treated in time, so by waiting you might be forfeiting having a family. I'm also convinced there's no such thing as a dream wedding; things always go wrong, it always runs over-budget, and there are always going to be people who are insulted by something you do or don't do. And the stress level of a big wedding... through the roof!

Get married now and have a reception later to celebrate with loved ones.

dusty's mom · Dec 4, 2010

I think big fancy weddings are very over-rated and pretentious unless you come from a family of wealth and/or stature in the community. For the most part, I believe that if you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to pay for your own party. In other words, mom and dad don't owe you a wedding!

Your wedding can be as special as you want to make it. You don't have to have the fairy princess ceremony. Find a nice dress that you may want to wear again, contact a JP or minister, invite a few friends and close family, and have some wine and appetizers after. You can probably do the whole thing for less than $500. It will mean more to you because you did it yourself, and you won't stress, and you don't have to plan for months in advance.

I have grown children, and I gave them what money I could afford, and they did their own wedding thing. My daughter chose the fancy wedding with a sit down dinner, and she and her fiance paid for it. Ten years later he cheated on her and they are now divorced. My son chose a very simple ceremony in a pretty but inexpensive venue, followed by a simple buffet. They are very happy and intact with new triplet daughters.

My second wedding was a family gathering at a huge house we rented at Lake Tahoe. It was lovely and very simple!

arlyn · Dec 4, 2010

My wedding was planned on the fly in 2 months.
No invitations, no rehearsal.

Time/money was donated by those wanting fancy.
My gown cost $125, Jake's suit cost $89.

According to those donationg, the total cost was something like $600, so I know it can be done.

My situation was different though, we wanted to just elope, but our friends and family wouldn't have it.

In your shoes, I'd elope and do the big dream wedding and vow renewals later.

misty8723 · Dec 4, 2010

Originally Posted by Arlyn

My wedding was planned on the fly in 2 months.
No invitations, no rehearsal.

Time/money was donated by those wanting fancy.
My gown cost $125, Jake's suit cost $89.

According to those donationg, the total cost was something like $600, so I know it can be done.

My situation was different though, we wanted to just elope, but our friends and family wouldn't have it.

In your shoes, I'd elope and do the big dream wedding and vow renewals later.

My wedding was similar and even less time because he got a job out of state, told me about it, and proposed the same night. We were going to go the JP, but his mom had a fit. We asked around, found a minister willing to do the ceremony, my gown was $80 (and I had a fit about spending that much), his mom made me something for a veil, he wore a suit he already had, and we had the reception at my parents house.

Its not about the wedding, its about the marriage. I know so many people who spend the amount of a good down payment on a house for their wedding, then end up divorced in a couple years. DH and I just celebrated our 30th aniversay a couple months ago.

missymotus · Dec 4, 2010

Originally Posted by SwampWitch

If I were you I'd definitely put health and financial issues ahead of a desire for a dream wedding.

I really don't see how the two compare, health is very important, weddings are not.

I can't see how anyone, especially a loved family member could be upset over putting your health first.

Such a shame to live in a country with a health care system that is basically forcing you to get married to receive the care you require.

laceface · Dec 4, 2010

Hey, I wasn't planning on having my parents pay a cent- that was all on us. We were saving ourselves, and planned on paying it ourselves. This was all something we wanted. Paying for a wedding wouldn't "set us back" or anything. I just wanted to have the dress and the cake... and all of my family there. Now it will be here, and only the few members that can afford it will be here.

The plan for now is flying my mom and sister down, possibly my brother. We will be doing it next month, and he has a friend of his father (who passed a few years ago) that can do a ceremony for us. It will be too cold for anything outdoor, so we are going to look around for somewhere in. It'll work out, but still won't have all the family I could have had up there- which is the main part that makes me sad. But, oh well, it'll work out anyway!

chinacat · Dec 5, 2010

Just a thought, instead of a wedding gift could you not ask the people invited to contribute to your Mother's air fare? I'm sure they would understand it would be the best present you could wish for.
We had a small civil ceremony followed by a meal for a few close friends and immediate family. I think it made it more special that it was a small group of people who really cared about us and our future together.
We held a party later for friends. We provided a buffet and some friends who play in a band as a hobby performed.
Both days were on a strict budget but it didn't make it any less special.

kluchetta · Dec 6, 2010

Originally Posted by laceface

Hey, I wasn't planning on having my parents pay a cent- that was all on us. We were saving ourselves, and planned on paying it ourselves. This was all something we wanted. Paying for a wedding wouldn't "set us back" or anything. I just wanted to have the dress and the cake... and all of my family there. Now it will be here, and only the few members that can afford it will be here.

The plan for now is flying my mom and sister down, possibly my brother. We will be doing it next month, and he has a friend of his father (who passed a few years ago) that can do a ceremony for us. It will be too cold for anything outdoor, so we are going to look around for somewhere in. It'll work out, but still won't have all the family I could have had up there- which is the main part that makes me sad. But, oh well, it'll work out anyway!

Don't know what kind of cake you're thinking of, but we had a not-really-big cake, but it was covered with real flowers, and it was GORGEOUS!!! And not too expensive.

libby74 · Dec 6, 2010

Originally Posted by Carolina

I personally don't believe in big weddings... If that is what makes you happy, sure... The following is MY OPINION ONLY, OK???

To me, it is just a huge waste of money, huge stress for the bride, groom and family, and the only ones who have fun are the people invited, who don't spend a penny. You spend thousands, and it all goes down the drain or the toilette - literally...
While all that money could be spend to start a life... in a marriage... To me that day is a very special day, and that money can be used on soooooo many things when starting a life together... Housing, moving, furniture, maybe a baby, or who knows, traveling?
I think that a marriage, a life together starts on that day, and that is the celebration... Sometimes people get so wrapped up on the wedding ceremony that forget about what that date is really about.... it is the beginning of something... it is about what comes next...
With that stated......
A small ceremony, can be very very special... There are chapels where you can do that... You just order your license first (at the chapel) and have your ceremony, with your family and your close friends... It doesn't look like court, it doesn't feel like court... It is private, you have your own service... Then you can all go to dinner somewhere?
Or you can even do it at home...
You still make this day a very very special day, filled with love and dreams... and the beginning of a wonderful thing together...

You took the words right out of my mouth.

No more wedding- opinions!

strange_wings

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natalie_ca

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swampwitch

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dusty's mom

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arlyn

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misty8723

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missymotus

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laceface

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chinacat

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kluchetta

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libby74

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